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The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 37
Eric’s POV
I was hoping when I woke up everything would be fine. Aiden would be happy, all would be forgiven, and we could move on.
I began to learn, though, that when Aiden is pissed off he is pissed off and though no one knew why Aiden was so angry, he was. He was throwing stuff around his room, mumbling, and wouldn’t go near Frank nor Gerard.
Instead he chose to take his anger out on me. Though I’d done nothing to him, he’d been rude with me ever since he woke up.
I had no clue how to react. Aiden had never acted like this towards me. Sure, we’d had our fights… now, though, he was being outright rude and hateful.
“Goddamnit.” Aiden growled, throwing something across the room.
“What?” I asked quietly. I was half afraid if I talked loud he’d strike out and hit me or something.
“Nothing.” He snapped.
“Okay.” I looked down, biting my lip. “Aiden, I love you.”
“I love you too.” He said impatiently, going to his desk and beginning to fumble papers.
I sighed and shook my head. After ten minutes of an almost painful silence, I stood up and headed towards the door.
“Where are you going?” he snapped.
“For a walk?” I turned to face him.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t like being around you right now!” I exclaimed. “You’re being mean to me, to your dads! You’re throwing shit and acting like a crazy person!”
He glared at me. “Fine! Go away then! I didn’t want you here anyway!”
I walked out, slamming the door behind me. I then slid down the wall of the hallway, massaging my forehead.
Just wait. Soon he’ll be over it, I told myself quietly.
He’s being so mean though.
He’s just in a mood. It’s going to pass.
How many of these moods will he have once we’re married?
Fear filled through me. In two weeks I would be marrying Aiden. Aiden, whom appeared to hate me at the moment.
I sighed as the door across the hall was opened. Frank, looking terrible, stepped out.
I looked up at him.
“Hey.” He whispered, reaching down his hands to help me up.
I heaved myself up with his help and looked at him again.
“Is he… being too mean?” Frank asked.
“Not as mean as he was to you.” I whispered, sending a nervous glance towards the door.
Frank wrapped an arm around my neck, leading me towards the kitchen. “Wanna make some cookies with me or something? Talk?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. I hadn’t had one on one time with Frank in a while and I liked spending time with him. While I sat at the counter Frank got out the ingredient, sniffling quietly. He was still in his pajamas and had dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he’d just crawled out of bed because his hair stuck up at odd angles and his pajamas were wrinkled and sort of twisted around his body.
When his eyes met mine I could see nothing but sadness in them. He gave me a sad smile and sat across from me. We began spreading the dough out in silence before Frank sighed.
“How are you?” he asked me quietly.
“Okay… I don’t feel like I’m getting married in two weeks.” I muttered.
“Don’t worry. Mine and Gerard’s wedding was… well, it was… awful.” He laughed quietly. “We’d been fighting so much and called it off… we had actually split up and everything. But then we were on a plane, flying to Canada… and none of it matters. When you’re there getting married… none of the fights matter, none of the… stress of planning a wedding.” He bit his lip in thought and shook his head. “Marrying Gee was the best thing I ever did… marrying him and raising Bella and Aiden… if you truly love Aiden, you won’t have any regrets.”
“I do love him. I just… he’s being so… so mean lately. I don’t know if its stress, or… or… what. I don’t know.” I shook my head. “And with Luke… I’m kinda…”
“Not wanting to get married for the sex?” Frank asked.
“Well… uh… yeah.” I said, shocked he was being so… open about it.
“Well you don’t have to have sex on your wedding night. But… take it from me. Even after a rape, you have to have a first time. Otherwise you’ll never have sex again and trust me, celibacy is no fun.”
“… take it from you?” I asked, patting down the dough.
“… Yeah. Take it from me.”
I shook my head again and reached for a cookie cutter. I then looked up at him and dead into his eyes. I saw something there, something I recognized.
“… You… were…” I said quietly. “You?”
He nodded. Just a simple nod. No tears, no sighs. Just one small nod.
“…When?”
“The day after Gerard proposed to me.” He answered simply.
I stared in shock, unable to believe how he wasn’t crying. When I thought about what Luke did I wanted to curl up and die. Yet here Frank was, mentioning being raped without so much as a sigh.
“… I’m sorry.” I whispered.
He shrugged and it was then I realized he was on auto pilot. He walked slowly and he clearly wasn’t in his right mind. If he were, he’d be crying right now. I felt bad that Aiden had caused Frank to be like this. Frank was usually like a teen himself even though he was forty something years old. He was hardly ever still but now it was as if he was moving enough to get by. I began to wonder why he’d suggested making cookies.
“I can finish if you… uhm… want.”
“No.” he shook his head and smiled at me.
“I am… uh… sorry Aiden said that to you. He… you didn’t deserve it and I just want you to know that… he really does care for you more than that.”
Frank smiled again, though it was obviously forced. “I know… some stuff just hurts, even though you know it isn’t true.”
“Yeah… I know.” I sighed, massaging my forehead again.
“He cares for you more than this too. You realize that, right?”
“You know what, I used to think he did.” I whispered. “But everything has been so hard ever since he got pneumonia.”
“That was a traumatizing thing. Then with your mother… and his anorexia and depression…” Frank said. “Aiden is going through a very hard time, as are you. Hard times pass though, just like the good ones. That’s life. It can’t all be sunshine and daises, you know.”
I nodded, biting my lip.
“Hey, love can’t be all making out all of the time too.” He added.
I snorted, putting some cookies onto the pan after Frankie sprayed it with No-Stick.
“Yeah…” Frank sighed, biting his lip also. He looked at the pan and shook his head. “I wish life would get easier for the two of you… and I really wish Aiden wasn’t leaving. I mean… God, he can barely find his shoes in the morning. How in the hell is he going to live on his own?”
“I asked him that.” I snorted. “He said he was going to buy tons of pairs of the same shoes so he’d have an easier time finding them.”
Frank giggled quietly. “He would seriously do that too.”
“I know… that’s what scares me.” I sighed quietly, thinking about Aiden upstairs. Did he even feel bad about hurting Frank’s feelings? Hurting my feelings?
“I-…. I’m sorry, Frank. It’s just… I can’t believe I’m getting married to him in three weeks. That makes me… so happy. It means so much to me.” I closed my eyes and felt my lip tremble. “But I can’t even be in the same room with him. This… this feels wrong.”
I couldn’t take being in the room anymore. I stormed outside and sat on the back porch, tears falling from my eyes. I hated this more than anything. I would rather be with mom. It was easier when someone you didn’t love hurt you. When someone you did love hurts you, it’s… its worse. Way worse.
I sat out there, glad it was summer and warm out. I stretched my legs out and stared at my feet, biting my lower lip. I tasted coppery blood on my tongue and cringed.
I wasn’t out there long before I decided to go inside. I made my way towards Aiden’s room and when I came in, he was lying on the covers with his eyes closed. I climbed into bed and he shifted, his T-shirt rising and revealing some of his flat stomach.
I laid by him, pulling his shirt down and draping my arm around him. He curled into me, his eyes opening.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking me in the eyes.
“You really hurt my feelings.” I whispered back, resting my forehead against his.
“I know…” he bit his lip and reached a hand up to touch my face. “I’m sorry, okay?”
I nodded and pressed my lips to his. “Okay… I just really want to know what’s wrong, Aiden… you’re starting to scary me.”
I was hoping when I woke up everything would be fine. Aiden would be happy, all would be forgiven, and we could move on.
I began to learn, though, that when Aiden is pissed off he is pissed off and though no one knew why Aiden was so angry, he was. He was throwing stuff around his room, mumbling, and wouldn’t go near Frank nor Gerard.
Instead he chose to take his anger out on me. Though I’d done nothing to him, he’d been rude with me ever since he woke up.
I had no clue how to react. Aiden had never acted like this towards me. Sure, we’d had our fights… now, though, he was being outright rude and hateful.
“Goddamnit.” Aiden growled, throwing something across the room.
“What?” I asked quietly. I was half afraid if I talked loud he’d strike out and hit me or something.
“Nothing.” He snapped.
“Okay.” I looked down, biting my lip. “Aiden, I love you.”
“I love you too.” He said impatiently, going to his desk and beginning to fumble papers.
I sighed and shook my head. After ten minutes of an almost painful silence, I stood up and headed towards the door.
“Where are you going?” he snapped.
“For a walk?” I turned to face him.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t like being around you right now!” I exclaimed. “You’re being mean to me, to your dads! You’re throwing shit and acting like a crazy person!”
He glared at me. “Fine! Go away then! I didn’t want you here anyway!”
I walked out, slamming the door behind me. I then slid down the wall of the hallway, massaging my forehead.
Just wait. Soon he’ll be over it, I told myself quietly.
He’s being so mean though.
He’s just in a mood. It’s going to pass.
How many of these moods will he have once we’re married?
Fear filled through me. In two weeks I would be marrying Aiden. Aiden, whom appeared to hate me at the moment.
I sighed as the door across the hall was opened. Frank, looking terrible, stepped out.
I looked up at him.
“Hey.” He whispered, reaching down his hands to help me up.
I heaved myself up with his help and looked at him again.
“Is he… being too mean?” Frank asked.
“Not as mean as he was to you.” I whispered, sending a nervous glance towards the door.
Frank wrapped an arm around my neck, leading me towards the kitchen. “Wanna make some cookies with me or something? Talk?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. I hadn’t had one on one time with Frank in a while and I liked spending time with him. While I sat at the counter Frank got out the ingredient, sniffling quietly. He was still in his pajamas and had dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he’d just crawled out of bed because his hair stuck up at odd angles and his pajamas were wrinkled and sort of twisted around his body.
When his eyes met mine I could see nothing but sadness in them. He gave me a sad smile and sat across from me. We began spreading the dough out in silence before Frank sighed.
“How are you?” he asked me quietly.
“Okay… I don’t feel like I’m getting married in two weeks.” I muttered.
“Don’t worry. Mine and Gerard’s wedding was… well, it was… awful.” He laughed quietly. “We’d been fighting so much and called it off… we had actually split up and everything. But then we were on a plane, flying to Canada… and none of it matters. When you’re there getting married… none of the fights matter, none of the… stress of planning a wedding.” He bit his lip in thought and shook his head. “Marrying Gee was the best thing I ever did… marrying him and raising Bella and Aiden… if you truly love Aiden, you won’t have any regrets.”
“I do love him. I just… he’s being so… so mean lately. I don’t know if its stress, or… or… what. I don’t know.” I shook my head. “And with Luke… I’m kinda…”
“Not wanting to get married for the sex?” Frank asked.
“Well… uh… yeah.” I said, shocked he was being so… open about it.
“Well you don’t have to have sex on your wedding night. But… take it from me. Even after a rape, you have to have a first time. Otherwise you’ll never have sex again and trust me, celibacy is no fun.”
“… take it from you?” I asked, patting down the dough.
“… Yeah. Take it from me.”
I shook my head again and reached for a cookie cutter. I then looked up at him and dead into his eyes. I saw something there, something I recognized.
“… You… were…” I said quietly. “You?”
He nodded. Just a simple nod. No tears, no sighs. Just one small nod.
“…When?”
“The day after Gerard proposed to me.” He answered simply.
I stared in shock, unable to believe how he wasn’t crying. When I thought about what Luke did I wanted to curl up and die. Yet here Frank was, mentioning being raped without so much as a sigh.
“… I’m sorry.” I whispered.
He shrugged and it was then I realized he was on auto pilot. He walked slowly and he clearly wasn’t in his right mind. If he were, he’d be crying right now. I felt bad that Aiden had caused Frank to be like this. Frank was usually like a teen himself even though he was forty something years old. He was hardly ever still but now it was as if he was moving enough to get by. I began to wonder why he’d suggested making cookies.
“I can finish if you… uhm… want.”
“No.” he shook his head and smiled at me.
“I am… uh… sorry Aiden said that to you. He… you didn’t deserve it and I just want you to know that… he really does care for you more than that.”
Frank smiled again, though it was obviously forced. “I know… some stuff just hurts, even though you know it isn’t true.”
“Yeah… I know.” I sighed, massaging my forehead again.
“He cares for you more than this too. You realize that, right?”
“You know what, I used to think he did.” I whispered. “But everything has been so hard ever since he got pneumonia.”
“That was a traumatizing thing. Then with your mother… and his anorexia and depression…” Frank said. “Aiden is going through a very hard time, as are you. Hard times pass though, just like the good ones. That’s life. It can’t all be sunshine and daises, you know.”
I nodded, biting my lip.
“Hey, love can’t be all making out all of the time too.” He added.
I snorted, putting some cookies onto the pan after Frankie sprayed it with No-Stick.
“Yeah…” Frank sighed, biting his lip also. He looked at the pan and shook his head. “I wish life would get easier for the two of you… and I really wish Aiden wasn’t leaving. I mean… God, he can barely find his shoes in the morning. How in the hell is he going to live on his own?”
“I asked him that.” I snorted. “He said he was going to buy tons of pairs of the same shoes so he’d have an easier time finding them.”
Frank giggled quietly. “He would seriously do that too.”
“I know… that’s what scares me.” I sighed quietly, thinking about Aiden upstairs. Did he even feel bad about hurting Frank’s feelings? Hurting my feelings?
“I-…. I’m sorry, Frank. It’s just… I can’t believe I’m getting married to him in three weeks. That makes me… so happy. It means so much to me.” I closed my eyes and felt my lip tremble. “But I can’t even be in the same room with him. This… this feels wrong.”
I couldn’t take being in the room anymore. I stormed outside and sat on the back porch, tears falling from my eyes. I hated this more than anything. I would rather be with mom. It was easier when someone you didn’t love hurt you. When someone you did love hurts you, it’s… its worse. Way worse.
I sat out there, glad it was summer and warm out. I stretched my legs out and stared at my feet, biting my lower lip. I tasted coppery blood on my tongue and cringed.
I wasn’t out there long before I decided to go inside. I made my way towards Aiden’s room and when I came in, he was lying on the covers with his eyes closed. I climbed into bed and he shifted, his T-shirt rising and revealing some of his flat stomach.
I laid by him, pulling his shirt down and draping my arm around him. He curled into me, his eyes opening.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking me in the eyes.
“You really hurt my feelings.” I whispered back, resting my forehead against his.
“I know…” he bit his lip and reached a hand up to touch my face. “I’m sorry, okay?”
I nodded and pressed my lips to his. “Okay… I just really want to know what’s wrong, Aiden… you’re starting to scary me.”