As the Piano Keys Rang

Brendon wasn’t focused for the next week. It wasn’t what Ryan did or anything about Ryan really. It was about the piano and the sounds it would make every time Brendon touched it. It was horrible, the music. It was perverted and dank. Pride, Greed, Envy, Wrath, Lust, Gluttony, Sloth. The Seven Deadly Sins were all represented in the composition. Brendon would come to call it Seven.

He was getting into pesky battles with Ryan over nothing. Why couldn’t Brendon meet his family? Why didn’t Ryan ever come watch him play at work? Why did he not think that Seven was as big a deal as Brendon thought it was? Ryan was so down on himself and he thought it was all his fault. He cursed himself for pushing Brendon. He contemplated how he could make it better. But even the little thoughtful things he did for Brendon just weren’t adding up. They didn’t hang out all the school week. They just rode together in the morning and rode back in the afternoon, with only a simple peck to say hello and goodbye.

Brendon was even getting a cut back in his tips at the bookstore. He didn’t know what to do about it. On Thursday after the store closed, Tom asked what was wrong.

“You seem a little… out of focus,” Tom said turning over the open/closed sign and leaning on the edge of the piano.

“My mind is just wandering a little these days, but I’m okay,” Brendon nodded, refusing to look Tom in the eye.

“Is it your boyfriend?” Tom said nonchalantly.

Brendon stopped still. “My boyfriend?” he asked still glaring at the scrap of paper from the floor that he was centering his eyes on.

“That guy. The one you were kissing after the orchestra concert.”

“You saw that?” Brendon brushed the back of his hair with his fingers.

“Yeah, I used to go to the school but I found my old locker was being used by two teenage boys,” he almost laughed.

“He is not my boyfriend,” Brendon tried to say. That part was true. They were not official.

“Do you like him?” Tom asked walking over to get his coffee cup.

“I did, but… I just don’t know anymore,” Brendon said finally looking up at Tom. “I feel like it has something to do with the piece I’ve been playing lately.”

Tom took his glasses off and set them on the table. He took a sip of his coffee and walked over sitting on the edge of the piano seat. “I like the piece.”

“That’s not true. No one likes the piece. It’s sounds so… wrong,” Brendon shook his head before turning to Tom.

“I like it cause it says the truth that no one wants to hear. People wish that their lives are all ‘Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” but no one’s is. The world is a cold place and this is the soundtrack,” Tom looked him in the eyes and Brendon knew he was speaking from his heart.

Brendon noticed, for the first time, Tom’s eyes. They were hazel, like Ryan’s. Right now, they were light gold with a rim of green around the outside. They were filled with a bittersweet fervor. Between the smell of the piano and the color of Tom’s eyes, he couldn’t comprehend what was going on. It was only a short movement before Tom’s hand was on his shoulder, pulling him in. It was a blurred second before Brendon felt the pressure on his lips. Tom held him there. Brendon was frozen, unable to move his body. He couldn’t feel Ryan’s warmth or his jaggedness. All he felt was Tom’s cold, slick hands and lips. Tom let him go.

“This isn’t right,” Brendon said trying to jumpstart his brain. He got up clumsily from the bench and briskly walked out the door. He shook his head and walked to the parking lot. He looked up and was instantaneously blinded by a pair of headlights. He squinted his eyes and walked towards the vehicle. As he got closer and his eyes got better adjusted, he noticed whose car it was.

He went up to the passenger window. It was Ryan. He was leaning over his wheel looking like he was sleeping. Brendon knocked on the window. Ryan looked up at Brendon. His face was shiny and his eyes were red. He was crying. Brendon furrowed his brow at him. Ryan opened the driver’s door and got out, raising his head over the top of the car. Brendon did the same on the passenger side.

“What’s wrong?” Brendon asked almost annoyed with him.

“You know what’s wrong. I saw you in there,” Ryan screamed at him. His voice was shaking and weak in his throat so his words came out more like screeches.

Brendon’s insides threatened to come out his mouth and his face fell just short of the pavement. “Ryan, no, you don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand? What did I do wrong to make you do that? I have been nothing but the best for you since you moved and that’s how you treat me?” Ryan punched the side of his car hard, becoming furious.

“Ryan, will you just listen to me?” Brendon shouted at him.

“No. That’s all I ever do is listen to you complain about your perfect life. Your perfect family and your perfect grades and your perfect music. That’s all I hear! And I try so fucking hard to fit into your life and be your perfect friend, but obviously I’m not good enough if you’re going out kissing other guys.”

“Ryan, no stop it!” Brendon said looking up towards the night sky.

Ryan laughed wickedly. He threw his hands out with a sarcastic smile. “You know what? I’m tired of competing for you. Have a nice life, Brendon.” He got into his car and threw it into drive.

Brendon banged on the window. “Ryan! Ryan!” he screamed as the car began to move away from him, speeding up and out of the parking lot.

Brendon was alone. The November winds nipped at his ears. He sighed, defeated. All he could do was get in his car and drive home.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Brendon walked to school the next day, slipping out the door before anyone could ask questions. He cursed himself as he felt the forty degree winds slap his face, causing his cheeks to redden. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Ryan for one second since last night. He couldn’t believe Ryan had come to the store, after Brendon had battled that he never came to watch him play. Brendon was starting to realize a lot about himself that he never noticed.

The bell rang and school began. As Brendon walked through the halls, to his locker, he noticed something. Everyone was staring at him. He wasn’t just being paranoid either. When he walked through the halls, the students’ eyes glazed over and watched him until he was too close, then their gazes would fall to the ground.

He was beginning to feel uneasy in his skin. By the time he got to second period, he was seriously suspicious of what was going on. The bell rang and he sat down in his seat next to Spencer, “Can you tell me why everyone is staring at me today?”

“To be honest, I don’t even want to see your face right now,” Spencer didn’t turn his head, he just continued turning his pen in his hand.

Brendon felt like he’d been punched in the stomach, “Spence? What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Ryan?” Spencer glared at him.

Brendon’s heart began to race in his chest, “How do you know about that?”

Spencer looked disgusted, “Don’t give me that. The whole fucking school knows.”

Brendon prayed that he was dreaming, even though he was well aware he was awake. “How do they know?” He closed his eyes waiting for the answer.

“Everyone saw that little video that got posted on the internet. I wouldn’t have had a problem with it if you just told me. Why did you have to go behind my back, so that everyone knew I wasn’t in on your secret,” Spencer’s voice was growing angrier by the second. “I came home from work yesterday and my email was flooded with all these people commenting. Now we need one of these with you on drums, Spencer! Since when were your friends faggots? When are you gonna post your threesome video? I had no idea what they were talking about and I actually had to ask them for the link,” Spencer scoffed him. “Thanks a lot, Brendon.”

Brendon put his head in his hands. “What was the video, Spence?” his final question posed.

“Like you don’t know,” Spencer whispered with a scornful laugh.

“Just tell me, Spencer!” he whisper screamed. “Please. Please, tell me,” his voice became almost inaudible and he refused to look anywhere but the back of his eyelids.

Spencer sighed. Brendon could feel his breath in his ear. When he spoke it was in a quite undertone, “It was you, playing the piano, completely exposed for the world to see, with Ryan at your side, wearing only his boxers.”

Brendon couldn’t breathe or speak or cry. He sat there for a second, trembling. He felt Spencer’s hand on his shoulder. Apparently, Spencer was having a change of heart about being so cruel to him.

Brendon shook off the hand and stood up. He opened his eyes, grabbed his bag, and was out the classroom door. He sped down the empty hallways that had cleared after the bell had rung. He pushed open the doors and headed for his home.

He got home. His house was empty from the school and work that everyone else was attending. He logged onto his email. Spencer was right. He had over a hundred emails. He didn’t even know how people had got his address. He looked through the subjects. School’s New Butt Pirate. Synchronized Rhythms? Internet’s Next Sensation. Congratulations, Fag. Rejected America’s Got Talent Audition. He looked for one with the paper clip icon next to it. He clicked one, opening the window on YouTube.

It was him flicking the light on in the living room, revealing himself to the world. He sat down at the piano and began to play. Of course, it was Seven. Brendon felt the tears well in his eyes. He put his head down on the computer desk and let out a heavy sob. He raised his head and saw Ryan joining his on the bench. The song played dauntingly. Brendon wiped a mess of tears from his face. He shut the window and turned off the computer. He wiped out, face down, on the couch with his face covered by a throw pillow. He let everything spill out of him. The music that sickened him, the decisions that were the death him, the boy that had just betrayed him. They all were crashing down on him at once.

The doorbell rang. Brendon got up sneaking a look through the curtains. It was him. It was Ryan. He suddenly felt overcome by his rage. He pulled the door open, “What do you want?” His voice had a sharp bite to it.

Ryan was leaning against the porch, like he always did. His eyes were red and swollen, just as they were last night. No longer honey, they were a deep brown. They were cheerless and somber. They crushed Brendon’s heart into another smaller piece. Then, though, he remembered the malice that was exploding inside of him.

His voice began softly, “You know, Ryan, I knew you were mad at me, but I underestimated you. I never dreamed you would do something like this.”

Ryan eyes darted around, “What are you talking about?”

“I never thought, of all people, you would be immature enough to sneak into my room, steal my camera, and post that video. Tell me. How sweet is revenge?” Brendon snarled at him.

Ryan’s forehead creased, “You think that I posted the video?”

“Don’t play stupid, Ross, I know you posted that video,” Brendon pointed a finger in his face.

“I did not post it. Why would I post a video that not only outed you, but it also made my face part of the ‘gay’ community?” Ryan put finger quotes around gay.

“Maybe cause you weren’t the one playing that horrific song, naked?” Brendon yelled.

Ryan paused, “Is this what all that is about? Your stupid Seven piece?” he breathed out a sarcastic laugh. “Brendon Urie, you are impossible. You think that these songs that you play are framed around you life, but really your framing your life around them. How could you be so stupid to let a fucking piece of music control your life? God, I really can’t believe you. Go on, then. Go on living your faultless life. Just make sure you leave me out.”

Brendon’s anger was bubbling up inside of him, “Well… at least I don’t go around trying to please people all the time and become part of families I don’t belong, too.” Brendon didn’t understand how pathetic his argument was until he heard it come out his mouth.

Ryan looked at him in shock, “For your information, I don’t have a home life. I don’t have a family like yours that cherishes me and buys my gifts. My dad’s a fucking alcoholic who is abusive to me and my mom. That’s how I end up with marks like these.” Ryan lifted his shirt up revealing a yellow and green foot print across his milky, white ribcage. “Goddamn it. You are such a self-obsessed… asshole!” He let go of his shirt and reached out his fist, punching a white wooden column that held the roof of the porch up. It cracked nearly in half and Ryan didn’t show any pain on his face.

Brendon glanced at the ground. His voice turned to a low whisper, “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered. It’s all about you, Brendon,” Ryan smiled as tears began leaking down his face. “I don’t know why I came here. You weren’t worth the exercise.” Ryan turned around walking down the sidewalk to his own house.

Brendon was left. Guilty and heartbroken, knowing that Ryan was right about everything.