When Jaimee Met Manson
When Jaimee Met Marilyn Manson
Jaimee: *is on her general stalking John 5 duties*
John: *groans* Don’t you have someone else to stalk?
Jaimee: *pulls out schedule and points to ‘Tuesday: Stalk Johnny 5’* Nope, not at this current time *grins*
John: *snatches schedule* Johnny 5?
Jaimee: *pinches John’s cheek* Idn’t that just the cutest
John: *glares* So there’s no-one, not a single person, else you could be annoying right now?
Jaimee: No...Not as it would appear
John: You’ve got them all locked in that rent-a-shed, right?
Jaimee: *grins* Funny you should mention that...yeah, I do actually...wanna join them?
John: Can’t say I do, no.
Jaimee: That’s a shame, doll face
John: Doll face? *is scared frozen*
Jaimee: Neat, you’re frozen! *picks up John and stuffs him into a handy-dandy-just-so-happen-to-be-there potato sack* Wait here my dear *strolls to the dump to find something to transport John to the rent-a-shed*
John: *curses at Jaimee*
Jaimee: *digs past a rusty bicycle and avril lavigne’s body which she dumped there yesterday*
Pogo: *is also digging through trash*
Jaimee: *spies Pogo* Holy crap exclamation mark tis Pogo
Pogo: *glances up and sees Jaimee* Oh...it’s you *frowns at her* What are you doing here
Jaimee: Just looking for something to transport John to the rent-a-shed
Pogo: Oh, fair enough
Jaimee: Mhm, and you?
Pogo: Just looking for some new décor for the house, you know – gotta keep it stylin’
Jaimee: Oh, nice.
Pogo: Yup...
Jaimee: Quite
Pogo: Uh...can you...leave...now
Jaimee: That depends, are you leaving?
Pogo: Why does that matter?
Jaimee: See, the way I figure it, is it’ll be easier to find out where you live if I just follow you home as apposed to knocking on every single cardboard box in the gutter like a cyclone door knock
Pogo: *blinks*
Jaimee: *grins*
Pogo: *runs for his dear life*
Jaimee: *attempts to follow but due to her physical inadequacy and sheer laziness pretty much failures*
Pogo: *gets in his spiffy car which, as it would just so happen, is a cardboard box with paper plates for wheels, similar to the models shown on playschool*
Jaimee: *is the one writing this therefore gets the amazing power of freakishly sneaking into Pogo’s car and bringing John with her*
Pogo: *begins driving down the street still creeped out by Jaimee and cursing at her under his breathe*
Jaimee: *pops up from the back seat of the amazing cardboard car* Where are we going Pogo?
Pogo: *screams a blood-curdling scream of absolute terror and fear for his amazing life* WE are not going anywhere! *pushes Jaimee out of the car and she lands with a sickening thud on the sidewalk*
Jaimee: *lands with a sickening thud somewhat similar to this→ thud.*
Pogo: *laughs like a psychotic stoned maniac...which I suppose he is somewhat*
Jaimee: *glances up to see she has been pushed out onto the sidewalk near a spiffy dress shop* I’ve been pushed out onto the sidewalk near a spiffy dress shop. Well I daresay I shalleth pop in and take a look around
Twiggy: *is far prettier than you could ever imagine being and you’re jealous*
Jaimee: By golly tis the beautiful Twiggy who is far prettier than I could ever even begin to think of being!
Twiggy: *looks at Jaimee and wrinkles nose in disgust* Eugh, what the hell is wrong with...uh, I mean why hello there
Jaimee: You are the most damn sexy as cross-dresser I’ve ever spied my eyes upon, dear Twiggy
Twiggy: Um…duh *thinks Jaimee is an idiot*
Jaimee: So anyway, how are you?
Twiggy: Good til I saw your face
Jaimee: Yeah, fair enough point there
No-one as yet: *high pitched glass-shattering giggle*
Twiggy: *lets out a terrified scream*
Jaimee: *gasps in terror at the horrid sound that meets her ears*
Twiggy: *breathing like someone on Blair Witch Project* Th-that sounded like…
No-one as of such: Ha, like hi like ahuh
Jaimee: Holy fudge, it’s hilary duff! *screams*
No-one as of such...obviously hilary: Like, what’s up like
Twiggy: *runs fearing his/her precious life*
Jaimee: *glares at hilary mcfluffman* Nice one fudgebutt, you scared away Twiggy!
Hilary: *begins to giggle but the giggle is cut short by the sound of a gunshot*
Gun: BANG!
Voice: *cackles like an axe-wielding madman*
Jaimee: *sees the ‘voice’ is actually Marilyn Manson* Hey Mr Manson sir
Manson: *stares blankly* Uh…hi…retard
Hilary: *choking on her blood* Help…I’m dyi-
Jaimee: Shut up fudge-head can’t you see I’m talking!
Manson: *kicks hilary’s body with a platform boot*
Jaimee: Manson, did you just shoot hilary?
Manson: *grins proudly* Yes, why yes I did
Jaimee: *whines* What’d you do that for
Manson: *glares and holds gun uncomfortably close to Jaimee’s face*
Jaimee: No, I didn’t mean it like that I mean why just shoot her quick and painlessly
Hilary: I’m in pain
Manson: *kicks her face in* Shut up retard
Jaimee: I’m just saying, why not throw her to piranhas or something…you know, funny and painful. Teach her a lesson for making such music as ‘Beat of my heart’ and all
Manson: *bites lip* Ooh, good point. I really should think before I kill people huh
Jaimee: There, there. You saw a Disney manufactured pre-teen idol and just did what any self-respecting musician would do. Besides, recent studies show Disney manufacture a new kiddie idol every two seconds so really you don’t have time to slowly torture all of them
Manson: True, true. We should go…do the world a favor or two, I’m all about helping the world you know *devilish grin*
Jaimee: I heard ashlee simpsons over on 34th street *grin*
Manson: *claps hands* sounds like fun *gets in his snazzy car that is really a car and not a cardboard box*
Jaimee: *follows like a stalker*
Manson: We should go pick up Ginger when we pick up the weapons…I mean supplies
Jaimee: Why?
Manson: I’ve gotta figure out which weapons hurt most, we could use Ginger as a test dummy
Jaimee: *raises an eyebrow* Wow…I am impressed. That was pretty clever to think of that
Manson: Aw, thanks I am quite the genius
Jaimee: You are indeed…you know if we tested them on two people that’d be more accurate, no?
Manson: Hm, good point. You know when I first met you I thought ‘Bet you she’s a total dumb-ass’ …needless to say I have yet to be proven otherwise but you do try…have a cookie
Jaimee: *eyes wide* Woo! Cookie!
Manson: *pulls up at his house and quickly lugs back a large bag of sharp, pointy, painful objects and Ginger and Skölds and shoves them in the trunk*
Jaimee: What about Pogo, he’d be useful with his superb metal lunchbox beating skills
Manson: I almost give you intelligence points for that, good work.
Jaimee: Do I get another cookie
Manson: Don’t push your luck, honey
Pogo: *is sitting in a gutter*
Manson: We’re going beating up pop idols, care to join us Mr Gacy?
Pogo: Oh of course! *scrambles into car…then spots Jaimee sitting in the seat next to him* YOU…again! *has disgusted look on face*
Jaimee: *grins* Yup! Me…again, isn’t that just stellar!
Pogo: *gives a I-wish-you-were-dead look* You left this behind *holds out potato sack*
Jaimee: *squeals* Johnny! *opens bag and lets John 5 out* Wheeeeeeee! It’s like a field trip!
John: *shudders*
Jaimee: *licks John’s face*
John: *punches Jaimee*
Jaimee: *hugs John tightly*
John: *kicks Jaimee in the head*
Manson: OY! Quit it you two or I’ll turn this car around!
John & Jaimee: *hang heads in shame* Sorry Mr. Manson
Pogo: *sniggers*
Twiggy: *is walking down the street merrily*
Jaimee: Well hi there Twiggy!
Twiggy: *pretends not to hear Jaimee* So anyway, what you all going?
Pogo: *grinning psychotically* Pop Idol Beatings
Twiggy: Ooh! Can I come
Manson: Why, of course
Jaimee: Manson, I hate to be a pain, but are you sure Ginger and Skölds are alright in the trunk?
Manson: I would assume so, why do you ask?
Jaimee: Hm, I dunno it’s just the muffled screams of “Help” and “I’m suffocating” that’s making me wonder…
Manson: *rolls eyes* Fine, go get them *sighs*
Jaimee: *scrambles out and pulls Ginger and Skölds out of the bag*
Ginger: *gasps for air and collapses on the ground*
Jaimee: Skölds, get in the car
Skölds: But wh-
Jaimee: NOW fudge-muffin!
Skölds: *whimpers but does as he’s told*
Manson: *”accidentally” runs over Ginger’s leg*
Jaimee: Oh my poor little Ginger Fish. Silly Manson accidentally running over you *hugs Ginger*
Ginger: *says nothing cause he’s pretty much mute*
Jaimee: *grins* Guess what Ginger, you get the extra special job of being Manson’s test dummy
Ginger: *starts crying*
Manson: Get back in the car now or we’ll go home and you can watch The Oprah Winfrey Show
Jaimee: *screams and drags Ginger into the car*
Manson: AND it’s one of the ‘uplifting stories that will make you reach for the tissues’
Pogo: What the the fuck, man
Manson: *pulls out tv guide from his pocket*
Skölds: O_o
Manson: *screams suddenly*
Jaimee: What?
Skölds: *vomits out the window*
Jaimee: *spies two hideous creatures dressed like 12 year olds prostitutes despite the fact they’re like twenty or something*
Twiggy: Wh-what are they? *sobs*
Jaimee: That, dear children, would be pop’s most horrendous inbreds ever…the veronicas *screams and hides her eyes*
Manson: *stops the car and hands out the weaponry* We, the few braves souls who dare, shall rid this here world of teenies and their equally as teenie idols…Go forth warriors and fight for all that is good and unholy.
The End
John: *groans* Don’t you have someone else to stalk?
Jaimee: *pulls out schedule and points to ‘Tuesday: Stalk Johnny 5’* Nope, not at this current time *grins*
John: *snatches schedule* Johnny 5?
Jaimee: *pinches John’s cheek* Idn’t that just the cutest
John: *glares* So there’s no-one, not a single person, else you could be annoying right now?
Jaimee: No...Not as it would appear
John: You’ve got them all locked in that rent-a-shed, right?
Jaimee: *grins* Funny you should mention that...yeah, I do actually...wanna join them?
John: Can’t say I do, no.
Jaimee: That’s a shame, doll face
John: Doll face? *is scared frozen*
Jaimee: Neat, you’re frozen! *picks up John and stuffs him into a handy-dandy-just-so-happen-to-be-there potato sack* Wait here my dear *strolls to the dump to find something to transport John to the rent-a-shed*
John: *curses at Jaimee*
Jaimee: *digs past a rusty bicycle and avril lavigne’s body which she dumped there yesterday*
Pogo: *is also digging through trash*
Jaimee: *spies Pogo* Holy crap exclamation mark tis Pogo
Pogo: *glances up and sees Jaimee* Oh...it’s you *frowns at her* What are you doing here
Jaimee: Just looking for something to transport John to the rent-a-shed
Pogo: Oh, fair enough
Jaimee: Mhm, and you?
Pogo: Just looking for some new décor for the house, you know – gotta keep it stylin’
Jaimee: Oh, nice.
Pogo: Yup...
Jaimee: Quite
Pogo: Uh...can you...leave...now
Jaimee: That depends, are you leaving?
Pogo: Why does that matter?
Jaimee: See, the way I figure it, is it’ll be easier to find out where you live if I just follow you home as apposed to knocking on every single cardboard box in the gutter like a cyclone door knock
Pogo: *blinks*
Jaimee: *grins*
Pogo: *runs for his dear life*
Jaimee: *attempts to follow but due to her physical inadequacy and sheer laziness pretty much failures*
Pogo: *gets in his spiffy car which, as it would just so happen, is a cardboard box with paper plates for wheels, similar to the models shown on playschool*
Jaimee: *is the one writing this therefore gets the amazing power of freakishly sneaking into Pogo’s car and bringing John with her*
Pogo: *begins driving down the street still creeped out by Jaimee and cursing at her under his breathe*
Jaimee: *pops up from the back seat of the amazing cardboard car* Where are we going Pogo?
Pogo: *screams a blood-curdling scream of absolute terror and fear for his amazing life* WE are not going anywhere! *pushes Jaimee out of the car and she lands with a sickening thud on the sidewalk*
Jaimee: *lands with a sickening thud somewhat similar to this→ thud.*
Pogo: *laughs like a psychotic stoned maniac...which I suppose he is somewhat*
Jaimee: *glances up to see she has been pushed out onto the sidewalk near a spiffy dress shop* I’ve been pushed out onto the sidewalk near a spiffy dress shop. Well I daresay I shalleth pop in and take a look around
Twiggy: *is far prettier than you could ever imagine being and you’re jealous*
Jaimee: By golly tis the beautiful Twiggy who is far prettier than I could ever even begin to think of being!
Twiggy: *looks at Jaimee and wrinkles nose in disgust* Eugh, what the hell is wrong with...uh, I mean why hello there
Jaimee: You are the most damn sexy as cross-dresser I’ve ever spied my eyes upon, dear Twiggy
Twiggy: Um…duh *thinks Jaimee is an idiot*
Jaimee: So anyway, how are you?
Twiggy: Good til I saw your face
Jaimee: Yeah, fair enough point there
No-one as yet: *high pitched glass-shattering giggle*
Twiggy: *lets out a terrified scream*
Jaimee: *gasps in terror at the horrid sound that meets her ears*
Twiggy: *breathing like someone on Blair Witch Project* Th-that sounded like…
No-one as of such: Ha, like hi like ahuh
Jaimee: Holy fudge, it’s hilary duff! *screams*
No-one as of such...obviously hilary: Like, what’s up like
Twiggy: *runs fearing his/her precious life*
Jaimee: *glares at hilary mcfluffman* Nice one fudgebutt, you scared away Twiggy!
Hilary: *begins to giggle but the giggle is cut short by the sound of a gunshot*
Gun: BANG!
Voice: *cackles like an axe-wielding madman*
Jaimee: *sees the ‘voice’ is actually Marilyn Manson* Hey Mr Manson sir
Manson: *stares blankly* Uh…hi…retard
Hilary: *choking on her blood* Help…I’m dyi-
Jaimee: Shut up fudge-head can’t you see I’m talking!
Manson: *kicks hilary’s body with a platform boot*
Jaimee: Manson, did you just shoot hilary?
Manson: *grins proudly* Yes, why yes I did
Jaimee: *whines* What’d you do that for
Manson: *glares and holds gun uncomfortably close to Jaimee’s face*
Jaimee: No, I didn’t mean it like that I mean why just shoot her quick and painlessly
Hilary: I’m in pain
Manson: *kicks her face in* Shut up retard
Jaimee: I’m just saying, why not throw her to piranhas or something…you know, funny and painful. Teach her a lesson for making such music as ‘Beat of my heart’ and all
Manson: *bites lip* Ooh, good point. I really should think before I kill people huh
Jaimee: There, there. You saw a Disney manufactured pre-teen idol and just did what any self-respecting musician would do. Besides, recent studies show Disney manufacture a new kiddie idol every two seconds so really you don’t have time to slowly torture all of them
Manson: True, true. We should go…do the world a favor or two, I’m all about helping the world you know *devilish grin*
Jaimee: I heard ashlee simpsons over on 34th street *grin*
Manson: *claps hands* sounds like fun *gets in his snazzy car that is really a car and not a cardboard box*
Jaimee: *follows like a stalker*
Manson: We should go pick up Ginger when we pick up the weapons…I mean supplies
Jaimee: Why?
Manson: I’ve gotta figure out which weapons hurt most, we could use Ginger as a test dummy
Jaimee: *raises an eyebrow* Wow…I am impressed. That was pretty clever to think of that
Manson: Aw, thanks I am quite the genius
Jaimee: You are indeed…you know if we tested them on two people that’d be more accurate, no?
Manson: Hm, good point. You know when I first met you I thought ‘Bet you she’s a total dumb-ass’ …needless to say I have yet to be proven otherwise but you do try…have a cookie
Jaimee: *eyes wide* Woo! Cookie!
Manson: *pulls up at his house and quickly lugs back a large bag of sharp, pointy, painful objects and Ginger and Skölds and shoves them in the trunk*
Jaimee: What about Pogo, he’d be useful with his superb metal lunchbox beating skills
Manson: I almost give you intelligence points for that, good work.
Jaimee: Do I get another cookie
Manson: Don’t push your luck, honey
Pogo: *is sitting in a gutter*
Manson: We’re going beating up pop idols, care to join us Mr Gacy?
Pogo: Oh of course! *scrambles into car…then spots Jaimee sitting in the seat next to him* YOU…again! *has disgusted look on face*
Jaimee: *grins* Yup! Me…again, isn’t that just stellar!
Pogo: *gives a I-wish-you-were-dead look* You left this behind *holds out potato sack*
Jaimee: *squeals* Johnny! *opens bag and lets John 5 out* Wheeeeeeee! It’s like a field trip!
John: *shudders*
Jaimee: *licks John’s face*
John: *punches Jaimee*
Jaimee: *hugs John tightly*
John: *kicks Jaimee in the head*
Manson: OY! Quit it you two or I’ll turn this car around!
John & Jaimee: *hang heads in shame* Sorry Mr. Manson
Pogo: *sniggers*
Twiggy: *is walking down the street merrily*
Jaimee: Well hi there Twiggy!
Twiggy: *pretends not to hear Jaimee* So anyway, what you all going?
Pogo: *grinning psychotically* Pop Idol Beatings
Twiggy: Ooh! Can I come
Manson: Why, of course
Jaimee: Manson, I hate to be a pain, but are you sure Ginger and Skölds are alright in the trunk?
Manson: I would assume so, why do you ask?
Jaimee: Hm, I dunno it’s just the muffled screams of “Help” and “I’m suffocating” that’s making me wonder…
Manson: *rolls eyes* Fine, go get them *sighs*
Jaimee: *scrambles out and pulls Ginger and Skölds out of the bag*
Ginger: *gasps for air and collapses on the ground*
Jaimee: Skölds, get in the car
Skölds: But wh-
Jaimee: NOW fudge-muffin!
Skölds: *whimpers but does as he’s told*
Manson: *”accidentally” runs over Ginger’s leg*
Jaimee: Oh my poor little Ginger Fish. Silly Manson accidentally running over you *hugs Ginger*
Ginger: *says nothing cause he’s pretty much mute*
Jaimee: *grins* Guess what Ginger, you get the extra special job of being Manson’s test dummy
Ginger: *starts crying*
Manson: Get back in the car now or we’ll go home and you can watch The Oprah Winfrey Show
Jaimee: *screams and drags Ginger into the car*
Manson: AND it’s one of the ‘uplifting stories that will make you reach for the tissues’
Pogo: What the the fuck, man
Manson: *pulls out tv guide from his pocket*
Skölds: O_o
Manson: *screams suddenly*
Jaimee: What?
Skölds: *vomits out the window*
Jaimee: *spies two hideous creatures dressed like 12 year olds prostitutes despite the fact they’re like twenty or something*
Twiggy: Wh-what are they? *sobs*
Jaimee: That, dear children, would be pop’s most horrendous inbreds ever…the veronicas *screams and hides her eyes*
Manson: *stops the car and hands out the weaponry* We, the few braves souls who dare, shall rid this here world of teenies and their equally as teenie idols…Go forth warriors and fight for all that is good and unholy.
The End