You Belong With Me

Taylor’s P.O.V.
I couldn’t sleep that night. My body was exhausted, but my mind felt like it was about to explode. His words kept on repeating over and over in my head: “She’s different than anyone else I have ever been with”. How the hell was I supposed to compete with that? He was obviously developing strong feelings for her and there I was, stuck watching on the sidelines as he grew closer and closer to her. What was I supposed to do?

As I saw it, I had three options. I could tell Alex about my feelings for him, which would possibly ruin our lifetime friendship. I could slowly start to ignore him and let our friendship fade so that I wouldn’t have to see him with her more than absolutely necessary. Or, I could choose to try to ignore my feelings for him and just endure the pain when I saw him with her. I thought hard about each possible consequence. If I told him how I felt, things would get weird between us and he might start to avoid me and I knew I could not let that happen. If I tried to ignore him, I would never be able to live with myself knowing that I hurt him. It seemed that option three was all I had left. I could deal with the pain of seeing him with her, but I could not deal with the pain of losing him altogether.

Yesterday, Alex mentioned that he wanted me and Jack to eat lunch with him an d Katelyn so that we could get to know her. I wondered if I would be able to do this with an open mind. I have heard plenty of stories from my friends that she can be a complete and total bitch to everyone if she doesn’t get what she wants. In all honesty, I have never actually talked to her, but I never really had a reason to talk to her either. To be fair, rumours aren’t always true and who says people can’t change? It’s not her fault she likes Alex. I mean, since I apparently like Alex too, I couldn’t begrudge her that. I decided I would go into that lunch room with as open of a mind as I could muster.

My alarm finally went off at 7:00AM and I got up slowly. I was exhausted from not getting any sleep last night. I thought about my upcoming day. At least it was Friday, so if things went really badly at lunch, I would have the weekend to get over it. I was so happy that my school district always started the school year on a Thursday. You have two days of school and then the whole weekend to get used to being in school again and to buy things that you might still need such as notebooks or pencils.

After lying in bed lazily for five minutes, I got up and brushed my teeth. Half an hour later, I was ready to go so I walked out to my car. Alex and I alternated driving each day, so today it was my turn. I pulled up to his driveway and texted him to say that I was there. Not even two minutes later, he was out of the house walking toward the car. Today, he was wearing a black The Academy Is... hoodie with a white t-shirt, blue skinny jeans, and black chucks.

“Hey!” I said as brightly as I could when he got in the car and I pulled away from his driveway. “What’s up?”

“Hey,” he responded. “Nothing really. I couldn’t sleep that much last night.”

“Why not?”

“I couldn’t get Katelyn out of my head. It got so bad that I got sick of trying to sleep, so I turned the light on. One good thing did come out of it though.”

I felt that now familiar pang of jealousy in my stomach. This was going to take some time and getting used to. “What was that?” I asked.

“I wrote a song about it. It’s been like six months since I have last written a song. Usually when I write a song, it takes a few days, but I wrote this one in an hour. It’s almost like she’s my muse.”

“Wow, that’s really awesome,” I said. “I’m really happy for you.” I really was happy that he was writing again, I just wasn’t happy that she was the reason.

“Thanks, Tay. It feels good to be writing again. How long has it been since you’ve written a song?”

“Honestly, I can’t even remember. I think it might have been after I broke up with Ryan because I was pissed and heartbroken. It wasn’t anything good though. I think I threw it out the next day.”

Ryan and I went out the beginning of my junior year. He was one year older than me and we had known each other since my freshman year. That was one of the happiest times in my life. Ryan was my first real boyfriend and everything was going perfectly for about ten months. Two weeks before he graduated high school, he dumped me out of the blue. He said that he didn’t love me anymore and he wanted to be single for the summer and college. He refused to have a long distance relationship with me, no matter how much I begged him to consider it. The douche bag didn’t even have the decency to dump me in person; he did it over the phone. Thank God Alex was with me when he called. Otherwise, I don’t know what I would have done. I had to stop him from going over to Ryan’s house and beating the shit out of him just like I had almost done with Kelly. He let me cry on his shoulder for the rest of the night. I slept at his house because I couldn’t bear to be in my room; there were too many pictures of us lying around and I didn’t think I could take it. It took me most of the summer to get over him.

“I know what you mean. The last time I wrote before last night was probably right after my breakup with Kelly. It’s funny how we get inspired when we experience a high level of emotion.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Did you tell Zack, Rian, or Jack yet? I’m sure they’ll be ecstatic that you finally wrote something good again.”

“No not yet. We’re having a band meeting this weekend though, so I figured I could bring it and see what they think.”

So I guess I should take this opportunity to mention the fact that Alex is in a band called All Time Low. Alex, Jack, and Rian started the band their freshman year of high school and found Zack soon after. Jack knew Rian from homeroom and Rian had known Zack form middle school. Ever since then, they have been doing everything they could to get their name out. They played small venues and did interviews with local TV channels and newspapers and personally recruited people to their MySpace music page. They played both cover songs and their own original songs. Eventually, they developed a little gathering of fans. They are currently working on recording a demo to send out to record companies so that they can get a deal.

“That’s a good idea. I’m sure they’ll be happy that you are finally capable of writing a good song again.”

“Hey, shut the fuck up! You went through the same thing I did!”

“Yeah, but it’s not as important for me to write a good song as it is for you. I’m not trying to record a demo yet!”

“Yeah, but you should be because your voice is killer.”

“I told you that I want to graduate high school first and then worry about my music career.”

“I know, but still. You should be singing every chance you get. Don’t let that beautiful voice go to waste.”

“I won’t, I promise,” I said as we pulled into the school parking lot.

“So are we still on for lunch?” Alex asked as we walked into the school.

“Yeah, definitely,” I nodded purposely not looking at him.

“Awesome, so I’ll see you then,” he said and he started walking off toward his homeroom.

Four hours later, Jack met me at my locker so that we could walk to lunch together.

“So this should be interesting, huh?” Jack said as we started walking.

“Yeah, I mean, who knows if you’ll be able to even speak in her presence,” I responded. Last year, every time Katelyn passed by in the hallway, Jack would be sure to let me know just how much he wanted to bang her.

“Of course I will! And I’ll be so charming that she’ll start wanting me instead of Alex. This way, she can end it with him and come to me. I would never want to steal my best friend’s girl. It’s always better to have them come to me.”

“Says the boy who hasn’t had a serious girlfriend since like ever,” I laughed.

“Well, maybe Jack is just too good for all those other girls,” he responded speaking in the third person again. “Jack is special and Jack knows what he wants.”

“And does Jack want a serious relationship?”

“Yes, Jack does, but Jack has to find the right girl first. Until then, Jack does everything he must to satisfy his sexual needs.”

“Of course he does,” I laughed as we entered the cafeteria and got into the lunch line. “Now, Jack must be on his very best behaviour so that he can impress Alex’s new love interest.”

“Jack promises to be a good boy.”

“Good doggy,” I said playfully patting him on the head.

Five minutes later, we bought our food and looked around the room. It appeared that Alex and Katelyn hadn’t gotten there yet, so they went to find a table towards the back. Jack and I had actually gotten to lunch on time today. It wasn’t a surprise that Alex wasn’t here yet though; he’s never on time. We were half way through eating our lunch when they had finally showed up.

It was much the same as yesterday. Alex and Katelyn walked into the cafeteria hand-in-hand and Alex’s eyes had that extra gleam in them. They continued holding hands as they got in the lunch line together. Somehow, the pain didn’t hurt any less today. This was the time when I would really have to put my acting skills to the test. My whole friendship with Alex could depend on it. He paid for their food and looked around the cafeteria, but then his eyes stopped as they focused on my face and the couple started walking toward us.

“Tay, you ok?” Jack asked. “You look kind of down.” That damn kid never missed a beat.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. I got up as I saw them coming closer and Jack did the same.

“Hey, Guys,” Alex said as they approached the table. “This is Katelyn. Katelyn, these are my two best friends, Taylor and Jack.”

“Hi, it’s very nice to meet you both,” she said sweetly as she let go of Alex’s hand to shake Jack’s and mine.

“You too,” Jack and I said together as we all sat down.

“You were all Alex could talk about yesterday,” Jack said as we ate.

“Is that so?” Katelyn asked. When Jack nodded, she turned to smile at Alex, who smiled at her right back. Excuse me while I go throw up.

There was awkward silence for a few minutes. No one knew quite what to say. Alex and Katelyn’s hands were connected again on top of the table. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to stop staring at their intertwined fingers. Maybe I had become a masochist trying to cause myself as much pain as possible. I hoped no one noticed.

“So, Taylor, Alex told me that you and he like to sing together. Is that true,” Katelyn asked, turning to me.

I nodded. “Yeah, actually it is. We started at the end of middle school and just couldn’t seem to stop. We really enjoy performing together and sometimes I open for him when he plays with All Time Low.”

“That’s great,” she responded. “I was thinking maybe I would come to your next show when you schedule it. I’ve been hearing that you guys are amazing live and I want to hear for myself.”

“That would be great!” I tried to sound cheerful. “And thank you very much. I’m sure you would have a great time at our show.”

Ok, maybe Katelyn wasn’t as bad as I had originally thought. She’s actually being kind of nice. Who would have thought?

“So I heard you and Alex have been best friends since you were little and I think that’s adorable. And, Jack, Alex said you guys met freshman year of high school and hit it off instantly.”

“That we did,” responded Jack. “That was back in the day when I was shy and had no friends.”

“Jack, you still have no friends,” joked Alex.

“Well, I’m just too cool for other people,” said Jack as we all chuckled.

“So, Katelyn, what colleges are you thinking about applying to?” I asked, sincerely trying to make an effort, even though it felt like I had jealousy coming out of my eyes.

“I really don’t know,” she replied. “I was thinking maybe Towson, Salisbury, University of Maryland, Penn State, UNC, or UF. My parents are pushing me to stay in-state so that they won’t have to spend so much money, but I’m not sure where I want to go. I think I want to be a performing arts or dance major. I know Alex and Jack are going to focus on the band, but what about you?”

“I think I’m going to try to work on my music also. If things don’t go as I had planned, then I will definitely go to college. Until then, I want to see where the music takes me.”

“That’s really awesome. You’re following your heart.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m trying to.”

“I can’t believe we’re already seniors,” she said. “It seems like high school is going by so fast.”

“I know what you mean,” Jack said. “It seems like just yesterday that we were those scared little freshman on our first day of high school.”

“It’s weird thinking about how much everything is going to change once we graduate,” Alex joined in. “I mean, think about it, we won’t be able to see each other every day anymore. Some of us won’t even have to worry about school ever again, which will be nice.”

“Yeah our lives definitely won’t be the same,” agreed Katelyn.

“Kate, why don’t you tell them about the cheerleading championship?” Alex said. He had this proud look on his face and he squeezed her hand affectionately. I still could not take my eyes off of them for the life of me.

“Oh, it was really nothing,” Katelyn said blushing.

“No, what happened?” asked Jack.

“It was just last week and she won the award for best cheer captain and best routine choreographer,” Alex bragged.

Jack and I both congratulated her on a job well done.

“Thank you, but it really wasn’t as big of a deal as this cutie over here makes it out to be.” She turned and gave Alex a peck on the lips.

I felt my food start to swirl around in my stomach as I began to get nauseous. “Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom,” I said as I got up. I had to get out of there. Their affection was suffocating me and I could not take it anymore; I needed a break. It wasn’t until I was in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror and trying to pull myself together that I realized that Katelyn had followed me to the bathroom.

“Taylor, can I talk to you?” she asked as she entered the bathroom. It was empty except for us.

“Yeah, sure,” I said turning to face her. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to get something straight. Alex is mine.”

I crinkled my eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Oh don’t play stupid with me! I can see right through you. I saw the longing in your eyes all throughout lunch. I don’t care if you have a little crush on him or you think you love him. He’s mine now, so you better back the fuck off. If you don’t, I’ll make sure you become irrelevant in his life.”

I laughed. “Oh? And how are you going to do that, since Alex and I have been best friends since we were two years old and he’s only known you since yesterday?”

“Because I fully intend to make him love me. When someone loves you, that means they will do anything for you. I’ll just make him see that you were never such a good friend to him after all.”

“What makes you think he would choose you over me?”

“Because they always do. Alex is just like every other guy and I am an expert at knowing what guys want. If you want to stay in his life, you’d better find someone else to look at, bitch. Oh, and if you even think about telling anyone else about this little conversation, there will be hell to pay.” With that, she left.

I stood there, completely dumbfounded, but somehow not surprised. I guess I was right about her after all; she was the real Regina George and I had just been the latest victim to get stung by her wings. I could feel the heat emitting from my skin as my face got red with anger. There was no way in hell I was going to let that slut ruin my relationship with my best friend. I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

I decided that I was going to find a way to prove, in one way or another, what a horrible person Katelyn Gander really was. Unfortunately, until then, I had to go along with what she wanted; I had to pretend that my heart didn’t flutter every single time I laid eyes on Alex Gaskarth. It was going to be a lot harder than it seemed. I took another deep breath and walked back to the cafeteria. As I got back to the table, the bell rang, so we all gathered our stuff and walked out.

“It was really nice to meet you guys,” Katelyn said to Jack and me in her fake sweet voice.

“Yeah, you too,” we both said, Jack being the only one that actually meant it now.

“I’m going to go walk her to class, so I will see you guys later,” Alex said as he waved goodbye to us and grabbed Katelyn’s hand again and they walked away.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Jack said as we walked to class together. “She was actually really nice, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” I responded trying not to sound sarcastic. Fifteen minutes ago, I may have actually meant that answer.

All of a sudden, Jack stopped walking and forced me to face him. His big brown eyes searched my face. It startled me a little bit.

“Taylor, what’s wrong? And don’t say it’s nothing because I know that’s a lie. Before, you looked dejected and now you look like you are about to explode. Please just tell me what it is.” I guess I’m not as good at hiding my emotions as I thought I was.

“I’ll tell you later,” I responded, giving up. It was nearly impossible for me to keep secrets from Jack because he always saw right through me. “I can’t say anything now because I can’t risk anyone overhearing.”

“It’s that bad, huh?” he asked and I nodded, so he took my word for it.

“I’ll call you later,” I said as I got to my class and he walked away.

Two hours later, I was at my locker putting my books back and getting ready to leave for the day. Alex ran up behind me and started tickling me.

“Get off, Garth,” I said as I laughed and tried to hit his hands away.

“So what did you think of Katelyn?” he asked when he finally stopped tickling me.

“She was nice,” I said in mock sincerity. He was bouncing off the balls of his feet, which had to mean one thing: he was excited about something. “What’s with you?” I asked.

“I think I could be falling for her. I might ask her to be my girlfriend.”

It was amazing how he really knew how to use the exact words that would cut me right to the core. I could feel the pain start to throb in my chest.

“Oh, that’s great,” I said. My voice sounded emotionless even to me and I worked to keep my face straight.

“Thanks,” he said. He looked at my face a little bit closer. “Taylor, are you ok? You look kind of sad.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. “Just all this stuff with you and Katelyn kind of reminds me of me and Ryan last year.”

His face softened and he took me into a one-armed hug. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t like causing you pain.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said as I pulled away. It’s not your fault you are so damn hot and irresistible and I love you, I thought. “So are you ready to go?”

He got this uncomfortable look on his face.

“Alex, what’s wrong?”

“I actually promised Katelyn I would spend the afternoon with her again,” he said. “I’m really sorry, Taylor.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “Go have fun with her.”

“Thanks,” he repeated. “I’ll call you later and tell you what happens.”

“Ok great,” I said. “I will talk to you later, then.” We waved goodbye and I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked out of the building.

To be honest, at this point, finally being away from him felt liberating. I no longer had to lie and pretend that I didn’t care when I did, more than he would probably ever know. There was a limit to how much pain I could take in one day.

I tried not to think about anything on my way home. I felt that, if I did, I might break down, which would not be such a good thing to do in a car while driving on a busy street. I sped home. I needed a place where I could freely express my feelings. Since I knew Alex was not going to be home, I did not have to worry about him seeing me through his window.

The very second I burst into my room, I got a text from Alex.

From: Alex
I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes!

Congratulations! That’s great! I texted back to him. It was easy to lie on a text message. I couldn’t take it anymore; I laid down on my bed and started to cry. Looks like I had reached my limit.

I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and then I just laid there thinking about the day. I remembered what Alex had said this morning about how we write songs when we experience a high level of a certain emotion and I wondered if it would help me at all now. I decided it couldn’t hurt to try, so I got up and took my guitar out of the closet and grabbed a notebook and pen from the desk. I returned to my bed and put the guitar in position. My eyes still seemed to be watery and I saw one of my tears fall onto the guitar. I sat there and stared at it for awhile.

Teardrops on my guitar, I thought and I took the pen and began to write. One hour later, I had a brand new song that actually wasn’t crap on my hands. After I finished it, I threw my notebook aside and laid back down on the bed.

A little while later, I decided I did not want to sit home and be miserable anymore, so I picked up my phone and called the first person that came to mind.

“Hello?” came the deep male voice from the other end.

“Hey, Jack, it’s me,” I said. “Are you busy tonight? I really need to loosen up and have some fun.”