Virgin Lips
Virgin Lips
Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother with the relationship I have with Him. I am the only soul who knows about his sexuality, he's only halfway out of the closet, still un-sure. I respect that and try not to let it slip that we are together but it is just so hard to keep my hands off him.
I don't hang around him much at school, we never did before he kissed me in the boys' locker room back in year 9. We try to keep things as normal as we can, for his sake.
I still smile like an idiot when I see him at break, laughing and joking with his friends. I try to hang around the back of the school as much as I can just so I don't forget his face.
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away.
Sometimes he'll say a small hello, other times he'll snatch me away to the back building for a groping session. I savour those times, it's the only way I can atleast feel like he loves me. Together for 2 years and still no 'I Love You'.
I need you, I need you. More and more each day
As I walk around to the back building, lunchtime ritual nowadays, to the rusty swingset placed neatly 4 or 5 metres away from Him and his friends usual patch of grass. I sit down and the chains groan and squeak in their old age as I gently sway to and fro.
Here he comes now, his backpack slung over his shoulder and his short brown hair rustling in the Autumn breeze. I exhaled the breath I didn't know I'd been holding in as he got closer, causing a small smile to turn into a badly-hidden grin.
He sat down casualy and let his bag slide off his shoulder. His posture almost royalty as he bathed in the little bit of sunshine, his tanned skin soaking up the UV. He spotted me looking and winked, blowing a small kiss. I blushed, feeling wanted. I knew it was only his little game, one of many I play everyday.
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing.
I blew a kiss back shyly as his friends wandered over, all sitting around lazily and enjoying their break. One girl unfortunatly spotted my gesture and flipped me off, "Fuck off, Faggot! He's doesn't swing that way!"
I was taken aback by this oblivious young woman's actions and froze still as I felt my chest tear in two. He didn't even flinch at his friend's words or the fact that they were directed at me, he laughed. He fucking laughed.
I felt my eyes begin to sting, pricking with tears. I sighed and looked away, my breathing shakey. The others began to shoot taunts and laugh, him included. It was tearing my insides apart, making them thrash about. I roughly wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my denim jacket and left the swings, quickly walking away to the edge of the grounds. "Yeah you better run, Queer!"
Tell me, are you and me still together?
I slipped on the damp grass as I ran down the steep hill to the school's farest fence, the one with the rusted wire. The trees swayed as the wind picked up, the leaves rustling at it's force. I stumbled as I got to the foot of the slope, tears flowing freely down my cheeks, the cheeks he'd caressed so many times before.
It's not supposed to hurt this way.
I felt used, I felt broken, I felt dirty. Why did I ever think that he'd love me? The worthless whore he would kiss and grope. That's all I ever was, it's all I'll ever be. I felt the anger boil inside of my stomach as I clenched my fists, fingernails digging into my palms. I lunged at a tree, throwing punches at it's trunk again and again, yelling and screaming.
The harder I punched, the more raw my knuckles grew untill the skin snapped and blood started to trickle down my arm. I didn't stop, the pain was numbing anyway.
My senses cut out, I could hardly hear or see as I vented on the innocent tree, staining it's bark red. I didn't hear the sound of sticks snapping as someone walked across them, I didn't see Him come into view, I could hardly feel him pull me away from the tree or softly kiss my neck. "Shhh, It's only me."
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away.
I spun around to look him straight in the eye, shooting daggars in his direction. [Or should I say warheads.] "What's wrong?" he asks, stepping forward and reaching for my waist. I step back, not breaking our eye contact. I shook my head slowly as I hardened my glare, he just doesn't get it. "You tell me."
"Is this about...-" He gestures to the top of the hil, "-Oh, Baby. I didn't mean it, please don't be mad." My expression changes from anger to shock, "You actualy think I'm stupid enough to beleive your bullshit this time?"
Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
"Ry... I-" He looked taken aback, I knew it was fake, "What are you talking about? You know I did it so we wouldn't get busted." A sarcastic laugh escaped my lips as I started to pace back and forth, "You did a pretty good fucking job! Ever consider a career in Acting?"
"Ryan, you're scaring me..." He sad slowly, backing off, "Please stop, youu now what will happen if people found out I was with... y-you." I stumbled over his words.
"You should of thought of that before you kissed me then" I snapped, walking towards him, pressing my chest to his. "Should of thought about the consequences before pinning-" I pinned him against the blood-stained tree, "-me up against the lockers and softly..." I pressed my forehead to his, "kissing my virgin lips..."
I roughly crashed my mouth to his, groaning loudly as I pinned his hands above his head. I could hear Brendon's shallow breathing through his nose as I pressed harder and harder against soft lips. His muffled protests hardly audible untill I broke away and trailed softer kiss down his jawline to his collarbone.
"Ry-Ryan...I... Oh I'm sorry..." For once, I wasn't moaning like a whore. I smiled against his neck and trailed my tongue across the small bite marks I'd left. "You used to have this same-" I moved my work to his earlobe making Brendon moan loudly, "-On me, y'know?"
"Mhm..." his eyes fluttered shut behind his sleek, black rimmed glasses. I smirked at his response, quite proud of myself indeed. My lips left small kisses all the way down his neck once again untill I bit down hard on his shoulder. Brendon yelped and tryed to free his hands as I still had them pinned above his head. "Ah ah ah..." I smirked, "Don't like it very much do you?" Brendon shook his head quickly, his eyes glazed over. He was crying.
"This is what I've been feeling since that hot, Wednesday afternoon, Bren" I said, closing the gap between our lips once more. I softly ran my tongue across his lip and he parted, letting me in. It was strange having so much control. I explored him, tasting every inch for probably the last time. I broke away slowly and pressed my forehead to his, "Still Confused?" He remained silent.
So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel
I gave a small laugh, "Thought so." Brendon's now chapped lips quivvered as I let him loose, "Come back when you sort out your screwed up mind, ok?" With that I turned on my heel and left him standing limp against the bloodstained tree.
I don't hang around him much at school, we never did before he kissed me in the boys' locker room back in year 9. We try to keep things as normal as we can, for his sake.
I still smile like an idiot when I see him at break, laughing and joking with his friends. I try to hang around the back of the school as much as I can just so I don't forget his face.
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away.
Sometimes he'll say a small hello, other times he'll snatch me away to the back building for a groping session. I savour those times, it's the only way I can atleast feel like he loves me. Together for 2 years and still no 'I Love You'.
I need you, I need you. More and more each day
As I walk around to the back building, lunchtime ritual nowadays, to the rusty swingset placed neatly 4 or 5 metres away from Him and his friends usual patch of grass. I sit down and the chains groan and squeak in their old age as I gently sway to and fro.
Here he comes now, his backpack slung over his shoulder and his short brown hair rustling in the Autumn breeze. I exhaled the breath I didn't know I'd been holding in as he got closer, causing a small smile to turn into a badly-hidden grin.
He sat down casualy and let his bag slide off his shoulder. His posture almost royalty as he bathed in the little bit of sunshine, his tanned skin soaking up the UV. He spotted me looking and winked, blowing a small kiss. I blushed, feeling wanted. I knew it was only his little game, one of many I play everyday.
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing.
I blew a kiss back shyly as his friends wandered over, all sitting around lazily and enjoying their break. One girl unfortunatly spotted my gesture and flipped me off, "Fuck off, Faggot! He's doesn't swing that way!"
I was taken aback by this oblivious young woman's actions and froze still as I felt my chest tear in two. He didn't even flinch at his friend's words or the fact that they were directed at me, he laughed. He fucking laughed.
I felt my eyes begin to sting, pricking with tears. I sighed and looked away, my breathing shakey. The others began to shoot taunts and laugh, him included. It was tearing my insides apart, making them thrash about. I roughly wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my denim jacket and left the swings, quickly walking away to the edge of the grounds. "Yeah you better run, Queer!"
Tell me, are you and me still together?
I slipped on the damp grass as I ran down the steep hill to the school's farest fence, the one with the rusted wire. The trees swayed as the wind picked up, the leaves rustling at it's force. I stumbled as I got to the foot of the slope, tears flowing freely down my cheeks, the cheeks he'd caressed so many times before.
It's not supposed to hurt this way.
I felt used, I felt broken, I felt dirty. Why did I ever think that he'd love me? The worthless whore he would kiss and grope. That's all I ever was, it's all I'll ever be. I felt the anger boil inside of my stomach as I clenched my fists, fingernails digging into my palms. I lunged at a tree, throwing punches at it's trunk again and again, yelling and screaming.
The harder I punched, the more raw my knuckles grew untill the skin snapped and blood started to trickle down my arm. I didn't stop, the pain was numbing anyway.
My senses cut out, I could hardly hear or see as I vented on the innocent tree, staining it's bark red. I didn't hear the sound of sticks snapping as someone walked across them, I didn't see Him come into view, I could hardly feel him pull me away from the tree or softly kiss my neck. "Shhh, It's only me."
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away.
I spun around to look him straight in the eye, shooting daggars in his direction. [Or should I say warheads.] "What's wrong?" he asks, stepping forward and reaching for my waist. I step back, not breaking our eye contact. I shook my head slowly as I hardened my glare, he just doesn't get it. "You tell me."
"Is this about...-" He gestures to the top of the hil, "-Oh, Baby. I didn't mean it, please don't be mad." My expression changes from anger to shock, "You actualy think I'm stupid enough to beleive your bullshit this time?"
Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
"Ry... I-" He looked taken aback, I knew it was fake, "What are you talking about? You know I did it so we wouldn't get busted." A sarcastic laugh escaped my lips as I started to pace back and forth, "You did a pretty good fucking job! Ever consider a career in Acting?"
"Ryan, you're scaring me..." He sad slowly, backing off, "Please stop, youu now what will happen if people found out I was with... y-you." I stumbled over his words.
"You should of thought of that before you kissed me then" I snapped, walking towards him, pressing my chest to his. "Should of thought about the consequences before pinning-" I pinned him against the blood-stained tree, "-me up against the lockers and softly..." I pressed my forehead to his, "kissing my virgin lips..."
I roughly crashed my mouth to his, groaning loudly as I pinned his hands above his head. I could hear Brendon's shallow breathing through his nose as I pressed harder and harder against soft lips. His muffled protests hardly audible untill I broke away and trailed softer kiss down his jawline to his collarbone.
"Ry-Ryan...I... Oh I'm sorry..." For once, I wasn't moaning like a whore. I smiled against his neck and trailed my tongue across the small bite marks I'd left. "You used to have this same-" I moved my work to his earlobe making Brendon moan loudly, "-On me, y'know?"
"Mhm..." his eyes fluttered shut behind his sleek, black rimmed glasses. I smirked at his response, quite proud of myself indeed. My lips left small kisses all the way down his neck once again untill I bit down hard on his shoulder. Brendon yelped and tryed to free his hands as I still had them pinned above his head. "Ah ah ah..." I smirked, "Don't like it very much do you?" Brendon shook his head quickly, his eyes glazed over. He was crying.
"This is what I've been feeling since that hot, Wednesday afternoon, Bren" I said, closing the gap between our lips once more. I softly ran my tongue across his lip and he parted, letting me in. It was strange having so much control. I explored him, tasting every inch for probably the last time. I broke away slowly and pressed my forehead to his, "Still Confused?" He remained silent.
So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel
I gave a small laugh, "Thought so." Brendon's now chapped lips quivvered as I let him loose, "Come back when you sort out your screwed up mind, ok?" With that I turned on my heel and left him standing limp against the bloodstained tree.