The things that we don't say.
By Myself
Tristen, my baby brother, the note read. I’m sorry that I had to do this to you. But there was no lifeline for me. Life just kept getting harder and harder. Soon I couldn’t cope, and that’s how you ended up reading this.
To start off, there are a lot of things you didn’t know about me, that I didn’t want to have to tell you. I was afraid that it would hurt you. I’m going to tell you, but please don’t tell mum and dad. They didn’t know it either, and I’m pretty sure that if they had known before, they would have thought me as a disgrace to the family. To the entire human race, knowing them.
First of all, there was the depression. I was smart enough to know, without a doctor, to know I had severe depression. I had taken enough online tests to know that much. I must have taken about 20 tests and they all gave me the same result. I guess I should have seen a doctor, but they could do nothing for me. I had heard from a lot of people that AD’s don’t work, and you know all about my fear of therapists – my second option.
Then there was Bulimia. I was surprised none of you noticed the dogs getting fatter, or how much skinnier I had become. It was a mystery how you never heard me throw up after every meal I ‘ate’. I’m pretty sure the dogs will miss me, they’ll be back to boring dog food. Could you feed them a little bit of food sometimes please? They really liked it and I know that mum always gives you too much food and a lot of it goes uneaten.
And there’s school. Dad had noticed my grades slipping; he had grounded me for it. It wasn’t my fault. With the constant chants of “Fag!” and “Go fuck your boyfriend, pansy.” It was so hard to concentrate. And with my mind not working right, I don’t think I would have done well without the chants, either. But they just shredded every hope I had for passing a test, being good at something, having a good life, everything I wanted, they burned to pieces. And thank you for all those afternoons where you would clean the cuts and bruises that their cruel beatings left, when you covered them in make up you got bullied for being caught buying.
And that brings me onto the cutting. Not all of those scars are from my encounters at school. Did you ever notice the wristbands were constantly getting longer, and how you never saw the skin they covered? I guess you did, I could see the questioning look in your eyes every time you saw the fabric.
I don’t have much room left on this piece of paper, but before I made this decision I asked a close friend to look after something for me. It’s your job to find out who has it, and what you could do with it. There are also clues I left to help you get to the bottom of this, like I know you want to do with everything, but you need to find what friend is looking after what you need to find, or everything else with just be confusing and pointless. Good luck.
I’ll be watching over you forever, always remember that.
I love you, Spencer. xxx
I can’t hold on when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within.
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself.
To start off, there are a lot of things you didn’t know about me, that I didn’t want to have to tell you. I was afraid that it would hurt you. I’m going to tell you, but please don’t tell mum and dad. They didn’t know it either, and I’m pretty sure that if they had known before, they would have thought me as a disgrace to the family. To the entire human race, knowing them.
First of all, there was the depression. I was smart enough to know, without a doctor, to know I had severe depression. I had taken enough online tests to know that much. I must have taken about 20 tests and they all gave me the same result. I guess I should have seen a doctor, but they could do nothing for me. I had heard from a lot of people that AD’s don’t work, and you know all about my fear of therapists – my second option.
Then there was Bulimia. I was surprised none of you noticed the dogs getting fatter, or how much skinnier I had become. It was a mystery how you never heard me throw up after every meal I ‘ate’. I’m pretty sure the dogs will miss me, they’ll be back to boring dog food. Could you feed them a little bit of food sometimes please? They really liked it and I know that mum always gives you too much food and a lot of it goes uneaten.
And there’s school. Dad had noticed my grades slipping; he had grounded me for it. It wasn’t my fault. With the constant chants of “Fag!” and “Go fuck your boyfriend, pansy.” It was so hard to concentrate. And with my mind not working right, I don’t think I would have done well without the chants, either. But they just shredded every hope I had for passing a test, being good at something, having a good life, everything I wanted, they burned to pieces. And thank you for all those afternoons where you would clean the cuts and bruises that their cruel beatings left, when you covered them in make up you got bullied for being caught buying.
And that brings me onto the cutting. Not all of those scars are from my encounters at school. Did you ever notice the wristbands were constantly getting longer, and how you never saw the skin they covered? I guess you did, I could see the questioning look in your eyes every time you saw the fabric.
I don’t have much room left on this piece of paper, but before I made this decision I asked a close friend to look after something for me. It’s your job to find out who has it, and what you could do with it. There are also clues I left to help you get to the bottom of this, like I know you want to do with everything, but you need to find what friend is looking after what you need to find, or everything else with just be confusing and pointless. Good luck.
I’ll be watching over you forever, always remember that.
I love you, Spencer. xxx
I can’t hold on when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within.
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself.
♠ ♠ ♠
Yes, I am aware that this one is short and rather bad :LBuuuut the next one's gonna be better. I'll update when I have 3 comments, m'lovelys :D