You Belong With Me

Taylor's P.O.V.

I drove as fast as the speed limit would allow me. Alex needed me and I could feel it. I just prayed that I had the right place.

After what seemed like hours later, I finally arrived at my destination and parked the car on the street. I grabbed a flashlight out of my trunk and proceeded carefully. It was pitch black out and the place was surrounded by trees. I shined the flashlight on each gray tombstone that I came up tom and practically jumped every time I heard even the quietest noise. Damn Alex for making me come to a graveyard alone in the dark.

I didn't know exactly where Eric's grave was, so I wondered around where I thought it was. All I could see were graves and and trees, so I changed direction. Awhile later, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and turned my head to see a dark silhouette sitting on the ground a short distance from me. I walked toward it and let out a long sigh of relief once I saw that it was Alex. I heard his voice whispering in the night as I approached him, but I didn't want to interrupt, so I waited.

“It's still so hard without you,” he said. “I hate how you can't help me get through stuff like this anymore. Sometimes, I come home on a bad day and pick up my phone to call you, but then I remember that you aren't here to help me anymore and I'm lost. I miss you so much and I need you. I wish you could send me some kind of sign that you are watching out for me.” He stopped to wipe a single tear rolling down his cheek.

“Alex?” I said and he jumped nearly a foot in the air as he turned around to see who had called his name. I couldn't help but giggle at his reaction.

“Taylor?” he asked as he shined his flashlight into my eye. I squinted and put a hand in front of my face to shield the light.

“Yeah, now get that light out of my face.”

“Sorry.” He put the flashlight down so that it shined on the grave and I walked over and sat down next to him. I noticed that there was an untouched six-pack of beer laying right in front of Alex's feet.

“I was going to drink it, but then I remembered that I would have to drive home and I didn't want to give my parents another dead son,” he said solemnly, following my gaze.

“I'm glad you didn't drink it,” I said putting a comforting hand on his knee. “I don't think I could ever live through losing you.” Thinking about even the possibility of having him not exist in my life anymore made me shudder.

“You aren't going to lose me, but, if something does happen, I hope you know that I would want you to move on and be happy.”

“Can we talk about something else? I really don't even want to think about that.” I tried to swallow the huge lump in my throat, but it was still there.

He nodded and we sat there in silence for a few minutes, each staring at Eric's grave.

I couldn't believe it had been five months since he died. So much had changed since then. Alex and Katelyn broke up, Alex began going to therapy, and, more happily, Alex and I were friends again and we both had record contracts. Our lives are completely different now than they were before Eric died. It was hard at first, but somehow, we managed to move our lives forward after his death.

However, no matter how much it seemed like we had all moved on, we would always miss the life we used to have, the life that Eric Gaskarth existed in. Nothing would ever change that fact. No matter how good things may have seemed, I knew I would always wish I could go back. Things may have been good, but they were never as good as when he was still alive. I sniffled and brushed the tears away from my cheeks as I though about just how much I missed him.

Alex must have heard me crying because he put an arm around me and pulled me close to his chest.

“I wish more than anything that he was still here,” I cried. “I wish he would be here to watch us make our dreams come true. He's missing so much.”

“I know,” he responded quietly. “I know.”

For some reason, I completely lost it. I cried hysterically on Alex's shoulder as everything caught up to me. I didn't realize just how much I missed Eric until now. If he were still here, I would have called him and asked him what I should do about Alex, but he wasn't and I couldn't. The guilt of hurting his little brother ate away at my insides and I couldn't make it stop. Alex hugged me closer to him and rubbed a hand up and down my back as I cried. Once I finally got myself back in control, I started to laugh in spite of everything.

“Why are you laughing?” he asked looking at me.

“I came here to comfort you and make sure you were ok and look at me? I'm a mess! I'm a horrible friend.”

“What? Why would you ever say that.”

“I'm supposed to be here for you, yet here I am making it all about myself.”

“Taylor, that's not true. If you need to cry, then you should go ahead and get it all out. Grief doesn't just magically go away. I don't want you to be upset.”

“But I don't want you to be upset either, which brings me to my original purpose. How come you never came home? What's going on with you?” I asked, looking him straight in the eye so that he couldn't lie to me.

He hesitated as he thought about what to say. “I guess I've just been having a hard time lately. Life has become really stressful with recording and school work. I don't have time to just do what I want right now and it just gets hard sometimes. Katelyn has been bothering me so much lately that it was driving me insane. I found out today that I failed a test because I had no time to study for it and I'm already having a hard time with that class. You turning me down for prom was the cherry on top of a bad day, so I just had to get away from everything. Coming here makes me feel better. I do it sometimes when I need to clear my head.”

Again, I felt like there was something he wasn't telling me, but now was not the time to yell at him for not telling me. He was too vulnerable. Guilt filled my gut again as I fixated on the fact that I had to turn him down. “Alex, I'm so sorry, I really am. If I had known that you were going to ask me, maybe I would have done something different.”

“It's not your fault, Swifter. I should have asked you earlier, but there was no time since we each have such busy lives now. It would have been nice to go to prom with my best friend, but at least you get to go with your other best friend.”

“Too bad I can't go with both my best friends,” I said, “but normally it's not socially acceptable for a girl to go with two guys. I would look like a whore, not to mention the fact that I would have to worry about girls attacking me.”

He couldn't help but crack a smile. “Why would girls attack you?”

“Because I would have two hot dates, whereas they would only have one. They would especially kill me because I would have you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, come on! You can't tell me that you don't notice the way girls look at you!”

“And how is that exactly?” he asked smirking at me as I hit his arm.

“You know exactly what I'm talking about, you doofus!”

“So do you agree with those girls?”

“About what?”

“About my incredibly good looks, of course!”

“Well that's an awkward question if I ever heard one. And don't do that!”

“Don't do what?

“Don't be so cocky. The girls hate it.”

“Stop stalling and answer my question.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically. “Yes, I think you are attractive, ok? I already said that you were hot before. Are you happy now?” My face heated up and my cheeks burned in embarrassment. I cannot believe he just made me say that.

He smiled childishly. “Incredibly.”

I smiled and nuzzled my head into his chest as I looked at Eric's gravestone.

“You should really call your parents,” I said after a few minutes. “They are worried sick. I was supposed to call them if I heard anything.”

“They are probably going to kill me when I get home, so it's better to just put that off for as long as possible,” he said nonchalantly.

“Not if your dad creates a search party for you. Your dad called me around six asking where you were. I was freaking out too at that point because you are usually home by then on a normal day and you never answered my text. You really scared me.”

“I'm sorry. I turned my phone off because I just really needed to be alone and have some time to myself to think about things for a little bit.”

“Do you feel any better now?”

“Now that you're here, I feel a lot better,” he said as he kissed the top of my head.

I sat up straight and smiled at him. “I'm glad. I don't want you to be upset. I was worried about you all afternoon.”

“I didn't mean to worry you.”

“I know. Just don't do it again. I didn't like not knowing where you were or what was going on with you.”

“I'll try my very best not to make you worry.”

“You better.”

“Hey, Taylor?”

“Yeah?”

He looked at me with the deepest sincerity in his eyes. “Thank you for caring about me so much. I don't know what I would ever do without you. Don't ever leave me, ok? Promise me you won't leave me.”

“Alex, of course I won't leave you; I could never leave you.”

Neither of us could have predicted what happened next. Our bodies acted on their own accord as our heads moved closer and closer together until our lips finally touched. At first, I was stiff and hesitant, but the way his lips moved around mine made me loosen up. I couldn't help myself as I brought my hand up to the back of his head and grabbed on to his choppy hair. His hands massaged my cheeks as he continued to kiss me softly. The butterflies in my stomach must have been on crack because they were flying around like crazy.

Eventually, we both needed to catch our breath, so we pulled apart. We couldn't bare to look each other in the eye, so I awkwardly took out my red env2 phone to check the time.

“We should really go,” I said. “It's almost 1:00AM and I have to get to the studio early tomorrow.” I didn't realize just how long Alex and I had been here for.

“Holy shit, really?”

I nodded, so we got up and gathered our flashlights and began to walk.

“Do you remember where your car is?” he asked.

“Not really,” I admitted.

“We'll walk to mine then and we'll drive around until we find yours.”

“Ok, thanks.”

A few minutes later, we reached his car. It took us awhile to find where I was parked. He made fun of me for parking so far away and I defended myself as usual.

“Oh yeah and Tay?” he asked as I got out of the car.

“What?” I said as I turned back to look at him.

“Thanks again for coming after me. It means a lot.”

“I had to know where you were and that you were ok. Besides, you would have done the same for me.”

“You really are my best friend. No one can ever replace you. I hope you know that.”

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do know that, but it's always nice to hear it. Ditto, by the way.”

He gave me another one of those million-dollar smiles in return. “Goodnight, Swifter Wet Jet.”

“Goodnight, Garth Algar.”

I got in my car and followed him back to our homes. When we were both outside our front doors, we looked over at each other and waved goodnight. As soon as I got in, I ran upstairs and started screaming and jumping, but then I realized that my curtains were open and Alex stood there staring at me and laughing. I couldn't help but laugh a little bit myself. That was the only downfall to having a window right across from his; I never had any privacy. I got out my white board and said goodnight to him for the last time and then took my pajamas into the bathroom and changed for bed. When I was finally ready, I closed the curtains, turned off the lights, and crawled into bed.

Tonight was one of those rare occasions where I was glad that I wasn't sleeping over Alex's or he wasn't sleeping over here. I had a lot to think about. The events of tonight may have answered some of my questions, but they also raised a lot more. I poised myself for a long and stressful night inside my own head.