Trusting Betrayal

The day before was his birthday, I met him a week or two back. He had just added me to face book, and we talked, and he gave me his number, and I talked to him. I dare not act like the person I was, although I had a tough personality and forefront I was truly insecure, and I knew I was letting my guard down, I wanted to know what he would do. As we continued to talk, he said he was going to meet me, come down to Malton. It surprised me and I said sure, with a lot of non-believeingness in my word. What guy would come to meet a person after only exchanging a couple words with them, and especially to meet me, was this person just playing? I waited for him to say “ha ha got you” but it never came, and I said my goodbye and went to bed. As I was going to slip in, I thought it was strange how he kept asking me to phone him back and then at times messaging me to call, but me being me I discarded the thought. The next day arrived bright as ever, Waking up I grabbed my stuff, feeling like a different person this morning, I got ready and woke my mother up.
“Mom, get up, you need to drop me off at school, I got badminton practice” I told her, getting excited. My mom got up groaning. I left her room humming and walked downstairs, carrying my stuff, setting them down on the sofa, I go to get breakfast. ‘I wonder what outfit Kavo would say I should wear, the blue langa or the purple half saree’ I thought to myself, as I pulled out my phone and called Kavo.

She answered after three rings. Grouchy as ever and tired as well. Same old her, going to be late for our 7am practice, we both usually are, but this day I was up early and walking like a sunshine.
“What do you want” she snapped, just like every morning. I’d rather not be surprised if people thought we were couple rather then twins. The way we were. I smiled at her comment, it didn’t faze my positive attitude for that day. I was as cheery as ever.
“Well Hun, I was thinking when you were coming to practice today and if I were to provide breakfast, and your choosing my outfit, I’ll bring you your jewelry” I told her. My tone a sing-songy like one. Kavo must have been surprised, although I was happy-go, I hardly was this happy and energetic, and with past problems hearing me this happy must have been a blessing to her, who had been worrying about for months now. This time when she spoke I heard her tone was a light soft relieved and happy tone.
“Alrighty, I’m getting ready and I’m going to ask my mom to drop me, Get me some good breakfast for today” she told me.
“Sure, Sure” I told her. “Bye, love” I told her hanging up, take a last sip from my cup of warm milk. My mom came down the stairs tired but ready. She put on her shoes and clicked start on the car remote. A couple a minutes later we were in the car, driving to school. I had my pack back, and brown bag which was going to be used in the play and had some of the jewelry for today’s culture day event. Another stitches bag which held all my clothes and gifts, then my racket and it’s case, with goggles, and I was of course wearing my badminton uniform.

My mother dropped me off infornt of the school, for once I was on time but not my partner. Kavo hadn’t yet reached here, I began to worry. Why wouldn’t I? She lived a lot closer to school then me. So being me, I asked around and then called her. She was on her way to school. So I decided to set a deal with her.
“Hun if you can get here in 7minutes I’ll get Taffy to buy you KFC next Tooney Tuesday Deal” I told her. I heard her squeal on the other end, and the line hang. I chuckled and quietly whispered.
“Guess that means it’s a deal”. As I watched the time, Kavo walked in to the girls change room, out of breath.
“Well you saved yourself about 2 and /½ minutes, that’s pretty good Kavo” I teased her grinning.
“Shut up Yuki” she told me. Quickly changing.
“You ready?” I asked her fishing my racket. She nodded her head and we left the change room. Training practice began long time, but we were doing fine for some late comers. Being on the team last year and this is quite fun. The Lincoln Lynx badminton team. As practice came to an end, we left early, and started to change. More like Kavo started to change, I pulled out the jewelry for her, handing it to her. Afterwards pulled out my outfits, and asked her which one.
“Wear the blue now and change to the purple at lunch” she told me. As I changed, and but on my jewelry, I got a phone call.
“Kavo Hun, do my ear piece and hair for me, I got phone” I told her.

“Hello” I said, after sliding my phone up.
“Hey, what’s up” Someone replied on the other end.
“Hey AJ, nothing much you?” I asked him.
“Just woke up, so Where are you” he inquired.
“At school” I said in a matter of fact tone. We talked for a bit. About random things, and in walked Taffy and Amirah.
“So I’ll call you later” he said.
“sure, Sure, bye” I said to him, and hung up.
“Who was that” asked Amirah. Of course she was the only one who didn’t know. I didn’t even bother to reply, everyone else did that for me.
“It’s this guy who talked to her online, and for once it’s not Daniel, he wants to meet her” Taffy and Kavo said together. And all three looked at me expectantly.
“Guys you know I am not interested” I said looking at them dead on, the bell rang and we hussed on to class.

Like every other math class, I felt my self space out. Mrs.Perko was going on about trinomials. To be honest I had no idea what’s been happening in class, I just seem to not focus, I find that surprising, seeing as I love to focus in class, it’s interesting, you know how people teach, and the way they react, I love to know what makes people tick, in a mental sense, at times it makes me think that I am sadistic. In the middle, I broke from my trance like state and looked at the clock, there was about 25 minutes of class left. I heard a familiar sound come quietly from somewhere near by. A sound I recognized as the ring tone to my phone, with embarrassment while the teacher was talking I pulled the phone out, and clicked end, it was him. He had called me in the middle of Math class. I sent him a text. I began getting impatient, looking at the clock, and tapping my foot. My intention to leave the class was visible in my posture. As soon as the bell rang, I had packed up and gone. Going to my locker quickly grabbing my other attire and changing into it, calling him as to why called, and then he called back later. In my call he told me he was here, at Westwood mall. I changed in the girls washroom, with my friends there.

“Taffy, come with me to the mall” I told her plainly. It seems I had never had to raise my voice, glare, what so ever, for my friends. It was as if they did whatever I asked without a doubt, at times it scares me. Although it’s like that I don’t take the lead I push one of them to do it, but I wonder at time if I actually do that for them or for my safety. Taffy just looked at me with her mouth a gape, but said yes none the less.
“Fine, why?”
“It’s something to do with phone guy and if things seem bad, leave” I told her, I do not allow my friends to fall into danger for me, I try to judge that as best as I can.
Kavo put my stuff back and me and Taffy left.
“So why do you want to stay after school today?” She asked me as we walked to the mall.
“Because I told you to” I replied smiling at her. She began to pout, my phone rang once again and it was him.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“At the mall”
“Where at the mall?”
“Infornt of Coffee time” he said. The phone still at my ear, I direct Taffy and myself to Coffee Time.
“I don’t see you” I told him.
“I’m infornt of you, come down” he said. I spotted his car.
“Found you, be there, bye” I told him hanging up. I walked down to him with Taffy following. As we reached him, he got out of his car. Taffy looked at me questingly.
“Hey, in uniform I see” he said.
“It’s not uniform, it’s culture” I replied. Today was culture day.
“Explain please” Taffy said.
“um…ya this is my bff Taffy, and Taffy, this is a friend a very recently met friend, he is the reason why I stopped by at the mall.” I told her.
“Hey, So you two hungry, We can go get lunch” he said.
“Well, lunch is at school, and I don’t have money on me so I can’t buy anything, so we both shall have lunch later” I told him.
“Oh, well then I can pay” He said. I looked at him, expressionlessly.
“No it’s ok, we’ll be fine” Taffy nodded behind me, but I could feel her aura of thinking of the chicken in the air. I smiled.
“Come on, please” He said.
“Alright, but I want nothing, just get something for Taffy, please” I told him. I heard taffy do her little gasp.
“I can’t impose on you” she said. I held back my laugh. ‘yup she is going to get that chicken alright’ I thought.
“Naw it’s fine” he said. From his English I could tell he was somewhat new to Canada but been here long enough, and he had that wanna be gangster feel. I felt like I should be on guard but I felt that no immediate threat was in pose.

Walking to the food court in the Westwood, I silently talked with Taffy. I gave her the look that said, we aren’t staying long and that we make this quick and stay cheap. She returned it with I understand look.
“I’ll go find us a seat” I said. Walking off to the near by tables of Lee’s Garden. I choose one that was rather more close to the center, but near the store. Taffy went to Lee’s garden, him following behind her, I watched him, more like inspected him closely. Taffy made her order and sat down with it, I knew it was going to be chicken. A thigh piece with some coke. Coke addicts, where is Kavo when there is coke lying about? I thought. A Nestea was placed in front of me.
“You should have something” He said. I smiled.
“I’m good, I’ll safe this later” I said still smiling kindly. ‘For the dogs’ I thought venomously. As Taffy ate, there was silence, till he broke by, inquiring what we were to do today. Casual talk. Taffy made hers simple, and I smile and nodded as if to say same here. My eyes stayed on Taffy, watching her eat, making sure she finished everything, the mother hawk I was. I could feel him stare at me. Looking at Taffy’s eyes and concentrating I can see from her pupils being reflected that he was looking at me from the coroner of his eyes. I played the meek, quite, simple girl that I was truthfully not. I wanted to avoid complications then the once I already had made, I didn’t want thinks the way the were happening, but then I decided to do something, that I knew possibly be risky, why? I wanted to vent. As the conversation continued, I knew his gaze was changing, towards Taffy, and I felt a bit hostile aura flow near me, and I knew Taffy didn’t feel it. She was of course spacing out.

My instinct told me he was going to find a way to get some ‘privacy’ and I didn’t want Taffy gone for to good long of a time. I ran through my head as to what I could do. And a thought came into my mind. The washroom. Think about it now it seems dumb yet I still went through with it.
“Taffy?” I said, interrupting him. I gave him an apologetic look.
“hmmm?” she responded coming back to reality. I gave her a look that said, just do I’ll explain later.
“Get me a wet napkin” I asked, sweetly, I never thought I could sound so bubbly, it disgusted me.
“sure” she said getting out of her sit and going. I took out my phone checked the time as she did, and turned to him.
“We have to head back to school soon” I told him.
“I see, I understand” he said, then he sat as if he was thinking, for a quick moment. “Look I know this is kind of off and all, but I like you, ad I want to go out with you and later marry you, do you like me?” he asked. I had that ‘are you dumb’ look on my face.
“What the-” I was interrupted in mid sentence.
“I know this is sudden and all, but I liked you for a long time, I’ve known you since you were young actually, you never lived here in Mississauga to begin with you lived in Scarborough, I knew you from there, in fact your parents did know my family” he said. ‘There something I don’t hear every day, wonder what he is up to’ I thought, all though I still had the ‘are you dumb’ look, I knew he saw there was a form of understanding go through my mind, you could see it in my eyes. I hate being a readable book it makes me feel venerable.

Knowing he was somebody I used to call brother, it felt weird he had said that to me, but I wasn’t just going to fall, just like that, after all there was someone waiting for me.
“Look, I see you as a brother, I don’t think it will work, also I’m interested in someone else, whom I doubt I’m getting with, but nonetheless I am in to them, I don’t want to seem to use you” I told him, making my point no.
“That’s alright, I don’t mind what happened to you and all, whatever it is in the past, and I’m willing to wait for you” he told me. ‘Sweet talker much’. I continued on smiling.
“I think that’s kind of wasteful, although I love you and all, but not more then a brother, I plan not to let go of this guy, I think it‘s best we remain as we did in the past” I told him. ‘close friends…maybe I should avoid him or something’ I thought.
“but still” he leaned in and kissed my cheek and held my hand, it surprised me. ‘WTF’ it echoed in my mind. ‘dimwit’ I scolded my self.
“I’m waiting remember that” he whispered. I turned looked at him.
“Please don’t tell anyone, it might cause problems” and I as I was about to say something, Taffy came. On cue like always, a part of me wanted to laugh.

“I couldn’t find any napkins in the washroom so I’m going to get it from somewhere else” she said. I felt myself arise in awareness. ‘oh no your not’ I thought.
“No need, I’ll deal with it later, sit” I told her. I sounded a bit commanding, but that’s about it. She came and sat, and the phone rang. It said Kavo was calling, I answered.
“What?” I said expecting it to be Kavo, but it wasn’t it was Amirah.
“Hey, when’s the party?” she asked me.
“Amirah… oh well um, after school” I told her. There was to be a partying after school planned by me and Antara. It was somewhat a surprise party for Kavo’s and Taffy’s birthday.
“Damn, I can’t come” She said.
“No problem hun, just show up at the other party, I think that should do” I told her.
“K, when you coming to school” she asked.
“Soon, don’t worry, we will make it to class” I told her. Recently I despised going anywhere but my room, I really didn’t want to be any where near out of there. I had issues that I didn’t want to discuss with my parents, and recently I stopped trusting teachers and administrators at school. I knew that would seem good on my part, but this made me feel a lot more sane. Even though skipping classes was a bad idea. I knew this was going to end up bad for me.
“And about swimming, I gotta go and come”
“Ok, but you’ll be there right? We can be sure to get in the pool with you right?”
“ya sure, it’s a dollar right?”
“Ya”
“Aight, then see you later, bye”
“Bye” I said.
“What party?” asked Taffy. ‘And how do I bug out of this one’ I thought merrily. I was ready for anything on this.
“Oh since some of us can’t come to Kavo’s b-day party, we are going to hold one here at school today, after school” I told her, hiding the fact that it includes her as well. I felt another attentive gaze on me once again coming from his side.

I turned and looked at him. I could tell form his gaze he had questions he wanted to pop in, and I gave him the chance.
“what’s up?” I asked him, curiously. Once again, I felt like Pandora, unleash all of hell on to earth with a bit of heaven.
“your having a party after school today” he asked in our language. Tamil.
“ya” I responded.
“why?” he asked.
“well the party is for my two bff’s, both their birthdays are in may, and I wanted to celebrate both so I picked a random day on may to celebrate it” I told him.
“ isn't the black girl your best friend” I smiled at him knowingly and I knew he got the hint. He returned the smile.
“was this about the pool?” he asked.
“Today is Friday and our public pool is a dollar for fun swimming from 7-8 and I‘m going to day with my friends…would you like to come join us, if your not busy” ‘please say no, please say you live to far so you can’t come, please say no!’ I begged silently, although I had an eager looking face.
“sure, but I’m inviting some of my friends, if you don’t mind” he said. ’Damn it!’
“sure sure, no problem is not like I own the pool or anything“ I told him. I looked at taffy and she looked puzzled. ‘time to hit the road jack’
“Well we got to get to school or we are going to be late” I said looking at the time, it was already time for the first bell signaling the end of fourth. I was going to class today, late or not. I was the type of person to think why go to class if your late, why not just leave it and go the next day. Dumb thought, but it seemed easier, I didn’t like dealing with attention and people asking my where about, I really didn’t, I would practically anything to avoid it, just like how avoid my dad. But then again it’s not like e had to worry about my where about, there were bugs crawling on every street.
“I’ll drop you guys” he said as we got up and walked out. ‘once again another offer, what is this guy, he changed so much… wonder if Daniel would be like this…naw doubt it…the teen mind’ I chuckled at myself.

We just crossed the rode, to school, and my phone buzzed. A text message. I opened the file, and looked in. It was a text from him.
“Taffy?” I said. Stopping in my tracks.
“yes?” she asked.
“He called me babe…and he said I love you” I told her, showing her the text.
“that is weird I guess” she said.
“Maybe not, like I call people babe, hun, dear, love, sweetheart and stuff, and I do randomly tell people I love you, he could have meant it in that sense ya?” I asked her, and she nodded her head. I respond back like I always did. You send me I love you and you’re my friend, I respond back I love you too, except if your Kavo then it’s I hate you too. We are some weird friends. Of course I got late to class today. ‘science, man this was going to be bad, MacNaughton is so gonna wanna know where I was ‘I thought defeated as I walked into class.
“Your so early” said Navi. I looked at him and glared. ‘smack yourself why don’t ya you dim’ I thought. I sat down and focused on the over head, Tahnees my partner wasn’t here, what was the odds? I felt myself zoom out of focus and think about today. ‘A person I haven’t seen since ancient times had come to see me, I best tell my parents, I wonder if they’ll be happy… ack, I have to go home, I wish home would just disappear. I don’t want to go, oh well, I must’ I thought sadly.
“Ok, now get your textbooks out” said Mr. MacNaughton. And the day went as he commanded.

School was over, and this had called me in class, was he mad! ‘wait all my friend and myself included was mad!’ I chuckled to myself. Another call, it was from home. I already told mom why I would be late today. I was going to give them two their gifts and Kavo wanted me to attend the Asian heritage assembly meeting.
“Hello”
“where are you” asked mom.
“At school”
“how long will ou be staying”
“An hour and a half, or so, and then I am walking home” as I said, that I turned the corner to my locker, and there was Taffy. Her locker was right beside mine.
“why are you staying that long” ‘ damn can’t tell her the whole truth, Taffy is here’
“Because Kavo wants me to stay after school for some meeting, if it’s done early I’ll call and tell you and remember I am going swimming today.” I told my mom, smiling at Taffy.
“ok, get home soon, or your dad is going to be upset with you” she told me sternly. ‘once again father this father that with me’. I sighed.
“Ok, bye”
“bye” I ended the call.
“Who was that?” Taffy asked.
“mom” I said. Kavita arrived, there was Antara, Felicia had hid behind Antara the others got lazy and didn’t show up. Got me mad, but oh well.
“Right Kavo stand with Taffy, extend your hands out and close your eyes, both of you” I told them, reaching into my brown bag for their gifts. As I did so they did as they were told. I opened the box and put it in their hands and bangles on top of Taffy’s. They opened their eyes and looked at heir gifts amazed.
“Well I hope you both like it, Antara and me spent a lot on them” I said.
“Antara and I” corrected Kavo.
“You correct me and forget to thank me” I teased. She gave me that oh be quite smile.
“Thanks yuki, Antara” Said Taffy and Kavo together.
“Now for the surprise party that is no longer surprise, I got plates and spoons, we just need the cake, I’ll give you money Antara, take Felicia with you and buy the cake, k?” I more or less told her in a question form. She nodded her head, I handed over the money to her. Antara and Felicia left. I turned to face Taffy and Kavo, they were gaping at me.
“I am so not letting this chance go!” I exclaimed at them. They both laughed.
“But what about the meeting?” asked Kavo.
“You’re the group leader, you attend and I’ll listen to your rambles afterwards for now I am going to set up some stuff, meet me in the blue hall way hun!” I told her.
“Fine” she said.
“Love you” I told her.
“Hate you too” she said grinning. I laughed, waving as she walked off to go to the meeting.
“TAFFY!” I exclaimed loudly going into hyper drive.
“Yes?” she asked me a bit afraid, knowing that I would be going at high speed and she was expected to keep up I guess.
“BLUE HALL! IGOTTHESPEAKERSANDTHEMUSIC!!” I told her and we ran down in to the blue hallway.

Kavo had come back from the meeting, Antara was on her way with the cake. I was on the phone. Clearly upset. I was talking with AJ, my friends knew why already.
“Do you know why they said no?” he asked.
“I don’t know, I’m gonna go home and find out before going swimming, and yes I still intend to go swimming” I told him ‘ I put a lot of effort of going to class this week so I can go swimming, I am not giving it up for them!’ I rebelled in my mind.
“Ok, call me when you got a decision with your parents” he told me.
“Sure sure bye” I replied. I heard him murmur his bye and hang up. My mom had called and told me I can’t swimming and I had to come home, and I wanted to know why and she wouldn’t tell me, it felt unfair, I behaved well this week, I went to all my classes, and I didn’t step out of line. I was going to go swimming today, because this would be my last, I wanted to focus full frontal for the exams, I wanted to stop messing around. I had to call AJ a couple times over this, since I hardly heard what he said and vice versa.
“Cakes’ here” said Antara as she entered. We divided the cake into 5 is we all had a piece, and we used a spoon since no one brought a knife. We hung around for a bit, and then it was time to go home. Time to clash with my parents once again. Wonderful. As we were walking, I was ‘bitching’ about my parents. I even called AJ! I was so mad. Of course my friends came with me. Taffy and Kavo. My parents took a liking to Kavo because she seemed so innocent, if only they knew the things that happen, my dad says how I’m the one who made her bad. I laugh at that, if only he knew, but then he never will. Taffy was ok, but they didn’t like her much cause she’s black. What kind of pathetic excuse is that!

As my friends were upstairs, I talked to my parents trying to figure out why I couldn’t go swimming. Their reason was because of last week’s swimming. Last week I got out to be picked up late by 12 minutes. I originally said I’d probably be out by 8:30 but I got out by 8:42, and I didn’t answer their phone calls when they called at 8. I tried to explain to them, that yes it was my fault, but I had a valid reason. One being I didn’t take my phone out into the pool, thus I couldn’t hear the vibration. Another I was tryingly very best to be out, and I did apologize. It wasn’t my fault they tried to call me at 8, and several times to, no one was watching my phone! I was getting angry so I removed myself away from them. As soon as I got up I closed the door and sat down leaning on it, my friends looked at me with concern. When I am angry I don’t know how to deal with it and I do the first thing that comes to mind and sometimes that leads me to harming myself. Of course AJ called and told I him was still coming, expect me to be there. I wasn’t going to let my parents put my treat away. A couple of minutes alter my dad called me down once again. I went down. They said I could go. Surprise me much! Why change of heart all of a sudden! I was completely ecstatic! My friends said they had to go grab their stuff so, we got ready, and I changed into a skirt and blouse I liked, originally pants but then I thought for a change let’s wear a skirt, I asked Kavo’s opinion of course. She was my fashion sense. As we left I called AJ and told him that I was going.

We had got our stamp to get in and were waiting for AJ and his friends who took to long! I called him a whole bunch of times cause my friends, especially I, was getting very impatient. As he came, I introduced him to friends and then told him I would meet in the pool. And we went to get ready. As we were changing, I told everyone what happened today. They all listened. Antara, was very ecstatic I met someone after a long time. Kavo was more suspicious, and taffy was like he’s ok, but ugly. Amirah was ok as well, and then Felicia thought he looked ugly. And so forth. 15 minutes after we entered the pool, there was no sign of AJ, I began to get worry. I got out of the pool went to he change room and called him. He apparently was in his car and wasn’t going to swim. I said my ok’s and whatever’s and then went swimming. I told Kavo.
“HE WHAT!” she yelled at me. Expected of course.
“yup”
“I am going to go yell at him” she said, getting out of the pool, I quickly followed her. Johnny followed behind us both.
“I gotta see this” said Johnny. ‘quit egging her on you fat white chop’ I thought. She grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her, and I grabbed my bath robe on, chasing after her. ‘still this will be interesting’ I thought. She stormed out. I pointed out the car.
“I’m Sorry AJ” I told him.
“For what?” he asked, and then Kavo explodes. I was busing my self not laughing to listen to her and Johnny was of course laughing his head off. AJ looked scared and surprised. Kavo left, and I once again apologized before going, I saw his car pull away form the parking lot. ‘scared cat much?’ I thought.

I called him after calming down Kavo and repeatedly apologized. Afterwards I returned to my fun of swimming, but not before promising to call him that night. Night arrived I was in bed and I called and we talked. I came to discover his birthday was tomorrow. I wished an early happy birthday. He apparently had wanted me to come to his birthday party which his friends were hosting a day after, in Scarborough. I said impossible I cannot. I was not about to do something to drastically risky.
“How about hanging around your area?” he asked.
“That I can deal with” I told him.
“Alright so you free Sunday morning?” he asked.
“I think another time other then Sunday, especially this week” I told him.
“why?”
“Well in the morning I go to my tutors, it’s every Sunday, I rarely miss it and then I’m going to the library to work on this genocide thing with my friends it’s a group project we are working on” I told him.
“Not even for a movie?”
“Sorry, I’ll make it up to you one way or another, but for now sorry” . I told him.
“Do you parents know you met me?” he asked.
“I haven’t talked to them about it yet.” I told him. Our conversation continued.

The next morning I called him once again to wish him happy birthday. I learned he was going to the temple, hang with friends and stuff. Apparently his parents went visiting back home. We basically had small talk and then he asked my plans for the day, and I told him I would call him back on that cause didn’t know what my parents had in mind. I called him back told my plans. I went to my uncles birthday party, it was an eventful one. In between I got so board, I called AJ again, of course I called some other peoples too. It was whoever I got I talked to. Once again I talked with him at night. I found it surprising he would talk to me so late at night, despite the age gap and difference n our mind set. None the less I enjoyed talking to him, it was indeed like having my brother back, but then, at the same time a bit too disarming. I hate it when people try to figure me out, and it was exactly what he was doing, and most times he read through me, I didn’t like that, yet it interested me to understand how he did, and why, and what’s his purpose in understanding. The human mind is something so thin it’s not that easily seen, yet it exists, and you can find a fragment of once mind in another.

Sunday was it’s usual day, cept the fact I had more time on my hand this day. I usual would have slept in and then gone to my tutors, no instead I was up early. I worked extra special on my look and finished. ‘What a girl can do when she has the time’ I chuckled to myself as I looked at myself in the mirror.
“Yuki it’s time to go” said my mother.
“Coming coming coming” I said as I left the washroom and head downstairs and out the door. At my tutor I tried to make sense of what I learned that week at school during math. Mind you it was hard, I’d rather sit and ponder about human nature and it’s mind then sit and ponder on how to solve trinomials. My phone went off in the middle of the session. I quickly turned my phone off, and apologized to my teacher.
“I’m sorry about that” I said.
“Who was that?” he asked,
“Must have been one of my partners for the project, looking for me I guess” I said. It was almost 12 and I had promise to be there in between 12:30- 1pm. ‘geez aren’t they a bunch of worry warts’.

Finally done with my 2 long hours of trying to understand trinomials and such, classes was done and I was getting into my mother’s car. I had turned my phone on near he end of class, and my phone had rang as I got in. Expecting it to be one of my partners I answered with out looking who called.
“Hello?”
“Hey, where are you?” A rough voice said, I assumed it was my group member but the voice was oddly familiar.
“Hey, I’m in the car with my mom just finished lessons, I’ll meet you guys soon” I said.
“K bye” they hung on me. ‘weird…that sounds like someone else I know, not like my group members’
“Who was it?” Asked mommy.
“group member” I replied with a weird face on me. ‘a new puzzle, lord have mercy’ I thought.
I got home quickly got changed, and noticed I got a missed call form AJ. I called him to see what’s u, and I heard the rough voice, and I connected 2 and 4 right there. I asked if I talked to him about couple minutes ago, and he said ya. I told him how I thought he was my group member and he took it so jokingly.

As I walked to the library, I spent my time between AJ and Taffy. I was discussing things with her about Kyle and AJ, how called and asked me to come to his party and so forth. I even waved at one of my uncles as I went past his house cause he was out there. ‘Hey look one of the bugs are out today’ I thought snidely as I waved to him. As I pass his house, there’s AJ! You can think of my surprise and uneasiness. Although I couldn’t understand the second feeling, I didn’t see any threat.
“Hey”
“S’up, happy belated birthday” I said to him, bubbly as ever. ‘Argh I disgust myself’ I thought.
“thanks, nice seen you here, I was just thinking about you and about to call you too.”
“ya, so what you doin down here?”
“Seen this friend of mine”
“I see”
“…so your going to the library right”
“Ya” ‘uh oh, he going to offer, time to offend someone’ I thought
“well I can drop you”
“No problem I’m good” I said. ‘go any further into trying to drop and I’ll insult you’ I thought as an after thought.
“It’s ok, it ain’t that far, let me do you this favor” He said.
“I’m good” I told him.
“Come on please, as a birthday favor, for me, come on.” ‘Oh stupid fucked up birthday favors, why do they exists they should die! Argh, damn bimbo’
“Eh sure fine only to the library no where else”
“A quick drive around” he said.
“Alright”. I got in to the car.

At first the car drove on course, but then it didn’t it was going the opposite direction, and I didn’t like it, but I remained calm, unlike me. Usually I would have gotten aggressive and mean.
“Where are you taking me, this doesnt’ go to the library, go back” I told him.
“Look I’ll drop you, just quick drive”
“No go back” I told him still calm. ‘wonder if the sea rages calmly like this’ I thought. The car was going over speed , I could tell with out looking, and sooner hen normal we were on the high way going even faster. ‘is this guy mad…does desperately want a death wish? I’m pretty sure I can provide him with one…but I do want to know what he ahs in mind, what is he the king of..daylight kidnappings?’ my thoughts buzzed.
“Are you insane!”
“Stay quietly” he told me. ‘go tell that to your mother you cow brain’ I thought and I began talking to him, more like angrily talking to him to take me back. Somewhere in the conversation, he swiveled off the rode and almost into another car. He began to cuss. This remind me of my father, I immediately felt fear. I went quite, I now saw the threat. ‘don’t anger him’ that was my logical thought at the moment. ‘a billion thoughts went in my mind at once they didn’t make sense, except for the last thought. ‘tell someone…TAFFY’. And thus the text convo between me and her began to be more furious and life saving.

He tried to spark up a conversation between us, with small talks, but I intended to remain with short answers and I did. He eventually gave up. I paid very little attention to what was passing. I kept my watch on the phone and him. Anything to keep him away from me. Waiting for one of the text’s I took a chance and looked out the window. I became very alarmed. We were in Scarborough, almost an hour away from home. We were passing by Kennedy and Lawrence. ‘this was not happening to me!’ I thought. ‘but then I wonder if it is my track of thought or if I overly perverted… perhaps I over thinking things, I’ll just ask him one last time to drop me back…. My mom is going to so mad…MY GROUP MEMBERS ARE GONG TO KILL ME SHIT!!!! Live is a fag’ I thought.
“close your eyes” he said. I looked at im , uncomprehendingly.
“Close you eyes” he said more demandingly. I saw my father in him at the time, and I complied to his wish. ‘and now I remember why I hate the past’ I thought sarcastically.

Some time passed before the car stopped. There was a pause, and I heard the door open, a burst of air rushed into the space.
“Be back” I heard him say. Without a moment to waste I opened my eyes. Although I could see, I couldn’t, it was a feeling that I couldn’t understand, I was panicking, but I didn’t know what to do. Yet I felt calm. My phone vibrated in my tight fist, I looked down, I had pressed on the low volume button. An idea sprung in my mind.
‘Taffy in 20 minutes, don’t text, but call me back, I feel something bads going to happen’ I told her, clicking send, I concentrated on the screen waiting to get the message that told me my message was successfully sent. As it did, I blew out air that I had been holding in, I felt a bit secure, but not fully convinced that things will be fine. ‘What to do, wonder what it would be like right now to have a knife, dumb thought I don’t even know where I am right now, speaking of why don’t I have a look around’ I thought. I looked u straight ahead to see brown. Looking into the mirror I saw that AJ was almost there. Hiding my phone I closed my eyes again. The door on his side once again clicked open.
“I really want you to meet a friend of mine, we will be waiting here till he comes, I’ll help you to a room ,till then your eyes must be closed and everything is going to be a sweet surprise” he told me, his voice was getting commanding as it went. ‘Your mothers ass’ I thought rudely.

Having been directed to wherever the place it was, I opened my eyes. I was ina room with a bed, it had orange colour quilt for a bed sheet, and it was white under, it was attached to a washroom. Inside the room I was in, there was a dresser with a mirror to my left and chair beside it. On the other side in the corner was a TV, with played CP24. There was also a painting on the wall, that was vaguely printed in my mind. ‘ya his friend can go to hell and smooch Lucifer’ I thought, flipping around, I felt on guard. I realized my situation then. My only solution to it, was going out the door, now how to do that in a manner that won’t get me hurt was a question. Screaming for help seemed sort of dumb, anyone could have mistaken it for a voice from the TV, and I get this feeling the people who own this place know him very well. ‘are you so pathetic you are going to scream and have the whole world look at you…nope of course not, but what do I do, argh..I wish people at home taught you what to do, since they tell you not to SCREAM! Why am I intending to listen to them now when I don’t usually care! Am I dimwit?!?!’ I cursed my self, my train of thought varied from logical to sadistic to helpless and it continued in that circle.

Solution, getting out the door. Problem, there was a 21 year old man whom I trusted, who is trice my weight and is a head or two taller then me. How do I solve this? Well let’s think. ‘Oh wait I am thinking, but not think seems to slow down long enough for me to understand’ I yelled at myself.
“So they’ll be here soon and I want to get to know you I haven’t seen you in awhile, you know.” he said, moving closer. ‘I know you’re a ogre’ I thought. As I was about to respond, I felt a pair of lips on me. Kissing me, hands traveling. My body went blank, my mind was numb. Yet I heard a no, come out my mouth, it was a feeble yet a protest.
“No..please…no, this isn’t right..please stop” I repeated that line over and over, it sound so pleading like. I felt sick to my guts. I felt like I wasn’t in my body. I felt like I was seeing this from another persons eyes, because I saw myself and him on top of me, I had a side view, yet I knew I was under him. He had gradually got me on the bed, with me still pleading with him, I saw tears leak.
“Sssh..it’s ok, I love you, everything is going to be fine baby” he said to me. I didn’t want to listen. My mind was weird, it was blank. Till he said that. ‘GO FUNKIN LOVE YOUR MOTHER I FON’T WANT YOUR GOD FORSAKEN LOVE’ I thought. A mental war began within me. ‘Look at how pathetic you are, calling your self strong, ha, your nothing better then you say you are, only road dirt’ thought about my self. ‘I am better I just need to find a way out, I will, I won’t let this happen to me’ ‘Well you can try putting all your strength into shoving him off, taking that picture that’s hanging on the wall, slam it over his head, repeatedly punch him, then go thought his pickets, fin his pocket knife and stab him with it a couple of times, maybe even crave in triple 6 into his chest.’ I thought. ‘Wait I don’t even know if he has a pocket knife, to dumb and to dangerous and risky to do that’ I told myself. ‘Maybe I should scream out loud, I mean wherever we are I pretty sur someone will hear, after I am a loud person’ ‘what if no one is around what then? What if screaming eggs him on? What then! What if he hurts me badly then?’ my mind blazed with question, my mind was going in hyper speed arguing with myself. In midst of that a random thought appeared in my mind. ‘I wonder if this is how the sexually assaulted victims feels, or any other victim in that case’ I thought.

Pain, I couldn’t think anymore. There was pain. My mind was white being jabbed by blue white. I felt pain. I couldn’t hold it in I screamed loudly no, and I told him to stop. I felt something being pulled out from down there in my vagina, I looked, it was his penis and it looked deformed. I looked up at him.
“Please no more, let me go” I told him, I saw a smile curve on to his face. I felt a tug on my heart. ‘Oh shit, no’ I thought. He dived down, held me down and slammed in, I felt a tearing pain.
“No” I screamed. I felt one of my hands come lose, I swung my arm up at him, he evaded and re captured my arm, he continued. I struggled. Anything to get him let me go, But there was pain too much, I couldn’t think, nothing made sense, just pain. I found an arm around his neck, and I grasped tight, choking him, he let go, worked on untangling his head out of hands. As he did, he looked at me. I was taking in deep breathes. The pain was dieing down and I was returning to sanity. My mind was at a standstill. The phone rang.
“Don’t answer” he commanded. ‘Screw you to hell and the bitch that gave birth to you’ I thought. I picked up the phone and answered. I already knew who it was.
“Taffy, I’m ok, be back” I said, I didn’t hang up and he didn’t know. I prayed that Taffy stayed on the line. I knew taffy knew something was up, I sounded s weak and dejected. His arms circled around me. I froze as I was.
“Let’s finish our business babe” he told. ‘Go finish it with your father’ I thought.
“No, let me go” I said firmly. ‘so now my strength decided to come to my aid, after everything is over’ I thought.
“But-” I interrupted him. “Now”. He did, I got out of the bed and began to dress. I knew he was following suit, I closed my phone. A Samsung slider. As I finished, and turned around, I bumped straight into him. I felt his arms once again around me. ‘what is it with this qudwar and capturing people, does he think he’s Casanova? Geez go look at yourself in a mirror, oh wait you don’t have any to look at cause they hate you!’ I thought.
“Hands OFF” I snarled at him, I felt his body go rigid. ‘surprise surprise’ I thought melodramatically.
“Look I’m sorry , but I love you and I wanted you, I’m sorry baby” he said. ‘Go rip of your skin, douse your self in gasoline in that state, set yourself on fire and say that to me while you are burning yourself to death, and don’t expect me to save your mother fucked ass’ I thought, yet I stayed silent.
“So please can we finish?” he asked, his hands under my shirt. I grasped on to his arms.
“Try anything and you will wish that you could be in hell, cause I’ll make it worse then that, I said No and I want out” I hissed at him. I knew my eyes were black, no trace of brown left in them.

He nodded his head, let go of me and opened the door. I walked out leading straight to the front of the car. Right across from where I stood was a two story building, more like rooms I guessed. It formed a ‘C’ around the parking lot. There was people on one of the above one. I felt ashamed. ‘Mom, I want my mother’ I hadn’t wanted my mother in ages, I left that hope to disappear a long time.
“Get in the car” he broke my trail of thought. I looked at him ready to deify him, but the cold gaze he gave made me feel afraid and it remind me of that instant where he smiled in that room. I got in and sat down while mentally cussing at myself. Although when I got in I felt a bit safe, I felt that I didn’t to run away, that was before he got in. He did so after a couple of minutes. I instantly began to text Taffy. Reviewing over what happened and how it happened and rather then thinking like a logical person I looked at it from my more sadistic perspective, and that’s when I realized, the bed was wet after wards when I crawled out. ‘OH MY FUCKING GOD, excuse me lord, but HOLY CRAP’ I thought.
“close your -” “No” I interrupted him once again. I felt myself shake, I felt tears come down I sat like that for a good couple of minutes before wiping myself dry and looking out the window. I saw the day care center and Zellers.
“Where are we?” I asked him.
“Danforth and Victoria parks way” He said, I nodded my head and waited for the text. I didn’t even pay attention when we got on the highway, not till the car wasn’t moving, the car wasn’t off but it wasn’t moving, we are the Canada petrol site in Woodbine.
“You can get home from here right” He asked, more like stated,
“Ya” I said getting out. He pulled out a note and passed it to me, it was 10 dollars. I felt the humiliation. I crunched back into his hands, but he stuffed it back and drove off to the pump, I walked to the mall, talking to Taffy.

After checking what happened to me, wrapping my underwear with paper, I walked out. Walking all the way home, rambling to Taffy wish my mixed emotions. I kept repeating that fact I was going to kill him. It sent Taffy shivers down her spine when I told her how I wanted to do it. As I reached home I walked in. I apologized to my mother, lied to her, about the blood said I got my period early. I called Tohru and told her, I even called Becky, they were my primes to know. They would know what I should do. I went to bed that night, no one noticed how ghost like I was. The next morning I woke up, but on a fake smile, argued with mom and even through a late birthday party for her. That night I sat on my bed. Looking out the window.
“Is this how I’m going to live the rest of my life?” I whispered to myself. I closed my eyes let a tear streak down my cheek. I went to bed that night, unaware as to how tomorrow would turn out.