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The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 34
Several More Weeks Later…
Eric’s POV
“… New York.” I echoed to myself quietly. I’d just gotten into an argument with Aiden over him going to New York for college again.
No matter how okay I thought I was with it, this always happened. I always thought about it, got upset, thought of everyone else who had abandoned me, and I started to cry. Either that, or I just went and began fighting with him about it.
“…New York…”
Tears filled my eyes and my heart felt as if someone was jumping up and down on it repeatedly. It hurt to breathe, knowing soon Aiden wouldn’t be just a few rooms away. Even a ten minute walk away. He would be in another country. The acceptance letter had come in the mail today. He was officially moving to New York City on August 12th next year. We were getting married in the beginning of July. That would be about two weeks into the summer. Apparently school started a month earlier in the US than in Canada.
I shouldn’t know that. If Aiden weren’t leaving, I wouldn’t know that. I’m a terrible boyfriend… I should be happy he’s going away. He wants to, I should be happy about it.
I can’t though. I’ve tried but I can’t. I can’t quit crying about it. I’m a fucking wuss. Aiden is all I know and that is pathetic.
I sat on the back porch, wiping the tears that kept falling from my eyes. It was the end of April now, and it felt nice out. I don’t even know where Aiden is. He got mad and stormed from the kitchen in the opposite direction. He’s probably in his room looking at his schedule card options for what classes he’s going to take.
I should be so happy for him but I can’t find it in me. I looked hard, and I’m still looking.
I just don’t see how he expects me to be happy that the one thing that keeps me alive is leaving.
The door opened and someone slid down by me, sitting on the porch floor. It was Gerard.
“Hey.” He said.
“Hi.” I sniffed.
“Listen, I can’t imagine how you must feel… Frank and I don’t want him to go either, Eric… but this has to be especially hard on you because you two are getting ready to get married…” Gerard began.
“Yeah… it is.” I sighed, looking down.
“I think we all have to accept that whether or not we want him to, Aiden is leaving… but, Eric… Listen. Aiden… he’s never been the smart one, alright? That was Bella. Aiden has issues with himself. When he was eleven he was an absolute mess because he was afraid no one would accept him. He’s gone anorexic and Frank thinks… Frank thinks he’s…” Gerard trailed off.
“Frank thinks he’s what?” I asked sharply, my head snapping up. Was Aiden doing drugs or drinking? Cutting?
“Trying to find himself or something. His therapist called the other day. Aiden is having some issues right now.”
“… Me fighting over him leaving?” I asked quietly, feeling guilty.
“That and something else. He wasn’t permitted to say, but he seems to be worried about Aiden’s well being.”
I wiped my eyes. “I’m going to find out.”
“What?” Gerard yelped.
“I’m going to find out.” I repeated, standing up. “Right now.”
“No!”
I ignored him and ran into the house, heading towards Aiden’s bedroom. I threw the door open and stormed in. “What’s going on, Aiden?”
He looked up from his packet, startled. “What?”
“What are you doing? What is wrong with you?”
Aiden blinked at me several times.
“Your parents are worried something is wrong with you. What’s going on?”
He looked me in the eyes. “Nothing.”
I watched him, looking for signs he was lying. Signs that he was nervous.
There were none. He was telling the truth.
“Besides the fact that you hate me for going to New York, nothing is wrong.”
“I don’t hate you!” I cried. “I don’t want to leave you, Aiden... please. Go to school here. Your dad’s can pay for that really good graduate one. I’m sure they’ll let you in.”
“Do you think I didn’t think of that? Eric… look, if it’s that important to you, why don’t you just transfer to my school after the year starts?”
“I don’t want to be a doctor! I don’t want to live in America! I want to stay here in Canada! I hate America.” I said hysterically. I shook my head, trying to calm myself down.
“Well I hate it here!” Aiden suddenly screamed. “I HATE IT! Everywhere I walk now they know who I am. ‘Oh, there’s Gerard Way’s faggot child!’ ‘Your dad is hot, can you sign this?’ I CAN’T TAKE IT, ERIC!”
My tears instantly stopped and I looked, horrorstricken, at Aiden. He turned away from me, throwing his hands in the air. The college papers that were in his hands floated to the ground, littering the carpet.
Utter silence filled the room and I stared at his back. I was shocked, scared… I hadn’t known Aiden could even get that loud.
“I’m… sorry.” He whispered a whole minute later. “I’m sorry I blew up like that, Eric… you didn’t deserve that and… I’m sorry.”
He raised his hands to his face—I think he was wiping tears away but he wasn’t facing me so I didn’t know— and after he lowered them he looked back at me.
“A—.” I began.
“I’m going, Eric… I’m going to New York for college and if its that much of a problem to you—that I’m doing something I want— then you can back out of this fucking relationship. But I am going and I don’t care what you want.”
“I know you’re going.” I sniffed. I felt his blue eyes looking at me. The atmosphere in this room was almost too much to handle.
Aiden took a deep breath and sat bent down, picking up the scattered papers on the floor. I bent down and picked up two, extending them towards him. I noticed my hands shaking. I didn’t know if it was because I was scared at how Aiden had blew up like that, if I was just anxious, or if it was from all of my crying.
“I just want to do something for me.” Aiden said softly, not looking up. I could see a tear slide down his cheek. “For me, okay? For me.”
Eric’s POV
“… New York.” I echoed to myself quietly. I’d just gotten into an argument with Aiden over him going to New York for college again.
No matter how okay I thought I was with it, this always happened. I always thought about it, got upset, thought of everyone else who had abandoned me, and I started to cry. Either that, or I just went and began fighting with him about it.
“…New York…”
Tears filled my eyes and my heart felt as if someone was jumping up and down on it repeatedly. It hurt to breathe, knowing soon Aiden wouldn’t be just a few rooms away. Even a ten minute walk away. He would be in another country. The acceptance letter had come in the mail today. He was officially moving to New York City on August 12th next year. We were getting married in the beginning of July. That would be about two weeks into the summer. Apparently school started a month earlier in the US than in Canada.
I shouldn’t know that. If Aiden weren’t leaving, I wouldn’t know that. I’m a terrible boyfriend… I should be happy he’s going away. He wants to, I should be happy about it.
I can’t though. I’ve tried but I can’t. I can’t quit crying about it. I’m a fucking wuss. Aiden is all I know and that is pathetic.
I sat on the back porch, wiping the tears that kept falling from my eyes. It was the end of April now, and it felt nice out. I don’t even know where Aiden is. He got mad and stormed from the kitchen in the opposite direction. He’s probably in his room looking at his schedule card options for what classes he’s going to take.
I should be so happy for him but I can’t find it in me. I looked hard, and I’m still looking.
I just don’t see how he expects me to be happy that the one thing that keeps me alive is leaving.
The door opened and someone slid down by me, sitting on the porch floor. It was Gerard.
“Hey.” He said.
“Hi.” I sniffed.
“Listen, I can’t imagine how you must feel… Frank and I don’t want him to go either, Eric… but this has to be especially hard on you because you two are getting ready to get married…” Gerard began.
“Yeah… it is.” I sighed, looking down.
“I think we all have to accept that whether or not we want him to, Aiden is leaving… but, Eric… Listen. Aiden… he’s never been the smart one, alright? That was Bella. Aiden has issues with himself. When he was eleven he was an absolute mess because he was afraid no one would accept him. He’s gone anorexic and Frank thinks… Frank thinks he’s…” Gerard trailed off.
“Frank thinks he’s what?” I asked sharply, my head snapping up. Was Aiden doing drugs or drinking? Cutting?
“Trying to find himself or something. His therapist called the other day. Aiden is having some issues right now.”
“… Me fighting over him leaving?” I asked quietly, feeling guilty.
“That and something else. He wasn’t permitted to say, but he seems to be worried about Aiden’s well being.”
I wiped my eyes. “I’m going to find out.”
“What?” Gerard yelped.
“I’m going to find out.” I repeated, standing up. “Right now.”
“No!”
I ignored him and ran into the house, heading towards Aiden’s bedroom. I threw the door open and stormed in. “What’s going on, Aiden?”
He looked up from his packet, startled. “What?”
“What are you doing? What is wrong with you?”
Aiden blinked at me several times.
“Your parents are worried something is wrong with you. What’s going on?”
He looked me in the eyes. “Nothing.”
I watched him, looking for signs he was lying. Signs that he was nervous.
There were none. He was telling the truth.
“Besides the fact that you hate me for going to New York, nothing is wrong.”
“I don’t hate you!” I cried. “I don’t want to leave you, Aiden... please. Go to school here. Your dad’s can pay for that really good graduate one. I’m sure they’ll let you in.”
“Do you think I didn’t think of that? Eric… look, if it’s that important to you, why don’t you just transfer to my school after the year starts?”
“I don’t want to be a doctor! I don’t want to live in America! I want to stay here in Canada! I hate America.” I said hysterically. I shook my head, trying to calm myself down.
“Well I hate it here!” Aiden suddenly screamed. “I HATE IT! Everywhere I walk now they know who I am. ‘Oh, there’s Gerard Way’s faggot child!’ ‘Your dad is hot, can you sign this?’ I CAN’T TAKE IT, ERIC!”
My tears instantly stopped and I looked, horrorstricken, at Aiden. He turned away from me, throwing his hands in the air. The college papers that were in his hands floated to the ground, littering the carpet.
Utter silence filled the room and I stared at his back. I was shocked, scared… I hadn’t known Aiden could even get that loud.
“I’m… sorry.” He whispered a whole minute later. “I’m sorry I blew up like that, Eric… you didn’t deserve that and… I’m sorry.”
He raised his hands to his face—I think he was wiping tears away but he wasn’t facing me so I didn’t know— and after he lowered them he looked back at me.
“A—.” I began.
“I’m going, Eric… I’m going to New York for college and if its that much of a problem to you—that I’m doing something I want— then you can back out of this fucking relationship. But I am going and I don’t care what you want.”
“I know you’re going.” I sniffed. I felt his blue eyes looking at me. The atmosphere in this room was almost too much to handle.
Aiden took a deep breath and sat bent down, picking up the scattered papers on the floor. I bent down and picked up two, extending them towards him. I noticed my hands shaking. I didn’t know if it was because I was scared at how Aiden had blew up like that, if I was just anxious, or if it was from all of my crying.
“I just want to do something for me.” Aiden said softly, not looking up. I could see a tear slide down his cheek. “For me, okay? For me.”