‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Living
Sequel: The Pros and Cons of Growing Up ›
The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 7
Gerard’s POV
Frankie had been pacing the waiting room ever since we got to the hospital 3 hours ago. We’d not gotten any news until an hour ago. The news we got wasn’t good.
Somehow, Aiden had managed to catch pneumonia. Bad pneumonia. They needed us to sign papers to admit him into the ICU… which of course had Frank freaking out. He’d rode here in the ambulance with Aiden, but they’d made him sit in the front. ‘Regulations.’
Eric, Dan, and I had followed and gotten here seconds after them. For a little while I was back with Aiden (Frank had been asked to leave because he was so worried) but after a while they had to ask me to leave.
Now I was just sitting here, looking back and fourth between Frank, Dan, and Eric. Eric was sitting in a corner by himself, biting his fingernails nervously. Dan was sitting by me, reading the newspaper. Frank was, as I already said, pacing. He’d stop every few minutes, sit on my other side, and then stand, move to another side of the room, and begin pacing all over again.
“The doctor needs to come out or Frank’s gonna have a cow.” Dan whispered, looking at Frank.
“I know. But you saw what he did when I tried to force him to sit down… he better not have rabies.”
Dan rolled his eyes, laughing quietly.
Frank glared. “SHH!”
I sighed, wondering whether Aiden was even awake. It’s kinda creepy to picture your son hooked up to machines… I wonder if he’s scared…
Oh god, why am I tearing up?
I stood and rushed to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and wiped my teary eyes. Why was I worrying? It was Aiden after all. He could take anything anyone gave him. He always had.
But I’d never seen him looking as bad as he had back in the ER before they took him away… it made me think of my grandma, dying… and I never want to bury my son.
I wiped my eyes, sniffling quietly. I was being stupid. Just because Aiden is in the hospital it doesn’t mean he’s going to die.
But the only times Aiden or Bella have been in the hospital, it’s been for a sprained ankle or when they were born… never for being so sick they are in the ICU and could need fucking life support… that’s why I was getting emotional. I’ve never had a child go through this.
I mean, when I was little every once in a while Mikey would go to the hospital for an anxiety attack. I’ve even seen Frankie in here quite a few times… but I think when its your kid it really fucking hits you… hard…
After a few minutes I went outside and, after smoking a cigarette, went back to the waiting room. Frank was talking to a doctor. I rushed forward.
“What’s wrong?”
“Your son has a nasty case of pneumonia.”
“Yeah, we know that.” I said impatiently. I hated how doctors repeated everything a million times.
“Well it’s even worse because it evolved from the flu. I’m guessing it hit him all at once though.
“So he isn’t going to die?”
“We have it under control. Right now he is sleeping. His fever is down to 103, which may not be much but it has him out of the woods for anything worse than pneumonia. It’s very good you got him here. A lot of people don’t think it’s as serious as it is until it’s too late.” The doctor explained. “Now he is in the ICU and is hooked up to several machines. Not life support. He is very dehydrated, so he’s being fed through a tube. He’s also got several IV’s and we have him on machines to monitor his breathing and heartbeat.”
“Can we see him?” Frank asked, after shooting me a dirty look for asking if Aiden was going to die. He knows he was thinking the same thing, though.
“Yes. Would your son like to come too?”
“It’s his—.” Frank began.
“Yes, he’d like to come.” I cut Frank off. “Eric, let’s go see Aiden.”
Frank’s POV
Seeing Aiden quiet and still was not something I liked. Especially with tubes going through his nose and needles in his arms. I almost started crying and I probably would have if he wasn’t awake, though the doctor had told us he was sleeping.
“Hey honey.” I said sitting by him. The room was freezing and cold and Aiden only had a small blanket, which pissed me off. It was dark too. Creepy. And I knew Aiden hated hospitals. “How are you?”
“Fine.” He rasped.
“You feel better?”
“No…” he said. “Dad, they said I might be in here weeks… we were leaving for home for Christmas in two days.”
“Baby…” I said, biting my lip. I ruffled his hair. “We need to get you better.
“B-But Dad… on Christmas…” he glanced at Eric, who was looking at him worriedly, then sighed.
Eric came up slowly, like he was afraid if he moved too fast he’d hurt Aiden. Aiden smiled at him.
“Hey.” Eric whispered.
“Hi.” Aiden said back in a croaky voice.
Eric leaned down and kissed his cheek, then ran his fingers through Aiden’s hair. “You look… sick.” He said pitifully.
“I’m okay.” Aiden said, grasping Eric’s hand.
“You promise?”
“Yes… pinky swear.”
Gerard’s POV
Christmas Eve…
I came into Aiden’s hospital room to find him and Eric curled on the bed. Aiden was still in pretty bad shape, and he slept most of the days. When he wasn’t sleeping he was being poked and prodded by doctors and asked questions, so it really isn’t a wonder why he’s sleeping.
Frank yawned, opening the blinds. Light filled the dark room, making Aiden cringe and bury his head in Eric’s chest.
“Aiden, good news!” Frank said happily.
Aiden coughed, looking up.
“The day after tomorrow you should be moved out of the ICU.”
“Yeah, after Christmas.” Aiden sighed, looking down. He sighed once again, looking miserable.
“Aiden, we’ll have Christmas when we get home.” I said, trying to cheer him up. I sat down in one of the two hard chairs by his bed and smiled.
“It won’t be the same, Dad…” he muttered. “Every… goddamn… Christmas.”
Eric ruffled his hair, making it stand up on all ends. “But you’ve got me. I’ll be your Christmas present.”
Aiden, through sickness and all, grinned. “Best present I’ve ever gotten.”
Eric rolled his eyes, blushing. I looked at the two of them.
I don’t believe I couldn’t see it before… I was an idiot…
This kid was gonna be in our family one day. And probably one day soon.
Frank’s POV
“Dad, just go home. I’ll be fine.” Aiden pleaded. “Eric can stay and… you need sleep.”
“It’s Christmas Eve. I’m not leaving you, Aiden.” I said, pulling up the blinds on the other window. I hated how dark and cold this room was. It gave me the chills and reminded me of when I’d been in the hospital when I was Aiden’s age, before Gerard and I first got together.
Now I knew how mom felt. I’d never put myself in her shoes… but looking at your kid hooked up to machines… I don’t know what these are for and maybe that’s why the scare me…
But its like I cannot leave Aiden’s side… I know, I know. They say he’s okay. But look at him. He’s paler than he’s ever been. His fever is back up again, this time to 104 degrees.
“Dad, I’ll be fine.” Aiden’s blue eyes met my green ones. “I promise.”
“Aiden, I’m not leaving!” I snapped. I didn’t mean to snap at him. I hated looking at him like this. Especially in the eyes. It made it worse… I don’t know why, but it did.
How could he be this sick, and still talking? Sure, he slept most of the time… but sometimes, I wish he’d sit back and not talk.
Because the doctors tell me he’s getting worse, getting better, getting worse, getting better. Yet he fucking sleeps all day and then he wakes up and talks, talks, talks… and then he sleeps some more…
I hate seeing him like this. It makes me want to curl up in a ball in my room and wait for him to be better again. Pretend my son isn’t in the ICU of some random hospital in New Jersey, a place where he’s been maybe five times his entire life.
It isn’t right that he’s sick… it isn’t fucking right and I just can’t see him like this…
Gerard’s POV
Frank paced around the room for a few minutes, telling Aiden he wasn’t going to leave. Then, when Aiden was in mid-sentence, he just ran out. The door slammed behind him and everyone glanced at each other.
“Eric… don’t… yeah, don’t leave.” I said, then patted Aiden’s leg and made my way out of the room. Frank was sitting against the wall opposite the door, with his head buried in his hands. His shoulders shook and I knew he was crying. I’d been waiting for it since Aiden was admitted and I guess he finally couldn’t take it.
“Frankie…” I whispered, sitting down by him. I wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close to me.
“I’m sorry.” He cried. “I shouldn’t… I don’t… I don’t mean to be so rude, Gee… I just… what if he dies?”
“Frank, that isn’t gonna happen.”
He looked up at me. His green eyes were teary and his red cheeks were tearstained. “H-How do you know?”
“Your son feels like shit in there… and he’s being strong. For you, for Eric, for everyone… do you think he feels like talking so much? No. Maybe he isn’t proving he’ll be fine. Maybe it’s boredom. But I do know that Aiden… he’s never given up anything, Frank… and he isn’t gonna give up on this. It’s not how you raised him.”
Frank sniffled, staring at me with wide green eyes. “I’m scared, Gee… I…”
“I’m scared too.” I whispered. “But hey… if he can put on a brave face we can too, huh? I mean, we know he’s got to be scared…”
“Yeah.” He sniffled again. “O-okay.” He said in a shaky voice. “I’m good.”
“I love you.” I said, kissing him.
He kissed me back. “I love you too.”
“Everything will be fine, Frankie. You’ll see. Just give it time.”
Aiden’s POV
It was early Christmas morning and I could see it was snowing outside from the small window across the room. Everyone else was asleep, but I’d been up a while.
I couldn’t sleep. Sure, I was exhausted… but I was scared too.
If that stupid Dr. Brown hadn’t woken me up to change my IV I’d be sleeping now. But no, he woke me up. And all I can do is stare at the IV and try not breathing in too deeply through my nose because it hurts like hell because of this stupid feeding tube.
I knew I wasn’t going to die… hell, I didn’t even feel sick.
Okay, that’s an outright lie. I feel like absolute shit. If I could just fall asleep and wake up when this was over, I’d do it in a heart beat. And I was angry as hell, too… I was going to fucking propose to Eric. I knew we wouldn’t get married forever… but I wanted us to be engaged… on Christmas morning. If I hadn’t been sick, I was going to take him down to the park—which is where we first met, by the rusted swings a it away from the lake— and propose.
And he was going to say yes and it was going to be fucking perfect.
But I had to ruin it and go get sick.
I can live with the feeding tube and IVs, the temperatures and feeling like my chest was pressing in on me.
But not proposing to Aiden… that is gonna fucking kill me.
Eric’s POV
Later That Day…
I laid on Aiden’s bed with him, holding his hand. Frank and Gerard were talking quietly, worried looks on their faces. Aiden wasn’t doing that well.
He’d been fine earlier, until his fever shot up to 105. Added degree not included.
The doctors were able to bring it down, but since then he’s been in this sort of… daze.
I kissed his cheek, guilt seeping through me. I should have made him take his jacket back. I’m a terrible boyfriend.
I still… I just feel awful. I’m surprised Frank and Gerard haven’t chucked me out, because I told them… Frank just laughed quietly and told me walking four houses in the cold doesn’t cause pneumonia. But Aiden wasn’t sick at all before…
I just wish he’d wake up in the morning 100% better and we’d go to Canada, have a late Christmas, and me and Aiden could curl in bed and cuddle all day…
Christmas isn’t Christmas… at least last Christmas we got to spend time alone in his room.
Yes, making out. But that isn’t the point here.
The point is Aiden is sick in the fucking ICU on Christmas…
I stroked his cheek. They looked rosy, where he’d had such a high fever.
He looked at me and it took him a bit to focus, but he smiled. “Hey.”
“Hey you.” I whispered. “Where are you in there?”
“Pretending to be anywhere but here.” He said, nuzzling me. His cold nose pressed into the crook of my neck and I shivered.
It’s weird he has such a high fever, yet the room is so cold that we are wearing sweaters.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He nodded, nuzzling me some more. “I wanna go home, Eric.”
“I know.” I said. “Maybe in a few days.”
He pulled back and look at me, his blue eyes shining. “No… I’ll be here forever.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable he looked. “Are you trying to be cute or something?”
“Is it working?” he smirked.
I playfully hit him. “Well it’s good to see you feel better.”
He smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I said, leaning down and kissing him.
Frank’s POV
Several Days Later…
It took Aiden three more days until he was well enough to be moved out of the ICU and into a regular hospital room.
He was considerably more cheerful. I think it was the ICU keeping him down so low. The dim lights, dark colors, and coldness were probably what was wrong.
The room was private and it was nice to not having doctors coming in to ‘check his vitals’ every five minutes. They still came in a lot because Aiden was still pretty sick, but they weren’t coming in so much that it was scaring me.
I was relieved they were coming in less than they were before, because that meant he was better. Getting there at least.
His room now was brighter. Rather than one small window, there were three large ones. And he wasn’t surrounded by freaky machines now either. The walls weren’t plain white, but a dark cream. And it may sound ugly, but after the ICU for two weeks it isn’t ugly. It’s damn beautiful.
But what still scares me, though, is Aiden can’t eat on his own. It’s been two weeks and, while the doctors are telling me this is normal, I don’t think it is.
He’s tried before, but it always comes back up. The doctors are gonna see if he can eat tonight. Gerard thinks he’s just throwing it up because he doesn’t want the tube taken out, but I don’t think even Aiden would go that far.
Plus, now he’s a little more cheerful. Our son obviously isn’t completely gay because he has a crush on Heather, his nurse. She’s really pretty with long and curly brown hair flowing over her shoulders, black rimmed glasses, and a lip ring on the left side of her mouth. She was also shorter than me, which made me quite proud. Me and my 5’4ish ness. Her and her 5’2ishness. Haha. Ha. Ha. It doesn’t make Eric too happy though. Any time Heather comes up, he looks down and won’t talk to anyone. Especially Aiden. I’ve never seen Eric jealous and it’s a pretty interesting thing.
Heather came in, carrying a tray of food. “Hello Aiden.”
Aiden smiled. “Hi.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Well, I still feel a little sick.” Aiden said.
“A little?” Eric scoffed to himself. “A minute ago he was dying.”
Gerard laughed quietly to himself. Heather set the tray down.
“You try to eat and a doctor will be in soon, alright?” she patted his leg.
Anger flashed in Eric’s eyes as Heather left.
“What, why don’t you fucking ask her out to dinner Aiden?” he snapped, then stormed out.
Aiden sat up as if he was going to go after Aiden, then looked at the machines hooked up to him, and then back at me as if I could do something.
“Wh… but…” he said, then mouthed wordlessly. Confusion was written all over him.
“You were flirting with a woman right in front of your boyfriend, Aiden. What did you expect him to do? He’s been patient every time he’s seen you flirt with Heather. I guess he just lost it.” Gerard shrugged.
“I wasn’t flirting.”
“Yes, you were.” I sighed. “I’ll go talk to him, Aiden.”
Aiden sighed and nodded, lying back down.
Eric’s POV
I was sitting in the waiting room when I heard the door open. I looked up to see Frank coming over, hands in his pockets. He slid into one of the hard and cold plastic blue chairs next to me and sighed.
“Look, I’m sorry but—.” I began furiously.
“Don’t be sorry. You have every right to be angry. You’ve been by his side for two weeks when he was on what could have been his death bed and what does he do? Flirts with someone in front of you.” Frank interrupted me. “But I want you to understand something, okay? Before Gerard and I got married, there were times that he flirted with other people… hell, we separated 5 years because he slept with people… and I know that I’ve flirted with other people too. It… it’s human nature…”
I sighed, not caring about what Frank was saying. Not wanting to hear it. What Aiden did… it was wrong…
“Now I know it hurts. Anytime I think of what Gerard did to me I could fucking castrate him… but stuff like this… it’s petty. You could let it kill you, make you angry and fight with him—which you have every right too—but it’s so small and in two weeks you won’t remember it… and he’s still feeling shitty in there, regardless of what he told Heather…”
I sighed once again quietly, then looked up at him. “I just… I feel like…” I said, suddenly feeling like I wanted to cry. He was looking at me intently. “I mean… like… I keep thinking about being here last year when m-mom’s boyfriend b-beat me—.” And now I was crying. Hard. “And why m-my mom doesn’t love me and y-you and Gerard love Aiden so much a-and it isn’t fair. I love Ai-Aiden b-but what d-did I do so wrong? A-And I just…” I couldn’t talk anymore because I was crying so hard. Frank pulled me close, rocking me back and fourth. I cried into his chest miserably for what seemed like hours before I calmed enough for him to gently push me back.
“I want you to listen… your mother is a bitch, okay? She will look back on this when you are grown and she will hate herself for how horribly she treated you. You are a wonderful person, Eric.” He wiped my eyes.
“I just h-hate it so much.” I sniffled. “I… I wish I wasn’t gay s-so my dad would still love me…”
“Now I don’t know exactly what happened with your father, Eric… but the same thing goes. He is missing out on raising a wonderful son. With your mom and dad… I’m surprised you’ve turned out as nice and sweet as you are… it’s amazing.”
I let out another sob, tears filling my eyes again. “I’m not amazing. You p-people s-say I am but I’m not!”
“Eric… Eric, you are. Why do you hate yourself? Why are you so fucking shy? Why do you act so scared around people?”
I couldn’t tell Frank I’d been raped, couldn’t…
Instead I continued crying, now harder than before thinking of it. I was picturing it in my head, I could feel it happening…
“Eric, what’s wrong?” Frank asked loudly.
“I need Aiden.” I sobbed.
“C’mon, let’s go to him.”
I nodded. He walked with me back to the room.
“Gerard… they need to talk.” He said, waving Gerard over.
I crawled onto the bed by Aiden, crying harder than I ever have.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” he whispered.
“Why’d he do it?” I sobbed after Gerard and Frank closed the door.
I felt Aiden’s hands brushing my tears away. “What, babe?”
“Luke. Why did he rape me, Aiden? W-Why did he use me l-like that?” I cried.
“I don’t know, baby. I don’t know. He’s sick…”
“I’m so jealous of you, A-Aiden… y-you’re so fucking perfect and I’m fucking not…”
“Eric… this isn’t some competition or something… and I’m not fucking perfect.”
“I… I just… I’m so tired, Aiden.” I cried.
“Lay down… shh, come lay down.”
I laid down next to him, getting comfortable. He wiped my tears still, kissing my wet cheeks. My eyes hurt like hell… my whole body did. I was just tired now… I felt like I couldn’t eve keep my eyes open.
“Okay, babe… just sleep.” Aiden whispered, rubbing my back.
It wasn’t long before I felt myself, thankfully, drifting to sleep….
Aiden’s POV
Eric slept next to me, curled up at my side, until morning. The doctors weren’t can’t have been too happy about it, but having famous parents with a lot of money comes in handy sometimes.
When Eric woke up the next morning, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, then stretched and wearily looked around. When his beautiful gray eyes finally landed on me, he smiled.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“You’re the one in the hospital.” He said, yawning.
We both glanced at Dad and… well, Dad. With not hating Gerard, it was proving hard to distinguish which of my Dad’s I was talking about. I was seriously considering pulling a Bella and calling Frank ‘Daddy’ and Gerard ‘Dad.’ Now I didn’t think she was such a baby. Speaking of Bella, she’s supposed to be coming by later. Her, Nikki, and Jack have been sleeping at Grandma’s.
Frank and Gerard were lying on this couch that was in the room. Frank was leaning on Gerard, who had his arms around Frank. They were both, apparently, fast asleep.
“I know but you were pretty bad off.” I said, focusing all my attention on Eric.
He gave me a small smile. “I’m okay.”
“Do you promise?” I asked, grasping his hands. He sat Indian style across from me and gave me his hands.
“Yes. I feel better. I think I just needed some sleep.”\
“Hey, look… if you ever need to talk about the… the rape… I’m here. I know that you… you don’t wanna talk about it…” I said, trying to focus on what I was saying. My mind was still a little messed up from lack of food. “But… I also know that rape is something that… you need to talk about… and I’m here for you, baby.”
He leaned foreard, pressing his lips to mine.
I pulled away instantly. “Eric, you’ll get sick.”
He rolled his eyes and kissed me again. This time I kissed him back, closing my eyes.
He eventually pulled away and I opened my eyes, looking at him again. I wanted to take in everything. His pale skin, his gray eyes that I could (cliché as it is) myself in, the way his freckles were so randomly spread throughout his face… everything.
“I love you.” He said, smiling. “I love you and we’re gonna be together forever. Me and you.”
I smiled back at him. “We are.”
Frank’s POV
“Rape. He was raped, Gerard. I heard him and Aiden talking this morning… they thought we were asleep. Well, you were. But I wasn’t. And I hear him say—.”
“What?!” Gerard exclaimed.
We had told the boys we were getting food, and I’d dragged Gerard out. Now we were in a long hallway full of empty stretchers, pointless ugly paintings on bland white walls, and with too many doctors for my liking walking around in white coats and clipboards. What is it with hospitals and the color white?
“This morning Aiden told Eric if Eric ever needed to talk about being raped, he was there. Gerard, he was raped..” I said. “I wonder if…he had trouble with his dad…do you think his dad raped him?!”
“His mother couldn’t be that fucked up…” Gerard said.
“Yours was…” I whispered.
“Eric… wh—…” Gerard mouthed wordlessly. It was obvious he was thinking hard. Finally he muttered, “That kid has more problems than our whole family combined.”
“I know.” I said miserably. “Sh… should we tell him and Aiden I heard?”
“No… it’s obvious he didn’t want us to know. We just have to pretend nothing happened. If he gets bad, we’ll talk to Aiden and decide with him what needs to happen.” Gerard said instantly.
“B-But… he can only live with that for so long. Who knows how long he already has, Gerard!”
“Look, when Bert raped you… what happened when I tried to force it out of you? We almost split up… when Eric wants us to know, if he ever does, we will know. Okay? But until we think he’s gonna fucking slit his wrists, we can’t bring it up.”
I sighed. I hated knowing what pain he went through. I tried to block what had happened with Bert.
But now, knowing that Eric had been raped… it all came flooding back. The pain. How alone I’d felt that entire time… it was awful. And to think that sweet and shy Eric had been raped… it broke my heart into two. I wanted to hold him and rock him and never let go… he was like a son to me.
“Frank… I know you… and you’re gonna want to talk about it with Eric… but I also know this… you need to let Eric come to you. Don’t do anything to jeopardize Aiden and Eric’s relationship, Frankie… nothing is worth that.”
The Next Day…
Eric’s POV
“Baby, you can’t have that tube in your nose forever.”
“Sure I can…” Aiden said in a shaky sort of voice. The doctors were getting rather frustrated with him. Frank was convincing himself that Aiden wasn’t ready and Gerard, a person deathly afraid of things going into the body, was agreeing with Aiden.
“Baby, you’ll get it done and it will be over with before you know it.” I said.
“I… it’s gonna hurt.”
“I’ll be here with you and I’ll hold your hand.” I said.
He sighed and nodded.
A man doctor let out a sigh and approached the bed. I sat by Aiden, squeezing his hand.
It took a while for Aiden to calm down enough for the man to pull out the tube. They did it slowly and Aiden gagged a few times. It was agonizing to watch. The more they pulled out the worse he got. They even had to quit half way through because he began coughing so hard. When the tube was finally out Aiden’s eyes were teary and he was coughing and gagging at the same time.
“The pain will go away soon.” The man said.
Aiden continued coughing, his head now buried in my chest. I gently rubbed his back, kissing the top of his head.
“Are you okay?” Frank asked worried, now at our side.
Aiden leaned over the table and began to vomit, barely missing Frank’s feet.
I continued to rub his back. “It’ll be better in a few minutes.”
He nodded, sitting up. “Sorry, Dad.”
“It’s okay.” Frank ruffled his hair. “You know what this means, right?”
“What?” Aiden coughed.
“You’re gonna get to go soon.”
He began to cough more, falling against me.
“Oh, babe…” Frank said, kissing his cheek.
“It burns… it hurts, Dad… fuck…” he whimpered, the coughed some more. His eyes were still teary and it was obvious he was miserable and in pain.
“Baby… it’ll get better.”
“I know.” He coughed. He fell quiet but I could feel his heart pounding, seeing as he was leaning on me. His eyes closed and eventually his breathing evened out. I glanced out, watching his chest rise and fall.
“He’s okay now.” Frank said happily. “Soon he’ll be home. You’ll see.”
I continued to watch Aiden, somehow thinking Frank was wrong. My arms went tighter around him when he gave a little cough and I pressed my lips to his rosy cheek.
Frankie had been pacing the waiting room ever since we got to the hospital 3 hours ago. We’d not gotten any news until an hour ago. The news we got wasn’t good.
Somehow, Aiden had managed to catch pneumonia. Bad pneumonia. They needed us to sign papers to admit him into the ICU… which of course had Frank freaking out. He’d rode here in the ambulance with Aiden, but they’d made him sit in the front. ‘Regulations.’
Eric, Dan, and I had followed and gotten here seconds after them. For a little while I was back with Aiden (Frank had been asked to leave because he was so worried) but after a while they had to ask me to leave.
Now I was just sitting here, looking back and fourth between Frank, Dan, and Eric. Eric was sitting in a corner by himself, biting his fingernails nervously. Dan was sitting by me, reading the newspaper. Frank was, as I already said, pacing. He’d stop every few minutes, sit on my other side, and then stand, move to another side of the room, and begin pacing all over again.
“The doctor needs to come out or Frank’s gonna have a cow.” Dan whispered, looking at Frank.
“I know. But you saw what he did when I tried to force him to sit down… he better not have rabies.”
Dan rolled his eyes, laughing quietly.
Frank glared. “SHH!”
I sighed, wondering whether Aiden was even awake. It’s kinda creepy to picture your son hooked up to machines… I wonder if he’s scared…
Oh god, why am I tearing up?
I stood and rushed to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and wiped my teary eyes. Why was I worrying? It was Aiden after all. He could take anything anyone gave him. He always had.
But I’d never seen him looking as bad as he had back in the ER before they took him away… it made me think of my grandma, dying… and I never want to bury my son.
I wiped my eyes, sniffling quietly. I was being stupid. Just because Aiden is in the hospital it doesn’t mean he’s going to die.
But the only times Aiden or Bella have been in the hospital, it’s been for a sprained ankle or when they were born… never for being so sick they are in the ICU and could need fucking life support… that’s why I was getting emotional. I’ve never had a child go through this.
I mean, when I was little every once in a while Mikey would go to the hospital for an anxiety attack. I’ve even seen Frankie in here quite a few times… but I think when its your kid it really fucking hits you… hard…
After a few minutes I went outside and, after smoking a cigarette, went back to the waiting room. Frank was talking to a doctor. I rushed forward.
“What’s wrong?”
“Your son has a nasty case of pneumonia.”
“Yeah, we know that.” I said impatiently. I hated how doctors repeated everything a million times.
“Well it’s even worse because it evolved from the flu. I’m guessing it hit him all at once though.
“So he isn’t going to die?”
“We have it under control. Right now he is sleeping. His fever is down to 103, which may not be much but it has him out of the woods for anything worse than pneumonia. It’s very good you got him here. A lot of people don’t think it’s as serious as it is until it’s too late.” The doctor explained. “Now he is in the ICU and is hooked up to several machines. Not life support. He is very dehydrated, so he’s being fed through a tube. He’s also got several IV’s and we have him on machines to monitor his breathing and heartbeat.”
“Can we see him?” Frank asked, after shooting me a dirty look for asking if Aiden was going to die. He knows he was thinking the same thing, though.
“Yes. Would your son like to come too?”
“It’s his—.” Frank began.
“Yes, he’d like to come.” I cut Frank off. “Eric, let’s go see Aiden.”
Frank’s POV
Seeing Aiden quiet and still was not something I liked. Especially with tubes going through his nose and needles in his arms. I almost started crying and I probably would have if he wasn’t awake, though the doctor had told us he was sleeping.
“Hey honey.” I said sitting by him. The room was freezing and cold and Aiden only had a small blanket, which pissed me off. It was dark too. Creepy. And I knew Aiden hated hospitals. “How are you?”
“Fine.” He rasped.
“You feel better?”
“No…” he said. “Dad, they said I might be in here weeks… we were leaving for home for Christmas in two days.”
“Baby…” I said, biting my lip. I ruffled his hair. “We need to get you better.
“B-But Dad… on Christmas…” he glanced at Eric, who was looking at him worriedly, then sighed.
Eric came up slowly, like he was afraid if he moved too fast he’d hurt Aiden. Aiden smiled at him.
“Hey.” Eric whispered.
“Hi.” Aiden said back in a croaky voice.
Eric leaned down and kissed his cheek, then ran his fingers through Aiden’s hair. “You look… sick.” He said pitifully.
“I’m okay.” Aiden said, grasping Eric’s hand.
“You promise?”
“Yes… pinky swear.”
Gerard’s POV
Christmas Eve…
I came into Aiden’s hospital room to find him and Eric curled on the bed. Aiden was still in pretty bad shape, and he slept most of the days. When he wasn’t sleeping he was being poked and prodded by doctors and asked questions, so it really isn’t a wonder why he’s sleeping.
Frank yawned, opening the blinds. Light filled the dark room, making Aiden cringe and bury his head in Eric’s chest.
“Aiden, good news!” Frank said happily.
Aiden coughed, looking up.
“The day after tomorrow you should be moved out of the ICU.”
“Yeah, after Christmas.” Aiden sighed, looking down. He sighed once again, looking miserable.
“Aiden, we’ll have Christmas when we get home.” I said, trying to cheer him up. I sat down in one of the two hard chairs by his bed and smiled.
“It won’t be the same, Dad…” he muttered. “Every… goddamn… Christmas.”
Eric ruffled his hair, making it stand up on all ends. “But you’ve got me. I’ll be your Christmas present.”
Aiden, through sickness and all, grinned. “Best present I’ve ever gotten.”
Eric rolled his eyes, blushing. I looked at the two of them.
I don’t believe I couldn’t see it before… I was an idiot…
This kid was gonna be in our family one day. And probably one day soon.
Frank’s POV
“Dad, just go home. I’ll be fine.” Aiden pleaded. “Eric can stay and… you need sleep.”
“It’s Christmas Eve. I’m not leaving you, Aiden.” I said, pulling up the blinds on the other window. I hated how dark and cold this room was. It gave me the chills and reminded me of when I’d been in the hospital when I was Aiden’s age, before Gerard and I first got together.
Now I knew how mom felt. I’d never put myself in her shoes… but looking at your kid hooked up to machines… I don’t know what these are for and maybe that’s why the scare me…
But its like I cannot leave Aiden’s side… I know, I know. They say he’s okay. But look at him. He’s paler than he’s ever been. His fever is back up again, this time to 104 degrees.
“Dad, I’ll be fine.” Aiden’s blue eyes met my green ones. “I promise.”
“Aiden, I’m not leaving!” I snapped. I didn’t mean to snap at him. I hated looking at him like this. Especially in the eyes. It made it worse… I don’t know why, but it did.
How could he be this sick, and still talking? Sure, he slept most of the time… but sometimes, I wish he’d sit back and not talk.
Because the doctors tell me he’s getting worse, getting better, getting worse, getting better. Yet he fucking sleeps all day and then he wakes up and talks, talks, talks… and then he sleeps some more…
I hate seeing him like this. It makes me want to curl up in a ball in my room and wait for him to be better again. Pretend my son isn’t in the ICU of some random hospital in New Jersey, a place where he’s been maybe five times his entire life.
It isn’t right that he’s sick… it isn’t fucking right and I just can’t see him like this…
Gerard’s POV
Frank paced around the room for a few minutes, telling Aiden he wasn’t going to leave. Then, when Aiden was in mid-sentence, he just ran out. The door slammed behind him and everyone glanced at each other.
“Eric… don’t… yeah, don’t leave.” I said, then patted Aiden’s leg and made my way out of the room. Frank was sitting against the wall opposite the door, with his head buried in his hands. His shoulders shook and I knew he was crying. I’d been waiting for it since Aiden was admitted and I guess he finally couldn’t take it.
“Frankie…” I whispered, sitting down by him. I wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close to me.
“I’m sorry.” He cried. “I shouldn’t… I don’t… I don’t mean to be so rude, Gee… I just… what if he dies?”
“Frank, that isn’t gonna happen.”
He looked up at me. His green eyes were teary and his red cheeks were tearstained. “H-How do you know?”
“Your son feels like shit in there… and he’s being strong. For you, for Eric, for everyone… do you think he feels like talking so much? No. Maybe he isn’t proving he’ll be fine. Maybe it’s boredom. But I do know that Aiden… he’s never given up anything, Frank… and he isn’t gonna give up on this. It’s not how you raised him.”
Frank sniffled, staring at me with wide green eyes. “I’m scared, Gee… I…”
“I’m scared too.” I whispered. “But hey… if he can put on a brave face we can too, huh? I mean, we know he’s got to be scared…”
“Yeah.” He sniffled again. “O-okay.” He said in a shaky voice. “I’m good.”
“I love you.” I said, kissing him.
He kissed me back. “I love you too.”
“Everything will be fine, Frankie. You’ll see. Just give it time.”
Aiden’s POV
It was early Christmas morning and I could see it was snowing outside from the small window across the room. Everyone else was asleep, but I’d been up a while.
I couldn’t sleep. Sure, I was exhausted… but I was scared too.
If that stupid Dr. Brown hadn’t woken me up to change my IV I’d be sleeping now. But no, he woke me up. And all I can do is stare at the IV and try not breathing in too deeply through my nose because it hurts like hell because of this stupid feeding tube.
I knew I wasn’t going to die… hell, I didn’t even feel sick.
Okay, that’s an outright lie. I feel like absolute shit. If I could just fall asleep and wake up when this was over, I’d do it in a heart beat. And I was angry as hell, too… I was going to fucking propose to Eric. I knew we wouldn’t get married forever… but I wanted us to be engaged… on Christmas morning. If I hadn’t been sick, I was going to take him down to the park—which is where we first met, by the rusted swings a it away from the lake— and propose.
And he was going to say yes and it was going to be fucking perfect.
But I had to ruin it and go get sick.
I can live with the feeding tube and IVs, the temperatures and feeling like my chest was pressing in on me.
But not proposing to Aiden… that is gonna fucking kill me.
Eric’s POV
Later That Day…
I laid on Aiden’s bed with him, holding his hand. Frank and Gerard were talking quietly, worried looks on their faces. Aiden wasn’t doing that well.
He’d been fine earlier, until his fever shot up to 105. Added degree not included.
The doctors were able to bring it down, but since then he’s been in this sort of… daze.
I kissed his cheek, guilt seeping through me. I should have made him take his jacket back. I’m a terrible boyfriend.
I still… I just feel awful. I’m surprised Frank and Gerard haven’t chucked me out, because I told them… Frank just laughed quietly and told me walking four houses in the cold doesn’t cause pneumonia. But Aiden wasn’t sick at all before…
I just wish he’d wake up in the morning 100% better and we’d go to Canada, have a late Christmas, and me and Aiden could curl in bed and cuddle all day…
Christmas isn’t Christmas… at least last Christmas we got to spend time alone in his room.
Yes, making out. But that isn’t the point here.
The point is Aiden is sick in the fucking ICU on Christmas…
I stroked his cheek. They looked rosy, where he’d had such a high fever.
He looked at me and it took him a bit to focus, but he smiled. “Hey.”
“Hey you.” I whispered. “Where are you in there?”
“Pretending to be anywhere but here.” He said, nuzzling me. His cold nose pressed into the crook of my neck and I shivered.
It’s weird he has such a high fever, yet the room is so cold that we are wearing sweaters.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He nodded, nuzzling me some more. “I wanna go home, Eric.”
“I know.” I said. “Maybe in a few days.”
He pulled back and look at me, his blue eyes shining. “No… I’ll be here forever.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable he looked. “Are you trying to be cute or something?”
“Is it working?” he smirked.
I playfully hit him. “Well it’s good to see you feel better.”
He smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I said, leaning down and kissing him.
Frank’s POV
Several Days Later…
It took Aiden three more days until he was well enough to be moved out of the ICU and into a regular hospital room.
He was considerably more cheerful. I think it was the ICU keeping him down so low. The dim lights, dark colors, and coldness were probably what was wrong.
The room was private and it was nice to not having doctors coming in to ‘check his vitals’ every five minutes. They still came in a lot because Aiden was still pretty sick, but they weren’t coming in so much that it was scaring me.
I was relieved they were coming in less than they were before, because that meant he was better. Getting there at least.
His room now was brighter. Rather than one small window, there were three large ones. And he wasn’t surrounded by freaky machines now either. The walls weren’t plain white, but a dark cream. And it may sound ugly, but after the ICU for two weeks it isn’t ugly. It’s damn beautiful.
But what still scares me, though, is Aiden can’t eat on his own. It’s been two weeks and, while the doctors are telling me this is normal, I don’t think it is.
He’s tried before, but it always comes back up. The doctors are gonna see if he can eat tonight. Gerard thinks he’s just throwing it up because he doesn’t want the tube taken out, but I don’t think even Aiden would go that far.
Plus, now he’s a little more cheerful. Our son obviously isn’t completely gay because he has a crush on Heather, his nurse. She’s really pretty with long and curly brown hair flowing over her shoulders, black rimmed glasses, and a lip ring on the left side of her mouth. She was also shorter than me, which made me quite proud. Me and my 5’4ish ness. Her and her 5’2ishness. Haha. Ha. Ha. It doesn’t make Eric too happy though. Any time Heather comes up, he looks down and won’t talk to anyone. Especially Aiden. I’ve never seen Eric jealous and it’s a pretty interesting thing.
Heather came in, carrying a tray of food. “Hello Aiden.”
Aiden smiled. “Hi.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Well, I still feel a little sick.” Aiden said.
“A little?” Eric scoffed to himself. “A minute ago he was dying.”
Gerard laughed quietly to himself. Heather set the tray down.
“You try to eat and a doctor will be in soon, alright?” she patted his leg.
Anger flashed in Eric’s eyes as Heather left.
“What, why don’t you fucking ask her out to dinner Aiden?” he snapped, then stormed out.
Aiden sat up as if he was going to go after Aiden, then looked at the machines hooked up to him, and then back at me as if I could do something.
“Wh… but…” he said, then mouthed wordlessly. Confusion was written all over him.
“You were flirting with a woman right in front of your boyfriend, Aiden. What did you expect him to do? He’s been patient every time he’s seen you flirt with Heather. I guess he just lost it.” Gerard shrugged.
“I wasn’t flirting.”
“Yes, you were.” I sighed. “I’ll go talk to him, Aiden.”
Aiden sighed and nodded, lying back down.
Eric’s POV
I was sitting in the waiting room when I heard the door open. I looked up to see Frank coming over, hands in his pockets. He slid into one of the hard and cold plastic blue chairs next to me and sighed.
“Look, I’m sorry but—.” I began furiously.
“Don’t be sorry. You have every right to be angry. You’ve been by his side for two weeks when he was on what could have been his death bed and what does he do? Flirts with someone in front of you.” Frank interrupted me. “But I want you to understand something, okay? Before Gerard and I got married, there were times that he flirted with other people… hell, we separated 5 years because he slept with people… and I know that I’ve flirted with other people too. It… it’s human nature…”
I sighed, not caring about what Frank was saying. Not wanting to hear it. What Aiden did… it was wrong…
“Now I know it hurts. Anytime I think of what Gerard did to me I could fucking castrate him… but stuff like this… it’s petty. You could let it kill you, make you angry and fight with him—which you have every right too—but it’s so small and in two weeks you won’t remember it… and he’s still feeling shitty in there, regardless of what he told Heather…”
I sighed once again quietly, then looked up at him. “I just… I feel like…” I said, suddenly feeling like I wanted to cry. He was looking at me intently. “I mean… like… I keep thinking about being here last year when m-mom’s boyfriend b-beat me—.” And now I was crying. Hard. “And why m-my mom doesn’t love me and y-you and Gerard love Aiden so much a-and it isn’t fair. I love Ai-Aiden b-but what d-did I do so wrong? A-And I just…” I couldn’t talk anymore because I was crying so hard. Frank pulled me close, rocking me back and fourth. I cried into his chest miserably for what seemed like hours before I calmed enough for him to gently push me back.
“I want you to listen… your mother is a bitch, okay? She will look back on this when you are grown and she will hate herself for how horribly she treated you. You are a wonderful person, Eric.” He wiped my eyes.
“I just h-hate it so much.” I sniffled. “I… I wish I wasn’t gay s-so my dad would still love me…”
“Now I don’t know exactly what happened with your father, Eric… but the same thing goes. He is missing out on raising a wonderful son. With your mom and dad… I’m surprised you’ve turned out as nice and sweet as you are… it’s amazing.”
I let out another sob, tears filling my eyes again. “I’m not amazing. You p-people s-say I am but I’m not!”
“Eric… Eric, you are. Why do you hate yourself? Why are you so fucking shy? Why do you act so scared around people?”
I couldn’t tell Frank I’d been raped, couldn’t…
Instead I continued crying, now harder than before thinking of it. I was picturing it in my head, I could feel it happening…
“Eric, what’s wrong?” Frank asked loudly.
“I need Aiden.” I sobbed.
“C’mon, let’s go to him.”
I nodded. He walked with me back to the room.
“Gerard… they need to talk.” He said, waving Gerard over.
I crawled onto the bed by Aiden, crying harder than I ever have.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” he whispered.
“Why’d he do it?” I sobbed after Gerard and Frank closed the door.
I felt Aiden’s hands brushing my tears away. “What, babe?”
“Luke. Why did he rape me, Aiden? W-Why did he use me l-like that?” I cried.
“I don’t know, baby. I don’t know. He’s sick…”
“I’m so jealous of you, A-Aiden… y-you’re so fucking perfect and I’m fucking not…”
“Eric… this isn’t some competition or something… and I’m not fucking perfect.”
“I… I just… I’m so tired, Aiden.” I cried.
“Lay down… shh, come lay down.”
I laid down next to him, getting comfortable. He wiped my tears still, kissing my wet cheeks. My eyes hurt like hell… my whole body did. I was just tired now… I felt like I couldn’t eve keep my eyes open.
“Okay, babe… just sleep.” Aiden whispered, rubbing my back.
It wasn’t long before I felt myself, thankfully, drifting to sleep….
Aiden’s POV
Eric slept next to me, curled up at my side, until morning. The doctors weren’t can’t have been too happy about it, but having famous parents with a lot of money comes in handy sometimes.
When Eric woke up the next morning, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, then stretched and wearily looked around. When his beautiful gray eyes finally landed on me, he smiled.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“You’re the one in the hospital.” He said, yawning.
We both glanced at Dad and… well, Dad. With not hating Gerard, it was proving hard to distinguish which of my Dad’s I was talking about. I was seriously considering pulling a Bella and calling Frank ‘Daddy’ and Gerard ‘Dad.’ Now I didn’t think she was such a baby. Speaking of Bella, she’s supposed to be coming by later. Her, Nikki, and Jack have been sleeping at Grandma’s.
Frank and Gerard were lying on this couch that was in the room. Frank was leaning on Gerard, who had his arms around Frank. They were both, apparently, fast asleep.
“I know but you were pretty bad off.” I said, focusing all my attention on Eric.
He gave me a small smile. “I’m okay.”
“Do you promise?” I asked, grasping his hands. He sat Indian style across from me and gave me his hands.
“Yes. I feel better. I think I just needed some sleep.”\
“Hey, look… if you ever need to talk about the… the rape… I’m here. I know that you… you don’t wanna talk about it…” I said, trying to focus on what I was saying. My mind was still a little messed up from lack of food. “But… I also know that rape is something that… you need to talk about… and I’m here for you, baby.”
He leaned foreard, pressing his lips to mine.
I pulled away instantly. “Eric, you’ll get sick.”
He rolled his eyes and kissed me again. This time I kissed him back, closing my eyes.
He eventually pulled away and I opened my eyes, looking at him again. I wanted to take in everything. His pale skin, his gray eyes that I could (cliché as it is) myself in, the way his freckles were so randomly spread throughout his face… everything.
“I love you.” He said, smiling. “I love you and we’re gonna be together forever. Me and you.”
I smiled back at him. “We are.”
Frank’s POV
“Rape. He was raped, Gerard. I heard him and Aiden talking this morning… they thought we were asleep. Well, you were. But I wasn’t. And I hear him say—.”
“What?!” Gerard exclaimed.
We had told the boys we were getting food, and I’d dragged Gerard out. Now we were in a long hallway full of empty stretchers, pointless ugly paintings on bland white walls, and with too many doctors for my liking walking around in white coats and clipboards. What is it with hospitals and the color white?
“This morning Aiden told Eric if Eric ever needed to talk about being raped, he was there. Gerard, he was raped..” I said. “I wonder if…he had trouble with his dad…do you think his dad raped him?!”
“His mother couldn’t be that fucked up…” Gerard said.
“Yours was…” I whispered.
“Eric… wh—…” Gerard mouthed wordlessly. It was obvious he was thinking hard. Finally he muttered, “That kid has more problems than our whole family combined.”
“I know.” I said miserably. “Sh… should we tell him and Aiden I heard?”
“No… it’s obvious he didn’t want us to know. We just have to pretend nothing happened. If he gets bad, we’ll talk to Aiden and decide with him what needs to happen.” Gerard said instantly.
“B-But… he can only live with that for so long. Who knows how long he already has, Gerard!”
“Look, when Bert raped you… what happened when I tried to force it out of you? We almost split up… when Eric wants us to know, if he ever does, we will know. Okay? But until we think he’s gonna fucking slit his wrists, we can’t bring it up.”
I sighed. I hated knowing what pain he went through. I tried to block what had happened with Bert.
But now, knowing that Eric had been raped… it all came flooding back. The pain. How alone I’d felt that entire time… it was awful. And to think that sweet and shy Eric had been raped… it broke my heart into two. I wanted to hold him and rock him and never let go… he was like a son to me.
“Frank… I know you… and you’re gonna want to talk about it with Eric… but I also know this… you need to let Eric come to you. Don’t do anything to jeopardize Aiden and Eric’s relationship, Frankie… nothing is worth that.”
The Next Day…
Eric’s POV
“Baby, you can’t have that tube in your nose forever.”
“Sure I can…” Aiden said in a shaky sort of voice. The doctors were getting rather frustrated with him. Frank was convincing himself that Aiden wasn’t ready and Gerard, a person deathly afraid of things going into the body, was agreeing with Aiden.
“Baby, you’ll get it done and it will be over with before you know it.” I said.
“I… it’s gonna hurt.”
“I’ll be here with you and I’ll hold your hand.” I said.
He sighed and nodded.
A man doctor let out a sigh and approached the bed. I sat by Aiden, squeezing his hand.
It took a while for Aiden to calm down enough for the man to pull out the tube. They did it slowly and Aiden gagged a few times. It was agonizing to watch. The more they pulled out the worse he got. They even had to quit half way through because he began coughing so hard. When the tube was finally out Aiden’s eyes were teary and he was coughing and gagging at the same time.
“The pain will go away soon.” The man said.
Aiden continued coughing, his head now buried in my chest. I gently rubbed his back, kissing the top of his head.
“Are you okay?” Frank asked worried, now at our side.
Aiden leaned over the table and began to vomit, barely missing Frank’s feet.
I continued to rub his back. “It’ll be better in a few minutes.”
He nodded, sitting up. “Sorry, Dad.”
“It’s okay.” Frank ruffled his hair. “You know what this means, right?”
“What?” Aiden coughed.
“You’re gonna get to go soon.”
He began to cough more, falling against me.
“Oh, babe…” Frank said, kissing his cheek.
“It burns… it hurts, Dad… fuck…” he whimpered, the coughed some more. His eyes were still teary and it was obvious he was miserable and in pain.
“Baby… it’ll get better.”
“I know.” He coughed. He fell quiet but I could feel his heart pounding, seeing as he was leaning on me. His eyes closed and eventually his breathing evened out. I glanced out, watching his chest rise and fall.
“He’s okay now.” Frank said happily. “Soon he’ll be home. You’ll see.”
I continued to watch Aiden, somehow thinking Frank was wrong. My arms went tighter around him when he gave a little cough and I pressed my lips to his rosy cheek.