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The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 14
Part Three
A Week Later…
Aiden’s POV
“I don’t want to go, Dad! I can get better on my own!” I pleaded, almost crying. I was sitting on my bed stubbornly, still in my pajamas.
“Aiden, baby… you know I love you. And if this weren’t for your own good, I wouldn’t make you.” Dad sighed. “So please, just come on and let’s get this over with.”
“Dad.” Now I was crying. Hard.
“Aiden, don’t cry!” he rushed over (he had been standing in the doorway of my bedroom) and hugged me. “Baby, no… come on, its okay.” He began to rock me back and forth. That had always calmed me down, even when I was younger.
“C-can’t I just go to school?” I pleaded, looking up at him with teary eyes.
“What are you so afraid of?” he asked quietly, brushing my bangs out of my eyes.
“… I don’t want them to tell me I can’t be fixed.” I whispered.
“Aiden… they won’t tell you that. And you aren’t broken, sweetie.”
“I don’t want to go!” I snapped, getting out of his arms. He wouldn’t let me though, he pulled me to his chest tightly.
“Aiden Riley!” he snapped. “You have to go. We have to get you better before it gets worse!”
“I don’t want to go and you can’t make me!” I said, now knowing how immature I sounded. But I didn’t care. I don’t know why I didn’t want to go so bad—who doesn’t like complaining to strangers after all?— but I didn’t. I didn’t want to go meet this guy at all.
“Aiden… come on.”
I nuzzled my head into his chest.
“There, good boy. Now come on.”
“DAD!” I shouted. “I don’t want to go!”
“Fine, Aiden. Fine.” Dad stormed off, calling “GERARD!”
I smirked to myself. Dad had never been one for not caving in when I wanted something. If I tried hard enough, I always had my way.
Daddy came in.
Uht oh….
Why’s he coming over?
And picking me up?
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” I shouted.
“Come on. You don’t want to get dressed, fine. Go in your pajamas.” Daddy said simply, throwing my over this shoulder.
“DADDY! PUT ME DOWN!”
“No.” he said, carrying me downstairs.
Dad sighed. “Sorry, Aiden. I had to.”
I glared at Dad angrily. I couldn’t go to this guy, I wouldn’t go to this guy. I didn’t need therapy. So I was a little sad? I was a teenager.
I couldn’t think of anything else to do and we were getting close to the door… once we got out the door, it was a done deal. I’d have to go. So I chose my only option—terrible as it might have been. I kneed Daddy in the balls.
His eyes widened in shock, he dropped me and we both crumpled to the floor. That hadn’t been the plan. I was supposed to fall, but not under him so I couldn’t get away.
“FUCK AIDEN!” he shouted.
“Get off of me!” I moaned, pushing at him. It couldn’t be healthy for someone my size to have a guy his size on them.
Dad began laughing quietly, turning around with his hand over his mouth.
“Oh shut the fuck up.” Daddy moaned, rolling over. “Oh god… ow… Aiden, I really… ow.” He let out a whine, his face screwed up in pain. “Owww. What is it with people kicking me in the balls for no reason?”
Two Months Later…
Aiden’s POV
Dad led me into the therapist’s office, closing the door quietly behind me.
I had been meeting with my therapist, a young man named Garret, once a week since I got out of the hospital. My nutritionist was in the same building so I would come here, then go there. They would discuss over the phone what the next step would be after each of my appointments. Now I was on medicine to help me with stress and anxiety and I was on a very strict diet. They planned out each and every meal and snack I ate and the time. My nutritionist, Karen, said it might help me get into the habit of eating if I made a schedule.
“Sit, babe. I’ll check you in.” Dad whispered.
I sat down and looked around. My eyes fell one of the most gorgeous guys I had ever laid my eyes on. He had brown hair, caramel colored eyes, and pale skin. His hair was fairly long and he had side swept bangs streaked with red. An emo boy, I bet. He had on a Smashing Pumpkins T-shirt, tight blue jeans, and some slip on Vans.
I blinked several times, and then looked at Dad.
“Gee will be here soon.” He whispered. “He’s caught in traffic.”
I nodded, yawning. It was noon, but I had felt really tired lately. Ever since being in the hospital, I was on auto pilot. I sat with Asher at lunch and sometimes he came over. But I had become really introverted. I used to know everyone, someone was always saying hi in the halls. Now I was quiet and so damn tired.
It wasn’t long before Daddy walked in and the handsome guy’s eyes popped out of his head. Daddy, oblivious or so used to it he didn’t care, came over to us. The boy’s eyes widened again seeing Dad. He stared in shock, blinked, and stared again.
“Traffic’s a bitch.” Daddy said sitting on my other side. I yawned and stretched my legs out.
“It should clear before we leave. Are you staying for his appointment with the nutritionist?”
“Yeah, me and Mikey are done.” He nodded.
I sat there, listening to them quietly talk about… well, nothing… until I finally interrupted without caring and asked, “Do I have to go back to school?”
“We’ll see what time it is.” Dad said.
A young woman and Garret came out. The woman glared at the hot guy, who in turn sighed.
“Jesse, would you mind coming back for a few minutes?”
He sighed again, standing. This must be his first visit. My first time he talked to Daddy and Dad first, then to me for about 15 minutes. I remember I hadn’t wanted to go. I had refused to leave the house and Daddy had to pick me up and carry me out to the car. I kicked him in the balls too. It was pretty funny now that I think back on it. I’m still not that happy to be going, but at least Garret’s pretty cool. He’s only 26 and we can talk about music and movies…
Dad nudged me and I noticed I was staring and quickly looked away. The guy, Jesse, and the woman followed Garret into the back.
“He was cute.” I said, and then sighed. “Too bad he was staring at you two.”
“Aww, its cause we’re so sexy.” Dad grinned.
“Hey Daddy leave when he does and follow him home.” I grinned at Daddy.
“Huh?” he looked at me. “What? Sorry, I was looking at the fishies.” He pointed at the fish tank.
Dad shook his head, smiling at Daddy.
“Ew, the lovey dovey eyes. Cut it out, kid in the room.” I moaned, though I wasn't as repulsed as I was acting. They were actually kind of cute at times.
Dad reached over and tickled me and I instantly began laughing.
“God I don’t know who acts younger, Aiden or you guys.” The receptionist laughed.
“Yeah well I still like the fishies.” Daddy said, sticking his tongue out.
…
I had talked to Garret for an hour and a half, though my appointment only lasted an hour. We had gotten onto the subject of Eric though, which still really hurts to talk about. All of his flings, how he never talked to me, how he hurt me. How he left me.
I finally quit crying and Garret sighed.
“Now this you may take the wrong way, Aiden, but it is coming from someone who has been heartbroken himself.”
I nodded, sniffling.
“You need to get over it. I know it’s easier said than done and I know it’s hard… but I say it in the kindest way…”
I looked Garret in the eyes. The room we were in was burgundy, the furniture was all dark wood and black leather, yet here he was in khaki pants, a bright orange shirt, and a neon green tie.
“You are 17, as is he. Now I know he is hurting but why should you wait for him?”
“Because I love him.”
“He is killing you. Aiden, listen. If you don’t get your eating disorder under control bad things will happen. Your dad had a heart attack. Remember that?”
“Yeah but I’m only 17—.”
“I’ve seen it happen before.” He sighed sadly. “Now your parents can buy you almost anything… but they can’t buy you life.”
“I’m trying!”
“I know… Karen and I do speak about it all the time.” He said. “I just… Aiden, stress is your problem. I can knock up your dosage but it does nothing for a broken heart and I can’t keep Eric away. Maybe you have to.”
I felt tears fill my eyes. Again. “We are going to get back together!”
“If you do, that’s great. Why not ask him? Say ‘So you love me or am I waiting for nothing?’”
That was the question I’d been asking myself for weeks, since I got out of the hospital knowing Eric had just left the room, not caring if I lived or died.
My chest got tight and I instantly recognized this. A panic attack. I began gasping for breath—painful breaths—and my eyes had widened.
“No, Aiden, no!” Garret yelled, rushing over to me. “Sit up straight and take deep breaths.” He said calmly, sitting me up straight. I wondered how he was so calm because I was freaking out. My chest felt like it was getting smaller and smaller, I couldn’t breathe. Garret patted my back. “Aiden, you can stop this. All you have to do is calm down and you’ll be fine. Take a deep breath. Come on, do it.”
I did as told, shuddering.
“Okay, good. Just do that for me when I call the front and get your dads in here, okay?”
I did as he said, taking in deep breaths. The doors opened and Dad ran in, followed closely by Daddy.
“Aiden, babe?” Dad asked, kneeling down by me. I clung to him, as if him near me would help me breathe.
“He’s suffering a panic attack.” Garret said, patting my back.
“You made him have a panic attack?!” Dad exclaimed.
“No, sir… your son is under a lot of stress—deep breaths, Aiden. In and out… don’t quit that, okay?— We… we discussed that maybe he needs to spend less time around Eric. He’s under a tremendous amount of stress right now and I’m afraid something is going to push him over the edge… this panic attack just proved it.”
“Do we need to take him to a doctor?” Daddy asked. “Aiden, are you okay?”
“I think he’ll be fine in a few minutes.” Garret said to Daddy. Dad was too busy now patting my back and instructing me on how to breathe… pretty funny, you’d think one wouldn’t need that seeing as they breathe every day. But I couldn’t seem to breathe right even with Dad saying ‘In… out… in… you’re okay, sweetie…’ At least he isn’t freaking out like last time… I thought to myself.
I began to get annoyed. How was he talking so calmly when I couldn’t even breathe? Was he fucking sick in the head? Did he forget?
It continued on like this, with my chest getting tighter and tighter, until it just stopped. Like that. It felt like years and left me exhausted but my gasps for breaths turned into pants of exhaustion. My head fell onto Dad’s chest and I struggled to catch my breath, moaning.
“Are you alright, Aiden? Is it gone?” Garret asked.
I nodded into Dad’s chest.
“Good… that lasted about ten minutes, I’d say… I’ll call Karen while you’re on your way. Aiden, if you need anything at anytime, you just call me. Okay?”
Aiden nodded.
“Thank you.” Dad said and I could hear how grateful he was in his voice.
“It’s no problem. Now Aiden you need to take things slowly for a while. Stand up slowly, walk slowly… don’t get too excited.” He turned to my dads. “If he has another panic attack—which he most likely will— just have him breathe like you did. If it lasts more than fifteen minutes you need to rush him to the hospital, alright? He should be fine though.”
“Thanks.” Dad said. “We will.”
“Okay, Aiden? You understand? Less Eric, more relaxing. I’m upping your anxiety dosage slightly, but only for the next week.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
Dad helped me up.
“Bye.” I said, waving to Garret.
“Bye, Aiden. I’ll see you next Tuesday.”
A Week Later…
Aiden’s POV
“I don’t want to go, Dad! I can get better on my own!” I pleaded, almost crying. I was sitting on my bed stubbornly, still in my pajamas.
“Aiden, baby… you know I love you. And if this weren’t for your own good, I wouldn’t make you.” Dad sighed. “So please, just come on and let’s get this over with.”
“Dad.” Now I was crying. Hard.
“Aiden, don’t cry!” he rushed over (he had been standing in the doorway of my bedroom) and hugged me. “Baby, no… come on, its okay.” He began to rock me back and forth. That had always calmed me down, even when I was younger.
“C-can’t I just go to school?” I pleaded, looking up at him with teary eyes.
“What are you so afraid of?” he asked quietly, brushing my bangs out of my eyes.
“… I don’t want them to tell me I can’t be fixed.” I whispered.
“Aiden… they won’t tell you that. And you aren’t broken, sweetie.”
“I don’t want to go!” I snapped, getting out of his arms. He wouldn’t let me though, he pulled me to his chest tightly.
“Aiden Riley!” he snapped. “You have to go. We have to get you better before it gets worse!”
“I don’t want to go and you can’t make me!” I said, now knowing how immature I sounded. But I didn’t care. I don’t know why I didn’t want to go so bad—who doesn’t like complaining to strangers after all?— but I didn’t. I didn’t want to go meet this guy at all.
“Aiden… come on.”
I nuzzled my head into his chest.
“There, good boy. Now come on.”
“DAD!” I shouted. “I don’t want to go!”
“Fine, Aiden. Fine.” Dad stormed off, calling “GERARD!”
I smirked to myself. Dad had never been one for not caving in when I wanted something. If I tried hard enough, I always had my way.
Daddy came in.
Uht oh….
Why’s he coming over?
And picking me up?
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” I shouted.
“Come on. You don’t want to get dressed, fine. Go in your pajamas.” Daddy said simply, throwing my over this shoulder.
“DADDY! PUT ME DOWN!”
“No.” he said, carrying me downstairs.
Dad sighed. “Sorry, Aiden. I had to.”
I glared at Dad angrily. I couldn’t go to this guy, I wouldn’t go to this guy. I didn’t need therapy. So I was a little sad? I was a teenager.
I couldn’t think of anything else to do and we were getting close to the door… once we got out the door, it was a done deal. I’d have to go. So I chose my only option—terrible as it might have been. I kneed Daddy in the balls.
His eyes widened in shock, he dropped me and we both crumpled to the floor. That hadn’t been the plan. I was supposed to fall, but not under him so I couldn’t get away.
“FUCK AIDEN!” he shouted.
“Get off of me!” I moaned, pushing at him. It couldn’t be healthy for someone my size to have a guy his size on them.
Dad began laughing quietly, turning around with his hand over his mouth.
“Oh shut the fuck up.” Daddy moaned, rolling over. “Oh god… ow… Aiden, I really… ow.” He let out a whine, his face screwed up in pain. “Owww. What is it with people kicking me in the balls for no reason?”
Two Months Later…
Aiden’s POV
Dad led me into the therapist’s office, closing the door quietly behind me.
I had been meeting with my therapist, a young man named Garret, once a week since I got out of the hospital. My nutritionist was in the same building so I would come here, then go there. They would discuss over the phone what the next step would be after each of my appointments. Now I was on medicine to help me with stress and anxiety and I was on a very strict diet. They planned out each and every meal and snack I ate and the time. My nutritionist, Karen, said it might help me get into the habit of eating if I made a schedule.
“Sit, babe. I’ll check you in.” Dad whispered.
I sat down and looked around. My eyes fell one of the most gorgeous guys I had ever laid my eyes on. He had brown hair, caramel colored eyes, and pale skin. His hair was fairly long and he had side swept bangs streaked with red. An emo boy, I bet. He had on a Smashing Pumpkins T-shirt, tight blue jeans, and some slip on Vans.
I blinked several times, and then looked at Dad.
“Gee will be here soon.” He whispered. “He’s caught in traffic.”
I nodded, yawning. It was noon, but I had felt really tired lately. Ever since being in the hospital, I was on auto pilot. I sat with Asher at lunch and sometimes he came over. But I had become really introverted. I used to know everyone, someone was always saying hi in the halls. Now I was quiet and so damn tired.
It wasn’t long before Daddy walked in and the handsome guy’s eyes popped out of his head. Daddy, oblivious or so used to it he didn’t care, came over to us. The boy’s eyes widened again seeing Dad. He stared in shock, blinked, and stared again.
“Traffic’s a bitch.” Daddy said sitting on my other side. I yawned and stretched my legs out.
“It should clear before we leave. Are you staying for his appointment with the nutritionist?”
“Yeah, me and Mikey are done.” He nodded.
I sat there, listening to them quietly talk about… well, nothing… until I finally interrupted without caring and asked, “Do I have to go back to school?”
“We’ll see what time it is.” Dad said.
A young woman and Garret came out. The woman glared at the hot guy, who in turn sighed.
“Jesse, would you mind coming back for a few minutes?”
He sighed again, standing. This must be his first visit. My first time he talked to Daddy and Dad first, then to me for about 15 minutes. I remember I hadn’t wanted to go. I had refused to leave the house and Daddy had to pick me up and carry me out to the car. I kicked him in the balls too. It was pretty funny now that I think back on it. I’m still not that happy to be going, but at least Garret’s pretty cool. He’s only 26 and we can talk about music and movies…
Dad nudged me and I noticed I was staring and quickly looked away. The guy, Jesse, and the woman followed Garret into the back.
“He was cute.” I said, and then sighed. “Too bad he was staring at you two.”
“Aww, its cause we’re so sexy.” Dad grinned.
“Hey Daddy leave when he does and follow him home.” I grinned at Daddy.
“Huh?” he looked at me. “What? Sorry, I was looking at the fishies.” He pointed at the fish tank.
Dad shook his head, smiling at Daddy.
“Ew, the lovey dovey eyes. Cut it out, kid in the room.” I moaned, though I wasn't as repulsed as I was acting. They were actually kind of cute at times.
Dad reached over and tickled me and I instantly began laughing.
“God I don’t know who acts younger, Aiden or you guys.” The receptionist laughed.
“Yeah well I still like the fishies.” Daddy said, sticking his tongue out.
…
I had talked to Garret for an hour and a half, though my appointment only lasted an hour. We had gotten onto the subject of Eric though, which still really hurts to talk about. All of his flings, how he never talked to me, how he hurt me. How he left me.
I finally quit crying and Garret sighed.
“Now this you may take the wrong way, Aiden, but it is coming from someone who has been heartbroken himself.”
I nodded, sniffling.
“You need to get over it. I know it’s easier said than done and I know it’s hard… but I say it in the kindest way…”
I looked Garret in the eyes. The room we were in was burgundy, the furniture was all dark wood and black leather, yet here he was in khaki pants, a bright orange shirt, and a neon green tie.
“You are 17, as is he. Now I know he is hurting but why should you wait for him?”
“Because I love him.”
“He is killing you. Aiden, listen. If you don’t get your eating disorder under control bad things will happen. Your dad had a heart attack. Remember that?”
“Yeah but I’m only 17—.”
“I’ve seen it happen before.” He sighed sadly. “Now your parents can buy you almost anything… but they can’t buy you life.”
“I’m trying!”
“I know… Karen and I do speak about it all the time.” He said. “I just… Aiden, stress is your problem. I can knock up your dosage but it does nothing for a broken heart and I can’t keep Eric away. Maybe you have to.”
I felt tears fill my eyes. Again. “We are going to get back together!”
“If you do, that’s great. Why not ask him? Say ‘So you love me or am I waiting for nothing?’”
That was the question I’d been asking myself for weeks, since I got out of the hospital knowing Eric had just left the room, not caring if I lived or died.
My chest got tight and I instantly recognized this. A panic attack. I began gasping for breath—painful breaths—and my eyes had widened.
“No, Aiden, no!” Garret yelled, rushing over to me. “Sit up straight and take deep breaths.” He said calmly, sitting me up straight. I wondered how he was so calm because I was freaking out. My chest felt like it was getting smaller and smaller, I couldn’t breathe. Garret patted my back. “Aiden, you can stop this. All you have to do is calm down and you’ll be fine. Take a deep breath. Come on, do it.”
I did as told, shuddering.
“Okay, good. Just do that for me when I call the front and get your dads in here, okay?”
I did as he said, taking in deep breaths. The doors opened and Dad ran in, followed closely by Daddy.
“Aiden, babe?” Dad asked, kneeling down by me. I clung to him, as if him near me would help me breathe.
“He’s suffering a panic attack.” Garret said, patting my back.
“You made him have a panic attack?!” Dad exclaimed.
“No, sir… your son is under a lot of stress—deep breaths, Aiden. In and out… don’t quit that, okay?— We… we discussed that maybe he needs to spend less time around Eric. He’s under a tremendous amount of stress right now and I’m afraid something is going to push him over the edge… this panic attack just proved it.”
“Do we need to take him to a doctor?” Daddy asked. “Aiden, are you okay?”
“I think he’ll be fine in a few minutes.” Garret said to Daddy. Dad was too busy now patting my back and instructing me on how to breathe… pretty funny, you’d think one wouldn’t need that seeing as they breathe every day. But I couldn’t seem to breathe right even with Dad saying ‘In… out… in… you’re okay, sweetie…’ At least he isn’t freaking out like last time… I thought to myself.
I began to get annoyed. How was he talking so calmly when I couldn’t even breathe? Was he fucking sick in the head? Did he forget?
It continued on like this, with my chest getting tighter and tighter, until it just stopped. Like that. It felt like years and left me exhausted but my gasps for breaths turned into pants of exhaustion. My head fell onto Dad’s chest and I struggled to catch my breath, moaning.
“Are you alright, Aiden? Is it gone?” Garret asked.
I nodded into Dad’s chest.
“Good… that lasted about ten minutes, I’d say… I’ll call Karen while you’re on your way. Aiden, if you need anything at anytime, you just call me. Okay?”
Aiden nodded.
“Thank you.” Dad said and I could hear how grateful he was in his voice.
“It’s no problem. Now Aiden you need to take things slowly for a while. Stand up slowly, walk slowly… don’t get too excited.” He turned to my dads. “If he has another panic attack—which he most likely will— just have him breathe like you did. If it lasts more than fifteen minutes you need to rush him to the hospital, alright? He should be fine though.”
“Thanks.” Dad said. “We will.”
“Okay, Aiden? You understand? Less Eric, more relaxing. I’m upping your anxiety dosage slightly, but only for the next week.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
Dad helped me up.
“Bye.” I said, waving to Garret.
“Bye, Aiden. I’ll see you next Tuesday.”