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Sequel: The Pros and Cons of Growing Up ›
The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 8
Aiden’s POV
The next morning, before I even opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t breathe without sending a blinding pain through my chest. My head was pounding and even sitting up made me dizzy and nauseous.
I began coughing, lying back down.
Dad looked over from where he was sitting, reading a book. “Aiden?”
I continued coughing, unable to speak. I couldn’t decide which hurt me, coughing or breathing.
“Aiden? Are you okay?” Dad came over and put the back of his hand on my cheek. His eyes widened and he felt my forehead. With his hand still on my forehead, he turned around. “Gerard… Gee, get up.”
Gerard’s eyes snapped open and he wearily blinked.
“Gerard, go get a doctor… quick.”
Gerard didn’t hesitate, but stood up and rushed off. It only took a dew minutes for him to come back with a doctor, the same one who took out my feeding tube yesterday.
“Now what is wrong?” he asked, sitting me up.
I went into another coughing fit and shook my head.
“He’s burning up.” Dad said.
The doctor nodded, then put a thermometer in Aiden’s ear. When it beeped he pulled it out and glanced at it. “105 again… Aiden, so you need help breathing?”
I managed to nod, trying to focus on my dads. As long as they were here, I’d be fine. It was always that way.
But now I knew they had no control over this. And I was wondering where Eric was, because as I looked around he was no where to be seen. I could vaguely remember him telling me something last night though. I just couldn’t remember what.
“We’re going to have him put on an oxygen mask… this is normal, Mr. Iero, so you shouldn’t worry. “Pneumonia patients tend to get better, get worse, get better, get worse… it’s a vicious cycle.” The doctor explained while bending over and opening a drawer on the wooden table that the big machine that had my stats was on. He pulled open a bag with an oxygen mask and began hooking it up to another machine. “Now, Aiden, we are going to see if this helps you any. If it doesn’t our next step will be moving you back into the ICU. Heather will be in with some medicine for you. What I want you to do is first, calm down. This is normal and if it weren’t, I wouldn’t lie to you.”
I nodded, taking in a deep breath as he put the mask on my face.
He smiled. “Now, second I want you to rest. That’s what you’re here, after all.”
I nodded again and stared at my dad. He gave me this pitiful excuse of a smile and I felt bad, knowing I was worrying him this bad.
The doctor went out quickly and Dad came over.
“I’m getting worse, aren’t I?” I asked.
“…it looks that way.” Dad said, sighing. He glanced at Gerard, who was on the phone with Bella.
“Where’s Eric?” I asked.
“Don’t you remember? Bella and Nikki came to see you and Eric went with them to sleep some…” Dad said.
I couldn’t remember. I strained to remember, but couldn’t for the life of me. “I… I don’t.”
Frank’s POV
It doesn’t get easier. They say it does, but it doesn’t. Eric got here about an hour ago. Gerard and I were hoping seeing Eric would make Aiden feel better.
Of course he was a bit happier, but still getting worse. He was wheezing loudly, as if he had asthma. Now I may be stupid sometimes but I know Bella is the one with asthma, not Aiden.
He wasn’t even able to rest, because he would randomly go into terrible coughing fits. It was like he was choking when he did, because his face would turn red and he’d take in loud gasps of air.
Gerard couldn’t watch. When this happened he buried his head in his hands and didn’t look up until the coughing had completely ceased. Now I wasn’t the only one scared shitless, it seemed.
Eric was at his side, holding his hand, from the second he walked into the door. Aiden just sat up, looking around. It was weird seeing Aiden so quiet… Even in the ICU he had been loud and semi-lively. I didn’t even want to think about how poorly he must be feeling.
Another hour passed, and the louder the wheezing got. The longer the coughing fits lasted and the quicker they came. The doctors were now in every few minutes, and if a doctor walked in on a coughing fit he or she would stay until it was over.
His female doctor, a pretty redhead woman, came in right as Aiden was beginning to cough. She sighed sadly and came over to him.
“These are normal.” She explained to me and Gerard, who was sitting with his head in his hands again. I was torn between comforting Gerard and staying next to Aiden. I chose Aiden though, knowing Gerard would snap at me if I went over when he was like that anyway. He didn’t like his weak side shown and if it was being shown, it was best to leave him be. “It should end soon…”
Aiden’s cough got louder and I noticed he was pale… paler than he had been before.
“Oh no.” the woman said. “Aiden, sit up straight for me.”
Eric helped Aiden sit up, eyes wide in terror.
“I need you to calm down, Aiden. Right now you’re having the equivalent of an asthma attack. Take a deep breath and calm down.”
Aiden gave a shuddery breath and his coughing faltered.
“Good boy… keep taking deep breaths just like that.” The doctor said. “I will be right back.”
Aiden fell against Eric, still taking deep breaths.
A chair scraped across the floor and the door slammed. Gerard had ran out.
“I’ll be right back.” I whispered, then ran out after him.
Gerard was sliding down the white wall as I came out. He looked so helpless and he looked at me, then his face crumbled.
“Baby…” I whispered, sitting down by him.
“T… That’s our b-baby in there… d-did… he can’t breathe, Frank…” Gerard sobbed. “He can’t breathe! He… He just… I feel so fucking… why can’t I help him?! W-We promised to fucking help them, Frank, and he needs me and… I can’t do a goddamn thing.” Tears fell down his pale cheeks and he roughly brushed them off, then turned around and punched the wall. “Why can’t we help him? How c-can you watch him and n-not hate yourself for letting him go through that?”
“What can I do, Gerard, besides tell him I love him and be there for him? What can we do?”
“I can’t see him like that… I keep thinking of you and your coma and the fucking rape… and what will happen if he were to die… and he’s in so much pain, it’s so obvious…” he was now a little calmed down. He was sitting on the floor and still crying, but talking in a whisper. “And I just… I wish it was me, Frank…” he looked me dead in the eyes. The way he could look at you sometimes, just zone in on you… the feeling was creepy. He could make you feel like the two of you were the only people in the world… and he didn’t always use it happily. Like now. His hazel eyes were more full of pain than I ever saw them. “Why couldn’t it have been me?”
“Be…” I trailed off, blinking before looking him in the eyes again. “Because this is something that… that God wants Aiden to work through himself…”
“How can you say there’s a God after what he’s going through?”
“Because he isn’t dead! He was in the ICU for almost two weeks… he’s been through so much and I cannot believe he got through it on his own. We aren’t helping him… someone has to be.”
Gerard shook his head. “No! No! If there was a fucking God, Frank, your son wouldn’t be lying half dead in there right now almost on fucking life support.”
“Gerard, you’re getting so defensive.” I whimpered. “And so angry.”
“I am angry, Frank! I AM FURIOUS! My fucking son is in there and he’s in pain and no one can do a goddamn thing about it and you’re gonna fucking go on about God?!” Gerard exclaimed, his hazel eyes flashing angrily. “We promised to take care of him! Look at him! They could fucking take him away!”
I knew he was angry, I knew I was taking a risk, but I reached over and pulled him to my chest. He began to cry again, balling some of my T-shirt in his fist. “We promised.” He sobbed into my chest. “We promised to love him and k-keep him safe…”
“It’s going to be okay, Gee.” I whispered, stroking his hair. “He’s going to be fine.” I rested my chin on his head, closing my eyes.
“I hate feeling so helpless.” He sobbed. “I just fucking hate it.”
“Hey, dry your eyes and we’re gonna go see Aiden. I’m sure he’s better now anyway.”
Gerard nodded. I took in his face, swollen and red from crying. Tears still spilled down his cheeks and he had given up on brushing them away.
“C’mon, let’s go.”
We headed into the room, only to see Aiden, shaking and his chest heaving. His eyes were wide and his lips had taken a bluish tint, standing out against his pale skin.
“He’s panicking! Someone get an intibation kit in here now!” the female doctor screamed.
Someone rushed in and towards the bed. Eric was back in the corner, watching with his eyes wide.
“Baby.” I ran to him, kneeling down by him.
He burst into tears. I took his hand, squeezing it.
“Sir… you don’t have to leave. Just help keep him still.” The doctor said.
“I-I’m here, babe…” I whispered as they laid him flat.
“Tilt your head back, Aiden.” The woman said kindly. “I promise, it’ll be over soon.”
Aiden was shaking, petrified.
“It’s okay.” I whispered again, brushing his bangs back with the hand that wasn’t holding his. He was squeezing my hand and his palm was sweaty. “I’m right here okay… I love you.”
“Now Aiden I want you to listen to your dad after I give you some instructions. After I tell you to listen to your dad, he is all you focus on, okay?”
Aiden nodded, his eyes wide.
“We are going to spray something in your throat to make you numb first, alright? Then we’re going to use this right here—.” She held something up. “To guide the tube down your throat.”
He shook his head.
“It’ll be over before you know it.”
“Please.” He whimpered.
“If there were any other way… now lay back flat, okay?”
Aiden shook his head, twisting about.
I looked at Gerard, who was staring and tears pouring silently down his face. He was whispering something quickly… he was praying.
“Aiden, stop.” I said. “They’re trying to help you.” I gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
Aiden laid down flat and they titled his head up. He kicked out effortlessly, I think he’d worn himself out.
“Listen to your dad now.” The doctor said, picking up the spray.
Aiden’s blue eyes were on me. I took a deep breath, swallowed, and looked down at him.
“Soon… soon we’re gonna go back home…” I said awkwardly. “I uh…”
He was shaking so hard, I could feel it just from holding his sweaty hand. The doctor sprayed a liquid down his throat and he began to cry again, hitting out at the doctor and rolling over.
“Hey, look at me. Me and me only… they aren’t even here.” I said as the doctor leaned over him again after lying him down flat. I squeezed his hand, then rubbed his arm trying to do anything to comfort my baby boy who was so obviously in pain.
The doctor met my eyes, then began sliding the tube down his throat. Aiden whimpered and gagged, beginning to kick angrily.
The doctor stepped back as he began to, once again, twist around.
“Aiden, I’m right here… you’re making it last longer.” I said loudly.
He quit kicking but tears still fell down his face. It was terrible to watch, I felt like I was abusing him by letting the doctors do this.
“It… It’s okay…” I whispered. “It’s all going to be over soon.”
He whimpered and began to cry again. He looked as if he might kick again, but then he relaxed.
“Feel that pain? I want you to squeeze your dad’s hand that hard… when it hurts more, you squeeze more.” The doctor said.
Aiden squeezed my hand lightly.
“It hurts more than that, Aiden.” The doctor said.
His grip tightened and I squeezed his hand back. Three or four times, he squeezed my hand so hard I was sure it would snap. But eventually, the doctor sat up. The nurse put tape on his face to hold the tube in place and Aiden looked at me. There were still unshed tears in his eyes and he was still shaking, but he could breathe and it was very noticeable.
I bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“I love you… oh God, Aiden… I love you.”
Eric’s POV
I sat in the chair nearest to where I stood in the corner, than slid down. I could only stare at Aiden. I wanted to go and hold him… be there with him.
But I was scared. I had never seen Aiden cry.
Never. He’d gotten upset and stormed off tons of times, he’d look near tears… but I’d never seen him cry… never seen him so helpless.
Gerard sat down as well, cradling his hand to his chest.
The doctor let out a relieved sigh. “His stats are returning to normal… good.” She looked around, then her eyes went down. “Mr. Way, is your hand alright?”
“Yes.” Gerard said, looking down at his bloody knuckles.
“I don’t think so… may I take a look?”
“Aiden is the sick one!” he snapped.
She sighed. “Aiden is fine, Mr. Way. It looks like you may have broken something…”
Gerard sighed and held out his hand. The doctor looked at his hand, then gently pressed down on his knuckles. His face screwed up in pain.
“Aiden, I’m going to take your dad to get a X Ray really quick. We’ll be back—and while I’m still here, no moving your head or talking… or any noises. Unless you want me to have to re-intibate you.”
“Stay with him.” Gerard said to Frank as the doctor walked out. He leaned down and hesitantly kissed Aiden’s forehead. “You did great, kid…” he whispered. “I love you.”
“Now Aiden, rest up.” The doctor said poking her head back in, then led Gerard out.
The room was silent. I continued to stare at Aiden, knowing I must be creeping him out. He looked at me and my eyes met his blue ones… those eyes had looked so scared only minutes ago.
He let go of Frank’s hand and reached out towards me.
I shook my head.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Frank said. “You can’t hurt him. Just don’t shove your tongue down his throat.”
The joke wasn’t funny, I didn’t even smile.
“Hey, come here.”
I sighed and stood, slowly making my way over.
“You won’t break him. It’s okay.” Frank said.
Yeah… because he’s already broken… I thought to myself carefully and gently taking his hand.
“I’m gonna use the bathroom.” Frank said, getting up carefully and going towards the in room bathroom.
“I… love you.” I whispered, looking at him. “I… I do.”
He blinked at me.
“You’re scaring me… you’re the strong one, Aiden… I just… I don’t know what to do… I’m afraid to be near you b-because I don’t want to hurt you more.”
He squeezed my hand gently.
“I love you so much… please get better, Aiden…please.”
Frank came out of the bathroom. “How is he?”
“He’s fine…” I looked down at Aiden, who was staring ahead.
I looked behind me, trying to see what he was looking at. Nothing there. Not even a window to distract him.
Frank came over. “Aiden?”
He didn’t even look at him. He just laid there, staring off.
“Aiden, are you okay?” Frank asked, his voice becoming worried. He put his head on Aiden’s chest. “He’s breathing… Aiden, do I need to call a doctor? Aiden, can you fucking hear me?”
I looked at him, noticing how his eyes looked glassy… it was like it wasn’t Aiden. Like he was blind or something. His eyes were also half closed, making him look dead. If I wasn’t scared before, I was really scared now.
Slowly, Aiden’s eyes focused on Frank.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Frank whispered. “I… are you okay? Squeeze Eric’s hand.”
It took several seconds before I felt a slight pressure on my hand. I squeezed his hand back.
“The doctor will be back soon.” Frank whispered in his ear, brushing some hair from his eyes. “It’s going to be okay.”
His eyes closed.
Gerard’s POV
I sat down on Aiden’s bed next to him, taking his pale hand in mine. He had fallen asleep shortly after a weak struggle with his doctors as they put a feeding tube in. That had only been an hour ago and he was still fast asleep.
Frank and Eric had just left so Eric could get a shower and a change of clothes.
I put my bandaged wrist in my lap and stared at him… this was hard, looking at your son with random tubes going into his body…
Tears instantly filled my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Aiden… I know that… I just…” he let go of his hand, wiped my eyes, and took his hand again. “Can’t tell you t-this when you’re awake b-because I feel so… guilty. I’ve always been such a awful parent… I’ve never been good… Frankie, though… he’s always been perfect… he’s the perfect d-dad…” I said, now fully crying.
“It’s just… I never knew how… m-my dad fucking raped me when I was fourteen… H-he hated me because I was gay… a-and he never treated me or Mikey very well… and I know that isn’t an excuse…” I sniffled. “But… I just… I’m sorry. I wish that you c-could have… I wish that you had a b-better father than me…” I took a deep breath. “If you hadn’t had Frankie for a parent you’d be a mess like me… that’s all I am, a mess. Sometimes I wish I could j-just disappear… it’d be better for you, Frankie, and Bella anyway… I think I was always a better dad to her, Aiden… because I… I didn’t want to do to you what my dad did to me…”
Now I was outright sobbing.
“I c-could n-never imagine myself doing it, b-but… I was scared to hurt you. To fuck you up like my dad did me. And when you were getting to be eleven and so mean… I was so terrible than because I didn’t want to… I don’t know … I’m just so sorry… b-but you can’t imagine… it was awful. My dad would come in drunk and he’d ‘punish me’ f-for being gay… i-it would sometimes be every night for a week or two…. Or sometimes, when I’d finally think he was done with raping me, he’d r-randomly come in again… it was a awful way to live and… I could never make you live like that because I love you… I always loved you and I know it m-may have seemed like Bella was my f-favorite… b-but I love you so much… Aiden I’m so afraid to look at you now because you look dead… you look how I feel sometimes. Dead. That’s how I felt for years…” I trailed off, quietly sobbing and looking at my beautiful son.
I just wanted him to get better so we could move on… go back to Canada and maybe… forget this.
Forget my son, lying and look dead on a hospital bed?
I was never going to forget this. How horrified he looked when they were intibating him… how still he lay. It was like he was dead already, while he slept. The only thing letting me know he was alive anymore was his eyes…
This is what it’s come to. Picturing my son in a coffin.
I began to cry even harder. “Aiden, don’t die.” I sobbed. “Aiden, I love you… all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy… please, get better. I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being such a bad parent. I’m sorry for getting into drugs and cheating on Frank… I’m sorry for making you hate me… You’ve hated me ever since I slept with her haven’t you?”
No, I was being ridiculous. We’d gotten along fine.
I sniffled. “I’m sorry f-for everything… You can’t die! I c-can’t live without you! The f-first day I saw you… I love you… w-what else can I say?”
I looked at him and felt myself get even sadder. “You have to believe I w-would never do anything to hurt you or Bella… or especially Frankie. I just… I was back into drugs and… and I hated knowing I was hurting him… he was always angry a-and… I had sex with her… I felt awful… like, I can never forgive myself… I was almost glad Frank realized… glad that he left me because I deserved it… I’m surprised he took me back… h-he may have been stupid… for it.”
I sighed and looked at him again. “You know I remember the first time we took you on tour, Aiden… it was like two weeks into it and…” I quietly laughed. “And everyone was so stressed with Bella running around and you were crawling like crazy, trying to run after her and getting into shit… and Frank picked you up to give you a bath and you gave him the nastiest look and went ‘You fucker.’ Your first words…”
I trailed off, looking at him. “You have to be okay.” I whispered, feeling helpless once again.
I felt him squeeze my hand and looked at him once again. His blue eyes blinked tiredly at me. But I could see something in his eyes I hadn’t seen all day… that light… and I knew it was going to be okay.
Tears filled my eyes once again and I smiled, feeling them slide down my cheeks. He had tears in his eyes too.
“I… It’s gonna be okay.” I whispered, touching his warm cheek. “It’s gonna be okay isn’t it?”
He reached up and squeezed my hand.
“I love you Aiden… I fucking love you so much…” I said, then leaned down and kissed his forehead.
Frank’s POV
After Eric and I had both eaten and had our showers, we headed back towards the hospital. When I got into the room, Gerard was sitting by Aiden’s bed and holding his hand. Aiden was fast asleep but Eric rushed over anyway, taking his hand from Gerard who had stood up.
Gerard ran at me, pulling me into the tightest hug ever. “I love you sooo much, Frank.” He said into my neck. “Oh god… I’m so sorry for everything I’ve ever done wrong, Frank… I really am…. Just… I’m so sorry.”
“W-What, Gee?”
“I’m just… so sorry.” He kissed me passionately.
I kissed back, the pulled away and looked at him. “What’s going on?”
“I just… I’m sorry and I love you and… it’s all gonna be okay.”
Eric was whispering to Aiden and kissing his cheek.
“Let’s give them some privacy, huh?” I whispered, leading him out. I closed the door behind us. “W-What happened to your hand?”
“I dunno, really… something is broke and bruised but I was too worried about Aiden.” He whispered back, wincing as I picked up his hand.
I gently pressed my lips to his knuckles. “Better now?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Hey, Frank… me and Aiden had a talk…”
“He can’t talk! You know—.”
“More like I talked and he listened.”
“About what?”
“A-About… about my dad raping me.”
My eyes widened and I dropped his hand, which I had still been kissing. “Gerard, why the fuck would you DO that?”
“I don’t know, Frank!” he snapped. “I thought he was fucking dying. It’s not like I wanted to tell him everything that had ever happened in my life! I thought he fucking was sleeping!”
“He was awake?!”
“Well no shit! I didn’t know it Look, it isn’t like I fucking planned to tell him my life story, okay?!”
“He’s sixteen!”
“I was fucking scared my son was dying, Frank!”
“I… what’s he going to think now, Gerard?!”
“We are famous! It probably wasn’t a surprise to him anyway.”
“He didn’t know, Gerard, and both of us know that.”
“Frank, what is so wrong with it?” he snapped.
“Imagine you’re Aiden and your dad just told you he was raped by his father as a kid…” I said, tears filling my eyes. “Gerard, this… this isn’t something your son should know…
“So I’m supposed to make it my secret?! He’s my son, that’s why I told him! You couldn’t begin to understand!”
“Being in a relationship means I have to try… and you do too!” I said, growing more angry at Gerard with every word he spoke. “When your son has nightmares about you being raped every night, you’ll see what I’m talking about.”
I instantly regretted it, seeing the look of hurt on his face…
Gerard’s POV
“B… baby, I’m so sorry…” Frank said.
“Shut up.” I snapped, backing up. “Just shut up, Frank.”
“Gee…”
I backed into the wall. “I… you c-couldn’t understand! I had to tell him."
"If you had to, Gee... then I understand and it's okay." he said in a soothing voice.
I felt tears welling in my eyes again. "What if... what if I screwed him up?”
"You're so scared to screw him up that you won't let yourself enjoy being a dad, Gerard..."
“I… I don’t want to mess Aiden up like my dad did to me, Frankie…”
“Your son loves you, Gerard…. Very much. Do you understand that? That boy loves you!”
“W-what if I m-mess him up forever? H-he’s already been into drugs and shit like m-me and it’s always on those shows. Dads raping their kids because their dads did it to them! Goddammit, I don’t want to be that person.” I said, shaking. “I don’t wanna ruin his life… I don’t want him to be scared to be in the same state I’m in… being in Jersey is hell… Frank, being in AMERICA is hell… I don’t want Aiden to be like me…”
“There is nothing wrong with you, Gerard! You are…”
“I cheated on you, I was a drug addict, an alcoholic!”
“And you worked through your shit and got yourself together! Look… just because your dad would rape you does not mean you are going to rape Aiden. What your father did to you is beyond terrible… beyond… and you aren’t capable of that… you are too good of a person. You dedicated your life to helping kids… Gerard, you are a amazingly wonderful father.”
“I-… I’m not. You are… y-you talk to them about things, you… they come to you…”
“Gerard…” he looked me in the eyes. “You… you do so much and you don’t give yourself credit for anything…”
“The only thing I can do well in life is sing, Frank. And I’m not even good at that.”
“Gerard… I love you… you children love you and even Eric loves you. You are a… an amazing, wonderful man and… you’re hurting.”
The tears poured down my face and I began to sob. He pulled me close to him, rubbing my back.
“I love you.” He whispered, kidding the top of my head. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”
I cried helplessly into his shoulder until I couldn’t cry anymore. We both sat down on the floor, the same spot as last time, and he had me pulled to him with my head lying on his chest.
“Gerard… we need to go in soon… but I just want you to know that… that I love you and… and I’m not bitter at you for the divorce and I’m… not mad at you for telling Aiden…” he said, brushing the hair from my eyes. “But… I’m worried. And I’m here… we’re in this together. 100 percent. Okay?”
I nodded, sniffling and giving a small shudder.
“Just… take a few deep breaths when you see Aiden and get scared, okay? Cause… like you said… he’s gonna be fine.”
Aiden’s POV
A Week Later…
“Okay, Aiden… you’ve been waiting for this. Time to get your breathing tube out.” Dr. Morris, an elderly man, said coming over to me. My eyes widened in horror. “Now who would you like to help you sit up.”
No one. No one should sit me up until I’m knocked out… out cold. Dead.
“Now come on. It won’t be that bad.”
I looked at Gerard and reached my hand towards him. Ever since I’d woke up and heard everything he said… I just felt close to him. And… I felt good knowing he loved me. Really loved me, not just because he was ‘supposed to.’
“Me?” he whispered.
I reached more, blinking, not knowing any other way to acknowledge him.
He hesitantly stood up. “I… maybe Frank should…”
“You’re just going to hold his hand.”
Gerard slowly came over. He looked almost as scared as I felt, which was scared. I was petrified.
“Th… this is big. Are you sure you want me?”
I grasped his hand tightly after he sat down on the bed behind me.
“Now slowly help me sit him up.” Dr. Morris said.
I felt the both of the slowly sitting me up. I was leaned against Gerard and his arms went around me.
“Now this may hurt but you need you to be as still as possible for me.” Dr. Morris said. “It is a slow process, but if you move it will take longer.”
I felt myself beginning to shake. I grabbed Dad’s hand again and the doctor pulled the tape off of my mouth. I closed my eyes, trying not to panic.
“Now hold your breath.”
I did as told as they opened my mouth. Dr. Morris began to slowly pull the tube out. I began gagging and coughing as the worst pain I ever felt exploded in my chest. Tears filled my eyes and Gerard’s arms went a little tighter around me.
“It’s okay.” He whispered in my ear.
The doctor continued to slowly pull the tube out. I coughed, tears pouring down my face. I was shaking much harder than I did when they took the feeding tube out. This was torture.
“I love you and its okay.” He whispered again. I felt myself relax some. “Close your eyes.”
I closed my eyes, still coughing. And then I freaked out. My eyes snapped opened and I whimpered.
“Shhh.” Gerard whispered in my ear and I felt him rubbing my back. “Shhh.”
I kicked out at Dr. Morris, trying to elbow Gerard.
“Aiden, no. You’ll hurt yourself.” Frank said from the side where he was sitting. They’d made Eric leave until it was over.
“Aiden, if you cause this tube to go in the wrong place you will die.” Dr. Morris said.
I could care less. I kicked at him again, crying.
And then I was roughly pulled against Dad’s chest. He had one arm around my waist, one hand holding under my chin holding me still. I began to sob hysterically but Dr. Morris continued anyway.
Suddenly it was over. I was exhausted and sore, and I was so thirsty I thought if I didn’t have water I’d die.
“Water.” I croaked out, not even recognizing my voice as my own. I collapsed weakly onto Gerard as Dr. Morris put a oxygen mask on me. I took in shuddery breaths, feeling an intense pain in my chest.
“We want you to wait a few minutes and then you dad’ll give you some. It’s right here.” Dr. Morris said, setting a cup down. “I’ll be right back.”
He left, presumably to retrieve Eric.
“You did so good.” Dad whispered, coming up. “I’m so proud of you, Aiden.”
“Please Daddy… water?” I croaked, hating how scratchy my voice sounded.
I reached for the cup.
Gerard looked at me, shocked. Then he seemed to snap out of a daze. “Baby, we have to wait for the doctor to say so.”
I began to cry. “I need it, daddy… I need it.”
“Aiden… I can’t.”
“Daaaaaddy.” I sobbed, like a little child. I didn’t care though. I needed that water and I would stop at nothing to get it… my life depended on it. “Pleeeeeeeeeease.”
Gerard’s POV
“Daaaaaaaaaddy.” He sobbed, looking at me with big blue eyes. “Pleeeeeeeeeeease.”
“I… I can’t, Aiden… you heard the doctor.”
“Please.” He sobbed.
This was my son, who never asked for anything. And here he was begging me for water. Like if he didn’t have it he would die.
I felt awful. It was only water. What could it hurt? Honestly.
I was reaching for the plastic red cup of water the doctor had set down. I mean, hell. It was like the cup was teasing him.
The door opened and Dr. Morris came in. “Hello Aiden. Good to see your breathing tube is out.”
Aiden continued to sob for water.
“If you wait a few minutes and calm down, you can have the water. Ten minutes.”
Aiden began to sob louder, as if ten minutes would kill him. I wrapped my arms tighter around him
“Now in ten minutes I will come back to check on you. If you are calmed down, you can have some water. If not, I’ll have to make you wait longer.”
Aiden nodded, and then buried his head in my chest. His hand grasped my shirt tightly and he whimpered.
I rubbed his back gently.
“If you’ll sit up, Aiden, I’m going to put a breathing tube in your nose.”
His eyes widened in horror as the doctor pulled a tube out of a plastic bag.
“This one doesn’t go in you.” Dr. Morris smiled.
I felt Aiden, who had tensed up, relax. I felt so bad, watching him go through this. I would give anything to be in his place.
The doctor attached the tube to a machine (there were too many to even tell which one, not that I’d know anyway.) and slid it under Aiden’s nose. He set the sides on either side of Aiden’s head, behind his ears.
“That good?”
Aiden, who it seemed had calmed down because he was no longer crying, shrugged.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes.” He said, taking the mask off of Aiden.
Aiden sat still and silent a few minutes before he seemed to remember he was thirsty.
“Daddy, can I please have some water?” he whispered so Frank couldn’t hear me.
“Baby, I would give it to you and you know it.”
He looked at me, his blue eyes pleading. Oh God… I wanted to cry. It was obvious he was pain and all he wanted was some water, damnit. I felt his heartbeat fastening up because he was leaning on me. It felt like his heart would just beat itself out of his chest. I wanted to give him the water so bad, but I knew it would hurt him. He didn’t think it would, but I knew it would.
He continued to cry.
“Aiden, really. You’re putting stress on your body and that isn’t good in your state. Now I want you to sit up, calm down, and act your age.” Frank said.
I looked at Frank like he was the cruelest person.
“What? His lungs don’t need the stress of him crying like this! Aiden, stop.”
Aiden cried more, wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his head in my chest.
“Frank, you’re being cruel.” I whispered, rubbing Aiden’s back.
“I just don’t want him to hurt himself, Gerard. He can’t have water because it will hurt him. He can’t cry because it will hurt him.”
“It’s obvious he needs it by the fit he’s in!” I said, fighting an inner battle. I wanted to reach over, grab that red cup, and let him drink to his hearts content. Instead all I could do was rock him and try to calm him down.
I’d never seen him cry so hard. It scared me. It fucking scared me. I almost wish they hadn’t taken the tube out so he wouldn’t be in this pain… this, whatever this was… more like a state, really.
“Well look at him! He’s gonna hurt himself!” Frank snapped.
Aiden let out a little gasp.
“Aiden?”
He shook his head, giving a shuddery breath and closing his eyes.
“Aiden, calm down. Calm down right now.” Frank said quickly.
Aiden continued to take in huge gasps of air, through his tears. I sat him all the way up, patting his back.
“Aiden, calm down damnit! Calm the fuck down!” Frank shouted, tears filling his eyes. “I’m not fucking losing you! Do you hear me? I love you too goddamn much!”
Aiden coughed, shaking his head.
“Aiden… please…. Calm down.” Frank whimpered.
Aiden took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He let it out slowly, unballing his fist from around my shirt.
“Are you okay?” I asked, brushing his hair from his eyes.
He shook his head, leaning on me. “I want water.” He croaked. I could tell, by looking at his, face that it hurt to speak.
“Just breathe through your nose and let them out through your mouth, okay? Don’t hurt yourself.”
He did what I told him and his heartbeat slowed down.
“Thank God…” I whispered.
“Are you okay?” Frank asked, unshed tears still in his eyes.
Aiden nodded, closing his eyes.
Frank nodded, stood up, and went out.
I looked out the door, seeing Frank bury his head in his hands. I was torn between the love of my life and my son… who did I stay with?
Aiden looked up, opening his eyes. “Is Dad okay?” he asked in this terribly scratchy voice.
“I’m sure he is.’
He looked at me. “Go see.” He coughed.
“Are you sure?”
He nodded and let me off of the bed. He relaxed against the pillows, taking small breaths.
“I’ll be right back, babe.” I said, patting his leg. I went outside the room and Frank was sitting there, taking deep breaths.
“Frankie?” I asked, suddenly worried.
“I… I can’t… I just can’t.” he muttered.
I walked over, pulling him into my chest. “Frankie?”
“I can’t do it, Gerard… I’m trying… but… it’s hard.”
“I know…” I said.
“I know you do, that isn’t it… it’s just… I don’t know. I don’t handle stress well.”
“Well we know he’s gonna be fine, baby. You can just relax.”
He took several deep breaths and began pacing in small circles. “I just… I can’t get a minute to… I don’t know… I’m so fucking worried and I… I can’t fucking relax, Gerard.”
“You have to! Freaking out isn’t going to help anyone! Look what it got me!” I said, holding up my bandaged hand.
“Yeah… I’m sorry… sometimes I just… forget you’re… going through it too.”
“It’s okay, Frankie… a lot of shit is going on.” I said. The more he talked the less I understood. It was like he was struggling to put his sentences together.
“I… can’t fucking… do it.” He whimpered, putting his hands on his head. “I… can’t… do it. I just need… fucking help… I need help…”
“Frank,” I said, beginning to get worried. “Frank you need to sit down and think… Breathe and think. Maybe you should go home tonight and sleep.”
“Leave him alone?” he said in a rushed voice. “You’re fucking insane.” He began muttering to himself. “Fucking insane… leave him alone….”
“You’re scaring me, baby.” I said, coming over to him. He was breathing heavily. “Just… let’s go sit down for a few minutes and talk.”
“I don’t…. want to talk. I want to… to take him home… and be home.” Frankie rambled.
“Frankie, talk normally.” I said, noticing his breathing was becoming even heavier. I put an arm around him. “Let’s sit down.”
“I’m… not sitting down…” he snapped, shrugging me off and beginning to pace again.
“Frank, you are acting fucking weird.” I said, trying to get him to sit with me.
“No… I need to… to… walk. To… think.”
“Frank, please… you’re acting psychotic or something.” I said, grabbing his arm. He pushed me roughly aside, glaring.
“Stop… leave me alone.” Frankie whimpered, putting his hands on his head again and pacing. He messed his hair up furiously, screwing his face up. “Stop Gerard…. Stop!”
“Frankie, are you okay?” I asked quietly, tears filling my eyes.
“Would you… fucking stop?!” he whimpered, looking at me. “Just stop.”
“Stop what, Frank?” I pleaded.
“Stop it, Frank! Stop!” he snapped.
“Frank… are you okay?”
“Stop stop stop!!!” Frankie moaned, then continued mumbling to himself.
“What is wrong with you? Do… do you need anything…. I… what do I do?!”
“Yeah, I—.” he trailed off and began gasping for breath. “I..I can’t breathe… I… c-can’t… Gerard… I can’t breathe.”
I rushed forward as he collapsed, falling to the floor. All I could think in that instant was his coma.
“Frank, wake up.” I said, quickly kneeling by him. “Frankie, get up.”
He didn’t answer.
“Frankie… please… wake up.” I whimpered, dread seeping through me. It was like we were cursed. Aiden was getting better, now this. Something else happening to my family that I had no fucking control over… I have never felt more helpless than I have these last few weeks. I felt so angry… at myself, at no one…. That all of this was happening to Aiden and Frank now too. Like, what next… what could happen next? I shook Frankie, feeling tears in my eyes. “Frankie, get up.”
“Sir, is everything okay?” A young man asked.
“He just… he was acting weird and then collapsed. He said he couldn’t breathe and he hit his head.” I said in a rushed voice. “He won’t wake up.”
“Has… does he have any medical conditions?” The man kneeled down.
“Uhm a while back he went into a coma. We’re supposed to keep an eye on it…”
“Coma?” the man asked, standing. “Okay, let’s take him in here and check him out.”
The man helped me support Frank as we led him into a nearby open room. He was completely limp and unresponsive, not answering neither me or the man who was also trying to wake him up.
“You said he couldn’t breathe?”
“Yeah… he was acting r-really weird and muttering to himself, pacing. He wouldn’t sit down. And then he just said he couldn’t breathe and collapsed.” I said, watching Frank. I was so nervous I was beginning to shake and my palms began sweating.
The man got an oxygen mask and put it on Frankie. He almost instantly began to stir, moaning quietly. His green eyes fluttered open and he blinked several times, then looked around. “Where’s Aiden?”
“Sir, my name is Dr. Henderson. You collapsed.” The young man said. “Do you remember passing out?”
“No… I remember Aiden wanting water and we… we were gonna talk.” Frank said, reaching his hand to rub the back of his head where a bump was forming. He was visibly shaking and looked very out of it. “What’s going on?”
“I think you may have had a panic attack, sir. Then you couldn’t breathe, collapsed, and hit your head. That’s what it sounds like from what your husband told me.”
“I can’t be… admitted. No, what? Panic attack?”
“Frank, follow this with your eyes.”
Frank blinked several times, and then followed the pen with his eyes. “Who is with Aiden?”
“I’m sure Eric is with him by now, Frank.” I said, watching him. He couldn’t seem to focus on the pen. He was also still shaking, making me want to go hold him with a blanket around him. But I knew he wasn’t cold and I knew I couldn’t help… this was just something else that I couldn’t help.
I hated being so goddamn helpless.
“Look… I just… I’m fine.” Frank said, putting his hands on the bed and pushing himself up. He was still shaking. “I just want to see Aiden.”
“Sir, I would advise you to let me give you a quick check up before you go visit your son.” The doctor said, looking slightly annoyed.
“No, I’m fine.” Frank said, sounding equally as annoyed as the man looked.
“Frank…” I said quietly. “Maybe… you should let him check you out. Just so nothing happens.”
“Gerard, I am going to see Aiden.” Frank snapped.
“I’m worried about you! You just collapsed!”
“I got dizzy, that’s all. I’m fine.”
“Frankie…” I said, sighing. “This is a bad idea. You should at least be checked out first.”
“Fine.” Frank snapped after about five minutes of bickering, glaring at the doctor. “Check me.”
Twenty Minutes Later…
Aiden’s POV
I was lying in my bed, leaning on Eric and staring at the red cup thirstily. I wanted water… I needed water… why couldn’t Eric just give me that damn water?
He was stroking my hair and lying silently. There was no point in talking to me because I wouldn’t answer.
I’d been dying to talk so bad that I thought the second the tube was out I’d jabber away. But I was so tired, I felt sicker than ever, and I was in pain. Nothing hurts more than that… nothing. I just wanted to go home, lie in my own bed, drink water, and die.
It had to have been twenty minutes now… Dad and Daddy Gee had been gone a long time, but I couldn’t focus enough to really care. I was focused on that red cup. That water is what I needed to live… I couldn’t wait much longer. Eric told me to wait for Daddy Gee because he wasn’t sure when I could have it… but where were they?
After a few more seconds of staring at the cup, I heard my door creak open. I looked at the door. Daddy Gee came in, with his arm around Dad.
“It’s been twenty minutes. He can have his water now.” Dad said in a weird voice. I noticed he was really pale.
“What happened?” I croaked, without thinking. It hurt like hell and I reminded myself to never speak again.
“Don’t worry.” Dad said, approaching my bed. He picked up the red cup and held it to my mouth. I instantly began to drink. After a few sips, he pulled it back and ruffled my hair.
“Do you feel better?” he asked, sitting on the bed next to me, still holding the cup. He had a knot on his head and I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember him getting it.
“What happened?” I croaked, wincing. Talking hurt worse than…. Well, worse than anything really. It felt like my throat was on fire. But it just wasn’t natural for me to be quiet. For God’s sake, I’m Aiden Iero-Way. I talk. It’s what I do! I talk. And here I am, reminding myself to not talk. Again.
“I tripped. Nothing important.” Dad said, obviously lying.
I turned my head to look at Daddy Gee, who shrugged. I then turned to look at Eric, who looked back at me as clueless as I was.
Fine I thought, not able to find the energy to care. Don’t tell me.
“Hey, your water is almost done. When it is why don’t you take a nap and then your throat will feel better?” Dad asked, brushing my bangs from my eyes.
I wasn’t about to talk again, so I settled for nodding.
“I love you.” Dad said, kissing my forehead.
I hugged him before lying my head on Eric’s chest and drifting to sleep.
Gerard’s POV
Almost seconds after Aiden fell asleep, the young doctor came back into the room. He was only in for a few minutes, just to take some of Frank’s blood to check his blood sugar or something or another.
I knew he was used to needles. I mean, he has tons of tattoos. But it still made me feel sick to my stomach and anxious for him. He barely even acknowledged the pain, though. He winced a bit but within seconds there was no trace of pain in his face.
“I’ll have your results soon. Until then, you should drink some juice.” The doctor told Frank before disappearing.
Frank nodded, but I knew he wouldn’t leave to get juice. He sat on this couch in the room, pulled his legs underneath him, and laid his head on the arm rest. I went over to him, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He curled into me, turning and wrapping his arms around me as well.
Eric glanced over, and then looked quickly back down at Aiden who was fast asleep.
“Are you okay? Really?” I whispered, tightening my grip on Frankie.
He nodded and sighed. “I’m more worried about Aiden… I just want him to be better, Gee.”
“I know, baby… I know…”
“He has to get better eventually, Frankie. He’s getting better already. I mean, look… he’s talking. He really shouldn’t be, but he is. He’s gonna fight through this and soon we’ll be home and everything will be like it was.”
“Yeah… but its been a month, Gerard… he’s been in here a month… its just all hitting me at once…” he said quietly, looking up at me.
I smiled, looking into his green eyes… they were beautiful. How had I gone five years without seeing them every day?
“Thanks for being here…” Frank whispered. “I mean… if I wasn’t with you now… if we hadn’t gotten back together…” he trailed off and looked down.
“Hey, look at me.” I whispered.
He slowly looked up, his eyes meeting mine.
“I just don’t think I could have done this on my own, Gee… that’s all.”
“You don’t have to thank me for being here.” I whispered. “I love Aiden… I love you… I love Eric. We’re family… and I know I wasn’t particularly… I dunno, I wasn’t a very good dad… but I wanna make up for it. And I’m not just here because I feel like I have to be. I’m worried too and I wanna make sure he’s okay…”
“I know… but thanks.” He pressed his lips to mine.
I kissed him back, closing my eyes. I couldn’t even remember our last real kiss. We’d all been so worried about Aiden. Now that he was getting better… I was able to be happier. Because that meant Aiden was happier and he’d be coming home soon… maybe I was assuming too quickly, but it seems like he’s better to me.
When he pulled apart I smiled and kissed his forehead. He closed his eyes, relaxed in my arms, and fell asleep.
I don’t know why but in that instant it was like… like I fell in love with him all over again. Like we were teenagers again… this man had done everything for me. He had saved my life, made it possible for me to have a family, and helped me be a better person. He had loved me when I couldn’t even love myself… and what had I done for him? Gotten high, cheated on him, had sex, and divorced him to marry the hooker from hell…
How had he forgiven me? Why had he forgiven me?
It just… it all seems too perfect.
That’s when I realized… it was too perfect. Maybe Aiden was getting so sick as my punishment… maybe Aiden would die. Or maybe Frank would slip back into his coma again…
Frank snuggled into me, letting out a happy sigh.
Something had to go terribly wrong… it just had to.
Gerard’s POV
Four Days Later…
“Are you sure he’s ready? I mean, he can barely talk.”
“Well the guys have waited over a month to see him, Frank.” I whispered, glancing at Aiden who had not yet woken up. “And he doesn’t have to talk the whole time. They know he’s sick.”
“But… but Jack in a hospital…” Frankie said, glancing at the door as if he was watching for Jack to pop up any second. “He… I love him and all but he’s… he’s kinda crazy.”
“Jack will be fine. Do you really think Nikki and Bella will let him act up?” I asked. “Now trust me. Aiden’s been pretty bummed about missing his birthday and Christmas. This will be good for him.”
“But aren’t we gonna have him a party at home? And what if Jack gets sick?”
“We just won’t let Jack too close to Aiden and yes, we’ll have a party at home… but he needs some cheering up.” I said. “Frankie, c’mon… what can it hurt?”
“If Jack gets side, Gerard, we’ll never forgive ourselves.”
“He won’t.” I said confidently. “Just relax.”
“Oh… alright… but I’m not being responsible for Jack again.”
“No one’s asking you too. It’ll be fine. And Bella won’t stay too long anyway.”
Frank’s POV
I sighed and began to say something about warning Aiden first, but I was cut off when the door opened. Ray stepped in, looking around cautiously.
“Hey.” He said, smiling when he saw us.
I found myself hugging Ray so tight I thought he’d suffocate. I hadn’t seen him in ages.
“Ooof.” He grunted, hugging me back.
I let him go, grinning.
“How’s Aiden?” Ray asked.
“He’s better.” I said happily. “The doctors think he’s getting better for good. He even ate a full meal this morning, so they’re probably gonna take out his feeding tube tomorrow.”
“That’s good.” Ray said, now whispering. “Sorry for being so loud.”
“He can sleep through anything.” I shrugged. I don’t know why… seeing Ray, I just felt more easy going. Maybe it was the fact that Aiden was well enough that the doctors were letting non-family members visit him. I was relieved, because it meant that Aiden really was getting better… though I still wasn’t sure he would appreciate this surprise party too much. He’d been very low key lately. He didn’t talk much, he just laid down and slept or read all day. It made me kind of glad he wasn’t talking though… it meant he wasn’t over doing it. Which was important for him to get better.
The door opened again and Eric, who had gone to the cafeteria, stopped in his tracks and stared at Ray. He suddenly looked terrified and he was so taken by surprise he almost dropped the plate of fruit he was holding.
“Eric, this is Ray Toro. Ray, this is Aiden’s boyfriend.”
Eric opened his mouth soundlessly, then swallowed and whispered ‘Hi’ quietly.
“He’s shy.” I said.
Eric blushed and bit his lip.
“Nice to meet you.” Ray smiled at him.
He nodded and blushed more, then shoved a piece of pineapple in his mouth so he wouldn’t have to speak.
“No one else is here yet?” Ray asked.
“Not yet.” Gerard said.
Eric choked on his food. “Everyone else?” he coughed, eyes tearing a bit.
“Bob and Mikey and their families, Bella, Nikki and Jack.” Gerard shrugged.
Eric sat down on the edge of the bed, eyes wide.
“When I said he’s shy… well, I meant really shy.” I said quietly to Ray.
“So… what kind of music do you listen to?” Ray asked Eric.
“I… dunno.” Eric said quietly. “Music…”
Aiden let out a small moan and his eyes opened.
“Good morning!” Eric said quickly, looking glad to have a distraction from talking to Ray. Eric and I talked a lot more than we used to, but I was remembering when I first met him. The first time I met him he had been so shy and him and Aiden hadn’t even been going out then. The boy had won my heart before he’d won Aiden’s I think.
Over these last few days though… let’s just say, I love the kid more than I ever have. He takes care of Aiden so well that Aiden would be just fine if Gerard and I weren’t here. He constantly fixes Aiden’s blankets, gets him food, and asks him if he wants anything.
“Good morning.” Aiden croaked. He noticed Ray and his eyes lit up. “Ray!”
Ray came up and hugged him gently. “How are ya, kid?”
“Better.” He began to cough. “Sorry.”
“No, its okay.” Ray said. “I got you something.”
Aiden coughed, nodding. Ray handed him a small present.
“Thanks.” Aiden managed to get out through his coughs. This is how it had been the last four days. He could talk, but it always ended up in these coughing fits. The doctor said it wouldn’t last too much longer and I was thankful for that. I could only imagine how frustrated Aiden was getting.
When he quit coughing, he opened his present. It was a book.
“Thanks.” Aiden mouthed, hugging Ray.
“No problem.” Ray ruffled Aiden’s hair.
Aiden laid back down, turning the book to the back and beginning to read.
Ray, Gerard and I quietly talked for about an hour until we heard a scream from down the hall. A child’s scream.
Jack.
I glanced at Gerard, who shrugged.
The door opened and Nikki walked in. “Hello everyone!” she said happily.
“Oh God, you.” Ray gasped.
“Ray Toro! Again!” Nikki squealed, running over and hugging Ray like they were long lost siblings or something.
Ray patted her head. “You can let me go now.”
She pulled back and grinned as Bella and Jack came in, Bella glaring at Jack.
“Grandpa!” Jack ran forward and jumped onto my lap.
“JACK!” I hugged him, laughing.
“Mommy says I have to be quiet and good but I no wants to do that.”
Eric’s POV
“Well you have to be good because Uncle Aiden is sick and a lot of noise makes him feel worse. Isn’t that right, Aiden?”
“Yes.” Aiden said, voice still croaky.
“Oh, you poor thing!” Nikki said, coming over and hugging him.
“Hehe, you sound weird Uncle Aiden.” Jack giggled and grinned, showing off where he had just lost his first tooth.
“HAHA! WINDOW MOUTH!” Ray said.
Jack glared and kicked at Ray. “Who is you calling Window Mouth, Mr. Big Fro?” he stuck his tongue out. “NYAH NYAH!”
Aiden quietly laughing, then began coughing. “Crap.”
“Hehe, you sound like a frog!” Jack giggled, then jumped off of my lap onto the ground. He got on fours and hopped towards Aiden’s bed. “Rrrrrrrribbit! Rrrrrribbit!” he croaked, giggling.
“Don’t make fun of Aiden!” Bella snapped. “And don’t call Ray names!”
Jack rolled his eyes and giggled. “Uncle Aiden, what’s wrong with you? Oooh, is that thing IN YOUR NOSE? I only put fingers up there.”
“Oh god… Dad, he’s been like this nonstop…” Bella moaned.
I sat, watching everyone talk and wishing I wasn’t so shy. At least Aiden had an excuse to not talk. I hated dreading the fact that someone might talk to me.
“He’s little.” I heard Frank saying, though I wasn’t focusing on them. I was biting my lip and looking at Aiden. I knew I should have been being talkative since this was, I’m assuming a ‘party’ for Aiden getting better but all I could do was worry about people not liking because I was weird or something.
The door opened again and Bob Bryar and a pretty woman walked in.
Bob Bryar.
Oh my God, I think I’m gonna be sick. This is too many people at once. And they aren’t all here yet even. I’m gonna be sick… I’m gonna be sick.
“Hello.” Bob said, dragging his wife in. She smiled.
“Hey.” Frank said, going over to Bob and his wife. “This is Eric.”
Damnit. He had to introduce me.
“Hi.” I said quietly.
“Hey.” Bob smiled. “This is my wife Amanda.”
“Hi.” I said again, looking down.
“Hey.” Aiden whispered.
“Howdy kid.” Bob came up and hugged Aiden as well. Then he turned and looked at me. “Ah hell. You look like you need a hug!” And with that he threw his arms around me.
I stiffened, feeling awkward. I was like that when people I didn’t really know touched me… I had been since the rape.
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Don’t scare the poor thing, Bob. Not everyone likes hugs from people they don’t know.”
Bob let go of me and I felt a rush of gratitude towards Amanda.
“Hey, where’s Matt?” Gerard asked, his eyebrow arching.
“He’s at his friends house, spending the night.” Bob grinned. “Which means I’m getting some tonight.”
“Ewww.” Jack giggled and hopped to Bob. “Bobby, hug meeee!”
“Maybe I’ll hug you if you waddle like a duck and moo.”
“But Bobby, that’s not how its supposed to work.”
“Well it is in my world.”
Jack pouted and began waddling. Bob scooped him up and threw him in the air, then caught him and hugged him. Jack wrapped his arms around Bob’s neck, giggling.
“Why didn’t you bring Matt to play with me? Mommy said he’d be here.”
“Aww, I’m sorry.” Bob said. “I guess in a few days you’ll have to spend the night with us.”
“Can I mommy, can I?” Jack began shouting, kicking happily.
“If you don’t kill Bob, yes.” Bella said.
I looked at Aiden and he grasped my hand, squeezing it.
“I love you.” He whispered.
“I love you.” I said, forcing a smile. I hated how just a simple person hugging me could throw me off like this, make me sick. And I knew Bob would never do anything… I just didn’t like being touched. At all. It was like… any time I was touched I thought of the rape. Really, the only person who could touch me and not make me think about the rape is Aiden…I can’t help it. I would probably always do that, until I died.
Aiden pulled me down to lay with him. I did, squeezing his hand back. He rubbed my arm with his other hand and I closed my eyes, feeling his soft fingers on my arm. I felt myself relaxing. I don’t know how Aiden could do it, but he always could calm me down. No matter what happened. It was like his gift.
“They’ll fall asleep like that if we let them.” I heard Frank tell someone. My eyes snapped open and I looked at Aiden. He smiled at me, cuddling up to me.
The door opened and my eyes fell on Mikey Way and a pretty woman with him. Both Mikey and the woman said hi to us, Aiden was hugged (luckily Mikey nor his wife tried to hug me), and then went to talk with Gerard, Frank, Ray, and Bob and Amanda.
This isn’t so bad, I thought, looking at Aiden. I brushed some of his hair from his eyes and he smiled, looking at me.
“Your hair is getting long.” He whispered.
I snorted, nodding. “Yours is too.”
He reached up to touch it and his blue eyes widened. “Woah…”
I laughed quietly.
“That’s cool.” He grinned.
“You aren’t seriously going to waste your energy talking about hair are you?” I teased.
“No.” he smiled and curled back into me. “I wanna go home…”
Aiden’s POV
“I know, baby… you’ll be home soon.” Eric said, brushing more hair from my face.
I sighed, nodding. I was so sick of this damn hospital… if I never have to go into a hospital again, I’ll be fine. And besides, I’m beginning to forget what my room looks like.
I’m really not looking forward to my make up work in school either…. Ugh.
I looked at Dad, Daddy Gee, and everyone else talking. Jack was jumping up and down, desperate for attention but all of the adults were too busy talking about something to even care.
“How do you feel?” Eric asked.
“Thirsty… would you mind getting me some water?” I asked quietly. I had learned the quieter I talked, the less it hurt.
“Of course not.” He smiled and got out of bed. He put water in my red cup—it was mine, I had decided. I fully intended to steal it and take it home with me when I finally got to leave. They owed me at least a cup, in my opinion.
Hell, they owed me pain and suffering too. And neglect. It’s been at least a week since that hot nurse Heather has come in. They are neglecting me of my rights to see ‘normal’ people. Like I want to stare at balding guys.
Eric came back and handed me my red cup. My red cup. I began drinking the water in small sips. While I could eat and drink normally now, it still hurt like hell so I liked to be slow about it.
Plus, the sooner I eat normal the sooner they’re ripping this thing from my nose again. And that’s the only part of getting better that I’m not looking forward to. At least it won’t hurt as much as when they took my breathing tube out… that shit hurt worse than childbirth I bet.
“Mommy, can I make fun of Aiden again?” Jack asked.
“No.” Bella said, sounding annoyed. “Let mommy talk.”
“Well can I wear a dress to school when we go home?”
“No. Let mommy talk.” Bella repeated.
“But Mommy, I’m bored.”
Bella began ignoring him, joining back. All of the adults were talking about everyone getting together during the summer in the US.
“No please.” I muttered quietly. Besides, with how I was feeling I’d be dead by then anyway. “I don’t feel good.”
Dad seemed to have heard that—Daddy Radar I guess—and rushed over, hugging me. “Aww I know, baby. Do you want everyone to go? No one will be mad.”
“No, I just don’t feel too good.” I said quickly and quietly.
“If I could be sick for you I would, baby.”
“I know, Dad.” I said, nuzzling his chest.
He rubbed my back. I could feel everyone watching us, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know them all anyway.
“Whats wrong?”
“I dunno. I just… my head hurts and my throats all scratchy and I wanna die.” I moaned.
“Aiden, don’t talk like that.” He said.
“I’m sorry but it’s true. And I have now dubbed you Dad and Gerard Daddy Gee.”
He laughed.
“What? It’s hard to tell who I’m talking to. Or even thinking about. You really put me and Bella in a spot you know, both of you being guys.” I teased.
“Well I’m sorry. I’ll shove some toilet paper in a bra and you can call me Francesca.”
I began laughing, but ended up coughing.
“Aww, I’m sorry.” Dad said, patting my back.
I eventually quit coughing and began laughing again, picturing Dad with boobs. Every time I repeated it in my head, I began laughing harder. It hurt like hell, but I couldn’t quit.
“Frank, you’re gonna kill him.” Daddy Gee snapped. “Aiden, you’ll hurt yourself.”
“Francesca.” I giggled. “Francesca.”
The next morning, before I even opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t breathe without sending a blinding pain through my chest. My head was pounding and even sitting up made me dizzy and nauseous.
I began coughing, lying back down.
Dad looked over from where he was sitting, reading a book. “Aiden?”
I continued coughing, unable to speak. I couldn’t decide which hurt me, coughing or breathing.
“Aiden? Are you okay?” Dad came over and put the back of his hand on my cheek. His eyes widened and he felt my forehead. With his hand still on my forehead, he turned around. “Gerard… Gee, get up.”
Gerard’s eyes snapped open and he wearily blinked.
“Gerard, go get a doctor… quick.”
Gerard didn’t hesitate, but stood up and rushed off. It only took a dew minutes for him to come back with a doctor, the same one who took out my feeding tube yesterday.
“Now what is wrong?” he asked, sitting me up.
I went into another coughing fit and shook my head.
“He’s burning up.” Dad said.
The doctor nodded, then put a thermometer in Aiden’s ear. When it beeped he pulled it out and glanced at it. “105 again… Aiden, so you need help breathing?”
I managed to nod, trying to focus on my dads. As long as they were here, I’d be fine. It was always that way.
But now I knew they had no control over this. And I was wondering where Eric was, because as I looked around he was no where to be seen. I could vaguely remember him telling me something last night though. I just couldn’t remember what.
“We’re going to have him put on an oxygen mask… this is normal, Mr. Iero, so you shouldn’t worry. “Pneumonia patients tend to get better, get worse, get better, get worse… it’s a vicious cycle.” The doctor explained while bending over and opening a drawer on the wooden table that the big machine that had my stats was on. He pulled open a bag with an oxygen mask and began hooking it up to another machine. “Now, Aiden, we are going to see if this helps you any. If it doesn’t our next step will be moving you back into the ICU. Heather will be in with some medicine for you. What I want you to do is first, calm down. This is normal and if it weren’t, I wouldn’t lie to you.”
I nodded, taking in a deep breath as he put the mask on my face.
He smiled. “Now, second I want you to rest. That’s what you’re here, after all.”
I nodded again and stared at my dad. He gave me this pitiful excuse of a smile and I felt bad, knowing I was worrying him this bad.
The doctor went out quickly and Dad came over.
“I’m getting worse, aren’t I?” I asked.
“…it looks that way.” Dad said, sighing. He glanced at Gerard, who was on the phone with Bella.
“Where’s Eric?” I asked.
“Don’t you remember? Bella and Nikki came to see you and Eric went with them to sleep some…” Dad said.
I couldn’t remember. I strained to remember, but couldn’t for the life of me. “I… I don’t.”
Frank’s POV
It doesn’t get easier. They say it does, but it doesn’t. Eric got here about an hour ago. Gerard and I were hoping seeing Eric would make Aiden feel better.
Of course he was a bit happier, but still getting worse. He was wheezing loudly, as if he had asthma. Now I may be stupid sometimes but I know Bella is the one with asthma, not Aiden.
He wasn’t even able to rest, because he would randomly go into terrible coughing fits. It was like he was choking when he did, because his face would turn red and he’d take in loud gasps of air.
Gerard couldn’t watch. When this happened he buried his head in his hands and didn’t look up until the coughing had completely ceased. Now I wasn’t the only one scared shitless, it seemed.
Eric was at his side, holding his hand, from the second he walked into the door. Aiden just sat up, looking around. It was weird seeing Aiden so quiet… Even in the ICU he had been loud and semi-lively. I didn’t even want to think about how poorly he must be feeling.
Another hour passed, and the louder the wheezing got. The longer the coughing fits lasted and the quicker they came. The doctors were now in every few minutes, and if a doctor walked in on a coughing fit he or she would stay until it was over.
His female doctor, a pretty redhead woman, came in right as Aiden was beginning to cough. She sighed sadly and came over to him.
“These are normal.” She explained to me and Gerard, who was sitting with his head in his hands again. I was torn between comforting Gerard and staying next to Aiden. I chose Aiden though, knowing Gerard would snap at me if I went over when he was like that anyway. He didn’t like his weak side shown and if it was being shown, it was best to leave him be. “It should end soon…”
Aiden’s cough got louder and I noticed he was pale… paler than he had been before.
“Oh no.” the woman said. “Aiden, sit up straight for me.”
Eric helped Aiden sit up, eyes wide in terror.
“I need you to calm down, Aiden. Right now you’re having the equivalent of an asthma attack. Take a deep breath and calm down.”
Aiden gave a shuddery breath and his coughing faltered.
“Good boy… keep taking deep breaths just like that.” The doctor said. “I will be right back.”
Aiden fell against Eric, still taking deep breaths.
A chair scraped across the floor and the door slammed. Gerard had ran out.
“I’ll be right back.” I whispered, then ran out after him.
Gerard was sliding down the white wall as I came out. He looked so helpless and he looked at me, then his face crumbled.
“Baby…” I whispered, sitting down by him.
“T… That’s our b-baby in there… d-did… he can’t breathe, Frank…” Gerard sobbed. “He can’t breathe! He… He just… I feel so fucking… why can’t I help him?! W-We promised to fucking help them, Frank, and he needs me and… I can’t do a goddamn thing.” Tears fell down his pale cheeks and he roughly brushed them off, then turned around and punched the wall. “Why can’t we help him? How c-can you watch him and n-not hate yourself for letting him go through that?”
“What can I do, Gerard, besides tell him I love him and be there for him? What can we do?”
“I can’t see him like that… I keep thinking of you and your coma and the fucking rape… and what will happen if he were to die… and he’s in so much pain, it’s so obvious…” he was now a little calmed down. He was sitting on the floor and still crying, but talking in a whisper. “And I just… I wish it was me, Frank…” he looked me dead in the eyes. The way he could look at you sometimes, just zone in on you… the feeling was creepy. He could make you feel like the two of you were the only people in the world… and he didn’t always use it happily. Like now. His hazel eyes were more full of pain than I ever saw them. “Why couldn’t it have been me?”
“Be…” I trailed off, blinking before looking him in the eyes again. “Because this is something that… that God wants Aiden to work through himself…”
“How can you say there’s a God after what he’s going through?”
“Because he isn’t dead! He was in the ICU for almost two weeks… he’s been through so much and I cannot believe he got through it on his own. We aren’t helping him… someone has to be.”
Gerard shook his head. “No! No! If there was a fucking God, Frank, your son wouldn’t be lying half dead in there right now almost on fucking life support.”
“Gerard, you’re getting so defensive.” I whimpered. “And so angry.”
“I am angry, Frank! I AM FURIOUS! My fucking son is in there and he’s in pain and no one can do a goddamn thing about it and you’re gonna fucking go on about God?!” Gerard exclaimed, his hazel eyes flashing angrily. “We promised to take care of him! Look at him! They could fucking take him away!”
I knew he was angry, I knew I was taking a risk, but I reached over and pulled him to my chest. He began to cry again, balling some of my T-shirt in his fist. “We promised.” He sobbed into my chest. “We promised to love him and k-keep him safe…”
“It’s going to be okay, Gee.” I whispered, stroking his hair. “He’s going to be fine.” I rested my chin on his head, closing my eyes.
“I hate feeling so helpless.” He sobbed. “I just fucking hate it.”
“Hey, dry your eyes and we’re gonna go see Aiden. I’m sure he’s better now anyway.”
Gerard nodded. I took in his face, swollen and red from crying. Tears still spilled down his cheeks and he had given up on brushing them away.
“C’mon, let’s go.”
We headed into the room, only to see Aiden, shaking and his chest heaving. His eyes were wide and his lips had taken a bluish tint, standing out against his pale skin.
“He’s panicking! Someone get an intibation kit in here now!” the female doctor screamed.
Someone rushed in and towards the bed. Eric was back in the corner, watching with his eyes wide.
“Baby.” I ran to him, kneeling down by him.
He burst into tears. I took his hand, squeezing it.
“Sir… you don’t have to leave. Just help keep him still.” The doctor said.
“I-I’m here, babe…” I whispered as they laid him flat.
“Tilt your head back, Aiden.” The woman said kindly. “I promise, it’ll be over soon.”
Aiden was shaking, petrified.
“It’s okay.” I whispered again, brushing his bangs back with the hand that wasn’t holding his. He was squeezing my hand and his palm was sweaty. “I’m right here okay… I love you.”
“Now Aiden I want you to listen to your dad after I give you some instructions. After I tell you to listen to your dad, he is all you focus on, okay?”
Aiden nodded, his eyes wide.
“We are going to spray something in your throat to make you numb first, alright? Then we’re going to use this right here—.” She held something up. “To guide the tube down your throat.”
He shook his head.
“It’ll be over before you know it.”
“Please.” He whimpered.
“If there were any other way… now lay back flat, okay?”
Aiden shook his head, twisting about.
I looked at Gerard, who was staring and tears pouring silently down his face. He was whispering something quickly… he was praying.
“Aiden, stop.” I said. “They’re trying to help you.” I gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
Aiden laid down flat and they titled his head up. He kicked out effortlessly, I think he’d worn himself out.
“Listen to your dad now.” The doctor said, picking up the spray.
Aiden’s blue eyes were on me. I took a deep breath, swallowed, and looked down at him.
“Soon… soon we’re gonna go back home…” I said awkwardly. “I uh…”
He was shaking so hard, I could feel it just from holding his sweaty hand. The doctor sprayed a liquid down his throat and he began to cry again, hitting out at the doctor and rolling over.
“Hey, look at me. Me and me only… they aren’t even here.” I said as the doctor leaned over him again after lying him down flat. I squeezed his hand, then rubbed his arm trying to do anything to comfort my baby boy who was so obviously in pain.
The doctor met my eyes, then began sliding the tube down his throat. Aiden whimpered and gagged, beginning to kick angrily.
The doctor stepped back as he began to, once again, twist around.
“Aiden, I’m right here… you’re making it last longer.” I said loudly.
He quit kicking but tears still fell down his face. It was terrible to watch, I felt like I was abusing him by letting the doctors do this.
“It… It’s okay…” I whispered. “It’s all going to be over soon.”
He whimpered and began to cry again. He looked as if he might kick again, but then he relaxed.
“Feel that pain? I want you to squeeze your dad’s hand that hard… when it hurts more, you squeeze more.” The doctor said.
Aiden squeezed my hand lightly.
“It hurts more than that, Aiden.” The doctor said.
His grip tightened and I squeezed his hand back. Three or four times, he squeezed my hand so hard I was sure it would snap. But eventually, the doctor sat up. The nurse put tape on his face to hold the tube in place and Aiden looked at me. There were still unshed tears in his eyes and he was still shaking, but he could breathe and it was very noticeable.
I bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“I love you… oh God, Aiden… I love you.”
Eric’s POV
I sat in the chair nearest to where I stood in the corner, than slid down. I could only stare at Aiden. I wanted to go and hold him… be there with him.
But I was scared. I had never seen Aiden cry.
Never. He’d gotten upset and stormed off tons of times, he’d look near tears… but I’d never seen him cry… never seen him so helpless.
Gerard sat down as well, cradling his hand to his chest.
The doctor let out a relieved sigh. “His stats are returning to normal… good.” She looked around, then her eyes went down. “Mr. Way, is your hand alright?”
“Yes.” Gerard said, looking down at his bloody knuckles.
“I don’t think so… may I take a look?”
“Aiden is the sick one!” he snapped.
She sighed. “Aiden is fine, Mr. Way. It looks like you may have broken something…”
Gerard sighed and held out his hand. The doctor looked at his hand, then gently pressed down on his knuckles. His face screwed up in pain.
“Aiden, I’m going to take your dad to get a X Ray really quick. We’ll be back—and while I’m still here, no moving your head or talking… or any noises. Unless you want me to have to re-intibate you.”
“Stay with him.” Gerard said to Frank as the doctor walked out. He leaned down and hesitantly kissed Aiden’s forehead. “You did great, kid…” he whispered. “I love you.”
“Now Aiden, rest up.” The doctor said poking her head back in, then led Gerard out.
The room was silent. I continued to stare at Aiden, knowing I must be creeping him out. He looked at me and my eyes met his blue ones… those eyes had looked so scared only minutes ago.
He let go of Frank’s hand and reached out towards me.
I shook my head.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Frank said. “You can’t hurt him. Just don’t shove your tongue down his throat.”
The joke wasn’t funny, I didn’t even smile.
“Hey, come here.”
I sighed and stood, slowly making my way over.
“You won’t break him. It’s okay.” Frank said.
Yeah… because he’s already broken… I thought to myself carefully and gently taking his hand.
“I’m gonna use the bathroom.” Frank said, getting up carefully and going towards the in room bathroom.
“I… love you.” I whispered, looking at him. “I… I do.”
He blinked at me.
“You’re scaring me… you’re the strong one, Aiden… I just… I don’t know what to do… I’m afraid to be near you b-because I don’t want to hurt you more.”
He squeezed my hand gently.
“I love you so much… please get better, Aiden…please.”
Frank came out of the bathroom. “How is he?”
“He’s fine…” I looked down at Aiden, who was staring ahead.
I looked behind me, trying to see what he was looking at. Nothing there. Not even a window to distract him.
Frank came over. “Aiden?”
He didn’t even look at him. He just laid there, staring off.
“Aiden, are you okay?” Frank asked, his voice becoming worried. He put his head on Aiden’s chest. “He’s breathing… Aiden, do I need to call a doctor? Aiden, can you fucking hear me?”
I looked at him, noticing how his eyes looked glassy… it was like it wasn’t Aiden. Like he was blind or something. His eyes were also half closed, making him look dead. If I wasn’t scared before, I was really scared now.
Slowly, Aiden’s eyes focused on Frank.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Frank whispered. “I… are you okay? Squeeze Eric’s hand.”
It took several seconds before I felt a slight pressure on my hand. I squeezed his hand back.
“The doctor will be back soon.” Frank whispered in his ear, brushing some hair from his eyes. “It’s going to be okay.”
His eyes closed.
Gerard’s POV
I sat down on Aiden’s bed next to him, taking his pale hand in mine. He had fallen asleep shortly after a weak struggle with his doctors as they put a feeding tube in. That had only been an hour ago and he was still fast asleep.
Frank and Eric had just left so Eric could get a shower and a change of clothes.
I put my bandaged wrist in my lap and stared at him… this was hard, looking at your son with random tubes going into his body…
Tears instantly filled my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Aiden… I know that… I just…” he let go of his hand, wiped my eyes, and took his hand again. “Can’t tell you t-this when you’re awake b-because I feel so… guilty. I’ve always been such a awful parent… I’ve never been good… Frankie, though… he’s always been perfect… he’s the perfect d-dad…” I said, now fully crying.
“It’s just… I never knew how… m-my dad fucking raped me when I was fourteen… H-he hated me because I was gay… a-and he never treated me or Mikey very well… and I know that isn’t an excuse…” I sniffled. “But… I just… I’m sorry. I wish that you c-could have… I wish that you had a b-better father than me…” I took a deep breath. “If you hadn’t had Frankie for a parent you’d be a mess like me… that’s all I am, a mess. Sometimes I wish I could j-just disappear… it’d be better for you, Frankie, and Bella anyway… I think I was always a better dad to her, Aiden… because I… I didn’t want to do to you what my dad did to me…”
Now I was outright sobbing.
“I c-could n-never imagine myself doing it, b-but… I was scared to hurt you. To fuck you up like my dad did me. And when you were getting to be eleven and so mean… I was so terrible than because I didn’t want to… I don’t know … I’m just so sorry… b-but you can’t imagine… it was awful. My dad would come in drunk and he’d ‘punish me’ f-for being gay… i-it would sometimes be every night for a week or two…. Or sometimes, when I’d finally think he was done with raping me, he’d r-randomly come in again… it was a awful way to live and… I could never make you live like that because I love you… I always loved you and I know it m-may have seemed like Bella was my f-favorite… b-but I love you so much… Aiden I’m so afraid to look at you now because you look dead… you look how I feel sometimes. Dead. That’s how I felt for years…” I trailed off, quietly sobbing and looking at my beautiful son.
I just wanted him to get better so we could move on… go back to Canada and maybe… forget this.
Forget my son, lying and look dead on a hospital bed?
I was never going to forget this. How horrified he looked when they were intibating him… how still he lay. It was like he was dead already, while he slept. The only thing letting me know he was alive anymore was his eyes…
This is what it’s come to. Picturing my son in a coffin.
I began to cry even harder. “Aiden, don’t die.” I sobbed. “Aiden, I love you… all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy… please, get better. I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being such a bad parent. I’m sorry for getting into drugs and cheating on Frank… I’m sorry for making you hate me… You’ve hated me ever since I slept with her haven’t you?”
No, I was being ridiculous. We’d gotten along fine.
I sniffled. “I’m sorry f-for everything… You can’t die! I c-can’t live without you! The f-first day I saw you… I love you… w-what else can I say?”
I looked at him and felt myself get even sadder. “You have to believe I w-would never do anything to hurt you or Bella… or especially Frankie. I just… I was back into drugs and… and I hated knowing I was hurting him… he was always angry a-and… I had sex with her… I felt awful… like, I can never forgive myself… I was almost glad Frank realized… glad that he left me because I deserved it… I’m surprised he took me back… h-he may have been stupid… for it.”
I sighed and looked at him again. “You know I remember the first time we took you on tour, Aiden… it was like two weeks into it and…” I quietly laughed. “And everyone was so stressed with Bella running around and you were crawling like crazy, trying to run after her and getting into shit… and Frank picked you up to give you a bath and you gave him the nastiest look and went ‘You fucker.’ Your first words…”
I trailed off, looking at him. “You have to be okay.” I whispered, feeling helpless once again.
I felt him squeeze my hand and looked at him once again. His blue eyes blinked tiredly at me. But I could see something in his eyes I hadn’t seen all day… that light… and I knew it was going to be okay.
Tears filled my eyes once again and I smiled, feeling them slide down my cheeks. He had tears in his eyes too.
“I… It’s gonna be okay.” I whispered, touching his warm cheek. “It’s gonna be okay isn’t it?”
He reached up and squeezed my hand.
“I love you Aiden… I fucking love you so much…” I said, then leaned down and kissed his forehead.
Frank’s POV
After Eric and I had both eaten and had our showers, we headed back towards the hospital. When I got into the room, Gerard was sitting by Aiden’s bed and holding his hand. Aiden was fast asleep but Eric rushed over anyway, taking his hand from Gerard who had stood up.
Gerard ran at me, pulling me into the tightest hug ever. “I love you sooo much, Frank.” He said into my neck. “Oh god… I’m so sorry for everything I’ve ever done wrong, Frank… I really am…. Just… I’m so sorry.”
“W-What, Gee?”
“I’m just… so sorry.” He kissed me passionately.
I kissed back, the pulled away and looked at him. “What’s going on?”
“I just… I’m sorry and I love you and… it’s all gonna be okay.”
Eric was whispering to Aiden and kissing his cheek.
“Let’s give them some privacy, huh?” I whispered, leading him out. I closed the door behind us. “W-What happened to your hand?”
“I dunno, really… something is broke and bruised but I was too worried about Aiden.” He whispered back, wincing as I picked up his hand.
I gently pressed my lips to his knuckles. “Better now?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Hey, Frank… me and Aiden had a talk…”
“He can’t talk! You know—.”
“More like I talked and he listened.”
“About what?”
“A-About… about my dad raping me.”
My eyes widened and I dropped his hand, which I had still been kissing. “Gerard, why the fuck would you DO that?”
“I don’t know, Frank!” he snapped. “I thought he was fucking dying. It’s not like I wanted to tell him everything that had ever happened in my life! I thought he fucking was sleeping!”
“He was awake?!”
“Well no shit! I didn’t know it Look, it isn’t like I fucking planned to tell him my life story, okay?!”
“He’s sixteen!”
“I was fucking scared my son was dying, Frank!”
“I… what’s he going to think now, Gerard?!”
“We are famous! It probably wasn’t a surprise to him anyway.”
“He didn’t know, Gerard, and both of us know that.”
“Frank, what is so wrong with it?” he snapped.
“Imagine you’re Aiden and your dad just told you he was raped by his father as a kid…” I said, tears filling my eyes. “Gerard, this… this isn’t something your son should know…
“So I’m supposed to make it my secret?! He’s my son, that’s why I told him! You couldn’t begin to understand!”
“Being in a relationship means I have to try… and you do too!” I said, growing more angry at Gerard with every word he spoke. “When your son has nightmares about you being raped every night, you’ll see what I’m talking about.”
I instantly regretted it, seeing the look of hurt on his face…
Gerard’s POV
“B… baby, I’m so sorry…” Frank said.
“Shut up.” I snapped, backing up. “Just shut up, Frank.”
“Gee…”
I backed into the wall. “I… you c-couldn’t understand! I had to tell him."
"If you had to, Gee... then I understand and it's okay." he said in a soothing voice.
I felt tears welling in my eyes again. "What if... what if I screwed him up?”
"You're so scared to screw him up that you won't let yourself enjoy being a dad, Gerard..."
“I… I don’t want to mess Aiden up like my dad did to me, Frankie…”
“Your son loves you, Gerard…. Very much. Do you understand that? That boy loves you!”
“W-what if I m-mess him up forever? H-he’s already been into drugs and shit like m-me and it’s always on those shows. Dads raping their kids because their dads did it to them! Goddammit, I don’t want to be that person.” I said, shaking. “I don’t wanna ruin his life… I don’t want him to be scared to be in the same state I’m in… being in Jersey is hell… Frank, being in AMERICA is hell… I don’t want Aiden to be like me…”
“There is nothing wrong with you, Gerard! You are…”
“I cheated on you, I was a drug addict, an alcoholic!”
“And you worked through your shit and got yourself together! Look… just because your dad would rape you does not mean you are going to rape Aiden. What your father did to you is beyond terrible… beyond… and you aren’t capable of that… you are too good of a person. You dedicated your life to helping kids… Gerard, you are a amazingly wonderful father.”
“I-… I’m not. You are… y-you talk to them about things, you… they come to you…”
“Gerard…” he looked me in the eyes. “You… you do so much and you don’t give yourself credit for anything…”
“The only thing I can do well in life is sing, Frank. And I’m not even good at that.”
“Gerard… I love you… you children love you and even Eric loves you. You are a… an amazing, wonderful man and… you’re hurting.”
The tears poured down my face and I began to sob. He pulled me close to him, rubbing my back.
“I love you.” He whispered, kidding the top of my head. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”
I cried helplessly into his shoulder until I couldn’t cry anymore. We both sat down on the floor, the same spot as last time, and he had me pulled to him with my head lying on his chest.
“Gerard… we need to go in soon… but I just want you to know that… that I love you and… and I’m not bitter at you for the divorce and I’m… not mad at you for telling Aiden…” he said, brushing the hair from my eyes. “But… I’m worried. And I’m here… we’re in this together. 100 percent. Okay?”
I nodded, sniffling and giving a small shudder.
“Just… take a few deep breaths when you see Aiden and get scared, okay? Cause… like you said… he’s gonna be fine.”
Aiden’s POV
A Week Later…
“Okay, Aiden… you’ve been waiting for this. Time to get your breathing tube out.” Dr. Morris, an elderly man, said coming over to me. My eyes widened in horror. “Now who would you like to help you sit up.”
No one. No one should sit me up until I’m knocked out… out cold. Dead.
“Now come on. It won’t be that bad.”
I looked at Gerard and reached my hand towards him. Ever since I’d woke up and heard everything he said… I just felt close to him. And… I felt good knowing he loved me. Really loved me, not just because he was ‘supposed to.’
“Me?” he whispered.
I reached more, blinking, not knowing any other way to acknowledge him.
He hesitantly stood up. “I… maybe Frank should…”
“You’re just going to hold his hand.”
Gerard slowly came over. He looked almost as scared as I felt, which was scared. I was petrified.
“Th… this is big. Are you sure you want me?”
I grasped his hand tightly after he sat down on the bed behind me.
“Now slowly help me sit him up.” Dr. Morris said.
I felt the both of the slowly sitting me up. I was leaned against Gerard and his arms went around me.
“Now this may hurt but you need you to be as still as possible for me.” Dr. Morris said. “It is a slow process, but if you move it will take longer.”
I felt myself beginning to shake. I grabbed Dad’s hand again and the doctor pulled the tape off of my mouth. I closed my eyes, trying not to panic.
“Now hold your breath.”
I did as told as they opened my mouth. Dr. Morris began to slowly pull the tube out. I began gagging and coughing as the worst pain I ever felt exploded in my chest. Tears filled my eyes and Gerard’s arms went a little tighter around me.
“It’s okay.” He whispered in my ear.
The doctor continued to slowly pull the tube out. I coughed, tears pouring down my face. I was shaking much harder than I did when they took the feeding tube out. This was torture.
“I love you and its okay.” He whispered again. I felt myself relax some. “Close your eyes.”
I closed my eyes, still coughing. And then I freaked out. My eyes snapped opened and I whimpered.
“Shhh.” Gerard whispered in my ear and I felt him rubbing my back. “Shhh.”
I kicked out at Dr. Morris, trying to elbow Gerard.
“Aiden, no. You’ll hurt yourself.” Frank said from the side where he was sitting. They’d made Eric leave until it was over.
“Aiden, if you cause this tube to go in the wrong place you will die.” Dr. Morris said.
I could care less. I kicked at him again, crying.
And then I was roughly pulled against Dad’s chest. He had one arm around my waist, one hand holding under my chin holding me still. I began to sob hysterically but Dr. Morris continued anyway.
Suddenly it was over. I was exhausted and sore, and I was so thirsty I thought if I didn’t have water I’d die.
“Water.” I croaked out, not even recognizing my voice as my own. I collapsed weakly onto Gerard as Dr. Morris put a oxygen mask on me. I took in shuddery breaths, feeling an intense pain in my chest.
“We want you to wait a few minutes and then you dad’ll give you some. It’s right here.” Dr. Morris said, setting a cup down. “I’ll be right back.”
He left, presumably to retrieve Eric.
“You did so good.” Dad whispered, coming up. “I’m so proud of you, Aiden.”
“Please Daddy… water?” I croaked, hating how scratchy my voice sounded.
I reached for the cup.
Gerard looked at me, shocked. Then he seemed to snap out of a daze. “Baby, we have to wait for the doctor to say so.”
I began to cry. “I need it, daddy… I need it.”
“Aiden… I can’t.”
“Daaaaaddy.” I sobbed, like a little child. I didn’t care though. I needed that water and I would stop at nothing to get it… my life depended on it. “Pleeeeeeeeeease.”
Gerard’s POV
“Daaaaaaaaaddy.” He sobbed, looking at me with big blue eyes. “Pleeeeeeeeeeease.”
“I… I can’t, Aiden… you heard the doctor.”
“Please.” He sobbed.
This was my son, who never asked for anything. And here he was begging me for water. Like if he didn’t have it he would die.
I felt awful. It was only water. What could it hurt? Honestly.
I was reaching for the plastic red cup of water the doctor had set down. I mean, hell. It was like the cup was teasing him.
The door opened and Dr. Morris came in. “Hello Aiden. Good to see your breathing tube is out.”
Aiden continued to sob for water.
“If you wait a few minutes and calm down, you can have the water. Ten minutes.”
Aiden began to sob louder, as if ten minutes would kill him. I wrapped my arms tighter around him
“Now in ten minutes I will come back to check on you. If you are calmed down, you can have some water. If not, I’ll have to make you wait longer.”
Aiden nodded, and then buried his head in my chest. His hand grasped my shirt tightly and he whimpered.
I rubbed his back gently.
“If you’ll sit up, Aiden, I’m going to put a breathing tube in your nose.”
His eyes widened in horror as the doctor pulled a tube out of a plastic bag.
“This one doesn’t go in you.” Dr. Morris smiled.
I felt Aiden, who had tensed up, relax. I felt so bad, watching him go through this. I would give anything to be in his place.
The doctor attached the tube to a machine (there were too many to even tell which one, not that I’d know anyway.) and slid it under Aiden’s nose. He set the sides on either side of Aiden’s head, behind his ears.
“That good?”
Aiden, who it seemed had calmed down because he was no longer crying, shrugged.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes.” He said, taking the mask off of Aiden.
Aiden sat still and silent a few minutes before he seemed to remember he was thirsty.
“Daddy, can I please have some water?” he whispered so Frank couldn’t hear me.
“Baby, I would give it to you and you know it.”
He looked at me, his blue eyes pleading. Oh God… I wanted to cry. It was obvious he was pain and all he wanted was some water, damnit. I felt his heartbeat fastening up because he was leaning on me. It felt like his heart would just beat itself out of his chest. I wanted to give him the water so bad, but I knew it would hurt him. He didn’t think it would, but I knew it would.
He continued to cry.
“Aiden, really. You’re putting stress on your body and that isn’t good in your state. Now I want you to sit up, calm down, and act your age.” Frank said.
I looked at Frank like he was the cruelest person.
“What? His lungs don’t need the stress of him crying like this! Aiden, stop.”
Aiden cried more, wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his head in my chest.
“Frank, you’re being cruel.” I whispered, rubbing Aiden’s back.
“I just don’t want him to hurt himself, Gerard. He can’t have water because it will hurt him. He can’t cry because it will hurt him.”
“It’s obvious he needs it by the fit he’s in!” I said, fighting an inner battle. I wanted to reach over, grab that red cup, and let him drink to his hearts content. Instead all I could do was rock him and try to calm him down.
I’d never seen him cry so hard. It scared me. It fucking scared me. I almost wish they hadn’t taken the tube out so he wouldn’t be in this pain… this, whatever this was… more like a state, really.
“Well look at him! He’s gonna hurt himself!” Frank snapped.
Aiden let out a little gasp.
“Aiden?”
He shook his head, giving a shuddery breath and closing his eyes.
“Aiden, calm down. Calm down right now.” Frank said quickly.
Aiden continued to take in huge gasps of air, through his tears. I sat him all the way up, patting his back.
“Aiden, calm down damnit! Calm the fuck down!” Frank shouted, tears filling his eyes. “I’m not fucking losing you! Do you hear me? I love you too goddamn much!”
Aiden coughed, shaking his head.
“Aiden… please…. Calm down.” Frank whimpered.
Aiden took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He let it out slowly, unballing his fist from around my shirt.
“Are you okay?” I asked, brushing his hair from his eyes.
He shook his head, leaning on me. “I want water.” He croaked. I could tell, by looking at his, face that it hurt to speak.
“Just breathe through your nose and let them out through your mouth, okay? Don’t hurt yourself.”
He did what I told him and his heartbeat slowed down.
“Thank God…” I whispered.
“Are you okay?” Frank asked, unshed tears still in his eyes.
Aiden nodded, closing his eyes.
Frank nodded, stood up, and went out.
I looked out the door, seeing Frank bury his head in his hands. I was torn between the love of my life and my son… who did I stay with?
Aiden looked up, opening his eyes. “Is Dad okay?” he asked in this terribly scratchy voice.
“I’m sure he is.’
He looked at me. “Go see.” He coughed.
“Are you sure?”
He nodded and let me off of the bed. He relaxed against the pillows, taking small breaths.
“I’ll be right back, babe.” I said, patting his leg. I went outside the room and Frank was sitting there, taking deep breaths.
“Frankie?” I asked, suddenly worried.
“I… I can’t… I just can’t.” he muttered.
I walked over, pulling him into my chest. “Frankie?”
“I can’t do it, Gerard… I’m trying… but… it’s hard.”
“I know…” I said.
“I know you do, that isn’t it… it’s just… I don’t know. I don’t handle stress well.”
“Well we know he’s gonna be fine, baby. You can just relax.”
He took several deep breaths and began pacing in small circles. “I just… I can’t get a minute to… I don’t know… I’m so fucking worried and I… I can’t fucking relax, Gerard.”
“You have to! Freaking out isn’t going to help anyone! Look what it got me!” I said, holding up my bandaged hand.
“Yeah… I’m sorry… sometimes I just… forget you’re… going through it too.”
“It’s okay, Frankie… a lot of shit is going on.” I said. The more he talked the less I understood. It was like he was struggling to put his sentences together.
“I… can’t fucking… do it.” He whimpered, putting his hands on his head. “I… can’t… do it. I just need… fucking help… I need help…”
“Frank,” I said, beginning to get worried. “Frank you need to sit down and think… Breathe and think. Maybe you should go home tonight and sleep.”
“Leave him alone?” he said in a rushed voice. “You’re fucking insane.” He began muttering to himself. “Fucking insane… leave him alone….”
“You’re scaring me, baby.” I said, coming over to him. He was breathing heavily. “Just… let’s go sit down for a few minutes and talk.”
“I don’t…. want to talk. I want to… to take him home… and be home.” Frankie rambled.
“Frankie, talk normally.” I said, noticing his breathing was becoming even heavier. I put an arm around him. “Let’s sit down.”
“I’m… not sitting down…” he snapped, shrugging me off and beginning to pace again.
“Frank, you are acting fucking weird.” I said, trying to get him to sit with me.
“No… I need to… to… walk. To… think.”
“Frank, please… you’re acting psychotic or something.” I said, grabbing his arm. He pushed me roughly aside, glaring.
“Stop… leave me alone.” Frankie whimpered, putting his hands on his head again and pacing. He messed his hair up furiously, screwing his face up. “Stop Gerard…. Stop!”
“Frankie, are you okay?” I asked quietly, tears filling my eyes.
“Would you… fucking stop?!” he whimpered, looking at me. “Just stop.”
“Stop what, Frank?” I pleaded.
“Stop it, Frank! Stop!” he snapped.
“Frank… are you okay?”
“Stop stop stop!!!” Frankie moaned, then continued mumbling to himself.
“What is wrong with you? Do… do you need anything…. I… what do I do?!”
“Yeah, I—.” he trailed off and began gasping for breath. “I..I can’t breathe… I… c-can’t… Gerard… I can’t breathe.”
I rushed forward as he collapsed, falling to the floor. All I could think in that instant was his coma.
“Frank, wake up.” I said, quickly kneeling by him. “Frankie, get up.”
He didn’t answer.
“Frankie… please… wake up.” I whimpered, dread seeping through me. It was like we were cursed. Aiden was getting better, now this. Something else happening to my family that I had no fucking control over… I have never felt more helpless than I have these last few weeks. I felt so angry… at myself, at no one…. That all of this was happening to Aiden and Frank now too. Like, what next… what could happen next? I shook Frankie, feeling tears in my eyes. “Frankie, get up.”
“Sir, is everything okay?” A young man asked.
“He just… he was acting weird and then collapsed. He said he couldn’t breathe and he hit his head.” I said in a rushed voice. “He won’t wake up.”
“Has… does he have any medical conditions?” The man kneeled down.
“Uhm a while back he went into a coma. We’re supposed to keep an eye on it…”
“Coma?” the man asked, standing. “Okay, let’s take him in here and check him out.”
The man helped me support Frank as we led him into a nearby open room. He was completely limp and unresponsive, not answering neither me or the man who was also trying to wake him up.
“You said he couldn’t breathe?”
“Yeah… he was acting r-really weird and muttering to himself, pacing. He wouldn’t sit down. And then he just said he couldn’t breathe and collapsed.” I said, watching Frank. I was so nervous I was beginning to shake and my palms began sweating.
The man got an oxygen mask and put it on Frankie. He almost instantly began to stir, moaning quietly. His green eyes fluttered open and he blinked several times, then looked around. “Where’s Aiden?”
“Sir, my name is Dr. Henderson. You collapsed.” The young man said. “Do you remember passing out?”
“No… I remember Aiden wanting water and we… we were gonna talk.” Frank said, reaching his hand to rub the back of his head where a bump was forming. He was visibly shaking and looked very out of it. “What’s going on?”
“I think you may have had a panic attack, sir. Then you couldn’t breathe, collapsed, and hit your head. That’s what it sounds like from what your husband told me.”
“I can’t be… admitted. No, what? Panic attack?”
“Frank, follow this with your eyes.”
Frank blinked several times, and then followed the pen with his eyes. “Who is with Aiden?”
“I’m sure Eric is with him by now, Frank.” I said, watching him. He couldn’t seem to focus on the pen. He was also still shaking, making me want to go hold him with a blanket around him. But I knew he wasn’t cold and I knew I couldn’t help… this was just something else that I couldn’t help.
I hated being so goddamn helpless.
“Look… I just… I’m fine.” Frank said, putting his hands on the bed and pushing himself up. He was still shaking. “I just want to see Aiden.”
“Sir, I would advise you to let me give you a quick check up before you go visit your son.” The doctor said, looking slightly annoyed.
“No, I’m fine.” Frank said, sounding equally as annoyed as the man looked.
“Frank…” I said quietly. “Maybe… you should let him check you out. Just so nothing happens.”
“Gerard, I am going to see Aiden.” Frank snapped.
“I’m worried about you! You just collapsed!”
“I got dizzy, that’s all. I’m fine.”
“Frankie…” I said, sighing. “This is a bad idea. You should at least be checked out first.”
“Fine.” Frank snapped after about five minutes of bickering, glaring at the doctor. “Check me.”
Twenty Minutes Later…
Aiden’s POV
I was lying in my bed, leaning on Eric and staring at the red cup thirstily. I wanted water… I needed water… why couldn’t Eric just give me that damn water?
He was stroking my hair and lying silently. There was no point in talking to me because I wouldn’t answer.
I’d been dying to talk so bad that I thought the second the tube was out I’d jabber away. But I was so tired, I felt sicker than ever, and I was in pain. Nothing hurts more than that… nothing. I just wanted to go home, lie in my own bed, drink water, and die.
It had to have been twenty minutes now… Dad and Daddy Gee had been gone a long time, but I couldn’t focus enough to really care. I was focused on that red cup. That water is what I needed to live… I couldn’t wait much longer. Eric told me to wait for Daddy Gee because he wasn’t sure when I could have it… but where were they?
After a few more seconds of staring at the cup, I heard my door creak open. I looked at the door. Daddy Gee came in, with his arm around Dad.
“It’s been twenty minutes. He can have his water now.” Dad said in a weird voice. I noticed he was really pale.
“What happened?” I croaked, without thinking. It hurt like hell and I reminded myself to never speak again.
“Don’t worry.” Dad said, approaching my bed. He picked up the red cup and held it to my mouth. I instantly began to drink. After a few sips, he pulled it back and ruffled my hair.
“Do you feel better?” he asked, sitting on the bed next to me, still holding the cup. He had a knot on his head and I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember him getting it.
“What happened?” I croaked, wincing. Talking hurt worse than…. Well, worse than anything really. It felt like my throat was on fire. But it just wasn’t natural for me to be quiet. For God’s sake, I’m Aiden Iero-Way. I talk. It’s what I do! I talk. And here I am, reminding myself to not talk. Again.
“I tripped. Nothing important.” Dad said, obviously lying.
I turned my head to look at Daddy Gee, who shrugged. I then turned to look at Eric, who looked back at me as clueless as I was.
Fine I thought, not able to find the energy to care. Don’t tell me.
“Hey, your water is almost done. When it is why don’t you take a nap and then your throat will feel better?” Dad asked, brushing my bangs from my eyes.
I wasn’t about to talk again, so I settled for nodding.
“I love you.” Dad said, kissing my forehead.
I hugged him before lying my head on Eric’s chest and drifting to sleep.
Gerard’s POV
Almost seconds after Aiden fell asleep, the young doctor came back into the room. He was only in for a few minutes, just to take some of Frank’s blood to check his blood sugar or something or another.
I knew he was used to needles. I mean, he has tons of tattoos. But it still made me feel sick to my stomach and anxious for him. He barely even acknowledged the pain, though. He winced a bit but within seconds there was no trace of pain in his face.
“I’ll have your results soon. Until then, you should drink some juice.” The doctor told Frank before disappearing.
Frank nodded, but I knew he wouldn’t leave to get juice. He sat on this couch in the room, pulled his legs underneath him, and laid his head on the arm rest. I went over to him, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He curled into me, turning and wrapping his arms around me as well.
Eric glanced over, and then looked quickly back down at Aiden who was fast asleep.
“Are you okay? Really?” I whispered, tightening my grip on Frankie.
He nodded and sighed. “I’m more worried about Aiden… I just want him to be better, Gee.”
“I know, baby… I know…”
“He has to get better eventually, Frankie. He’s getting better already. I mean, look… he’s talking. He really shouldn’t be, but he is. He’s gonna fight through this and soon we’ll be home and everything will be like it was.”
“Yeah… but its been a month, Gerard… he’s been in here a month… its just all hitting me at once…” he said quietly, looking up at me.
I smiled, looking into his green eyes… they were beautiful. How had I gone five years without seeing them every day?
“Thanks for being here…” Frank whispered. “I mean… if I wasn’t with you now… if we hadn’t gotten back together…” he trailed off and looked down.
“Hey, look at me.” I whispered.
He slowly looked up, his eyes meeting mine.
“I just don’t think I could have done this on my own, Gee… that’s all.”
“You don’t have to thank me for being here.” I whispered. “I love Aiden… I love you… I love Eric. We’re family… and I know I wasn’t particularly… I dunno, I wasn’t a very good dad… but I wanna make up for it. And I’m not just here because I feel like I have to be. I’m worried too and I wanna make sure he’s okay…”
“I know… but thanks.” He pressed his lips to mine.
I kissed him back, closing my eyes. I couldn’t even remember our last real kiss. We’d all been so worried about Aiden. Now that he was getting better… I was able to be happier. Because that meant Aiden was happier and he’d be coming home soon… maybe I was assuming too quickly, but it seems like he’s better to me.
When he pulled apart I smiled and kissed his forehead. He closed his eyes, relaxed in my arms, and fell asleep.
I don’t know why but in that instant it was like… like I fell in love with him all over again. Like we were teenagers again… this man had done everything for me. He had saved my life, made it possible for me to have a family, and helped me be a better person. He had loved me when I couldn’t even love myself… and what had I done for him? Gotten high, cheated on him, had sex, and divorced him to marry the hooker from hell…
How had he forgiven me? Why had he forgiven me?
It just… it all seems too perfect.
That’s when I realized… it was too perfect. Maybe Aiden was getting so sick as my punishment… maybe Aiden would die. Or maybe Frank would slip back into his coma again…
Frank snuggled into me, letting out a happy sigh.
Something had to go terribly wrong… it just had to.
Gerard’s POV
Four Days Later…
“Are you sure he’s ready? I mean, he can barely talk.”
“Well the guys have waited over a month to see him, Frank.” I whispered, glancing at Aiden who had not yet woken up. “And he doesn’t have to talk the whole time. They know he’s sick.”
“But… but Jack in a hospital…” Frankie said, glancing at the door as if he was watching for Jack to pop up any second. “He… I love him and all but he’s… he’s kinda crazy.”
“Jack will be fine. Do you really think Nikki and Bella will let him act up?” I asked. “Now trust me. Aiden’s been pretty bummed about missing his birthday and Christmas. This will be good for him.”
“But aren’t we gonna have him a party at home? And what if Jack gets sick?”
“We just won’t let Jack too close to Aiden and yes, we’ll have a party at home… but he needs some cheering up.” I said. “Frankie, c’mon… what can it hurt?”
“If Jack gets side, Gerard, we’ll never forgive ourselves.”
“He won’t.” I said confidently. “Just relax.”
“Oh… alright… but I’m not being responsible for Jack again.”
“No one’s asking you too. It’ll be fine. And Bella won’t stay too long anyway.”
Frank’s POV
I sighed and began to say something about warning Aiden first, but I was cut off when the door opened. Ray stepped in, looking around cautiously.
“Hey.” He said, smiling when he saw us.
I found myself hugging Ray so tight I thought he’d suffocate. I hadn’t seen him in ages.
“Ooof.” He grunted, hugging me back.
I let him go, grinning.
“How’s Aiden?” Ray asked.
“He’s better.” I said happily. “The doctors think he’s getting better for good. He even ate a full meal this morning, so they’re probably gonna take out his feeding tube tomorrow.”
“That’s good.” Ray said, now whispering. “Sorry for being so loud.”
“He can sleep through anything.” I shrugged. I don’t know why… seeing Ray, I just felt more easy going. Maybe it was the fact that Aiden was well enough that the doctors were letting non-family members visit him. I was relieved, because it meant that Aiden really was getting better… though I still wasn’t sure he would appreciate this surprise party too much. He’d been very low key lately. He didn’t talk much, he just laid down and slept or read all day. It made me kind of glad he wasn’t talking though… it meant he wasn’t over doing it. Which was important for him to get better.
The door opened again and Eric, who had gone to the cafeteria, stopped in his tracks and stared at Ray. He suddenly looked terrified and he was so taken by surprise he almost dropped the plate of fruit he was holding.
“Eric, this is Ray Toro. Ray, this is Aiden’s boyfriend.”
Eric opened his mouth soundlessly, then swallowed and whispered ‘Hi’ quietly.
“He’s shy.” I said.
Eric blushed and bit his lip.
“Nice to meet you.” Ray smiled at him.
He nodded and blushed more, then shoved a piece of pineapple in his mouth so he wouldn’t have to speak.
“No one else is here yet?” Ray asked.
“Not yet.” Gerard said.
Eric choked on his food. “Everyone else?” he coughed, eyes tearing a bit.
“Bob and Mikey and their families, Bella, Nikki and Jack.” Gerard shrugged.
Eric sat down on the edge of the bed, eyes wide.
“When I said he’s shy… well, I meant really shy.” I said quietly to Ray.
“So… what kind of music do you listen to?” Ray asked Eric.
“I… dunno.” Eric said quietly. “Music…”
Aiden let out a small moan and his eyes opened.
“Good morning!” Eric said quickly, looking glad to have a distraction from talking to Ray. Eric and I talked a lot more than we used to, but I was remembering when I first met him. The first time I met him he had been so shy and him and Aiden hadn’t even been going out then. The boy had won my heart before he’d won Aiden’s I think.
Over these last few days though… let’s just say, I love the kid more than I ever have. He takes care of Aiden so well that Aiden would be just fine if Gerard and I weren’t here. He constantly fixes Aiden’s blankets, gets him food, and asks him if he wants anything.
“Good morning.” Aiden croaked. He noticed Ray and his eyes lit up. “Ray!”
Ray came up and hugged him gently. “How are ya, kid?”
“Better.” He began to cough. “Sorry.”
“No, its okay.” Ray said. “I got you something.”
Aiden coughed, nodding. Ray handed him a small present.
“Thanks.” Aiden managed to get out through his coughs. This is how it had been the last four days. He could talk, but it always ended up in these coughing fits. The doctor said it wouldn’t last too much longer and I was thankful for that. I could only imagine how frustrated Aiden was getting.
When he quit coughing, he opened his present. It was a book.
“Thanks.” Aiden mouthed, hugging Ray.
“No problem.” Ray ruffled Aiden’s hair.
Aiden laid back down, turning the book to the back and beginning to read.
Ray, Gerard and I quietly talked for about an hour until we heard a scream from down the hall. A child’s scream.
Jack.
I glanced at Gerard, who shrugged.
The door opened and Nikki walked in. “Hello everyone!” she said happily.
“Oh God, you.” Ray gasped.
“Ray Toro! Again!” Nikki squealed, running over and hugging Ray like they were long lost siblings or something.
Ray patted her head. “You can let me go now.”
She pulled back and grinned as Bella and Jack came in, Bella glaring at Jack.
“Grandpa!” Jack ran forward and jumped onto my lap.
“JACK!” I hugged him, laughing.
“Mommy says I have to be quiet and good but I no wants to do that.”
Eric’s POV
“Well you have to be good because Uncle Aiden is sick and a lot of noise makes him feel worse. Isn’t that right, Aiden?”
“Yes.” Aiden said, voice still croaky.
“Oh, you poor thing!” Nikki said, coming over and hugging him.
“Hehe, you sound weird Uncle Aiden.” Jack giggled and grinned, showing off where he had just lost his first tooth.
“HAHA! WINDOW MOUTH!” Ray said.
Jack glared and kicked at Ray. “Who is you calling Window Mouth, Mr. Big Fro?” he stuck his tongue out. “NYAH NYAH!”
Aiden quietly laughing, then began coughing. “Crap.”
“Hehe, you sound like a frog!” Jack giggled, then jumped off of my lap onto the ground. He got on fours and hopped towards Aiden’s bed. “Rrrrrrrribbit! Rrrrrribbit!” he croaked, giggling.
“Don’t make fun of Aiden!” Bella snapped. “And don’t call Ray names!”
Jack rolled his eyes and giggled. “Uncle Aiden, what’s wrong with you? Oooh, is that thing IN YOUR NOSE? I only put fingers up there.”
“Oh god… Dad, he’s been like this nonstop…” Bella moaned.
I sat, watching everyone talk and wishing I wasn’t so shy. At least Aiden had an excuse to not talk. I hated dreading the fact that someone might talk to me.
“He’s little.” I heard Frank saying, though I wasn’t focusing on them. I was biting my lip and looking at Aiden. I knew I should have been being talkative since this was, I’m assuming a ‘party’ for Aiden getting better but all I could do was worry about people not liking because I was weird or something.
The door opened again and Bob Bryar and a pretty woman walked in.
Bob Bryar.
Oh my God, I think I’m gonna be sick. This is too many people at once. And they aren’t all here yet even. I’m gonna be sick… I’m gonna be sick.
“Hello.” Bob said, dragging his wife in. She smiled.
“Hey.” Frank said, going over to Bob and his wife. “This is Eric.”
Damnit. He had to introduce me.
“Hi.” I said quietly.
“Hey.” Bob smiled. “This is my wife Amanda.”
“Hi.” I said again, looking down.
“Hey.” Aiden whispered.
“Howdy kid.” Bob came up and hugged Aiden as well. Then he turned and looked at me. “Ah hell. You look like you need a hug!” And with that he threw his arms around me.
I stiffened, feeling awkward. I was like that when people I didn’t really know touched me… I had been since the rape.
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Don’t scare the poor thing, Bob. Not everyone likes hugs from people they don’t know.”
Bob let go of me and I felt a rush of gratitude towards Amanda.
“Hey, where’s Matt?” Gerard asked, his eyebrow arching.
“He’s at his friends house, spending the night.” Bob grinned. “Which means I’m getting some tonight.”
“Ewww.” Jack giggled and hopped to Bob. “Bobby, hug meeee!”
“Maybe I’ll hug you if you waddle like a duck and moo.”
“But Bobby, that’s not how its supposed to work.”
“Well it is in my world.”
Jack pouted and began waddling. Bob scooped him up and threw him in the air, then caught him and hugged him. Jack wrapped his arms around Bob’s neck, giggling.
“Why didn’t you bring Matt to play with me? Mommy said he’d be here.”
“Aww, I’m sorry.” Bob said. “I guess in a few days you’ll have to spend the night with us.”
“Can I mommy, can I?” Jack began shouting, kicking happily.
“If you don’t kill Bob, yes.” Bella said.
I looked at Aiden and he grasped my hand, squeezing it.
“I love you.” He whispered.
“I love you.” I said, forcing a smile. I hated how just a simple person hugging me could throw me off like this, make me sick. And I knew Bob would never do anything… I just didn’t like being touched. At all. It was like… any time I was touched I thought of the rape. Really, the only person who could touch me and not make me think about the rape is Aiden…I can’t help it. I would probably always do that, until I died.
Aiden pulled me down to lay with him. I did, squeezing his hand back. He rubbed my arm with his other hand and I closed my eyes, feeling his soft fingers on my arm. I felt myself relaxing. I don’t know how Aiden could do it, but he always could calm me down. No matter what happened. It was like his gift.
“They’ll fall asleep like that if we let them.” I heard Frank tell someone. My eyes snapped open and I looked at Aiden. He smiled at me, cuddling up to me.
The door opened and my eyes fell on Mikey Way and a pretty woman with him. Both Mikey and the woman said hi to us, Aiden was hugged (luckily Mikey nor his wife tried to hug me), and then went to talk with Gerard, Frank, Ray, and Bob and Amanda.
This isn’t so bad, I thought, looking at Aiden. I brushed some of his hair from his eyes and he smiled, looking at me.
“Your hair is getting long.” He whispered.
I snorted, nodding. “Yours is too.”
He reached up to touch it and his blue eyes widened. “Woah…”
I laughed quietly.
“That’s cool.” He grinned.
“You aren’t seriously going to waste your energy talking about hair are you?” I teased.
“No.” he smiled and curled back into me. “I wanna go home…”
Aiden’s POV
“I know, baby… you’ll be home soon.” Eric said, brushing more hair from my face.
I sighed, nodding. I was so sick of this damn hospital… if I never have to go into a hospital again, I’ll be fine. And besides, I’m beginning to forget what my room looks like.
I’m really not looking forward to my make up work in school either…. Ugh.
I looked at Dad, Daddy Gee, and everyone else talking. Jack was jumping up and down, desperate for attention but all of the adults were too busy talking about something to even care.
“How do you feel?” Eric asked.
“Thirsty… would you mind getting me some water?” I asked quietly. I had learned the quieter I talked, the less it hurt.
“Of course not.” He smiled and got out of bed. He put water in my red cup—it was mine, I had decided. I fully intended to steal it and take it home with me when I finally got to leave. They owed me at least a cup, in my opinion.
Hell, they owed me pain and suffering too. And neglect. It’s been at least a week since that hot nurse Heather has come in. They are neglecting me of my rights to see ‘normal’ people. Like I want to stare at balding guys.
Eric came back and handed me my red cup. My red cup. I began drinking the water in small sips. While I could eat and drink normally now, it still hurt like hell so I liked to be slow about it.
Plus, the sooner I eat normal the sooner they’re ripping this thing from my nose again. And that’s the only part of getting better that I’m not looking forward to. At least it won’t hurt as much as when they took my breathing tube out… that shit hurt worse than childbirth I bet.
“Mommy, can I make fun of Aiden again?” Jack asked.
“No.” Bella said, sounding annoyed. “Let mommy talk.”
“Well can I wear a dress to school when we go home?”
“No. Let mommy talk.” Bella repeated.
“But Mommy, I’m bored.”
Bella began ignoring him, joining back. All of the adults were talking about everyone getting together during the summer in the US.
“No please.” I muttered quietly. Besides, with how I was feeling I’d be dead by then anyway. “I don’t feel good.”
Dad seemed to have heard that—Daddy Radar I guess—and rushed over, hugging me. “Aww I know, baby. Do you want everyone to go? No one will be mad.”
“No, I just don’t feel too good.” I said quickly and quietly.
“If I could be sick for you I would, baby.”
“I know, Dad.” I said, nuzzling his chest.
He rubbed my back. I could feel everyone watching us, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know them all anyway.
“Whats wrong?”
“I dunno. I just… my head hurts and my throats all scratchy and I wanna die.” I moaned.
“Aiden, don’t talk like that.” He said.
“I’m sorry but it’s true. And I have now dubbed you Dad and Gerard Daddy Gee.”
He laughed.
“What? It’s hard to tell who I’m talking to. Or even thinking about. You really put me and Bella in a spot you know, both of you being guys.” I teased.
“Well I’m sorry. I’ll shove some toilet paper in a bra and you can call me Francesca.”
I began laughing, but ended up coughing.
“Aww, I’m sorry.” Dad said, patting my back.
I eventually quit coughing and began laughing again, picturing Dad with boobs. Every time I repeated it in my head, I began laughing harder. It hurt like hell, but I couldn’t quit.
“Frank, you’re gonna kill him.” Daddy Gee snapped. “Aiden, you’ll hurt yourself.”
“Francesca.” I giggled. “Francesca.”