Love and Conspiracy

Jess and I stood in the crowd, waiting for the guys to start their show. We had kept our conversation relatively light, until I knew she just couldn’t handle keeping quiet about it anymore.

“Have you thought more about your decision?” she asked me. I shrugged.

“I don’t know yet, Jess,” I answered, trying to avoid the thought, “I just need a little more time.” The look of stress spread across my face, causing her to put her arm around me.

“Well, whatever you choose, I’ll be right there backing up your decision,” she said with a smile. I forced a smile back to her before the lights started to dim.

The crowd started to cheer as Billie made his way up to the microphone, ruffling his hair.

“Hey, fuckers,” he said, receiving a reaction from the audience. “I figured tonight we’d start off with a new song we have, just to try it out,” he mumbled, letting the strum of his guitar echo through the room, “You guys fucking ready?” Everyone screamed and cheered as Tre counted off the song with his drumsticks.

“Do you have the time, to listen to me whine,
About nothing and everything all at once?
I am one of those, melodramatic fools,
Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it.”

Billie simply sung with just his guitar. It was nothing like any of their other songs, causing the crowd to be quiet.

“Sometimes I give myself the creeps,
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.
It all keeps adding up,”

He paused for a second just to break out a smile before the drums came in and they all started at once.

“I think I’m cracking up.
Am I just paranoid or am I just stoned?”

The crowd went wild with cheering and the start of a mosh pit began right in the center. I couldn’t believe how amazing they sounded as I jumped around to the beat. I was really digging this new beginning for them.

~~~

The show quickly ended and the crowd seemed happier than ever as they all started to leave. When I was about to go up and congratulate them on the awesome show, I was stopped in my tracks as I saw someone in somewhat formal attire talking to all three of them. Not wanting to bother them, I just wandered away finding Jess once again.

About fifteen minutes later and Mike walked up to us with the biggest smile on his face.

“What was that all about?” Chris asked first.

“We just got offered a record deal with Reprise,” Mike answered, still in disbelief.

“Are you serious?! That’s wonderful, Mike!” I said as I threw my arms around him for a hug. He squeezed me tightly as the rest of the group congratulated him.

“We’ve been dreaming about this for so long,” he whispered as he hung on to me. I pulled away enough to smile and kiss him.

“Oh Mike, I’m so happy for you guys. Now it’s time for your big break!” I said to him, causing him to chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess it is! We’re going in on Monday to talk out the details with them,” he said, looking behind him, “I don’t think Billie has fully wrapped his mind around it yet.”

I looked in his direction to see him leaning against the wall with his hands gripping his hair, a look of total bewilderment on his face. Before we could say anything more, Tre ran up to us like an excited puppy dog.

“So are we gonna go celebrate this or what?!”

~~~

At Jess’ house, we were all spread around the kitchen and living room drunk off our asses. I could hardly even walk to the other room to sit down without stumbling. Although, no one noticed as we all laughed and talked nonsense to one another.

“You know, Mike!”Chris drunkenly slurred, “You have, a really nice body! I mean. You are so goddamn fit!”

“Hey! No making moves on my boyfriend!” Tre yelled to him. We all busted up laughing.

“No one is supposed to know about us!” Mike yelled back, surprisingly clear for being drunk. I could hardly breathe as I was laughing so hard, lying on Mike’s lap. However, my laughs subsided as I looked over at Billie. From the corner of the room, he stood motionless with a blank look on his face.

~~~

A couple hours had passed of our drunken rambling before, one by one, people started to pass out. The only ones that were still awake were Tre, Rachel, Billie and me. However, after a nonstop period of Tre and Rachel making out, they too, eventually fell asleep on the couch. Billie and I sat on opposite sides of the room, an awkward tension growing between us.

He raised his eyebrows and pointed to the front door with his thumb. I nodded in agreement as we both stood up, quietly making our way outside.

“Are you sure you’re sober enough to drive?” I asked as he started to get into his car.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s not like it’ll be the first time,” he said. Though I was a little wary, I put my full trust in him and got in the car, as well.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we started to drive down the street.

“You’ll see,” he simply answered.

After a few minutes through a dark, bumpy, winding road, we had finally reached our destination. As we drove onto the top of the hill, a bright line of city lights appeared in our view.

“Wow, it’s amazing” I said, breathlessly.

He slightly chuckled before parking and getting out of the car as I followed behind. We both sat against the hood of his car looking out at the city.

“This is where I come when I need to get away from everyone and think for awhile,” he mumbled.

“Is that why we’re here now?” I questioned.

“No, I just wanted to share the view with someone,” he answered quietly, “You’re the first person I’ve ever brought here.” I looked over at him and smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Why?” he asked.

“I dunno. For everything I guess,” I said, shrugging. He finally looked back over at me with the same blank look he had on his face from earlier.

A long moment had passed before I couldn’t handle the tension that was growing even more between us. I quickly leaned in and kissed him, hoping that he would somehow react to that and end the awkward feeling between us. However, after a couple of seconds of him not kissing me back, I pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, looking back out at the lights. The memory of the first night I had kissed Mike on the mountain top flashed through my mind. Once again, guilt flooded my mind and body. “Can you take me home?” I barely managed to say.

Without saying a word, he got back into the car as I tried my best to hold back the tears. I held onto my shaking hands all the way home. We were both silent, but I knew that both of our minds held a thousand thoughts.

Once we got back to the apartment, I figured the first thing that I would do is make it to Mike’s room without crying. That wouldn’t last long, though. As I walked over to his room, Billie finally spoke.

“Luce,” his voice croaked. I stopped in my tracks and turned around. Disgust was spread across his face as he was trapped in his thoughts.

“What?” I whispered, close to breaking down. He looked back up at me, tears in his eyes.

“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t lie to my best friend and be messing around with his girlfriend. I thought I’d be able to do it, but I can’t,” he said helplessly, “You know, just as much as me, what it’s like to be cheated on. I can’t do that, Lucy. I just can’t do that to Mike.” My lips quivered into a forced smile as the tears ran down my face. “I’m so sorry, Lucy,” he softly concluded. The space between us seemed to quickly grow larger as I nodded my head.

“Congratulations on the record deal,” I whispered, taking one last look at him before I let out an uncontrolled sob. Before he could say anything else, I ran to Mike’s room and slammed the door behind me. I slid against the door until I finally hit the ground, letting out all the tears I had concealed.

I wanted nothing more than for him to come knocking on my door, holding me in his arms, and taking back everything he had just said. However, the apartment remained completely silent, other than my own crying.

I finally had made my decision.