Lie Like You Mean It

“Um… I’ve kinda wanted to go skiing since I saw you snowboard earlier…” I confessed as we stepped out of the hot tub.

“So, do you want to try skiing tomorrow?” Zero asked as I dried myself off with the towel I scammed from our room.

“But the instructor-”

“The instructor is a shallow bastard that needs to be taught a lesson.” He said, smirking and then wrapping an arm around me to pull me into his chest while the other hand toweled off his hair. He took the hand that was drying his hair and lowered it to my own wet mop of black locks, covering my head and face with the cotton towel and then rubbing away the water with both hands when he freed the one wrapped around my waist.

I knew a few people in the pool were still looking at us after that kiss. Good thing they had been too far away to hear Zero say he loved me. Whoa… Zero… loves me. As in love. That made the breath catch in my lungs but not in a bad way, in a strangely good way. Nobody had ever loved me before (parents aside). I mean, yeah, I knew he liked me, but love is so much stronger than liking; it was binding, endearing.

Then the weight was lifted from my head as the towel was left over my eyes. I brought my hands up to push to back only to find Zero’s face right in front of mine, grinning as he was bent over to accommodate my height.

“It felt good to say, you know.” He whispered, his warm breath hitting my face. “Can I say it again?”

“I-I…” I trailed off, but nodded. I think I wanted to hear it again.

“I love you Nicolas.” He breathed and then leaned in for my lips.

The sentence alone made my heart jump and sink at the same time. I didn’t understand what was going on with me. Could I love him back? He hated everyone, but he loved me. He loved me; as in, I’m the only one he wants.

“Wait.” I stopped him by holding his face gently with one of my hands.

“Yes?” He asked, waiting patiently for me to speak.

“What if… what if I can’t…”

“Can’t what?” He looked puzzled at my half-formed sentence. I shut my eyes and let my head hang.

“What if I can’t… love you back?” I asked quietly.

I felt so terrible even thinking that but yet I had vocalized the thought. I didn’t want him wasting his time on someone that, in the end, wouldn’t be able to love him back. I didn’t want him to be hurt or dissatisfied; I didn’t want to be the one who hurt him.

He placed a kiss in my damp hair and exhaled, his breath filtering through the strands. “It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll love me back.” He laughed, showing the arrogant, conceited self of him again. But I realized it was just a façade as he said, “I’m kidding. I hope you will though. But I don’t want you saying it if you don’t mean it. So far you like me and that’s a start.”

“No.” I whispered. “I like you a lot.” I corrected him.

“See? You’re getting there.” He lowered himself to my lips again and pressed to them with his mouth with a quick, chaste kiss. Then he pulled back and smiled before leaning in a second time to capture my lips with another kiss and then another. It left a weird feeling in my stomach again, like the simple little kisses he gave me always did. The feeling that felt good, but strange; the one that was hard to describe.

“Okay, let’s go back.” He announced, winding his hand around mine, lacing our fingers together. I gripped back because I didn’t care about what others thought anymore. It must have been because of the incident with that homophobe just half an hour earlier that changed my mind. That was the worst thing that could happen; that people would be disgusted. At least the ones with no tolerance.

“Want me to carry you?” He asked.

I looked around and bit my lip before nodding. I remembered how warm he was and how I wanted that warmth. I used the heightened ledge of the hot tub to get myself up on his back. I settled in against his warm skin, nuzzling my head between his shoulder blades as my arms wrapped lazily around his neck.
That guy was wrong because something that felt this… right was definitely not immoral. And that’s what being with Zero felt like; it felt right.’ Personally, I think peoples’ morals were fucked up if it meant that Zero loving me was wrong.

“Hungry?” He asked and I realized we hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast this morning which was a bag of M&Ms and a coke.

“Yeah.” I whispered into his neck as I opened the door enough for him to use his foot to squeeze the both of us through so that he wouldn’t have to let go of my legs that were wrapped around him.

“Think we’re dry enough?” I asked, pressing my lips to his shoulder before leaning my head on it.

“Hmm… maybe we should go change first and then meet Mina and Michael for dinner.”

I groaned a little, but I haven’t seen either of them since this morning. “Okay.”

“You guys went snowboarding?!” Mina asked.

“Well, Zero did.” I corrected her. I left out the part where the instructor had told us about the homophobic ski instructor and the fact that Zero told me he loved me. But I couldn’t get that second one out of my head. I mean, how could I? He loved me. As for me, I liked him a lot; I wasn’t afraid when he was there. Nervous, sometimes, but I was getting over that, I mean, hell, I just made out in public with him (in front of a homophobe no less).

“So you’re going to try skiing tomorrow?” Michael asked just a second after swallowing his food. “Isn’t he a homophobic prick?” He said, with his mouth full. He was surprisingly good at talking like that, though it did come out a little muffled.

“Swallow your food before talking, hun.” Mina told him, rolling her eyes a little bit.

“Hmm… how do you know?” Zero asked him.

“Mina wanted me to make out with a hot guy and it just happened to be near him and he was pissed and he came up and told us off.”

“And you guys are still going?” Min asked concernedly.

I nodded. “Yeah, I kinda wanted to try skiing myself… I heard it has more control than snowboarding.” I explained, looking down at my empty plate.

I wasn’t letting some asshole keep me from doing what I wanted. “Ready to go?” Zero asked me as he eyed my plate. Zero had been done some time before I had finished my own food.

“Uh huh.” I said, scooting back in my chair to stand up.

“Hehe, night you guys.” Mina said mockingly, drawing out the end of ‘guys’.

I threw myself into the pillows of the bed as Zero took a shower. I placed myself under the blankets and pulled them over my head.

The boy that claimed he hated everybody said he loved me. I don’t think I’ve stopped thinking about it at all today. I hadn’t even really been into the conversation with Mina and Michael. I keep repeating it over and over in my head when he’d said, ‘I love you, Nicolas’. I can’t believe he said it, but at the same time I could. Taking a deep breath and I uncovered myself to search for the remote on the side-table and turned on the TV. Then I had a revelation about why I couldn’t just say it back to him. Maybe I was afraid, afraid because maybe I loved him too…

I sighed at that, and rested my head on my arms which were perched on my knees. Could that be it, though? As strange as it sounds, maybe that was it. It made no sense, but that might have been why wit was so plausible; I mean, my mom always said there was no logic involved with love. Well, my dad said that too, but my mom was more believable about it.

The water shut off in the bathroom and it was only a few minutes before Zero came out of the bathroom in a pair of black sweatpants. Of course, I only saw this out of the corner of my eye because I didn’t feel like lifting my head.

His feet shuffled as he walked over to me and poked me. “Are you awake?” He whispered.

“You really think I’d sleep in this kind of position?” I asked, finally raising me head to look at him. He climbed over onto the bed and sprawled out next to me, his hair dampening the pillow he was resting his head on.

“You’re getting the pillow wet.” I told him, shaking my head out of exasperation.

“I can’t help that I compulsively take showers after swimming; I hate having chlorine in my hair.” He rolled his eyes up at me.

He sat up suddenly and then lifted my chin with his fingers so that he could kiss me. It was fast and subtle and when it was over, he leaned his forehead on mine and he snaked his hand to hold my neck.
He looked down at me, smirking. I flashed him a grin of my own as I lowered myself to press my lips to his neck. After trailing soft kisses down his jaw line and then down to the hollow of his throat, I realized that I was on top of him now with his arms wrapped around my waist. I think I noticed it because of the warmth I felt radiating from his body. I traced more gentle kisses back up his neck to his cheek where I stopped and looked down at him. The smile he was giving me was too sweet, too kind. And in a strange way, I felt my heart quicken its pace in my ribcage.

“I love you.” He breathed. That simple sentence took my breath away and made my jaw lock; my mouth was useless against it.

My hands raked through his hair as I pressed onto his lips with my own when I was able to move. He moved his arms up around my neck to pull me into the kiss more as to deepen it.

After a few seconds of moving my lips with his, I pulled away and then pressed another chaste kiss on his mouth before rolling onto the other side of him and then wrapping my arms around him. He turned and did the same to me, pulling me into his chest.

“Good night.” He whispered before I told him the same and then I fell into sleep.