It Was The Roar Of The Crowd That Gave Me Heartache To Sing

Pounding headache? Check.

Dry, cotton mouth? Check.

Stomach threatening to jump ship? Check.

EXTREMELY loud snoring in my ear? Not for long!

“Wake your ass up!” I yelled and pushed the body off of me. I heard the loud groan as he hit the ground, but my head was pounding too much for me to truly enjoy it.

“I really hate you sometimes,” Gerard mumbled.

“Then quit hanging around me so much,” I said as I forced myself to sit up. Gerard was still sprawled out on the floor, and he glared up at me.

“You started this, remember?”

“I remember finding you drunk in a graveyard. I was just stupid enough to join, so you started this.”

“It’s too early to argue right now. Come back in an hour,” he mumbled and waved his hand. I rolled my eyes and made my way into the bathroom. The bathroom wasn’t much to brag about, and it’d be a cold day in hell before I put one toe in that shower...

Cold water on my face helped me to wake up, but I still felt completely hung-over. Which I was. My reflection stared back at me, and I narrowed my eyes at the woman in the mirror. Messy hair, bloodshot eyes, pale skin...I hated her. This person had disappeared years ago and wasn’t supposed to ever come back, so why was she staring at me now?

“We can’t keep doing this,” I said as soon as I entered the bedroom. Well, stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. They were the only two rooms in this motel room.

“No one’s making you come.” Gerard had lifted his head high enough to look at me, and I ran a hand through my already messy hair.

“So, you’d rather do this by yourself? No, the only thing worse than both of us drinking is us drinking alone. We can’t keep this up, Gee. Someone’s going to find out, and then we’re both in deep shit.”

“You’re not blaming all this on me, are you?” His eyes were completely serious, and his body tensed as he waited for my answer...

“No. I’m a big girl now, and I can make decisions all by myself. But I want you to remember something, I will not let you go off alone. Understood?”

“Yes, mom. Are we done now?” Gee asked.

“Yes, we’re done now. Go get cleaned up, Batty. We gotta get back to the others before they really realize we’re missing.” Gerard nodded his head and shot up off the floor, and I sunk back down onto the bed as he disappeared.

“You’re not dead, are you?” Gerard asked. I sucked in a deep breath and then turned my head to look up at him. He sat down on the bed beside me, and I used his shoulder to push myself up. I usually liked looking into people’s eyes, but I couldn’t do it right now. So I laid my head on his shoulder, looped my arm through his, and grabbed his hand with both of mine.

“I’ll keep waiting for you, okay?” I whispered. The tips of his fingers curved over the tops of mine before I opened his palm and began tracing the lines.

“You really shouldn’t,” he replied.

“I’m going to do it anyway, and it’s the same with everyone else. Us girls may not have said anything, but none of us are either blind or stupid. Sometimes I just wish…I just want you to talk to me. Or anyone. Just someone,” I said and started tracing his fingers.

“You can’t save me,” Gerard whispered.

“I can try.” Neither of us spoke after that, and I let my mind turn to the other girls. I hope they’re handling things better than I am.

|Audrey|

“Dammit, Bert! You can’t hide from me forever!” I yelled and slammed my fist against the door again.

“I’m not hiding!” he yelled back.

“Then get your ass out here and look me in the eye!” I screamed and kicked the door for good measure. I don’t know who ordered these busses, but they picked the ones with impossibly strong bathroom doors. Seriously, this thing should have flown open an hour ago.

“Can’t you come back later?” Bert asked. If we had been in a different situation, I would have laughed at the almost whiney tone of his voice.

“No, I cannot fucking come back later! Now you open this fucking door, or I’m going to get Matt in here to knock it down!” I yelled and threw both fists at the door. I nearly fell back when the door finally opened, and a pair of fiery blue eyes met mine. Oh, he was pissed…Well, so was I.

“Audrey…” I raised my hand at his questioning voice, and I sighed in relief when he was silent. My eyes closed as I leaned against the wall, and I thought back to everything that had happened last night.

Brian and Reina had been the first ones to disappear, which wasn’t much of a surprise. They were good for each other though, so no one complained. Sam disappeared next, and Gerard wasn’t too far behind her. Tara slipped out after Gerard, as was their custom, and Matt was gone moments later. Anna and Craig, the newest couple, yelled out a goodbye next. The rest of us continued with our party before breaking into smaller groups.

Bert and I were walking around the empty parking lot, but I could hear someone giggling a few busses down. It sounded like Juliet, but it wasn't something I’d bet money on. Music was still pouring out of the party tent, and I started lightly humming along to the song. Wait...it was a Christmas song! It wasn’t Christmas yet, it was only Halloween! We still had to get through Thanksgiving. Huh, I guess we’ll be spending Thanksgiving on the road. What about Christmas though? I think this was our year to visit family, and I didn’t think—

“Audrey!” I jumped at the yell, and my ankle twisted as my heel turned to the side. I fell back against one of the busses...it was too dark to tell exactly which one. I heard a quiet giggle, and I blindly kicked out. I heard Bert’s mumbled cussing, and I smiled at having got my revenge. Like the Riddler could ever one-up the amazing Joker? HA!!

“Did you say something?” I asked. Bert mumbled something else, and I jumped again as his hand slammed against the bus right next to my head. Damn, I was jumpy tonight! I guess all the adrenaline from the Haunted Asylum still hasn’t wore off.

“I’m still the better villain, you know that, right?” I placed a hand on his smiling face and lightly patted his cheek.

“You poor thing, you’ve gone delusional,” I whispered. He growled quietly and nipped at my fingers, and I pulled on a piece of red hair in retaliation.

“Oh, so you think you’re better?” he asked.

“I know I am,” I said with a wide grin. I was so gonna wipe that cocky smirk off his face. Everyone knows that I’m better! I guess he just needs another lesson...

“I’m better,” Bert said and rested his other hand on the bus. I was now trapped between his arms, but I wasn’t worried.

“Are you challenging me to a rematch? Because I can totally kick your ass again, if that’s what you want.”

“You never know when to shut up, do you?” he sighed. I smiled at the sound of defeat in his voice, but I couldn’t just declare victory. Oh no...that would be too easy.

“Nope, I just can’t keep my mouth shut. I can talk smack like this for hours, so I hope you don’t have any other plans because we’re gonna be here—”

My eyes widened as his lips cut me off, and I felt my entire body freeze. My mind completely shut down when he didn’t immediately pull away, and my hands buried themselves in the hair I had pulled on just moments ago. Slightly rough fingers traced the edges of my jaw before skimming down my neck, and my lips parted in a silent gasp. Bert’s hands rested on either side of my neck as his thumbs titled my head back, and my hands tightened in his hair.

Just as suddenly as it begun, the kiss ended. Bert nearly tripped over his feet as he pushed away from me, and I slowly blinked my eyes back open. My tongue ran across my lips, and I saw Bert’s eyes follow the simple motion. His hands were clenched at his sides, and his hair looked a little messier from where I had my fingers.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered.

“Do what? You started it!” I yelled. Just those four words had me spitting mad, and I took a step away from the bus I had just been pressed against. Bert stepped back as I came forward, and I felt my lips pull into a frown.

“I know, and I’m sorry.” I tried to hide my wince at his words, and I looked down at the ground. He was sorry he had kissed me, but why?

“Why?” I didn’t mean to ask, but it was probably better that I did.

“Because it’s wrong. I’m sorry. I gotta go.” Bert turned to walk away, and I watched his back for a few seconds before taking a single step forward.

“Dammit, Bert, wait!” I yelled. He disappeared around a corner, and I looked around at the empty parking lot. What the hell was I gonna do now?

I had went back to my own bus, and sleep refused to come to me. I really liked Bert, and it had nothing to do with him being famous. He knew I hung around him because of the way he was, so he couldn’t be worried about me trying to be just another groupie. So what had the problem then? Honestly, I had thought about Bert in a not-so-friendly way a few times and last night had been like the prelude to some of my recent dreams. Did he not see me that way though? No, that couldn’t be it either. He had kissed me first, and Bert doesn’t go around randomly kissing people. Well, not like that anyway.

So I had done the only thing I knew to do. I waited until morning, got dressed, and walked to The Used’s bright pink bus. No one seemed to be on it, so I assumed that everyone had just passed out somewhere else. Bert took one look at me and made a run for the bathroom. I got pissed automatically and instead of walking away until he was ready to talk, I started banging on the door. I wanted answers, and I was going to get them.

And that’s how I wound up staring at a very angry Bert.

“I just wanna know why you ran off,” I said quietly and looked up at him. His blue eyes were dark as he looked at me, and he sighed as he ran a hand through his frizzy hair. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night either, and I felt a little better knowing that I wasn’t the only one losing sleep over this.

“Because we can’t be together, so what happened was a mistake,” Bert said and looked over at me. Christ, it was so weird to see him be serious. We were always goofing off and having a good time, so who was this stranger in front of me now?

“Why not? I know it’s obvious that I like you and judging by last night’s actions, you feel the same way,” I said and crossed my arms. Bert sent another glare at me, but I stood my ground.

“It’s not that simple. We wouldn’t work out so there’s no point in putting ourselves through a relationship that’s doomed to fail in the end anyway,” he said. Bert’s eyes never left mine, and I was amazed at the look of determination in his eyes. He believed what he was saying. Doomed to fail? What the hell did that mean?

“How do you know we wouldn’t work out? You can’t predict the future! How are we gonna know if we don’t even try?” I asked. Bert made a sound low in his throat, almost like a growl, and I flinched at the look he gave me. I had never seen him so...furious.

“You don’t know anything! Right now you’re young and think that life will just work itself out, but it won’t! This isn’t some kind of fairytale where everyone just magically falls in love and lives happily ever after!” he suddenly yelled. I shrunk back at his words and then mentally yelled at myself for the action. I was Audrey Barakat and no man yelled at me! Bert backed up as I stepped forward, but he just flattened his back against the opposite wall. I jammed my finger in his chest and decided to give him some of his own medicine.

“You’re the one who doesn’t know anything! I might be young, but I’m not stupid! I know things wouldn’t be easy if we were together, and I’m not saying that we’d live some kind of fairytale life! Excuse me for thinking that you would be willing to at least accept that we were attracted to each another! If you want to be a coward, then fine! I deserve someone better than a coward anyway!” I yelled. I gave his chest one last hard jab before turning away, and I pushed my hair away from my face as I walked the length of the bus.

“Audrey?” I stopped at his whisper, and I turned my head to see him staring at me. Good, I hope he feels like shit. I hope he feels just as bad as I do.

“I was wrong, Bert. You really are the better villain,” I whispered and slammed the door behind me on the way out.

|Tara|

I stepped out of the small shower with a sigh and then started rubbing the towel on top of my head. I could have blow-dried my hair, but I feel like being natural today. It did feel good to be out of that pirate costume though; I had missed my jeans and tee shirts. I threw the towel into a basket, and my brush was laying on top of my bunk. I snatched it up on my way to the front of the bus, and I froze in my tracks when I saw the woman sitting on the couch.

Bright red hair was everywhere, and I realized that the bright color looked amazing against the black couch. Her bright green eyes were closed, and I was a little worried to see the dark circles just under her eyes. Her skin looked paler than usual too, and I had never seen her look so tired. Not even when I first met her and she was struggling just to eat.

“Audrey?” I whispered. Her eyes flew open, and she offered me a small smile.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and stepped towards her. Red hair flew as she shook her head, and she still had that small smile on her face. It wasn’t even a smile. Yes, her lips were tipped up but she looked so sad. It was an empty smile; a smile I had never seen on her face.

“I’m fine, Tara, really. I think I’m gonna go lay down. Don’t worry about me, okay?” She didn’t give me time to reply as she walked off, and I sunk down onto the couch after she left. Someone else walked in moments later, and I looked up at my oldest friend.

“Everything okay?” Angel asked. I could lie and say everything was okay; I could even smile to reassure her. The only problem was that I knew my smile would be as fake as Audrey’s. So I gave the simplest answer I could.

“No.”