The Pros and Cons of Loving

Part 20

A Week Later…
Aiden’s POV

I was alone in my room eating a sandwich and chips when Eric walked in. I smiled up at him.

“Look. I’m eating a sandwich. That’s almost like a whole meal/i].” I said childishly, pointing at my plate.

He threw his backpack down and got on the bed with me. “That’s great, Aiden.”

“How was school?” I asked, taking a bite of my sandwich. Ever since being on the feeding tube it was a bit easier for me to eat. The doctor said that was because I wasn’t starving myself. I guess I had been, though it was unintentional. I was missing school because of my feeding tube, but Eric and Asher had been getting me all of my assignments. I would only be missing three more weeks because my doctor and Karen thought that would be a good time to take me off of it. Then I would see Karen once a week again and be put on an eating schedule.

“It was okay.” Eric shrugged, stealing one of my chips. He ate it and took another one. “We didn’t really do anything all day. Only Asher told me that Brooke hasn’t had her period yet this month… which could be bad, I guess. He’s coming over later, by the way. How are you feeling?”

“Pretty shitty, I guess.” I shrugged. “I mean, I can keep food down for like an hour or something, but… I dunno. I’m okay.”

“I wish you felt better, Aiden.” He sighed, kissing me gently on the lips. I closed my eyes and kissed back, trying not to think about how I’d kissed Jesse last week. I hadn’t told Eric and I wasn’t going to. The kiss meant nothing and I just got Eric back… I couldn’t throw it away over nothing.

He pulled away and wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled into him, balling his shirt in my fist.

“I love you, baby.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” I looked up at him and smiled.

We laid together in silence for a little bit. I began feeling worse again. It was like I was going to throw up again.

I sat up quickly and leaned over, throwing up into the garbage can by my bed.

“Fuck.” Eric sat up and rubbed my back.

“I’m okay.” I said, and then began throwing up again. It hurt like hell coming up.

“Are you done?” Eric asked after I hadn’t thrown up for a few seconds.

“Ugh, I think so.” I moaned, rolling back into a lying position on the bed. I screwed my face up, burying it in my pillow. “Damnit, this fucking… argh.”

“Hey, its okay. You’re getting there.” Eric whispered, putting his hand on my back.

“I shouldn’t be here to begin with, damnit.” I rolled back over to face him. “Eric, I don’t like this. I feel like shit, I’m so fucking pale and I look hideous, I can’t quit throwing up and it hurts. I’m not thinking rationally about anything and I just feel out of place… I don’t feel like me. I never used to think about shit and it’s all I do now…”

He pulled me into his arms, rocking me back and fourth.

“Please don’t leave me again.” I whispered into his neck. “I can’t live without you, Eric.”

He pulled me closer to him, nuzzling me. “I can’t live without you either. I’m going to help you get better, baby… I promise.”

I nodded and soon fell asleep.

Three Nights Later…
Gerard’s POV

“Dad… Daddy…”

I cracked open one eye, moaning. “What?”

“Daddy, I need to talk.”

My eyes focused on Aiden, who had suddenly burst into tears.

I untangled myself from around Frank, sitting up. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I’m so sick of it, Dad… I….”

“Here, let’s go downstairs.” I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

Aiden was sniffling, tears pouring down his pale cheeks. I could see how pale he was from the moon’s light shining in through mine and Frank’s window. If it hadn’t been for the moon there’s no way Aiden would have gotten over here without tripping. Thank God Frank kept our room organized and clean. All we needed was Aiden breaking an arm or leg.

“Come on, baby.” I said, taking the IV stand his feeding tube was connected. We made our way downstairs and I seated him on the couch, looking at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t take it, Daddy…” he whimpered, burying his head in my chest. “I’m so tired of being sick and I’m so fucking out of it, Dad…. I can’t do this much longer.”

“You’re doing so good, Aiden… babe, your dad and I are so proud of you.”

“I can’t even eat a fucking bowl of soup, Dad!” I suddenly said hysterically. “And last week I fucking kissed someone who was not Eric! Dad, I c-can’t do this anymore.” I began to sob.

“It’s all going to be better soon, baby…”

“Daddy, it’s just hard…” I whimpered through my sobs.

“I know it is, baby… “ I said, rubbing his back.

He began to cry even harder. “Why can’t I just be healthy again?”

“I don’t know, sweetie.” I answered, stroking his hair. I was trying to think of anything to comfort him but nothing worked. Not rubbing his back, kissing his forehead, rocking him, hugging him… nothing was working. “Baby, did you eat any through your feeding tube today?”

He shook his head, crying.

I stood, easing him into a lying position on the couch. “I’ll be right back, hon. I’m gonna get you some food.”

He nodded, wiping his eyes. I went into the kitchen, flipped the light on, and began mixing the formula for his food. I hated doing the feeding tube, it was so weird. You had to mix the stuff a certain way and put it into this tube that went into his stomach. Aiden was right, it was pretty freaking gross. I didn’t mind, though, if it helped Aiden get better. The doctor said that he was doing better and soon we’d see a change in his eating habits. We just had to be patient.

When I got the food mix done I went and put it in the syringe and then held it over the thing like the doctor told me, hoping to God I didn’t screw it up. Aiden watched me, sniffling. It took for-fucking-ever, but finally Aiden had been fed When I was done I laid on the couch with him, pulling him into my arms.

“Daddy, it sucks.” He whimpered as I stroked his hair. “It really fucking sucks.”

“I know, baby…” I said, stroking his hair. “I really can’t tell you how proud I am of you though… you’ve overcome a lot of shit, Aiden… not only this. Hell, two years ago you were into drinking and drugs and cutting yourself. Not many people can overcome that, you know?”

“You did.” He sniffled.

“I couldn’t have done it without Frank…”

“Yeah, I guess so… Daddy, I’m ready for bed.”

I nodded and helped him up. “Alright, hon. I’ll get you upstairs.”

He leaned on me as I got him upstairs. We went into his room quietly.

“Aiden?” Eric asked sleepily as Aiden laid down.

“I’m right here.” Aiden whispered.

I kissed Aiden’s forehead, then Eric’s and left. I made my way through the dark and into my room, feeling on the walls. I finally collapsed in bed next to Frankie. It was four in the morning. I’d gotten up at around two, I remembered.

“Where were you?” Frankie moaned, sliding his arms around me.

“Aiden needed to talk.” I whispered tiredly, curling into him.

Frank pulled me closer to him. “Is he okay, babe?’

“Yeah.” I yawned, closing my eyes. I kissed him gently, smiling.

“Okay.” He nuzzled me. “I love you, baby. See you in the morning.”

“Mhmm.” I nodded and drifted to sleep, feeling safe and warm in his arms.