Vinyl Records:

I glanced at my phone. I was supposed to meet Abigail at a local coffee shop, but I was late. As usual. I hurried my pace and reached my destination.

'Finally.' I thought and tapped Abigail on the shoulder. She jumped up and I giggled at that. She stuck out her tongue at me but told me to sit down. I sat, and arranged all my things before reaching for my lighter and my pack of cigarettes.

"So, you still want to go on with this?" I heard her ask. She sipped her drink and looked at me expectantly. I nodded. I mean, what was I supposed to say? "I'm sorry, Abigail, but I can't quite keep up with this, and all the past I tried to put behind me is now crashing into me and I don't want to do this anymore. I'm sorry I screwed around with your free time. Hope you had fun, bye!"

Um, no. There were so many times when I actually heard that play inside my head. And a few times I caught myself whispering them out loud. However, only I heard them. Sometimes, people who passed me by shook their heads at me and thought that I was talking to myself; that I was some crazy person.

And I don't blame them. If you actually witnessed my life playing out, you'd tell me their opinions were justified. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. But who knew? I was just a kid with ordinary hopes for an ordinary life. But by the time I was thirteen, it became quite obvious that wasn't the plan God had for my life.

"Sure." I mumbled and inhaled. "Let's skip to the time Nina, Stella and I were friends, okay?" I looked around the shop, but as I looked back at Abigail, I saw her nod her head. Pen and notebook at the ready, she stood there ready to write whatever I told her. I had to choose my words carefully. I knew people would be reading this. And thank God no one knew about this story. At least that's what I thought. This wasn't some sad attempt for publicity or revenge. This was for me. To know that if I googled my name one day, an answer would come up, instead of none.

And it annoyed me, really. To know that people in this story were getting their free publicity. But I just shook it off. They were part of my life, and my story wouldn't be complete if they didn't pop in here and there.

"After we had that ugly-" I started but Abigail cut me off.

"Public-" With that, I continued.

"-fight, Stella, Nina and I were having a blast. We didn't care what people thought anymore and we were just ourselves. Well, as best as you can when you're a chubby kid who's trying to discover herself surrounded by snobs. And hell, I guess I was, and probably still am, one too. But that's how we do it and everyone who's stating otherwise, is obviously lying." I puffed out smoke but kept on.

"I was having a really hard time figuring out who I was supposed to be. There was Nina, who just started being anorexic and I thought that I was supposed to be like that too. But I didn't have the willpower. One thing that I believe in that she said, was that the only way you can lose wait is starvation." On the corner of my eye, I saw Abigail shaking her head disapprovingly. " So, we kept going on. Ignoring everyone, thinking they were below us and making our own little cult. And it felt good. At least for a few weeks it did. I remember the time you came to us, the morning after the fight, and apologized to Stella. We just cornered you and after apologizing you went to play with the others."

That's when Abigail truly spoke up.

"Yeah. You were looking at me and smiling but I could still see the fake feeling of friendship behind it. I felt like crap. But I went to play with the others while you just stood in a corner of the field talking. Ha ha, you looked like someone slapped you. You tried standing there, and making it seem fun for others, but they still played with me. Much to your dismay at the time. Shortly after, you came to play too. That's when I looked at you for the first time and saw what you three were together. A big lie. We were in the seventh grade for God's sake! Friendship, I believe, is still a thing unknown for the most of us! I mean, I know it is to me. Only two friendships will last in high school and further in life. And I'm not sure even those will."

Now it felt like someone slapped me. I just stood there, mouth open, but shook it off. I deserved it. I knew this wasn't going to bring the best in Abigail. She was still trying to put those bad years behind her. Yet here I was, explaining that we all were victims and she didn't buy it. I guess I didn't either. We were young, and making someone's life hell made my whole day. To see someone as miserable as I was.

"You know, I used to sit at home, in front of the computer, listening to rock music and shutting myself completely from the world. Two months I didn't let anyone in. And I felt vulnerable. And broken. It felt like the friendship we had was the only true part of me." Abigail said laughing. It kind of stung. But in my heart, I knew it and felt it. That friendship was going to be in our hearts forever. Good, bad I will remember it. And so will she.

"I'm sorry." I said looking at the ground. "If it makes you feel any better, I felt like a complete bitch after."

"I bet." She said sarcastically while looking at the paintings on the wall.

You know how they say that time heals all wounds? Well it's bullshit.
Your wounds are never healed and it just stings and stings more as you remember them, until you finally go numb.
And you don't miss a beat.