The things that we don't say.

I folded up the now tear-soaked paper and put it in my pocket. Checking my mobile phone for the time, I noticed I had eight texts. They were all saying things like “So sorry to hear about Spencer. x” and “I’m here if you want a shoulder, Tristan,”. I got onto the last message and was appalled and hurt at what was appeared on the small screen. “Too bad, fag died.”. This caused me to throw my phone out the door and I saw it disappear over the banister, followed by a loud crash. Must have landed on something. I was rather alarmed when I didn’t hear mum or dad shout at me for breaking stuff. I stalked downstairs to see the damage I had done, and maybe find out why I wasn’t being screamed at.

I got to the bottom of the stairs and saw the vase I has smashed. My phone was lying alongside it. Other than the back of the phone lying about a metre away from the main part of the phone and the battery between the two parts, there was no damage other than scratches. Damn it.

Walking to the window by the front door to check if the cars were on the driveway, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. “Ugh” I mumbled to myself. I looked awful. My eyeliner had run down my face, leaving trails. My skin looked pasty and pale. My hair was in odd places and sticking up like an afro, and I was still in my school uniform from yesterday. I walked onto where the window is and looked out. Mums car was gone, and I think dad went out with her.

My stomach grumbled, indicating I needed food. I really don’t think I could keep it down to be honest, so I walked back to my room to get dressed. I picked out my GK Fashionista shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans and got changed. I really couldn’t be bothered to sort out my appearance or style my bed hair, so I just ran a brush through the matted hair and took a cloth to wipe of yesterdays makeup. I then decided to get out of this house; it was making me think of Spence to much. I put on some converse, picked up my door keys and started to walk to Starbucks since I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.

The cold October wind was hitting my body and sending chills down my spine. I really should have put on a hoodie. I folded my arms around myself, not only to make me warmer, but to try and control the hole in my chest that felt like it was ripping me apart.

When I arrived at Starbucks, it looked kinda busy. At least it would be warm, though. And my favourite seat was still free, the one by the window. I walked inside, grateful for the heating they had, I still kept a good hold on my chest to hold it together, though. The woman at the counter at the moment was Kacie, Ryan’s older sister. I greeted her and asked for the usual, Ultimate Hot Chocolate (yes, I drink hot chocolate instead of coffee. Get over it.) then walked over to my table and sat down. I stared out the window for a few minutes, waiting for the temperature to become bearable and then slowly started to drink the warm, sweet liquid with shaking hands.

I was sitting there drinking for about five minutes when Ryan came into the store to visit his sister. He walked up to the counter as I took another sip of my drink. I looked toward the counter briefly and realised that he was walking over to me. He grabbed a seat opposite me on the spare seat with whatever drink he had and looked at me with a sad look. Him and Spence were half-close.

“Tristan, please don’t go.” He said to me in a trembling voice.

“Go where?”

“I don’t want to loose you”

“RyRy, what are you on about? I’m not going anywhere. And I seriously don’t get what you’re talking about. Blonde moment.”

“With Spencer. Please promise me you wont.”

“Don’t even think that way. I would miss you and Hayley too much.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” I confirmed.

“Thank you. Want to come over my house? I have nothing to do and I’m pretty sure you need cheering up. You look like you’ve been to hell and back, Trist.”

“Sure. If it’ll keep me from going home, ill go anywhere.”

We walked back to his house whilst drinking our drinks. There was barely any conversation going on between us. About 45 minutes later, we got there and was once again grateful for the warmth of buildings. His house was nothing like mine, it felt warm and family-like, it was loving and lived-in. I loved it. My house was too clean and neutral. It bored me; Ryan’s made me feel welcome.

He pulled on my hand, dragging me upstairs to his room. He was such a kid. There were comics on the walls, and shelves with things like Teletubbies and stuffed toys. He had unicorn drawings, stickers and pictures attached to his wardrobe and a huge collection of stuffed unicorns on top of it. It was our little tradition every year for me to get him a stuffed unicorn for his birthday. This had been going on since we met when we were three years old and there still isn’t two of the same unicorn up there.

I walked over and sat on his bed, putting my hands between my thighs and sighing. He took this as a chance to be the hyper little kid he is inside and started jumping on the bed, singing the EBay song as loud as he could. This was our song, as weird as it is. He only had to sing to the part where it’s “My house is filled with this crap…” before I had joined in and was jumping and singing with him.

“My house is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay" We sung together.

“Tell me why I need another pet rock
Tell me why I got that Alf alarm clock
Tell me why I bid on Shatner's old toupee
They had it on eBayyyy!
I'll buy your Nik-Nak
Just check my feedback
"A++!" they all say
They love me on eBayyyy
Gonna buy a slightly-damaged golf bag
Gonna buy some Beanie Babies, new with tag
From some guy I've never met in Norway
Found him on eBayyy!
I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, what ever'll please ya
As long as I've got the dough
I'll buy your tchotchkes
Sell me your watch, please
I'll buy I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...
I'm highest bidder nowwwww!
Junk keeps arriving in the mail
From that worldwide garage sale
Hey! A Dukes Of Hazzard ashtray
Oh yeahhh I bought it on eBay
Wanna buy a PacMan Fever lunchbox
Wanna buy a case off vintage tube sock
Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, Dr. Dre
Found it on eBay
Wanna buy that Farrah Fawcett poster
Pez dispensers and a toaster
Don't know why ... the kind of stuff you'd throw away
I'll buy on eBayyy!
What I bought on eBayyyyyyyy!”

At the end of the song, we collapsed onto the bed with Ryan over my chest, out of breath and laughing like the maniacs we know we are and always have been. Whilst I was in that room, I forgot about everything that happened outside that room and had fun. Now I know why he’s always been my best friend.

We were interrupted from our laughing fits by Ryan’s mum coming in.
“Tristan, are you staying for dinner? We’re having Pizza.”
I quickly called my mum asking if I could stay and she said to do whatever ‘floats my boat.’ Seriously, what the hell?
“Sure, mum. That would be great!” I replied. Yes, I call her mum. It started when I was little and called her it by accident and it stuck. She’s like my second mum, I see her as much as my real one.

About 15 minutes later the Pizza was cooked and we were called down for dinner.

“Race ya!” Ryan challenged me.

“Oh, you’re on!” I retaliated and we raced down the stairs and through to the dining room, arriving pushing each other through the doorway and skidding to a halt on the wooden floor. We then sat down and ate, I stayed there that night.

Do it man best you can
Driver is in the hippie van
Diamonds in my other hand I can’t believe its happening
Who’s my other sky meet me ‘cause I’m flyin’ high
Jordan’s silky dress up tie I can’t believe it’s happening