Lie Like You Mean It

I was hit by an instantaneous feeling of loss when I woke up alone. No arms, no warmth, no Zero lying next to me. My heart instantly fell as I rolled back over onto my side, clutching the blankets tighter to myself, tears welling in my eyes.

Hadn’t last night been real? Wasn’t I just holding Zero in my arms again last night? I mean, I can remember it all so clearly. So why wasn’t he here?

I hit the bed with a fist out of anger; anger at myself for being taken in by a dream. Why had I been so stupid?

Lethargy took me over as I laid there. It was like the first day without him. Everything felt empty again and I couldn’t do anything, not even get out of the bed.

But then I saw my alarm clock read six in the evening. That dream was really good; no wonder I slept so much. I eased myself off the bed and started making my way for the door.

The house was quiet as it always was, eliciting a sigh from me as I started stepping down the stairs. Mom must’ve been working on dinner already so I walked over into the kitchen.

What caught my eyes first were that captivating smile and the black hair hiding intense hazel eyes. It only took a blur of motion for me to have launched myself into his arms, tears breaking loose past the fence of my eyelashes and spilling onto the cotton shirt in front of me.

“Why’d you leave!? Why’d you leave me? I thought… I thought it was a dream…” I cried into his shirt, gripping tighter to the cotton under my palms.

“Thought what was a dream?” Zero asked, his voice reassuring that he was real. His arms wound their way back around me. His hands held me tight to him as he kissed my neck.

“See-seeing you a-again.” I whimpered before finally looking up at him.

“No, Love, I’m really here. I just didn’t want to wake you up.” He told me before pressing his lips to my cheek and then to my own lips, making me feel those insatiable feelings of love towards him.

Then someone cleared their throat. I looked around for the source through my swollen and tear-blurred eyes. I had to rub my eyes to make sure of whom I was really seeing sitting right across the table from us. Noah was here, too.

But that only made me hold Zero tighter to me, not wanting to let go, even for a minute. He was here to take back Zero. I wasn’t going to let him this time.

“So you think that this was enough reason to commit a federal offense and steal my credit card?” Noah asked as Zero held me tighter to him.

“Honestly, Dad, yes, I do. Whether you believe it or not, I love Nicolas. Taking me back to Australia isn’t going to keep me from him.” Zero told him, a bit of a scathing tone in his voice.

Then Noah looked at my parents. “And you two knew that Nicolas had coerced my-”

“Nicolas did nothing. It was all me – I came onto him first, things progressed, and here we are.” Zero explained, using the professional tone he always used around adults.

“Then you-” He cut of, shaking his head at his son. “Apologize to his parents then. Tell them you’re sorry for coercing their son.”

“I’m not sorry.” Zero nearly growled. “How could I ever be sorry for loving him?”

“Noah, the only one who has a problem with them being together is you.” Dad spoke up from his spot at the counter. “I’m perfectly fine with my son loving Zero – you, on the other hand consider this kind of love an abomination.”

Zero placed on of his arms under the joint of my knees so he could hold me like a child against him. “Despite what you may think, Dad, this isn’t some kind of fleeting infatuation.” Zero said, his tone still holding that authoritative voice.

“Tell me something then: Is he the one who… made you remember your mother?” He asked quietly like the question was life or death.

I looked up at Zero, who smiled back down at me. “Yes.” He answered swiftly, still looking at me. Then his father buried his face in his hands while April placed her hands comfortingly on his shoulders. “He made me remember how I used to be, my old friends, Mom’s face… ”

There was an excruciatingly long silence while Zero’s father was thinking deeply about something. “I have no problem with stealing your credit card again.” Zero stated matter-of-factly at his own father.

“Dad…” Mina whispered. “There’s no possible way you can keep Zero from Nicolas.”

“I know!” He replied, banging his fists on the table, keeping his eyes down. “I just can’t… my son can’t be… he can’t be gay.”

“It’s only Nicolas.” Zero replied. “I will only love Nicolas. No other guys or girls compare with him. I’m not precisely gay – I don’t believe that’s the correct term for it.”

“But he’s still-” Noah tried to speak, but Zero cut him off.

“I know Nicolas is still a boy. If he were a girl, I’d still be attracted to him. Or a transsexual, even. The point is: I love Nicolas, whatever he is, I’d be willing to be with him because he is himself. If that makes any sense to you.”

He father looked back and forth between the two of us, scrutinizing us under his gaze. I tightened my grip around his shirt, trying to show that I wasn’t letting Zero leave again. He did that for what seemed like forever until he sighed defeatedly. And that was how I knew we’d won.

“There are two conditions: As long as Zero refrains from smoking or doing drugs and as long as he keeps his grades up in school… then he can… he can live with Nicolas.” Then he turned to my parents. “That is, if you two don’t mind keeping my kids longer.”

My mom beamed at him, elatedly. She must have been just as happy as us. “No, no, we’d love to have your son stay with us and Mina’s been such a big help around here as well.”

“I’ll send you the money every month as the…” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Previous arrangements entailed…” Then he stood up and pushed in his chair. He turned sharply to Zero, his eyes narrowing. “One slip-up though… and you can bet your ass you’ll be on the first plane back to Australia.”

“You’re forgetting something Dad.” Zero hissed, more venom in his voice than earlier. I looked at him worriedly. What could be wrong now? We could be together now, couldn’t we?

Noah sighed and dug in his pocket and pulled out the ring I had given Zero for his birthday, setting it on the table with an audible click. Zero hastily took it back and slipped it on his ring finger as his father moved to leave the house.

“He took the ring I gave you?” I asked quietly, my eyes dropping to look at my hands in my lap.

“You wouldn’t believe what it took for Dad to get it off his finger. And after he did, Zero punched holes in the wall.” Mina spoke up. She looked to the doorway. “We should probably go accompany him to the airport, you know?” Then her gaze turned to us. “It might be better if you two don’t come though…”

My mom nodded in agreement and pulled my dad after her as she said, “We need to talk this over with him for this more-permanent arrangement.”

One by one, everyone disappeared to go after Zero’s father, leaving us alone in the house. “You didn’t think I was going to let you go a second time, did you?”

I sighed before kissing his throat timidly. “You’re very conniving when you want to be.” I told him, nuzzling into his hair.

“Did you eat while you were there?” I asked, feeling his ribs under my fingers.

He shook his head. “Everything just… seemed idiotically unimportant while I didn’t have you. As cliché as that might sound.” He tacked on. “I mean, I ate, but not too much…”

I kissed his jaw and then trailed soft kisses down his neck before finding a spot to suck on. Taking the flesh in between my teeth as I bit and sucked on it until I was sure there was a prominent bruise on his throat. When I pulled back, I looked into the hazel abysses that stared back into my own eyes.

They both showed clearly what he wanted as well as what I, inevitably, wanted as well.