Forget Me, Not

“Are you sure you don’t know anything?” I asked Ray.

“Yeah. You used to be best friends, you started fighting, that’s all I know.” He sat next to me on the bed.
“I… I have this feeling about him. I’m not sure what it is. He used to call me doll didn’t he?” I asked.

“Yeah. Doll face too. He stopped thought.” He said. “Have you talked to him? Maybe if you ask him what happened? He should know.”
“I already did. He can only say I’m a selfish bastard, an asshole and a man whore. And the worst is that I can’t say I’m not because, well, I have no idea!” I told him.

“If I know him, he’ll end up telling you and giving up of the wall he created. He has done it so many times before, with his brother, his friends, his girlfriends, he did it with Lindsey. She asked for a divorce and he just… I don’t know what went through his mind. He didn’t cry, he didn’t shout or scream or anything, he just said okay and left. He had his brother talking to her about the divorce. We never knew what really happened, the reason behind the divorce. He never talked to her again. He does it when he’s mad. He builds a wall, you know? He has been different since your friendship ended. Then when you fell, he looked more bipolar than anything else. He was happy, then sad, then mad, then he would cry, say he wanted you back and then he would say he didn’t miss you. We even thought he was on drugs again. But-”
“Wait? Again?”

“Yeah. He used to do drugs, before his grandmother death. He gave up for her, he needed a lot of help but he stopped. He used to drink too, he stopped too, you… You helped him a lot with that. You would always be there for him. Once he woke you up at three a.m. when his girlfriend broke up with him. He told us the first thing you did was hug him and say you were proud he asked for help instead of giving up to drugs. He was so proud of his best friend; He used to show you off…” He chuckled. “And you did the same, it wasn’t a secret he was on drugs and you used to always say he was a strong person and that he stopped without medics or rehab.” He sighed. “I don’t know what happened to you.”

“I need to have him forgiving me! I have this feeling like something’s missing, and I think it is him.” I said sighing too. “I think I used to love him…” I confessed.

“I know. It was pretty obvious, but then… Then Jamia came along and you just… You stopped loving him. When you started dating her he stopped calling you doll when you broke up the fights started…I’m not much of a help. Keep trying to talk to Gerard.”

“I will.” I promised and he left. I lied down on the bed.

He wasn’t much of an help. I’ve talked to everyone, and no one told me anything. I guess I’ll just keep trying with Bob and Gerard, because I’m sure they know more than the others.