Love and Conspiracy

The next five hours passed by sleeplessly, as I prepared my next move. By that time, I had cried out any possible tear that was left in me, leaving me feel worn out. However, my mind just wouldn’t let me fall asleep.

I quietly gathered up all the stuff that I could into one bag, not wanting to have to carry too much. Once I found everything that I needed, I figured that it was time. As I did a quick check over of the room, I realized that I would need money. Forty dollars was definitely not enough to get me anywhere. However, after looking through hiding spots and wallets, I managed to scrounge up another fifty dollars. Starting to feel guilty, I wrote out a note:

“I’m sorry about the money. Pawn this; you’ll get more than enough in exchange.”

Putting it on the table, I set my crystal necklace on top of the paper. My heart wrenched as I took a last look at the good luck charm my mom had given me so long ago. Not being able to do anything about it, I grabbed my bag and started to head towards the door. Though, I was stopped in my tracks as Billie’s sleeping body caught my eye from the couch. To my dismay, I could feel the tears betray me and start to fall from my eyes as I looked at his innocent, sleeping face. As much as I wanted to give him one last kiss, I quickly shook my head and continued out the door, ever so quietly.

The sun was slowly starting to rise over the horizon as I made my way down the street. It took me about ten minutes before I had finally reached the front of Jess’ house. I stopped and stared at it for a long moment, replaying memories through my mind. After several deep breaths, I finally got up enough courage to at least walk up to the door.

To my luck, the door was unlocked—like always—so I didn’t have to wake anyone up and have them try and convince me to change my decision. Everyone seemed to be sleeping in the same place we had left them the night before.

I made my way to the kitchen for a brief moment so I could take a small breather, from holding my breath ever since I walked in the door. However, I apparently wasn’t quiet enough as Chris came grumbling into the kitchen.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, still half asleep. My heart stopped for a moment, before I pulled the letter out of my bag.

“Can you give this to Jess?” I said, my shaky hands holding it out to him.

“You want me to go wake her-”

“No!” I quickly interrupted, “No, just give this to her, please?” He gave me a confused look before slowly nodding his head and taking the letter from me. Wanting just some form of comfort, I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could for a moment.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, awkwardly hugging me back.

“Yeah,” I said, pulling away from him and forcing a smile, “You’ve been a great friend, Chris.”

“Are you going somewhere?” he questioned as he started to wake up a little more. My smile slowly started to drop.

“Promise me you’ll give the letter to her,” I said, ignoring his question.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Of course,” he answered, scratching his head. It took all of my might to force out another fake smile, walking into the living room.

Seeing Mike lying on the couch was a whole different story. Tears rolled down my face as I dropped to my knees to become eye level with him. His deep breathing told me that he was nowhere near waking up anytime soon, so I gently kissed his forehead. After a long moment, I looked back at him again.

“I’m so sorry, Mike,” I whispered inaudibly before getting up and heading towards the door. I took one last glance at the room and waved at Chris who was standing in the kitchen doorway, watching what I was doing. He was smart enough to not follow me out the door.

~~~

After wandering into a random gas station and asking where the nearest bus stop was, it was gonna take me another whole half an hour before finding what I was looking for. On the walk there, I read through Jess’ letter in my mind.

Dear Jess,

I’m sure this is going to be hard enough for you to read as it was for me to write. What am I even doing? I honestly have no clue. The only thing I do know is that I couldn’t stick around and ruin everyone’s lives and friendships around me. Luckily though, I am the only one getting hurt in the end, which is the way that it should’ve been long ago. Please don’t try and stop me though, Jess. You promised that you would back me up on my decision, so here it is. I’m leaving.

I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing these past few months have been. By far the best moments in my life were spent here with you guys. I don’t think I will ever experience a great happiness than I did here with you guys. However, like I said, I just can’t sit here and watch such a great family that you all have with each other go to shit.

As much as I would like to keep in touch, I know that it’ll be for the worst if I do and just cause hurt feelings to drag out even longer, which is what I want to completely avoid. If I am to ask one thing of you though, Jess; can you please tell Mike that I am terribly sorry? I love him, hell I love all of you, with all of my heart. I truly do wish the best for all of you. I know that you’ll have a great life with Chris and the boys’ will go off and become famous one day. I just know they will.

I’m sorry if this letter has been a little jumpy, I just have a thousand thoughts running through my head. Don’t worry though; I won’t do anything too careless, I just need to get away from everything and let you guys get back to your lives once again.

Anyways, Jess. I love you so much. You really are a wonderful person and I know that you’ll understand my intentions soon enough. You’ll always be one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I’ll never forget you or the guys.

Please give everyone my love.

With all my heart,
Lucille “Lucy” McClellan.

I wiped away the tears that had grown on my face once again as I had finally reached my destination. It was a little run-down bus station, but it was going to have to do. I slowly walked up to the window to talk to the teller.

“How can I help you?” the man behind the glass asked in a monotone voice.

“I’d like to buy a bus ticket,” I said quietly. He sighed, expecting no other answer from me.

“Where would you like to go?” he asked flatly, again. Tears welled up in my eyes.

“Home."