You Belong With Me

Taylor’s P.O.V.

It’s been about two and a half months since I have last spoken to Alexander William Gaskarth. Here’s pretty much how it went after my moment of spontaneity (or stupidity): after he recovered from his surprise, he pulled back immediately and made up some lame excuse that he was tired and then left even though we were in his room. We haven’t spoken since.

The first night was probably the worst. Of course, I cried myself to sleep; I cried until my whole body ached from all the heaving. The next day, I only got out of my bed to go to the bathroom. There was nothing I wanted to do other than stare at the wall and cry. Every time my parents came in to check on me and force food down my throat, I acted sick. My face was pale, my eyes were red, and there were tissues all over, so it wasn’t that hard to believe.

I faked sick for the rest of the week. There was no way I could handle going to school and seeing him with her without having a breakdown. He would be driving her to school instead of me. He would be eating lunch with her, walking her to class, holding her hand in the hallway. How was I supposed to deal with that? I would not be able to see my ex-best friend, now the love of my life, with the girl who took it all away from me without feeling my heart break apart in my chest all over again.

Being the good friend he was, Jack called me every day, but I could not tell him what had happened, at least not over the phone. I wanted to see him and I missed him, so I told him to come over one day. When he walked up to my room and saw me lying in bed still in my pajamas, he knew something was wrong, but my heartbroken eyes were the real giveaway. After I finished telling him the story, he took me in his arms and let me cry for as long as I needed. After that, he brought up some food and forced me to eat it because he could tell I hadn’t been eating. Really, I didn’t deserve to have a friend like Jack, especially after the way I treated him at The Den.

The week after that, I knew I couldn’t skip school anymore. I avoided Alex like the plague. I left too early in the morning and too late in the afternoon so that I wouldn’t have to worry about running into him on the front lawn. I walked the long way to my classes so that I would not have to worry about running into him in the hallway. Jack and I ate lunch in the library so that I would not have to see him holding her hand at lunch. After school, I would go straight up to my room, make sure the curtains were still closed, and stay there for the rest of the night. That has pretty much been my schedule for the last two months. It hasn’t gotten any easier.

Of course, there were those occasional times where I would be forced to see Alex. My parents forced me to come to all our joint family dinners and it seemed his parents did the same with him. For the most part, both of us would just sit there awkwardly avoiding each other’s eyes and only speaking when forced to. Each time, my mother would ask me why Alex and I never said a word to each other. Each time, I told her the same thing; we had grown apart. My life would have been so much easier if that was the truth.

Now, it was Monday, November 23rd, three days before Thanksgiving. I knew I would be forced to see Alex no matter what. Our families always had Thanksgiving together; it had been a tradition ever since before I could remember. Ever since Eric went to college, we would go to University of Maryland in the morning and watch him play his home Thanksgiving soccer game and then we would go home and have dinner at one of our houses. We alternated each year. We would invite only the immediate relatives in each family such as our grandmothers, aunts, or uncles. Jack would always come over for dessert.

Speaking of Jack, we were both currently eating lunch in the library.

“I can’t believe it’s already Thanksgiving,” he said. “This year is really flying by.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I said, making a face. “That means I’m going to have to see Alex. I’m sorry, Jack. I know he’s still your friend and everything, but, right now, I just really can’t stand being around him.”

Jack had decided to stay friends with Alex after I had told him what happened. A part of me thought it was because he did not want the band to break up. Another, more bitter part of me thought it was because he thought Alex was right. If I had kissed him, would he go running for the hills too? A few weeks ago, he had asked me to stop saying bad things about Alex. He said he understood that I was hurt and everything, but Alex was still his friend too even though he spent most of his time with Katelyn. I have been trying to honour his wishes, but sometimes it was too hard.

Today, something was different though. When I mentioned Alex, Jack seemed to grow slightly uncomfortable.

“I know, Tay, and I don’t blame you,” he said. He looked like he was about to say something, but then he decided against it. I could see right through him just like he could see right through me.

“Is there something you need to tell me, Barakuda?” I asked.

He stared at me intently for a moment, deciding whether or not to tell me what he was thinking and then his eyes travelled down to the table. “I don’t know if I should,” he finally said.

“Jack, you can tell me anything.”

“But it’s about Alex.”

I gulped. “Oh.” If I wanted to know something about Alex, I would usually have to be the one to ask; Jack never volunteered information because he was never sure if I wanted to hear it. If he suddenly changed his mind, it must have meant something big happened.

“Yeah.”

I sighed. “Jack, just tell me.” Now that I knew that he had news, it would eat me alive if he didn’t tell me what it was.

He hesitated again before speaking. “Ok well Alex told me today in class that he spent the night with Katelyn last night.”

I blew all the air out of my mouth before answering. “Alex lost his virginity a year ago, so that doesn’t really surprise me. I have come to terms with the fact that he’s a man whore a long time ago.”

“No, it’s not that,” he responded. “He told me that after, while they were in bed, he told her...he told her he loved her and she said she loved him too.” He looked up into my eyes when he said the last part.

“Oh,” I repeated. My brain could not form coherent sentences. I could feel all the breath whoosh out of me and I gasped for air. “Excuse me,” I said as I got up. I was about to flee to the lady’s room, but then Jack’s hand firmly grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap. I could no longer control the gasping and heaving and I broke down in his arms. The people around us started to stare, but I could not control the waterworks coming out of my eyes or the horrible, painful sounds coming from my mouth. Just as I thought everything was starting to get better, my wound was ripped open again as fresh and bloody as it ever was.

It took about half an hour for me to pull myself together again. I felt like a zombie for the rest of the day; I was dead to the world and nothing mattered to me besides Jack’s words. After two and a half months of dating, he told her he loved her. After fifteen years of friendship, there was none of him left over for me. I guess I just wasn’t important enough for him.

School made me claustrophobic, so I got out as soon as I possibly could. I thought there could be nothing worse waiting for me at home than there was at school. Boy was I wrong.
When I got out of my car, I saw his car pull up to the curb in front of his house. He must have been riding behind me and I just didn’t notice. I couldn’t help but watch as he got out of the car and walked around to open the door for her. As she stepped out, her dark red hair blew against the wind. Her green eyes looked over and found mine. She smiled, pulling Alex toward her and kissing him with all the passion she could manage.

My arms dropped and everything I was holding fell out of my hands. Alex broke apart from her and turned at the sound. For one brief second our eyes met. When he saw that I was the cause of all the noise, he almost seemed, well...

Sorry.

No. I couldn’t let myself think like that. He wasn’t sorry at all. He was an asshole who dropped his best friend for his girlfriend. I quickly picked up my books and ran inside without taking another look back, afraid of what I might see.

I didn’t stop running until I got to my room. For the first time in my life, I wished more than anything that my parents would come into my room and tell me that we were moving. I did not think I could bear a repeat of what just happened.

I lay down on my bed and looked up at the ceiling, giving myself a chance to fully absorb everything that had happened that day, which probably was not the best idea.

Why was seeing them kissing such a big shock to me? I mean, apparently he “loved” the girl, whatever that meant. When I thought about it, I realized that Alex had changed even more than I realized. It seemed like she encouraged him to be more affectionate in public so that she could show him off. I guess what surprised me was that he let her. Don’t get me wrong, Alex was not opposed to PDA, but he never exactly flaunted it all the time. Now it seemed that he would make out with her any place, any time. Nothing was more important to him than her and making her happy.

I felt my phone start to vibrate in my pocket, so I opened it up and saw that I got a text from Eric.

Hey remember how you and Alex promised me that you would sing the national anthem at one of my games back in September?

Of course I remembered. That was only one of the worst days of my life. Yeah, I remember, why? I wrote back.

I’m going to need to hold you to that promise for this upcoming Thanksgiving game. The person that was supposed to do it just backed out. You game?

Eric, I’m not sure if I can...

Taylor, you promised me. You never break your promises. I would do this for you.

Damn it he had a point. I sighed and texted back, Ok fine, I’ll do it.

You’re the best. Alex said to tell you to meet him at his house at 7:00PM on Wednesday so you can practice.

Fine.

So that meant that Alex must have talked to Eric about me. I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what they had each said about me. However, there was one thing I was sure of: I just agreed to see the man who had broken my heart. Bad idea? I think so. Wednesday would prove to be an interesting night.