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Sequel: The Pros and Cons of Growing Up ›
The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 10
Several Hours Later…
Frank’s POV
“Is Aiden sure he doesn’t want food?” Mom asked me, glancing into the living room where Aiden and Eric were lying on the couch.
“Mom, I tried twenty times. He won’t eat.” I snapped.
“Well you need to make him! You’re his father! The doctor says he needs to eat!”
“MOM HE WON’T FUCKING EAT!” I suddenly shouted, then stormed outside. I kicked the outside of the house, growling in frustration.
Did she think I hadn’t tried to make Aiden eat? He refused. He said he didn’t feel good and he would later. His fever was 100. He was pale as hell. He didn’t need to be home and he was making it worse by refusing to eat. Gerard had to force him to take his breathing treatment a few minutes ago.
It was weird. Aiden had seemed sickly when they first took the machines and IVs out. But now he was lying around, laughing, and talking like he was fine. It maybe looked like he’d just gotten over a cold. I’m not saying he was acting perfect, but he wasn’t acting like he just got out of the hospital after staying in it for a month and a half either. I almost wanted to say the hospital made him sicker because he seemed so much better.
I took several deep breaths then realized how cold it was. I sank down on the swing and put my head in my hands.
“Frank, are you okay?”
I looked up to see Dan.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I sighed, burying my head in my hands again.
“You’d think you’d be inside with Aiden seeing as he just got home.”
“He won’t eat.” I muttered.
“He’ll eat later. He’s a teenage boy.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself.” I was talking more to myself then Dan. Mainly because I was afraid. I was terrified. It was like if there was one slip up, I could lose my son forever. He’d kept me alive these years without Gerard…
Frank’s POV
I finished unpacking the last box and sat down at our new kitchen table, tears stinging my eyes.
I couldn’t believe this had happened… I’d been with Gerard since I was sixteen years old… we had kids, we were in love… and he just divorced me… for some fucking home wrecking whore. It wouldn’t be as bad if it had been a man even.
I had no clue where Aiden was… all I knew was we were in this stupid small house with furniture I hated in a town that… God, I’ve never even been here before. I can’t even remember the name!
The kitchen floor was cluttered with broken down boxes, a pile right at my feet. I kicked it with as much force as I could muster. It was all I could do to keep from screaming.
I had a son… I couldn’t flip out like that on him. He was only 12… he didn’t need to see me like this.
I heard footsteps and looked up to see Aiden, his blue eyes wide. “Dad?”
“Are you hungry?” I asked, plastering this horribly and obviously forced smile onto my face.
“No…” he shook his head. “Where’s Bella?”
“Bella and Nikki decided to get their own place, Aiden…” I sighed.
“W-Why?” Confusion was etched into his face.
“I don’t know, babe.” I said, feeling near tears again. “I don’t know what to tell you…”
“I’m scared.” Aiden said, sitting by me. “Dad, I’m scared… everything is changing and I have no clue where we are… I’m scared.” he looked at me pleadingly. What could I do?
I just began to cry. “I’m sorry, Aiden… I don’t know how this happened.” I sobbed. “I-If you want to live with Gerard I-I’ll understand.”
“No. That isn’t it…” he said. “I’m just… scared. And I didn’t want you to cry.”
“No, its okay.” I sniffled, wiping my eyes. “C’mere babe.”
He got up and sat on my lap, curling up to me.
“Y-you don’t have to worry about anything… we are financially stable, okay?” I said, touching his cheek.
“Everything’s changing now…”
“You’re growing up. Things are gonna change.” I sniffled. “Sometimes they work for the better.”
“Dad’s gone… how is that better?”
“I don’t know… but everything happens for a reason, baby…. You just have to find it.”
“But… what… I mean, am I staying with Dad any? What about school?”
“Aiden, I don’t know.” I said, suddenly feeling extremely overwhelmed. I hadn’t begun to think about these things yet… and he was worrying about them?
“B-but you’re the parent… you’re supposed to know everything.”
I held him close. “I don’t know everything… hell, I hardly know anything. But I do know that we’re gonna be okay, babe.”
“… is it my fault?”
“No! No, no, no, no, no. Don’t you ever think that, Aiden… God, no. This has nothing to do with you. This is… This is your father and I entirely.”
“It’s all happening so fast… I’m just… I don’t know. Confused.” He said quietly.
“L-Let me make you some grilled cheese.” I said, lifting him off of my lap. He sat down in the seat by me, looking angry.
“I don’t want grilled cheese, Dad. I want to know where I’m going to school! I want to know if I’m ever going to see my dad again! I want to know if I’m ever going to have my stuff from our old house!”
“I don’t fucking know, okay!” I shouted. I went over, got a skillet out, and sprayed antistick on it, then put my hands on the counter and began to cry. “I don’t know, Aiden! Ask Gerard! He did this to us! Not me!”
“But I’m not asking him. I’m asking you.”
“Well I don’t know.” I sobbed. “I just don’t know.”
I felt Aiden hugging me. I hugged him back, patting down his dark hair. I don’t know why just one twelve year old was able to make it better… but Aiden did. Maybe it was the hug, maybe the thought that my son cared enough to worry, or maybe I just felt bad he was so confused and still staying with me, but suddenly I needed to thank him. I didn’t even know what for, but I just needed to. “Thank you… thank you so much.”
“All I did was hug you.”
“Thank you.”
Frank’s POV
When I went back in to try to persuade Aiden, again, to eat I was surprised to see Eric and him curled on the couch, both of them eating sandwiches. Normally I’d get a little huffy because of the animals, but I was so relieved to see Aiden eating that I didn’t care.
“See Dad? Told you I’d eat.” He smiled.
I ruffled his hair and went over to Gerard, who was sitting in a chair in the living room. I sat on his lap, looking around. Surprisingly, it really hadn’t changed since I was Aiden’s age.
The couch was in the same place. The school pictures of me were in the same places, but now my sister’s had been added to as well as mine and their kids.
Mom came in. “So when do you think you guys are going to head back to Canada?”
“As soon as Aiden feels up to it… Aiden, did you take your medicine?”
“Zit fays one hour hafter I reat.” Aiden said, his mouth full of food.
“Young man!” Mom said, pointing at him. “I don’t see Eric talking with food in his mouth.”
“Zats gebaus ee as hanners.” Aiden said.
Mom sighed, shaking her head. “He seems fine to me.” She laughed.
“I am.” He piped after swallowing his food.
I gave him a look.
“Sorry, Dad.” He said sheepishly. “I am ready. Let’s go tomorrow. Please.”
“If you still feel okay tomorrow, we’ll see.” I said.
“Yes!” he said, clapping. “Home tomorrow.”
He reached for what was left of his sandwich biting into it again.
“Heaven help us…”
“Now I’m gonna make you another sandwich so we can fatten you up a bit.” Mom said, smiling. “Do you want turkey or ham?”
“Both.” Aiden laughed.
Mom nodded. I nuzzled Gerard, sighing. He rubbed my back and I closed my eyes, suddenly tired. I heard someone stand and looked to see Aiden standing up.
“I’m going potty.” He announced.
“We don’t care.” Eric teased.
“Meh, shut up.” Aiden said, and then walked off.
“He’s so skinny, Gee…I…” I trailed off, knowing he’d just tell me it was fine again. That was all he said, no matter what I was mentioning about Aiden. ‘He’s fine, Frank.’ ‘It’s okay, Frank.’ I was sick of hearing it was fine and okay. I was scared for my baby and that is not what I wanted to hear from him… I don’t know what I wanted to hear but that wasn’t it.
“He was without real food for a month, baby. Look, the doctors wouldn’t have let him come home if he wasn’t ready. Okay?”
“You all keep saying that but… you saw how skinny he’s gotten… what if he… I don’t know, I’m being stupid.”
He kissed my cheek. “Everything is good now, babe. He’s out of the hospital, we’re going home… everything is going to bed okay.”
Aiden came back in, plopping on the couch by Eric. Mom brought back in two sandwiches for him. He took one and bit into it. Eric laughed at him, rolling his eyes. I watched the two of them, almost feeling jealous. I remember how it was when I was 17… well, actually I was in a coma. But I remember before and after then and it was… amazing. The best times I’d had with Gerard where when I was around Aiden’s age… and he was living them now. I wondered if he’d be thinking this same thing when he was in his forties… jealous of his kids.
Probably not. I’m the only person pitiful enough to be jealous pf my son who just got out of the hospital. All I wanted to do was hug him and tell him everything would be okay… but he seemed to know that already. If he hadn’t been so skinny, you would never know he’d been in the hospital over a month. It was freaky…
“I haven’t had food in a month!” he exclaimed, brining me back from my thoughts. “This sandwich is heaven, Grandma—sorry, dad.”
I nodded. “It’s okay.” I smiled.
He bit into the sandwich, eyes rolling into the back of his head.
“Yeap, see. He’s having foodgasms. He’s better.”
“Oh fudge crackers, this is good!” he said, biting into it again.
“I love him so much.” Mom laughed. “I love both of you. You two make quite the couple. Though I can’t see how you can stand Aiden, Eric, because you’re so quiet.”
Eric blushed and said something quietly.
Mom laughed again. “Well I’m going to clean the kitchen. Would anyone else like any food?”
Aiden looked up at the mention of food, now halfway into his second sandwich. “Grandma, do we have any cookies?”
“I’ll make you some in just a minute sweetie.”
“Thank you God, Jesus, Moses, and all of those other people.” Aiden said, biting into his sandwich again. “Oh God! This is so good!” he groaned.
Eric began laughing and buried his head in his hands.
“Eric, would you like to help me make cookies? I’m harmless, I promise.”
Eric stopped laughed and blushed. “I… I guess.”
“Can I?” Aiden asked.
“No. You eat your sandwich.”
Aiden pouted and nodded, finishing his sandwich off.
Eric’s POV
“So how old are you, Eric?” Linda asked me, getting out some flour.
“Seventeen.” I said quietly.
“Really? I would have figured you would have been younger.”
I felt myself blushing again. “Nope…”
She smiled at me. “What do you like then? Besides my grandson.” She laughed.
“I like to read… and music, I guess.”
“That’s good. Do you know what you want to be when you get out of college?”
“Uhm…” I said, not knowing why it felt so weird talking about this. It was just weird that anyone cared what I thought. All my life the only person to care for me was Aiden. He was the only one who had ever asked me anything like that. “I don’t… I mean… I…”
I fumbled for words to say.
“Aiden of course has no idea. He never does. Even when he was little, he’d just randomly decide things.” She shook her head. “But we love him for it. You don’t have any clue?”
“I dunno… I’d kinda like to work with kids… maybe… I guess…” I said slowly. I wasn’t used to people caring… being in Aiden’s family was so weird because they all cared… even the ones that didn’t know me seemed to care.
“Like a teacher?” she asked kindly.
I shook my head, picturing myself alone in my room after Luke had raped me. Remembering how alone I’d felt, like I’d had no one to talk to…. No one to care. “No… kids that have been hurt.” I didn’t realize how quiet I’d gotten, but she leaned in to hear what I said. It was almost like I was reliving the moments in my room after the rape again… just being alone and scared. Not being able to tell my parents… not having any friends to tell…
She put her hand on my back and I felt myself jump and tense up. “I think you’d be perfect for the job, Eric.” She smiled. “And I am very glad that you are with Aiden… you seem like a very nice young man.”
“T… Thanks…” I said.
She began mixing the dough and I watched, still half living in my memory. I could see her mixing the dough, but I could hear the TV downstairs in my room. Dad had been watching the news. A hurricane was moving in… the beaches were closed and they wanted everyone at home…
It had been a terrible storm but I stayed in my room, on my bed, the entire night. My parents tried to get me to go into the basement… it was getting bad.
Then, though, I hadn’t cared. Then I wasn’t scared of some stupid storm. Then I wasn’t the average twelve year old who played video games all day. I had had to grow up in a split instant… and I had to live with this terrible memory. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, the last thing I thought of before I went to bed… it was always going to be there.
I hated times like these when people would say something and it would just… be so vivid. Usually it wasn’t. Usually I’d get a shiver or something, but I’d move on.
Now it seemed to be sticking.
“So shall we make Aiden happy and use the cookie cutters?” Linda asked me.
I jumped and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Alright. They’re in the third drawer right there. Can you get them for me?”
I nodded again and got the cookie cutters, slowly returning from my daze.
“You know,” she said as I laid them out. “I’ve had these since Frank was little. I don’t trust anyone else using them. Besides you.”
I felt myself smiling. That had touched me… it made me felt like I belonged. Like… maybe like she loved me. “Really?”
She nodded. “Really.”
All too quickly we were done and the cookies were in the oven baking.
“I suppose Aiden will be wanting you back now.” She said and we walked into the living room. Aiden was lying, eyes half open, on the couch. I noticed he had gotten paler and it looked like he couldn’t breathe. His dark hair made how pale he was stick out… he looked almost dead.
“Hey.” I said quietly.
“Lay with me. I don’t feel good.” He whispered.
I laid down with him on the couch and took him in my arms. He nuzzled me, whimpering. I heard him struggling to breathe. He was even wheezing a bit.
“Did you tell your dad?” I whispered, glancing over. Gerard and Frank were still on the chair across the room, quietly talking amongst themselves.
He shook his head. “I don’t want to worry him… I’m okay. I just need a cuddle.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, pressing my lips to his rosy cheeks. “You have a fever, baby.”
He nodded. “Don’t tell them… just let me sleep.”
I sighed, not liking knowing he was feeling bad and his parents thought he felt fine. He had felt fine before I’d gone to make cookies. It was so sudden… “Okay, Aiden… but if you get bad… Aiden?”
He had already fallen asleep, his head buried in my chest.
That Night…
Gerard’s POV
“Is he still asleep?” I asked Eric.
“Yeah…” Eric said, looking down at Aiden. “I… I think he isn’t feeling too great right now.”
“Here, I’ll take him to the bedroom.” I came over.
Eric got up. “Okay.”
I picked Aiden up. He curled into me, moaning slightly. “Daddy?”
“I’ve got you.” I said, not able to believe how light he felt. I knew he looked small but… this was my seventeen year old son. He was so light that I didn’t even feel winded after carrying him upstairs.
He, however, was winded. He was wheezing and taking in small gasps of breath.
“Aiden, I’ll be right back with a breathing treatment. Don’t fall asleep.”
“No.” he moaned. “I’m fine, Daddy Gee. Really. No.”
“You’re wheezing. Don’t argue with me, Aiden Riley.” I snapped. “We have to do what the doctors say unless you want in the ICU again.”
He looked shocked, and then collapsed onto the bed moaning. Eric, who had come up behind me, got on the bed with him and held him.
I went downstairs. “Frankie, he needs another breathing treatment.”
“Already?”
“He’s getting sick again… I think he’s got a fever. Go up there and I’ll make the medicine for his treatment.”
Frank nodded and headed upstairs quickly.
I mixed his breathing treatment medicine slowly, making sure I didn’t mess it up. I then picked up the machine and headed upstairs after Frank. Aiden had a thermometer in his mouth.
“It’s already 101, Gerard.” Frank said. I could tell he was getting scared.
“We’re gonna get it down.” I assured him, plugging the nebulizer into the wall.
It began to beep.
“101.6, Gee…” Frank whispered.
“Frankie, we’ll get it down.” I kissed his cheek. “Aiden, do this right. You don’t wanna go back to the hospital do you?” I asked.
“I wanna sleep.” He whimpered, leaning on Eric who had sat behind him. “I hate being sick. I wanna sleep until I’m better. I can’t stand this anymore, Dad…”
I was so tired of him being sick that I could only imagine how sick of it he was. I handed him the cup and he inhaled, and then began coughing. Frank instantly began patting his back and whispering that it would be okay.
When he had quit coughing long enough to inhale more of the breathing treatment he did, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He groaned in annoyance and began coughing again. I could tell he was getting frustrated with himself because his eyes were now a dark blue.
“Just calm down.” Frankie whispered. “Take your time and don’t get sick.”
“I’m so fucking SICK of being FUCKING SICK, Dad.” He moaned. “This is so fucking annoying.” He, on top of wheezing heavily, began coughing again, harder and louder than the first time. My heart went out to him and I wished there was something I could do.
I knew I was doing all I could for him, but I still wanted to make him feel better.
At least he’s getting there, a voice in my head said.
That was true, I thought. He was out of the hospital and home. That had to count for something.
Didn’t it?
Frank’s POV
I came in at one in the morning to check on Aiden. He and Eric were both asleep and I could hear Aiden wheezing before I even approached the bed.
“Baby.” I shook him. “Baby, wake up and I’ll give you some medicine.”
He groaned and coughed.
“You’re wheezing pretty bad, Aiden. Let’s get you a breathing treatment.”
“Do I have to?” he asked weakly.
“Yeah, babe. Come downstairs with me.”
He shook his head. “I can’t get up… I’m dizzy.”
I grabbed the thermometer, putting it in his mouth. 100… 100.7…. 101.4… 102.3.
It beeped. 102.7.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I said touching his cheek. It was extremely hot and I could feel his warm breath on my arm. It was coming out in gasps. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah… I guess.” He closed his eyes and fell asleep. Even in his sleep, his breathing was gaspy and ragged.
I sighed, reminding myself that he doctors had warned us this would happen. It wasn’t serious… we just had to give him the breathing treatment.
I mixed his medicine, feeling anxious. I knew if I made this wrong, Aiden could be seriously hurt. I took my time, carefully adding the diluted water. When I was 100% sure I had made it right, I took it upstairs.
Aiden, who had woken up, frowned when I came in. “No, Dad.” He shook his head. “I feel fine. Really.”
“Aiden, you know I have to give this to you.” I said, coming over and hooking the nebulizer up.
“But dad, I don’t want to.”
I handed the cup towards him.
“No! I’m done!” he said loudly, causing Eric to jump awake. He didn’t seem to care. “I took it earlier. I feel fine. I’m not taking it.”
“Aiden Riley Iero-Way. You will take this medicine now.”
“… No.”
I handed him the cup, but he set it down.
“Aiden!” I snapped.
Eric was rubbing his eyes, looking confused.
I handed him the cup. He began pushing it away, shaking his head.
“Aiden Riley, I am warning you. It’s late and you need sleep. Take it now.”
“No!”
“NOW!”
We stared at each other. I hadn’t screamed at him since he was eleven. An uneasy silence filled the room and he took in a deep breath and coughed, taking the cup from me. I turned the nebulizer on and ran my hand through my hair, slumping onto a chair in the corner of my room tiredly. Eric was sitting up, looking around and still obviously confused.
The only sound, bar Aiden’s coughing, was the loud buzz the nebulizer was giving off. I closed my eyes and massaged my forehead, stifling a yawn. I was worried for him… I was sure this wasn’t right. I’d expected him to be like he had a cold… he was almost as bad as the night we took him to the hospital but it was obvious he was acting like he felt better than he did. I know its all I think lately, but I just want him better.
When he finally finished he was coughing, but no longer wheezing. I patted his back until he quit coughing. He was breathing better and I noticed, even after his coughing fit, he still wasn’t wheezing.
It didn’t last long though. I had just sat down when he sat up and began to cough harder than he ever had. Eric was immediately patting his back, asking him if he was okay. I rushed over.
“Aiden? Are you alright?” I asked.
He shook his head, scooting towards me.
“What can I do, Aiden? Whets wrong?” I asked.
“I feel weird… this isn’t right, Dad… it isn’t right.”
He, having reached the edge of the bed, all of a sudden stumbled off of it uttering a gasp. I dodged down, catching him just before he fell head first onto the wood floor. He had once again began wheezing and he was unconscious.
“Eric help me get him on the bed.” I said frantically.
Eric was glued to the spot, staring at Aiden with his gray eyes wide.
“Eric, please!”
He reached down his hand and pulled Aiden up.
“Aiden? Aiden? Baby, wake up… oh fuck… GERARD! GET IN HERE!” I felt tears in my eyes as I got on the bed by him. “Aiden, please…”
Gerard rushed in. “What the fuck, Frank?”
I pointed a shaky hand at Aiden. He was still wheezing and letting out random coughs. He had gotten, somehow, even paler and his lips were turning blue.
“Oh, fuck.” Gerard gasped, rushing over to us.
Eric was watching, his eyes wide. I met his eyes and all he could do was blink, then look back down at Aiden.
“Look, Frankie… it’s okay. Don’t freak out or it’ll be worse on yourself… Go get some water or something. He’s breathing, see? He’s just passed out.”
“B-but…”
“Frankie, go get water.” I said gently.
I nodded and reluctantly left, fighting tears. I took several deep breaths as I headed to the bathroom. I poured some water, drank it, and got another glass.
Aiden is fine… Aiden is fine… I told myself repeatedly.
I walked back towards my bedroom. When I walked in Aiden was sitting up, leaning on Eric. He looked out of it, but was talking to Gerard, tears in his eyes. He looked scared shitless and was gasping for breath, but he was awake and alive. I rushed over.
“Thank God…” I sighed in relief. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Dad…” he managed to get out. “I’m fine. What… what’s going on?”
“You passed out.” Eric said in a shaky voice. “W-when you took your medicine… you passed out…”
Aiden nodded, then leaned over and threw up narrowly missing Gerard.
“Shit… babe, is there anything you want?”
“No… I just… what? Where the fuck am I?”
“Baby, you’re at grandma’s… remember, you just came home from the hospital?”
“I just… can’t think.” Aiden said, looking extremely confused.
“You just got sick, baby. A minute ago.” I explained, touching his warm cheek. “You passed out. Do you remember?”
“No…” he shook his head, tears filling his eyes again. He wiped them roughly away, looking now both confused, sad, and angry. He then began coughing, which made him begin to cry again, burrowing himself in Eric's arms.
“Frank, just let him lay down and rest.” Gerard whispered, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll clean up this mess.”
“He’s scaring me, Gerard.” I whispered harshly. “Are you sure we shouldn’t—.”
“He’s awake, he’s breathing. The vomiting was because of his medicine I’m sure. Now please, Frankie… quit freaking out.”
I sighed in annoyance. I couldn’t help it. It seemed like any time Aiden got a little better, he fell back down three times worse. And now he was sitting here crying and there was nothing I could say to make him feel better.
“Look… this is normal, Frank. The doctor warned us this may happen. You need to take a chill pill and I know I sound mean, baby, but you need to calm down so we can take care of Aiden. Okay?”
I glared at him.
He put his hands on my arms. “Okay?” he asked again, smiling.
“Okay.” I sighed and kissed him gently.
He rubbed my arm for a few seconds. “It’s gonna be fine now. It really is. Trust me.”
Frank’s POV
“Is Aiden sure he doesn’t want food?” Mom asked me, glancing into the living room where Aiden and Eric were lying on the couch.
“Mom, I tried twenty times. He won’t eat.” I snapped.
“Well you need to make him! You’re his father! The doctor says he needs to eat!”
“MOM HE WON’T FUCKING EAT!” I suddenly shouted, then stormed outside. I kicked the outside of the house, growling in frustration.
Did she think I hadn’t tried to make Aiden eat? He refused. He said he didn’t feel good and he would later. His fever was 100. He was pale as hell. He didn’t need to be home and he was making it worse by refusing to eat. Gerard had to force him to take his breathing treatment a few minutes ago.
It was weird. Aiden had seemed sickly when they first took the machines and IVs out. But now he was lying around, laughing, and talking like he was fine. It maybe looked like he’d just gotten over a cold. I’m not saying he was acting perfect, but he wasn’t acting like he just got out of the hospital after staying in it for a month and a half either. I almost wanted to say the hospital made him sicker because he seemed so much better.
I took several deep breaths then realized how cold it was. I sank down on the swing and put my head in my hands.
“Frank, are you okay?”
I looked up to see Dan.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I sighed, burying my head in my hands again.
“You’d think you’d be inside with Aiden seeing as he just got home.”
“He won’t eat.” I muttered.
“He’ll eat later. He’s a teenage boy.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself.” I was talking more to myself then Dan. Mainly because I was afraid. I was terrified. It was like if there was one slip up, I could lose my son forever. He’d kept me alive these years without Gerard…
Frank’s POV
I finished unpacking the last box and sat down at our new kitchen table, tears stinging my eyes.
I couldn’t believe this had happened… I’d been with Gerard since I was sixteen years old… we had kids, we were in love… and he just divorced me… for some fucking home wrecking whore. It wouldn’t be as bad if it had been a man even.
I had no clue where Aiden was… all I knew was we were in this stupid small house with furniture I hated in a town that… God, I’ve never even been here before. I can’t even remember the name!
The kitchen floor was cluttered with broken down boxes, a pile right at my feet. I kicked it with as much force as I could muster. It was all I could do to keep from screaming.
I had a son… I couldn’t flip out like that on him. He was only 12… he didn’t need to see me like this.
I heard footsteps and looked up to see Aiden, his blue eyes wide. “Dad?”
“Are you hungry?” I asked, plastering this horribly and obviously forced smile onto my face.
“No…” he shook his head. “Where’s Bella?”
“Bella and Nikki decided to get their own place, Aiden…” I sighed.
“W-Why?” Confusion was etched into his face.
“I don’t know, babe.” I said, feeling near tears again. “I don’t know what to tell you…”
“I’m scared.” Aiden said, sitting by me. “Dad, I’m scared… everything is changing and I have no clue where we are… I’m scared.” he looked at me pleadingly. What could I do?
I just began to cry. “I’m sorry, Aiden… I don’t know how this happened.” I sobbed. “I-If you want to live with Gerard I-I’ll understand.”
“No. That isn’t it…” he said. “I’m just… scared. And I didn’t want you to cry.”
“No, its okay.” I sniffled, wiping my eyes. “C’mere babe.”
He got up and sat on my lap, curling up to me.
“Y-you don’t have to worry about anything… we are financially stable, okay?” I said, touching his cheek.
“Everything’s changing now…”
“You’re growing up. Things are gonna change.” I sniffled. “Sometimes they work for the better.”
“Dad’s gone… how is that better?”
“I don’t know… but everything happens for a reason, baby…. You just have to find it.”
“But… what… I mean, am I staying with Dad any? What about school?”
“Aiden, I don’t know.” I said, suddenly feeling extremely overwhelmed. I hadn’t begun to think about these things yet… and he was worrying about them?
“B-but you’re the parent… you’re supposed to know everything.”
I held him close. “I don’t know everything… hell, I hardly know anything. But I do know that we’re gonna be okay, babe.”
“… is it my fault?”
“No! No, no, no, no, no. Don’t you ever think that, Aiden… God, no. This has nothing to do with you. This is… This is your father and I entirely.”
“It’s all happening so fast… I’m just… I don’t know. Confused.” He said quietly.
“L-Let me make you some grilled cheese.” I said, lifting him off of my lap. He sat down in the seat by me, looking angry.
“I don’t want grilled cheese, Dad. I want to know where I’m going to school! I want to know if I’m ever going to see my dad again! I want to know if I’m ever going to have my stuff from our old house!”
“I don’t fucking know, okay!” I shouted. I went over, got a skillet out, and sprayed antistick on it, then put my hands on the counter and began to cry. “I don’t know, Aiden! Ask Gerard! He did this to us! Not me!”
“But I’m not asking him. I’m asking you.”
“Well I don’t know.” I sobbed. “I just don’t know.”
I felt Aiden hugging me. I hugged him back, patting down his dark hair. I don’t know why just one twelve year old was able to make it better… but Aiden did. Maybe it was the hug, maybe the thought that my son cared enough to worry, or maybe I just felt bad he was so confused and still staying with me, but suddenly I needed to thank him. I didn’t even know what for, but I just needed to. “Thank you… thank you so much.”
“All I did was hug you.”
“Thank you.”
Frank’s POV
When I went back in to try to persuade Aiden, again, to eat I was surprised to see Eric and him curled on the couch, both of them eating sandwiches. Normally I’d get a little huffy because of the animals, but I was so relieved to see Aiden eating that I didn’t care.
“See Dad? Told you I’d eat.” He smiled.
I ruffled his hair and went over to Gerard, who was sitting in a chair in the living room. I sat on his lap, looking around. Surprisingly, it really hadn’t changed since I was Aiden’s age.
The couch was in the same place. The school pictures of me were in the same places, but now my sister’s had been added to as well as mine and their kids.
Mom came in. “So when do you think you guys are going to head back to Canada?”
“As soon as Aiden feels up to it… Aiden, did you take your medicine?”
“Zit fays one hour hafter I reat.” Aiden said, his mouth full of food.
“Young man!” Mom said, pointing at him. “I don’t see Eric talking with food in his mouth.”
“Zats gebaus ee as hanners.” Aiden said.
Mom sighed, shaking her head. “He seems fine to me.” She laughed.
“I am.” He piped after swallowing his food.
I gave him a look.
“Sorry, Dad.” He said sheepishly. “I am ready. Let’s go tomorrow. Please.”
“If you still feel okay tomorrow, we’ll see.” I said.
“Yes!” he said, clapping. “Home tomorrow.”
He reached for what was left of his sandwich biting into it again.
“Heaven help us…”
“Now I’m gonna make you another sandwich so we can fatten you up a bit.” Mom said, smiling. “Do you want turkey or ham?”
“Both.” Aiden laughed.
Mom nodded. I nuzzled Gerard, sighing. He rubbed my back and I closed my eyes, suddenly tired. I heard someone stand and looked to see Aiden standing up.
“I’m going potty.” He announced.
“We don’t care.” Eric teased.
“Meh, shut up.” Aiden said, and then walked off.
“He’s so skinny, Gee…I…” I trailed off, knowing he’d just tell me it was fine again. That was all he said, no matter what I was mentioning about Aiden. ‘He’s fine, Frank.’ ‘It’s okay, Frank.’ I was sick of hearing it was fine and okay. I was scared for my baby and that is not what I wanted to hear from him… I don’t know what I wanted to hear but that wasn’t it.
“He was without real food for a month, baby. Look, the doctors wouldn’t have let him come home if he wasn’t ready. Okay?”
“You all keep saying that but… you saw how skinny he’s gotten… what if he… I don’t know, I’m being stupid.”
He kissed my cheek. “Everything is good now, babe. He’s out of the hospital, we’re going home… everything is going to bed okay.”
Aiden came back in, plopping on the couch by Eric. Mom brought back in two sandwiches for him. He took one and bit into it. Eric laughed at him, rolling his eyes. I watched the two of them, almost feeling jealous. I remember how it was when I was 17… well, actually I was in a coma. But I remember before and after then and it was… amazing. The best times I’d had with Gerard where when I was around Aiden’s age… and he was living them now. I wondered if he’d be thinking this same thing when he was in his forties… jealous of his kids.
Probably not. I’m the only person pitiful enough to be jealous pf my son who just got out of the hospital. All I wanted to do was hug him and tell him everything would be okay… but he seemed to know that already. If he hadn’t been so skinny, you would never know he’d been in the hospital over a month. It was freaky…
“I haven’t had food in a month!” he exclaimed, brining me back from my thoughts. “This sandwich is heaven, Grandma—sorry, dad.”
I nodded. “It’s okay.” I smiled.
He bit into the sandwich, eyes rolling into the back of his head.
“Yeap, see. He’s having foodgasms. He’s better.”
“Oh fudge crackers, this is good!” he said, biting into it again.
“I love him so much.” Mom laughed. “I love both of you. You two make quite the couple. Though I can’t see how you can stand Aiden, Eric, because you’re so quiet.”
Eric blushed and said something quietly.
Mom laughed again. “Well I’m going to clean the kitchen. Would anyone else like any food?”
Aiden looked up at the mention of food, now halfway into his second sandwich. “Grandma, do we have any cookies?”
“I’ll make you some in just a minute sweetie.”
“Thank you God, Jesus, Moses, and all of those other people.” Aiden said, biting into his sandwich again. “Oh God! This is so good!” he groaned.
Eric began laughing and buried his head in his hands.
“Eric, would you like to help me make cookies? I’m harmless, I promise.”
Eric stopped laughed and blushed. “I… I guess.”
“Can I?” Aiden asked.
“No. You eat your sandwich.”
Aiden pouted and nodded, finishing his sandwich off.
Eric’s POV
“So how old are you, Eric?” Linda asked me, getting out some flour.
“Seventeen.” I said quietly.
“Really? I would have figured you would have been younger.”
I felt myself blushing again. “Nope…”
She smiled at me. “What do you like then? Besides my grandson.” She laughed.
“I like to read… and music, I guess.”
“That’s good. Do you know what you want to be when you get out of college?”
“Uhm…” I said, not knowing why it felt so weird talking about this. It was just weird that anyone cared what I thought. All my life the only person to care for me was Aiden. He was the only one who had ever asked me anything like that. “I don’t… I mean… I…”
I fumbled for words to say.
“Aiden of course has no idea. He never does. Even when he was little, he’d just randomly decide things.” She shook her head. “But we love him for it. You don’t have any clue?”
“I dunno… I’d kinda like to work with kids… maybe… I guess…” I said slowly. I wasn’t used to people caring… being in Aiden’s family was so weird because they all cared… even the ones that didn’t know me seemed to care.
“Like a teacher?” she asked kindly.
I shook my head, picturing myself alone in my room after Luke had raped me. Remembering how alone I’d felt, like I’d had no one to talk to…. No one to care. “No… kids that have been hurt.” I didn’t realize how quiet I’d gotten, but she leaned in to hear what I said. It was almost like I was reliving the moments in my room after the rape again… just being alone and scared. Not being able to tell my parents… not having any friends to tell…
She put her hand on my back and I felt myself jump and tense up. “I think you’d be perfect for the job, Eric.” She smiled. “And I am very glad that you are with Aiden… you seem like a very nice young man.”
“T… Thanks…” I said.
She began mixing the dough and I watched, still half living in my memory. I could see her mixing the dough, but I could hear the TV downstairs in my room. Dad had been watching the news. A hurricane was moving in… the beaches were closed and they wanted everyone at home…
It had been a terrible storm but I stayed in my room, on my bed, the entire night. My parents tried to get me to go into the basement… it was getting bad.
Then, though, I hadn’t cared. Then I wasn’t scared of some stupid storm. Then I wasn’t the average twelve year old who played video games all day. I had had to grow up in a split instant… and I had to live with this terrible memory. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, the last thing I thought of before I went to bed… it was always going to be there.
I hated times like these when people would say something and it would just… be so vivid. Usually it wasn’t. Usually I’d get a shiver or something, but I’d move on.
Now it seemed to be sticking.
“So shall we make Aiden happy and use the cookie cutters?” Linda asked me.
I jumped and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Alright. They’re in the third drawer right there. Can you get them for me?”
I nodded again and got the cookie cutters, slowly returning from my daze.
“You know,” she said as I laid them out. “I’ve had these since Frank was little. I don’t trust anyone else using them. Besides you.”
I felt myself smiling. That had touched me… it made me felt like I belonged. Like… maybe like she loved me. “Really?”
She nodded. “Really.”
All too quickly we were done and the cookies were in the oven baking.
“I suppose Aiden will be wanting you back now.” She said and we walked into the living room. Aiden was lying, eyes half open, on the couch. I noticed he had gotten paler and it looked like he couldn’t breathe. His dark hair made how pale he was stick out… he looked almost dead.
“Hey.” I said quietly.
“Lay with me. I don’t feel good.” He whispered.
I laid down with him on the couch and took him in my arms. He nuzzled me, whimpering. I heard him struggling to breathe. He was even wheezing a bit.
“Did you tell your dad?” I whispered, glancing over. Gerard and Frank were still on the chair across the room, quietly talking amongst themselves.
He shook his head. “I don’t want to worry him… I’m okay. I just need a cuddle.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, pressing my lips to his rosy cheeks. “You have a fever, baby.”
He nodded. “Don’t tell them… just let me sleep.”
I sighed, not liking knowing he was feeling bad and his parents thought he felt fine. He had felt fine before I’d gone to make cookies. It was so sudden… “Okay, Aiden… but if you get bad… Aiden?”
He had already fallen asleep, his head buried in my chest.
That Night…
Gerard’s POV
“Is he still asleep?” I asked Eric.
“Yeah…” Eric said, looking down at Aiden. “I… I think he isn’t feeling too great right now.”
“Here, I’ll take him to the bedroom.” I came over.
Eric got up. “Okay.”
I picked Aiden up. He curled into me, moaning slightly. “Daddy?”
“I’ve got you.” I said, not able to believe how light he felt. I knew he looked small but… this was my seventeen year old son. He was so light that I didn’t even feel winded after carrying him upstairs.
He, however, was winded. He was wheezing and taking in small gasps of breath.
“Aiden, I’ll be right back with a breathing treatment. Don’t fall asleep.”
“No.” he moaned. “I’m fine, Daddy Gee. Really. No.”
“You’re wheezing. Don’t argue with me, Aiden Riley.” I snapped. “We have to do what the doctors say unless you want in the ICU again.”
He looked shocked, and then collapsed onto the bed moaning. Eric, who had come up behind me, got on the bed with him and held him.
I went downstairs. “Frankie, he needs another breathing treatment.”
“Already?”
“He’s getting sick again… I think he’s got a fever. Go up there and I’ll make the medicine for his treatment.”
Frank nodded and headed upstairs quickly.
I mixed his breathing treatment medicine slowly, making sure I didn’t mess it up. I then picked up the machine and headed upstairs after Frank. Aiden had a thermometer in his mouth.
“It’s already 101, Gerard.” Frank said. I could tell he was getting scared.
“We’re gonna get it down.” I assured him, plugging the nebulizer into the wall.
It began to beep.
“101.6, Gee…” Frank whispered.
“Frankie, we’ll get it down.” I kissed his cheek. “Aiden, do this right. You don’t wanna go back to the hospital do you?” I asked.
“I wanna sleep.” He whimpered, leaning on Eric who had sat behind him. “I hate being sick. I wanna sleep until I’m better. I can’t stand this anymore, Dad…”
I was so tired of him being sick that I could only imagine how sick of it he was. I handed him the cup and he inhaled, and then began coughing. Frank instantly began patting his back and whispering that it would be okay.
When he had quit coughing long enough to inhale more of the breathing treatment he did, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He groaned in annoyance and began coughing again. I could tell he was getting frustrated with himself because his eyes were now a dark blue.
“Just calm down.” Frankie whispered. “Take your time and don’t get sick.”
“I’m so fucking SICK of being FUCKING SICK, Dad.” He moaned. “This is so fucking annoying.” He, on top of wheezing heavily, began coughing again, harder and louder than the first time. My heart went out to him and I wished there was something I could do.
I knew I was doing all I could for him, but I still wanted to make him feel better.
At least he’s getting there, a voice in my head said.
That was true, I thought. He was out of the hospital and home. That had to count for something.
Didn’t it?
Frank’s POV
I came in at one in the morning to check on Aiden. He and Eric were both asleep and I could hear Aiden wheezing before I even approached the bed.
“Baby.” I shook him. “Baby, wake up and I’ll give you some medicine.”
He groaned and coughed.
“You’re wheezing pretty bad, Aiden. Let’s get you a breathing treatment.”
“Do I have to?” he asked weakly.
“Yeah, babe. Come downstairs with me.”
He shook his head. “I can’t get up… I’m dizzy.”
I grabbed the thermometer, putting it in his mouth. 100… 100.7…. 101.4… 102.3.
It beeped. 102.7.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I said touching his cheek. It was extremely hot and I could feel his warm breath on my arm. It was coming out in gasps. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah… I guess.” He closed his eyes and fell asleep. Even in his sleep, his breathing was gaspy and ragged.
I sighed, reminding myself that he doctors had warned us this would happen. It wasn’t serious… we just had to give him the breathing treatment.
I mixed his medicine, feeling anxious. I knew if I made this wrong, Aiden could be seriously hurt. I took my time, carefully adding the diluted water. When I was 100% sure I had made it right, I took it upstairs.
Aiden, who had woken up, frowned when I came in. “No, Dad.” He shook his head. “I feel fine. Really.”
“Aiden, you know I have to give this to you.” I said, coming over and hooking the nebulizer up.
“But dad, I don’t want to.”
I handed the cup towards him.
“No! I’m done!” he said loudly, causing Eric to jump awake. He didn’t seem to care. “I took it earlier. I feel fine. I’m not taking it.”
“Aiden Riley Iero-Way. You will take this medicine now.”
“… No.”
I handed him the cup, but he set it down.
“Aiden!” I snapped.
Eric was rubbing his eyes, looking confused.
I handed him the cup. He began pushing it away, shaking his head.
“Aiden Riley, I am warning you. It’s late and you need sleep. Take it now.”
“No!”
“NOW!”
We stared at each other. I hadn’t screamed at him since he was eleven. An uneasy silence filled the room and he took in a deep breath and coughed, taking the cup from me. I turned the nebulizer on and ran my hand through my hair, slumping onto a chair in the corner of my room tiredly. Eric was sitting up, looking around and still obviously confused.
The only sound, bar Aiden’s coughing, was the loud buzz the nebulizer was giving off. I closed my eyes and massaged my forehead, stifling a yawn. I was worried for him… I was sure this wasn’t right. I’d expected him to be like he had a cold… he was almost as bad as the night we took him to the hospital but it was obvious he was acting like he felt better than he did. I know its all I think lately, but I just want him better.
When he finally finished he was coughing, but no longer wheezing. I patted his back until he quit coughing. He was breathing better and I noticed, even after his coughing fit, he still wasn’t wheezing.
It didn’t last long though. I had just sat down when he sat up and began to cough harder than he ever had. Eric was immediately patting his back, asking him if he was okay. I rushed over.
“Aiden? Are you alright?” I asked.
He shook his head, scooting towards me.
“What can I do, Aiden? Whets wrong?” I asked.
“I feel weird… this isn’t right, Dad… it isn’t right.”
He, having reached the edge of the bed, all of a sudden stumbled off of it uttering a gasp. I dodged down, catching him just before he fell head first onto the wood floor. He had once again began wheezing and he was unconscious.
“Eric help me get him on the bed.” I said frantically.
Eric was glued to the spot, staring at Aiden with his gray eyes wide.
“Eric, please!”
He reached down his hand and pulled Aiden up.
“Aiden? Aiden? Baby, wake up… oh fuck… GERARD! GET IN HERE!” I felt tears in my eyes as I got on the bed by him. “Aiden, please…”
Gerard rushed in. “What the fuck, Frank?”
I pointed a shaky hand at Aiden. He was still wheezing and letting out random coughs. He had gotten, somehow, even paler and his lips were turning blue.
“Oh, fuck.” Gerard gasped, rushing over to us.
Eric was watching, his eyes wide. I met his eyes and all he could do was blink, then look back down at Aiden.
“Look, Frankie… it’s okay. Don’t freak out or it’ll be worse on yourself… Go get some water or something. He’s breathing, see? He’s just passed out.”
“B-but…”
“Frankie, go get water.” I said gently.
I nodded and reluctantly left, fighting tears. I took several deep breaths as I headed to the bathroom. I poured some water, drank it, and got another glass.
Aiden is fine… Aiden is fine… I told myself repeatedly.
I walked back towards my bedroom. When I walked in Aiden was sitting up, leaning on Eric. He looked out of it, but was talking to Gerard, tears in his eyes. He looked scared shitless and was gasping for breath, but he was awake and alive. I rushed over.
“Thank God…” I sighed in relief. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Dad…” he managed to get out. “I’m fine. What… what’s going on?”
“You passed out.” Eric said in a shaky voice. “W-when you took your medicine… you passed out…”
Aiden nodded, then leaned over and threw up narrowly missing Gerard.
“Shit… babe, is there anything you want?”
“No… I just… what? Where the fuck am I?”
“Baby, you’re at grandma’s… remember, you just came home from the hospital?”
“I just… can’t think.” Aiden said, looking extremely confused.
“You just got sick, baby. A minute ago.” I explained, touching his warm cheek. “You passed out. Do you remember?”
“No…” he shook his head, tears filling his eyes again. He wiped them roughly away, looking now both confused, sad, and angry. He then began coughing, which made him begin to cry again, burrowing himself in Eric's arms.
“Frank, just let him lay down and rest.” Gerard whispered, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll clean up this mess.”
“He’s scaring me, Gerard.” I whispered harshly. “Are you sure we shouldn’t—.”
“He’s awake, he’s breathing. The vomiting was because of his medicine I’m sure. Now please, Frankie… quit freaking out.”
I sighed in annoyance. I couldn’t help it. It seemed like any time Aiden got a little better, he fell back down three times worse. And now he was sitting here crying and there was nothing I could say to make him feel better.
“Look… this is normal, Frank. The doctor warned us this may happen. You need to take a chill pill and I know I sound mean, baby, but you need to calm down so we can take care of Aiden. Okay?”
I glared at him.
He put his hands on my arms. “Okay?” he asked again, smiling.
“Okay.” I sighed and kissed him gently.
He rubbed my arm for a few seconds. “It’s gonna be fine now. It really is. Trust me.”