You Belong With Me

Alex's P.O.V.

It took me awhile to get to sleep that night. I couldn't get that kiss out of my mind. A long time ago, I would have thought that kissing Taylor was ludicrous, but I couldn't have been more wrong. The feeling of her lips meshing with mine just felt so right and all I wanted was to do it again. For that one single moment, our minds were both in the same place. We didn't pull away until we both needed to catch our breath. She could have pulled away from me right away, but she didn't; she seemed to be as into it as I was. That meant something, right? It had to.

I couldn't help but wonder if she still held feelings for me or if I had completely blown it with her last October. God, I was such an idiot back then. Here she was right in front of my face and loving me and I let someone else tear me away from her completely. What an asshole. She deserved so much better than that. This time, I would try my hardest to give her that.

The next question that came up in my mind was whether or not I should tell her how I feel. I fantasized about finally being with her after all this time. It would be incredible to say the least, especially if she felt the same way about me as I did about her. But, then again, what if she didn't? What if I was wrong? What if she had kissed me back just because she was afraid of hurting me? What if she didn't like me that way at all anymore? Could I still bare to be around her knowing that she didn't love me like I loved her? I already knew the answer to this one, no matter how much I didn't like it. Yes, I would still be around her if she didn't feel the same way as me; I would do everything in my power to make sure I wasn't hurting her, even if it meant hurting myself in the process.

And then there was the Jack problem. If I told Taylor how I felt and we ended up getting together, I would break my best friend's heart and that was the last thing I wanted to do. At the same time, if he and Taylor ever got together, I don't know what I would do. Being around them would be the hardest thing for me. Then again, Jack and I needed to know where Taylor stood with both of us. Any way we turned, someone was bound to get hurt. It seemed like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

A few hours later, the alarm clock went off loudly in my ear and I got up slowly. We were due to be in the studio by 10:00AM and it was now 9:15, so I got dressed, brushed my teeth and quickly ate a bowl of Honey Nut cheerios and ran out the door. When I got there, everyone was already getting ready to begin recording.

“Nice of you to show up, slow poke,” joked Rian as he set up his drums.

“What? I was on time.” I gave him a confused look.

“No, you're late. It's 10:01.”

“Fuck you,” I retorted and he laughed. “Where's my guitar?” I looked around and noticed no one had gotten it out.

“In the closet,” Jack responded.

“Can you get it for me?” I asked. He was the one closest to the closet and I needed to warm up.

He gave me a dark look in response. “You can get it yourself,” he said as he began to tune his own guitar.

“Oook?” I said giving him a weird look as I crossed the room to get to the closet and retrieve my guitar. Normally, he would have just handed it to me and jokingly complained about how lazy I was. Something was definitely up, but there was no time to ask him about it now.

I took a few minutes to warm up my voice and then our producer, Matt Squire, came into the room to tell us what he wanted us to do.

“What are we doing today, Matt?” Zack asked.

“I thought it would be a good idea to get a head start on 'Keep The Change You Filthy Animal' today. Is that cool?”

I laughed internally at the irony of recording that song today as I said “yes” along with everyone else.

He left the room and let us record the song in its original version. Later, we would listen to it and decide what needed to be changed.

“Ok, guys are you ready?” he asked through the intercom on the other side of the booth. He counted to three on his fingers and then pointed at us to start. We played the introduction chords and then I began to sing.

Are you having trouble finding sleep at night,
Or does your lack of conscience tell you every-thing's alright,
I trust your good intentions, that you're watching over friends,
But you must think that I"m crazy, if I don't see through that grin.

So tell me what your best friend knows, that I don't know.
Tell me why you talk me down wherever you go.
You're a saint, you're a queen,
and I'm just another boy without a crown.
Tell me why you sell me out, everywhere you go.
I just want to know what your best friend knows. (what your best friend knows)

So vindictive, you'll say anything you like.
The smile you fake, the steps you take,
you know you never could get it right.
And talk is cheap so make believe, your secrets find the grave,
It's too late, you gave up your last chance to walk away.

So tell me what your best friend knows, that I don't know.
Tell me why you talk me down wherever you go.
You're a saint, you're a queen,
and I'm just another boy without a crown.
Tell me why you sell me out, everywhere you go.
I just want to know what your best friend knows.

You stand a little too tall, say a little too much,
you're gonna bite that know-it-all tongue.
You tried a little too hard, now I'm calling that bluff,
big plans are coming undone.
That's just typical, you're so cynical, couldn't have me.
I didn't want you (you set yourself up to lose),
You're selling me out, to the girl I can't afford to lose.

You stand a little too tall, say a little too much,
you're gonna bite that know-it-all tongue.
You tried a little too hard, now I'm calling that bluff,
big plans are coming undone.
That's just typical, you're so cynical, couldn't have me.
I didn't want you, you set yourself up to lose.

So tell me what your best friend knows, that I don't know.
Tell me why you talk me down (talk me down) wherever you go.
You're a saint, you're a queen,
and I'm just another boy without a crown.
Tell me why you sell me out (sell me out), everywhere you go.
I just want to know what your best friend knows.

What your best friend knows,
I'm never gonna let this go, (what your best friend knows)
What your best friend knows

When the song was over, Matt's voice came over the intercom again. “Ok, I'm going to be honest. That wasn't bad, but it also wasn't the best it could have been.”

“Yeah because Alex was flat the whole time,” said Jack angrily.

“What? No I wasn't. That's the way I was supposed to sing it. If anything, you weren't playing the chords right.”

“No, it was definitely you. You sounded like a dying animal the whole time.”

“Well, you obviously need to get some guitar lessons because you keep on fucking everything up!” I spat back.

He started to say something back, but then Matt cut him off. “Fellas, fellas, you're both wrong. Alex was singing on-key and Jack was playing the chords fine. I was simply saying that there are some things we need to change around to make it better.”

“Whatever,”: Jack scoffed. “I still think that Alex sounded like nails on a chalkboard.”

When he said this, I nearly threw my guitar down and walked straight over to him.

“Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” I asked getting in his face.

“YOU!” he spat back in my face. “You are my fucking problem!”

“What the hell did I ever do to you?”

“The better question is what didn't you do to me?” he said as he threw down his guitar too.

“Uhm, I think now would be a good time to take a break,” said Zack as he too put his guitar down and he and Rian left the room, but watched through the window on the other side to make sure Jack and I didn't kill each other.

“What do you mean?” I asked Jack. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I didn't do anything to you.”

“Oh, don't give me that bullshit. You know exactly what you did.”

“No, I really don't. Enlighten me.”

“YOU KISSED HER!” he screamed in my face. “YOU FUCKING KISSED HER LAST NIGHT! How could you do that to me?”

Understanding finally overcame me. Taylor must have called him and told him that we kissed last night and now he was mad at me for kissing her even though I knew he liked her too. But, then again, he asked her to prom when he knew I liked her, so that made him just as bad.

“How could you ask her to prom?” I retorted. “You knew how much that would hurt me, yet you did it anyway. I didn't fucking plan on kissing her, it just happened, ok?” I could feel my face heating up as anger boiled inside me.

“And why the hell should I believe you? For all I know, you could have been planning it all along,” he responded coldly.

I gave him an incredulous look and shook my head. “I can't believe you actually think that I would purposely try to hurt you. Thanks for all the faith and the trust. In case you didn't know, yesterday was a hard day for me and I couldn't take it when Taylor told me she was going to prom with you. I went to my brother's grave and sat there the whole night. You knew how hurt I was and you didn't give two shits. You didn't even try to find me to apologize. You showed me no remorse. Some friend you are.”

“Last time I checked, I didn't have to ask your permission to take her to prom. And it's not like I had any physical contact with her. You fucking kissed her! Besides, you were going to ask her to prom too anyway and you didn't come to me about it.”

“That's a lie and you know it. I told you in last period that I was thinking of asking her and you said that it was fine. If you want to blame someone for that kiss, blame yourself because neither of us would have even been in that graveyard if it wasn't for you. I can't even look at you right now. I'm out of here.” I busted the door open and stormed out of the room while Jack stood there dumbfounded.

“I need a break,” I muttered to Matt, Zack, and Rian. “I'll be back later.” I walked quickly out to my car, but Rian ran after me and climbed into the passenger seat. “Dude, what the fuck are you doing?” I asked him.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

I sighed. “I already told you I need a break. I need to take a drive and clear my head.”

“Ok, I'm coming with you.”

I shrugged. “It's your funeral.” I sped out of the parking lot and we drove in silence for a few minutes.

When Rian realized that I wasn't going to talk, he asked me, “So what happened back there?”

“Isn't it obvious?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the road. “Jack and I got into a fight.”

“But a fight about what, exactly?”

I let out a long sigh. “It's a long story.”

“I've got time.”

“Ok well do you remember last October when I told you that Taylor kissed me and basically told me that she liked me and then I got scared and ran away?”

“Yeah and then Katelyn forced you to ignore her for two months.”

“Right. Well then we finally reconnected after Eric's death and you know what happened after that.”

“But then why would all of that make you and Jack fight?”

I hesitated, trying to think of the best way to put it. “I can't really explain it, but ever since we got our record contract, I've started to develop feelings for Taylor. After all that she did for me, I began to see her in a new light. I used to think of her as a sister, but now she's more than that. Without her, I would be in a deep depression. She is the reason why all my dreams are coming true. Every second I find myself wanting to be with her and wanting to pay her back somehow. When I'm not with her, I lay awake at night thinking about her and wondering what she's doing or thinking.”

“It sounds like you're in love,” Rian commented.

“Yeah, I think I am.”

“So why don't you tell her how you feel? And I still don't see how this has anything to do with Jack.”

“See, that's the hard part. A few months ago, I noticed Jack start to act differently around Taylor. He started flirting with her and being more of a gentleman around her and she seemed happy with him. That night, Jack came over my house to hang out and play video games. He came right out and asked me if I liked Taylor and I decided to tell him the truth, but then I asked him the same question in return and he said the same thing. Can you see the problem now?”

“Oh shit,” Rian replied. “What are you going to do?”

“I don't know what I should do. Jack and I talked about it and decided that we didn't want it to ruin our friendship, but we also promised not to do anything physical with Taylor in front of the other one. Taylor told me a few days ago that she wasn't sure if she wanted to go to prom, so I decided that I would try to convince her to go with me. I talked it over with Jack and he said that she was fair game, so I asked her at the end of the day and she told me that she had just agreed to go with Jack.”

Rian's mouth dropped open. “Wow. Are you serious?” I nodded, so he said, “What an asshole. That's not like Jack.”

“Tell me about it. Never in a million years would I have thought that he could have done that to me, but I guess I was wrong. I couldn't take it, so I just lied and told them that I was staying after school. Once they left, I went straight to the liquor store. I bought a six-pack of beer and drove it to the graveyard so that I could go visit Eric. I opened a bottle, but as soon as I was about to take the first sip, my parents faces came into my mind. I knew I couldn't take the chance of drinking and driving. I couldn't let them lose another son. They wouldn't be able to make it through that. After that, I just sat there and pored out my feelings. Later, Taylor figured out where I was and came and found me. She could see how vulnerable I was. We both started reminiscing about Eric and the past and it got to be too much for her. She broke down in my arms and told me that she felt terrible for turning me down. We talked some more and then I thanked her for always being there and made her promise to never leave me and she said she never would. Then, we kissed.”

“Holy shit, you kissed her even when you knew that Jack liked her too?”

“Yeah, I did, but it wasn't something I could control. It was like her lips were a magnetic field and I was being drawn to them. It just sort of happened. I'm not going to say that I regret kissing her because I don't, but I do regret that it hurt Jack. I just, I really don't know what to do, Rian.” I let out another frustrated sigh as I concentrated on the road ahead of me.

“Yeah that's a tough situation if I ever saw one. Have you and Jack talked about telling her how you both feel?”

“Not really. We don't want to ruin any of our friendships. This could potentially end so badly.”

“Well you should think about it because it could end badly either way. If you don't tell her, you'll always wonder what could have been and that just plain sucks.”

“But then what if we tell her and she doesn't like either of us? Or what if she likes one of us and not the other? What would that do to the band. There's so much at stake. I don't want to lose everything.”

“But, what if she does have feelings for one of you? Are you honestly just going to sit on those feelings? Then she would be unhappy too, which isn't what you want.”

“I guess I see what you are saying and I will think about it. I just really don't even want to look at Jack right now.”

Then, as if right on cue, Rian's phone started ringing. He answered it and I could hear Zack's voice from the other end.

“Where the fuck are you guys?”

“We're just driving around,” Rian responded.

“Ok, well you better get back here soon, otherwise Matt will flip a shit.”

“Ok we're coming,” he said and he hung up the phone and turned to me. “Look, Alex, we have to go back. This whole situation fucking sucks for you, it really does, but you have to put it aside for right now and put the band's needs first. Right now, we really have to go back and finish recording. Break time is over.”

I nodded. “Yeah, you're right. I'll just have to suck it up. Don't let that bastard anywhere near me though.” I turned the car around and we went back to the studio. Jack and I ignored each other for the rest of the day.