The things that we don't say.

I was awoken by a hyper Ryan jumping on my bed, screaming “Get your lazy ass out of bed!”. Thanks, Ryan. He saw me grunt and turn over, which in turn made him pull my body into a sitting position. I felt the blood drain from my head, leaving me with head rush. I opened my eyes only to be blinded my the light and having to squeeze them shut again. When I could finally look open them again, I saw Ryan already dressed with his makeup done and already fully clothed. Damn him and his waking up earlier than my usual 10:00.

He pulled me into a standing position, from where he dragged me into his bathroom and pointed to a pile of his clothes for me to wear. I slipped on the black skinny jeans, white Drop Dead shirt, and the rainbow skeleton hoodie he lent me. I then walked over to the sink, to where he had left me some make up to ‘work my wonders’ with. I washed my face, brushed my teeth then applied the make up. I walked out of the bathroom, only to have Ryan pounce at me and end up clinging to me with his arms round my neck and legs round my waist. He lightly pecked my cheek, (yes, we’re not together but we’ve always done this) and jumped off me, grabbing my hand and dragging me down to the kitchen where his mum had just made us two bowls of coco pops. I had just finished the last spoonful before he was dragging me, yet again.

“Mum says we gotta take the dogs to the park,” Oh, forgot to say, Ryan has two dogs. Shikari and Jasey Rae. Yes, Ryan got to name them. Being an only child, he had a lot of things he would never have to share with another kid, like naming pets. And I guess the dogs heard us, because they came running toward us, Jasey Rae jumping on Ryan and Shikari on me. I took the leads off the hook on the wall and passed one to Ryan. I attached my own to Shikari and we grabbed some treats and headed off to the park.

When we arrived at the park, I was hit by a wave of sadness. This place made me think too much of Spence, and I instantly wish I hadn’t bothered with make up. I stood frozen to the spot for a few moments before Ryan bent down and unattached Shikari from the lead I had clutched so tight in my right fist.

“We don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to…”

“It’s fine.” I hesitantly breathed out, barely audible. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes and threatening to fall. I had to keep them in. I had to. Breathing in a shaky breath, I slowly started walking along with Ryan, holding his hand for support. We went over to a tree and sat underneath its branches on the grass. We sat and watched the dogs run around the park chasing each other in silence. Eventually, I couldn’t hold on anymore and a few tears slid down my face, wrecking my make up. I looked down at the grass to hide them from Ryan, which worked for about ten seconds. I mentally thanked him for not saying anything and just pulling my into him with is arm around me. After about an hour of sitting there, the dogs got worn out and we took them home. Ryan didn’t say anything to me on the way home, we walked in silence holding hands. It wasn’t an awkward silence, it was the type you appreciated. And I couldn’t be more grateful for it.

Angels cry when stars collide
I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way.

My heart burns through
My chest to the floor
Tearing me silently although abruptly
Words can't hide as I'm taking you home
And I tried to see
Tried to understand your words as I'm taking you home