Vinyl Records:

“Guys, this is all you. I don’t see myself drinking and doing hookahs. I’d much rather go out to see a movie, take a walk or sit at home and read. It’s me and you can’t say anything about it.”

We all gossiped about her. Most of us called her a loser and said that she couldn’t have any fun. I admired her a bit, but it was quickly drowned out by this sense of pride. I did things she couldn’t do. It never crossed my mind that she would have done them and could, but she didn’t want to. Strong will.

Edita then became friends with Dina, and I with Stella. One day we met them and we were cows to each other. I told Abigail all about It and she seemed as surprised as we were. At that point, she didn’t give much of a fuck. She ignored our world and slowly slipped into loneliness.

Months and months were spent like this: constant make outs with friends, colleagues, alcohol, smoking, gossiping. No one was safe. And it was just the start of it.

Then, came the day of our banquet. We were finally done with school, and high school was our future. I didn’t know what high school I’d choose. Much less what people would come to it. Abigail kept trying to talk to me, to get me out of this mess, but I didn’t need help. I needed to be left alone. I didn’t need to be proven that friendship, love still existed. I only wanted to be surrounded by the things that colored my childhood: hate, love, tears, sadness, loneliness and silence.

I tried to be with someone else. With Jack’s best friend. Abigail and everyone else was surprised, they congratulated me for my revenge. But Abigail’s eyes talked about how shameful I should feel. But I felt nothing. Although I could feel that I was losing her, I didn’t care.

I thought she wasn’t a part of this new me anyway. She was a part of my past. A part I’d quickly want to leave behind. But wherever I was, wherever I went, I couldn’t get rid of her. I made so many plans, so many times I ignored her but she kept coming back. She was like an annoying loyal dog- always there for me. But I didn’t want her. So I gave her to the Hound.

Everybody was dressed nicely, I in heels and a tight dress, happily showing the body I got by starving myself for a week, when I told everyone that it was because of a disease. Abigail knew. I knew that. But I didn’t care. I knew she wouldn’t say anything because she wouldn’t dare. And I was right. God, how much I put that girl trough, and she still came back. Every single time.