Lie Like You Mean It

“Mina, I know it was you who told Cody it was a good idea to go after Nicolas.” Zero was arguing with Mina in our room, in front of me.

Unknowingly they spoke in front of me because I was only turned to the wall with my eyes shut and my breathing fairly regulated and smooth. Their voices were hushed because I knew they didn’t want to wake me up and run into a mess like that. Too bad I was already up. Hey, it’s not my fault they’re having their talk in the morning when people wake up.

“Well, yeah, he said he’d never had a girlfriend.” Mina stated matter-of-factly. Okay, in all honesty, I liked Mina; she took on a sisterly role and that was a nice change for me. But I didn’t like the way she assumed that.

“Yeah, but he never said he had a boyfriend either. Now the little shit won’t leave him alone.” I liked this defensive Zero; even if it was only to condemn the people he didn’t like – like Cody.

“Oh ho ho… jealous little Z?” She asked in a mocking way. Of course the way she put it seemed pretty sisterly.

“Listen up. I’m sick of that kid and I swear to God, if this shit doesn’t end, he’s going to end up following Nicolas home. And if that happens, well, you’re not gonna see me for awhile because I’ll have been convicted for first degree manslaughter.” I heard Mina sigh in an exasperated way.

“Manslaughter, huh? Alright, I’ll talk to Cody. You gonna let Nicolas sleep, or should we wake him up?”

“Just let him sleep. Because we both know that when he wakes up he’s just gonna be on those damn games.” Mina giggled amusedly as she shut the door behind her.

“Get up. I know you’re awake.” Zero called to me, making me freeze to the spot. But I thought my façade had been so flawless! Not that I went around pretending to be asleep all the time, but still! Slowly, I shuffled into a sitting position so I could face him.

“How much did you hear?” He asked. He didn’t look mad or anything, more like it was just an honest question.

“Just when you accused Mina of giving Cody the okay to basically attack me.” I stated. He nodded and then stood up, stretching.

“So, since the beginning, then.” He said flatly as if he weren’t interested in the least.

“Did she really-” I started forming my question but he cut me off.

“Yeah. But don’t blame her. She just wants you to be happy.” Zero said as he yanked off his t-shirt. At least he defended his sister. That showed he wasn’t completely heartless. I laughed at that thought. But the weird thing was, I don’t think I ever really thought of him as heartless. Just emotionally challenged. And selfish. Conceited maybe. But he was also protective and incredibly smart (just look at his grades).

“So… are you doing this because you hate Cody or because it’s me he’s messing with?” I asked cautiously. He looked at me weird for a second.

“Of course it’s because I hate the kid. Remember, I hate kids like that.” For some reason that answer really made me mad.

“Tch. Of course.” I hissed and rolled around to face the wall, pulling the covers over my head. I was gripping the comforter so hard in my hand that my knuckles were beginning to turn white. I mean, I should’ve known that he’d do that for a selfish purpose, so why did it piss me off that bad? Maybe I was beginning to get conceited like he was.

“Wait. Nicolas. I just meant that…” He started. I didn’t want to hear it. Or maybe I did. I couldn’t tell; I didn’t know what I wanted at the moment. At least not when it was with Zero. “Okay, fine, so it might have been a tiny, itsy-bitsy, miniscule, microscopic bit just for you. But that’s all. Just a little bit.”

At that, I lifted my head from the pillows at stared at him as if to say, ‘really?’, because as far as I knew, my words were failing me. Most likely from the shock of this situation. And he could have been lying about it, but then that just meant that he didn’t want me moping like that. That maybe, just maybe he cared a little more than he really let on.

“Now make me one of those drinks.” And like that out little ‘moment’ was over. But his tone was different. It was less of a condescending order and more like a request. He made it sound possible for me to refuse. Although he probably didn’t do it on purpose because there’s no way he’d let me decline any demand he made. But then he got that smug smile on his face, the one that told me what was next in the conversation. “Or you can tell me I’m special.”

“I-I’ll go m-make it.” I stuttered, impossibly nervous about the face-to-face contact he was making while saying that. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. I brushed past Zero on my way through the door but his voice halted me. I whirled around to face him with a questioning look.

“Wait. One of Mina’s friends is having a party-” He cut off seeing my expression. I hoped he wasn’t talking about Cody. He just rolled his eyes. “It’s not that fucking Cody kid. But anyways, she wants you to go.”

“He really won’t be there?” I had every right to be cautious; I mean the kid was stalking me around school for Christ sakes.

“No.” He answered directly. “I’m going too if it makes you feel any safer. The little shit knows I hate him.”

“So, what, are you my bodyguard now?” I asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him.

“If it comes to that, yeah.”

“Why?” I had to be quick with that question or else I wouldn’t have asked it. I’d have lost my resolve to ask it.

“I don’t know. It’s probably because you’re so small that it makes me wanna protect you. Or some crazy shit like that.” He said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. When he did that, I knew it was time for his nicotine drink and some ibuprofen. “God, I really want a cigarette right now.”

I sighed and shook my head. “I’m sure you do.”

Halfway out the door, I felt a hand latch onto my arm and twirl me around. Of course it was Zero; who else would it be? I opened my mouth to ask what he wanted, but in the three – no two – seconds of unpreparedness, Zero had leaned in and just barely even touched our lips together. It was merely a mingling of breaths and it only lasted for half a second.

I couldn’t feel myself breathing. The only thing that was aware of was the constant ‘what the hell was that? What the hell was that?’ going off in my head. I was afraid my eyes would be permanently widened like this.

“I think… that’s even better than smoking.” He said. I just stumbled back a little bit until I collided with my bed and I fell back onto it.

I tried to get out something; to say anything. To ask him just what the fuck he thought he was doing. But my lips just quivered as I futilely tried to push words out of my mouth.

“Every time I want a smoke; let me kiss you.” Apparently he was unfazed by the fact that he kissed me and that we’re both guys at that. But the most surprising thing – even if it was an impulse – is that he wanted more. In fact, he wanted to kiss me every time he wanted a cigarette! Who knew how many times a day that was? But try as I might, I couldn’t speak at all – I was utterly speechless because of his actions.

Without a word he left me there on the bed, alone with my thoughts. Which was actually pretty frightening at this point. I didn’t understand it at all. I was absolutely sure Zero was straight. Anti-social, yes, but straight. Hold on, does this kiss mean I’m not straight? No… I think it only makes me gay if I liked it. Did I like it? I don’t think so…? How the hell should I know what I liked!? I’ve never liked anyone enough to do something like that with them. How was I supposed to feel? Okay… am I looking forward to the next time he wants a cigarette? Not really. Then I don’t want him to kiss me, right?

I just don’t want things more dysfunctional between us than they already are. But the whole kissing thing was making things a hundred times worse than forcing me to say ‘you’re special’.
But just how the fuck would I be able to refuse him? He was a lot strong and taller than me; I was hyper aware of that fact. But… just what did he mean when he said I was ‘better than smoking’? What was I – some kind of drug? Were my lips laced with methamphetamine? Just what the fuck is that guy thinking...?