It Was The Roar Of The Crowd That Gave Me Heartache To Sing

One Month Ago | April 27, 2015

Tara's POV:

"Dammit!" I yelled as I slammed the door behind me. I felt the vibrations go through my body as I kicked my shoes off. My bag slipped from my shoulder, and I glared at it before walking off. My socked feet carried me into the kitchen, where Aiden and Angel were, and I went straight to the fridge. I grabbed a small can, gently closed the door, and then leaned against the kitchen counter. My free hand shook, but the hand wrapped around the can was surprisingly steady. I raised the shiny red can to my lips and sipped.

"Are you going to tell us why you slammed the front door and are acting like a crackhead?" Angel asked. I saw Aiden nudge her with her elbow, but Angel kept her gaze on me. Even when she elbowed Aiden back.

"I lost Kristy," I mumbled and looked down. I loved my job, I really did, but it seriously had it's bad moments.

"I thought she was getting better," Aiden said quietly.

"So did I. She took a bad turn yesterday. She passed away about an hour ago," I said. My shaking fingers glided over the rim of the can.

"I thought that was what you were wearing yesterday," Angel said. I looked down at my plain black pants and wrinkled shirt.

"Yeah. I didn't want to just leave her there. She didn't have anyone else," I said while still staring down at my clothes.

"Do you need anything?" Aiden asked. I heard the chair she was sitting in move, and I quickly looked up.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just going to go lay down," I said and walked away. I knew my friends only wanted to help, but I wasn't ready for it yet.

My bed called to me as I walked into my room, but I ignored it. Sleep could wait. I wasn't that sleepy anyway, and who knows what would follow me into my dreams? I turned my back to the bed and pulled some clean clothes from my dresser, and then I disappeared into my bathroom. My shower didn't last long, and I didn't enjoy it like I usually do. My mind was too busy thinking of other things to enjoy a simple pleasure, such as hot water. My hair was only halfway dry when I ran out of the bathroom.

Water droplets fall on top of the light brown box, and I wasn't sure if they were from my hair or my eyes. No time to worry about it now. I opened the box slowly and started pulling out small cassette tapes. I lined them up, in order, on top of my desk. Then I moved the small box out of my chair and fell into it. I loved my chair, it was a comfy chair, but right then it felt like I was sitting on a pile of bricks.

My fingers were shaking again as I picked up the first tape, and my throat felt like sandpaper. I always recorded my sessions, because it was easier for me to re-listen than to depend on my memory. Also, I could actually look at the person I was listening to instead of furiously writing down what they said.

Kristy Marie Watson was one of my very first patients. I was only twenty-three when I met her; she had just turned twenty. She had been fighting depression for years, and she had recently been diagnosed with being bi-polar. I didn't see anything wrong with her. Kristy just needed a friend, someone to talk to. Kristy was very intelligent and friendly, but no one had ever taken the time to get to know her.

"Kristy, can you tell me why you did this to yourself?" My voice was quiet, and I could hear the fear in my voice. Fear that I would mess up and do more harm than good.

"I wanted to go away." Kristy's voice was quiet as well, but there wasn't a hint of fear in it. I could still remember the look in her eyes. They were dead, hopeless.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Why were you trying to get away?"

"Because there's no point anymore. There's no one left to save me."

"There's me." I hadn't been sitting behind a desk; I had been sitting in a chair beside her. I had reached across the small space and took one of her pale hands in mine. They were cold and thick bandages hid her wrists.

"Why do you want to help me? You don't know what it's like. You're just another person who's going to empathize with me, that's all." She never raised her voice; she stayed calm. I then pulled up the sleeves of my dark blouse, and I saw her impossibly dark eyes widen at the sight. Scars from years ago adorned my wrists, and she lightly traced my indented flesh.

"I've been where you are, Kristy. And I'm going to help you get away."

"What about when you give up? Then what?" Her dark brown eyes searched mine, and I kept my gaze on hers.

"I'm not going to give up. I'm here until the end."

I had been there until the end. Kristy had went off the deep end. She stopped taking her medicine after her last failed relationship, something she had failed to tell me. Then she had taken as many pills as she could while chasing it with any kind of liquor she could get her hands on. Then she had bled herself out. By the time I made it to the hospital, it was too late. I stayed by her side, gripping her hand, and listened to her talk, even as her voice faded into whispers.

"Hey?"

"Yeah, Kristy?" I asked, leaning closer to hear her.

"Do you remember all those older bands?"

"Like who?"

"The greatest ones," Kristy said with a small laugh. She looked more relaxed and at peace than I had ever seen her. Her eyes were almost honey-colored, and it seemed as if her smile was permanently on her face.

"Personally, I was always a huge Avenged Sevenfold fan. I cried for over an hour when I heard they were gone," I said.

"Yeah, me too. And The Used too. I loved those crazy fuckers."

"Who didn't? Did you ever see them live?"

"Yes. I've only been to three concerts in my life."

"Who'd you see?"

"Avenged, best show of my life. My Chem, that was a wonderful night. And then The Used."

"If you could have seen any other band, who would it have been?" My head was now resting near our joined hands, and I was looking up at her. Kristy shifted and her long brown hair spread around her.

"I'd have to say Escape The Fate. Bands like them, they were real, you know? They used to save me, back when I was younger. I was fifteen when The Black Parade came out, and I remember running all the way to the store as soon as school got out. It was the same way with Avenged's new CD, but I was driving by then."

"Yeah, they were great." A small sigh escaped my lips, and I looked up to see Kristy staring down at me.

"I wish I could have seen them all one more time. They were life-savers, and now they're gone," Kristy said. Her voice was below a whisper now, and it was getting harder to hear her. I got out of my chair and leaned down next to her, resting my head next to hers. My eyes were burning with unshed tears, and Kristy fingernails were digging into my hand. A sob wracked her chest, and I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from doing the same.

"It's okay, Kristy. You can be free now," I whispered.

"See you on the other side," Kristy whispered back. She gave my hand one last squeeze, hard enough to draw blood, and then her hand went limp. I heard the sound of her flatline on the machine, and then someone was pulling me away...

"Doctor, doctor! Give me the news! I got a bad case! Of loving you!" I jumped in my chair and turned to see Audrey standing in my doorway. A hairbrush was in one hand as she sang, but her smile faded as she looked at me. That's when I realized I was crying again.

"What happened?" Audrey asked and stepped into the room. She fell into my lap, and I dropped my head onto her shoulder.

"I lost Kristy last night," I said quietly. All the girls knew Kristy and treated her as if they did any other person.

"I'm sorry, hun. So, what are you going to do about it?" Audrey asked and looked down at me. Her bright green eyes stared down into mine, which I'm sure were filled with confusion.

"You lost me, hun."

"What are you going to do about it?" she repeated. Was there anything I could do?

"They were life-savers, and now they're gone..."

"I know what I'm going to do," I said. Audrey jumped up and pointed to my open doorway.

"Then do it!" she yelled with a smile. I smiled back and jumped out of my chair. I almost tripped running down the stairs, but I managed not to fall flat on my face.

"Aiden!" I yelled as I ran through the house.

"What?!" I heard her yell back. I'm not exactly sure where she is though.

"Restaurant! Thirty minutes! Everyone! Be there!" I yelled.

"Why?!"

"I'll! Explain! Later!" I yelled as I pulled on the front door. I ran past a shocked Patti to my car, and I pulled on my second shoe before driving off.

Aiden's POV:

"What was all that about?" I asked. Angel and I were still sitting in the kitchen, and Audrey had just walked in. From the sounds of it, Tara had just run out the front door.

"Maybe she's finally lost it," Angel said.

"What's up with Tara? She almost tackled me to get out the door," Patti said as she walked in.

"I don't know," I said and looked over at Audrey.

"She was upset about Kristy, and now she's going to do something about it," Audrey said with a small smile.

"In my restaurant?" I asked and pointed to myself.

"Is that where she was going?" Patti asked.

"I'll go track her down while yall call everyone and get them there," Angel said. She gave us a quick wave before disappearing, and I turned to look at the two remaining girls.

"Let's get everyone together," I said.

Tara's POV:

"Anyone home?!"

"Nope!" I yelled. I recognized the voice instantly; it was the voice I had known for years. Angel walked in a few minutes later, and I smiled over at her.

"Too lazy to cook, huh?" Angel asked as she sat down at the one set-up table. Aiden's restaurant was closed for the day, but I knew where the spare key was hidden. So I had taken the chairs off the biggest table and put a tablecloth on it.

"Me? Cook? Are you trying to burn the whole city down?" I asked with a small laugh. I placed the last McDonalds bag on the table and smiled. I fell into one of the seats and rolled my head to look over at Angel.

"So, what's all this for?" Angel asked and gestured to the drive-thru food.

"I had a feeling that no one's ate supper yet."

"Why here?"

"Lindsay and Reina will be here first, because it's closer than the house. Sam's probably with Reina. Tori is more than likely in her studio, so she's closer to here. Anna had a shoot today, so she'll come by this way too. Raven had a shoot too, and you know her office is close to here."

"So, everyone should be here soon?"

"Should be." Angel and I talked about the old days, and I couldn't help but to think back. We were both originally from Alabama, before we moved out to California. We had been living here for four years now, but it felt like home. I spent four years in college and a year working in a run-down clinic; Angel spent five years in the Army. After her five years were up, she didn't re-sign her contract. Instead, we left for California. It's where we've been ever since.

"I have arrived!" Sam yelled as she walked in.

"And I smell food!" Reina yelled from behind her.

"Quit your yapping," Lindsay said and walked past both of them.

"Who's yapping this time?" Raven asked.

"Everyone's always yapping," Tori replied.

"What's happened this time?" Anna asked.

"Nobody knows," Patti said.

"I sparked the idea," Audrey said.

"I got everyone!" Aiden yelled. Everyone settled around the table and started going through the random bits of food and grabbed drinks from the cooler next to the table.

"So, why are we where?" Angel asked.

"Kristy died last night," I said quietly and waited for it to sink in.

"What? How?" Lindsay asked.

"Suicide." I had to focus on my breathing.

"I thought she was getting better? I just saw her less than a week ago," Raven said.

"I thought she was too. But, I have an idea," I said.

"What's your idea?" Reina asked.

"I want to bring back some of the real bands," I said.

"Yes, please!" Tori yelled. I knew she disliked most of the bands she had to work with now. They were nice enough people, but it wasn't the music we all loved.

"How are we going to do that?" Sam asked.

"It's not exactly going to be easy," Aiden said and looked over at me.

"That's the fun part, right?" I asked.

"This was your doing, right?" Anna asked and looked across the table.

"Of course it was," Audrey replied with a smile.

"She did help," I admitted and looked over at her.

"So, what now?" Reina asked.

"Well, I was thinking we could talk to the management, since they're the ones who got rid of them in the first place. We'll see what happens from there," I said.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Lindsay said.

"I can't wait to see the look on their faces," Patti said.

"Tori, I was thinking it might not be a good idea for you to go. I don't want you to lose your job over this," I said and looked over at her.

"Are you kidding? I definitely want to be part of this. If I lose my job, I've got at least two more to fall back on, right?" Tori asked and smiled over at me. I smiled back and nodded my head.

The Next Day

"Absolutely not! Those bands are gone for a reason!" Dick Kirkland yelled. He was the head of the management. He was sitting at the end of the long table, and now only two other people sat beside him. There had been a meeting until the eleven of us stormed in. Now here we are, three hours later, still arguing.

"And what reason is that?!" I yelled.

"They weren't good enough!"

"Says who?!"

"Me!"

"What about their fans?! Did they have a say in anything?!" Someone cleared their throat beside me, and I took my hands off the table and straightened.

"Mr. Kirkland, the fans want their bands back. We want real music back. People need this reunion tour, and you're going to give us the okay on it," Tori said. Her voice was calm the entire time she was speaking, but I could see the fire in her green eyes. Mr. Kirkland loosened his tie some more and glared down the table at us.

"Fine, have your reunion tour. I won't do anything to stop you. I also won't do anything to help you. You are on your own. You will finance the whole thing, you will rearrange the whole thing, and you will be responsible for the whole thing. And when it blows up in your face, you'll be the ones to blame," he said.

"Thank you for your cooperation," I said and turned to leave.

"Mission accomplished," Angel whispered. I looked over at her and smiled. She was right, mission accomplished.