Forget Me, Not

“This is the worse part.” He advised.
“I need to know.” He nodded and started.

“While you and her dated we were okay, then she started talking about marriage. You got scared because you didn’t want to be with her forever. You talked to me and you said you would break up with her and assume everything with me, it took you a while, but you broke up with her, thought you didn’t assumed it with me. I told myself you needed time but you started denying me, I felt like you wanted her back, you said you didn’t, but I knew you had something going on. I kept pressuring you to tell the others and you started getting mad, you told me you needed time. It was okay with me… I felt bad sometimes, like you didn’t want me anymore so I talked to you. You got mad and stormed off. You came back later drunk out of your mind…” He sobbed.

“You don’t need to keep going…” I said looking for his hand and holding it in mine. He took his hand away and sat more far away form me.
“You screamed at me. Told me I wasn’t good enough. I took it. The next day you didn’t remembered anything, I kept it that way. But you kept drinking and you started remembering what you did. You apologized and I took it. It was okay unti-il one n-nigh-t.” He stopped and let out another sob. I was afraid of knowing what I had done. That might be the reason why he was so afraid of me when I was mad, the reason Bob didn’t want me to go see him like that.

“What have I done?” I asked, but I had a feeling I didn’t want to know.
“You h-hi-t me.” He sobbed. I wanted to hug him but I was afraid I would scare him. “You slapped me when you were drunk. You apologized and guess what? I forgave you.”
“You shouldn’t have.” I said. I had hidden my face in my hands. This was too bad.
“It got worse. You started beating me up, and soon you weren’t even drunk when you did it, or maybe you were. I couldn’t tell the difference.” He shook his head. “I ended up leaving you. I didn’t tell anyone except Bob. I said I was going to pass sometime with him, I did and I had to tell him. He was mad for some time, but you stopped, and you tried to apologize… He ended up forgiving you, but I didn’t.” He finished letting the tears fall.
“Is it okay if I hug you?” I asked. He nodded. I awkwardly wrapped my arms around him.
“I’m so sorry. I know it doesn’t even starts to cut it but-”

Leave me alone!” I slurred.
“Wait you can’t go out like that! You can-” I slapped him, hard enough to make him fall.
“You’re. No. One. To. Tell. Me. What. I. can. Or. Can’t. Do!” I said kicking him with each word. “You’re not even good enough for me! I shouldn’t waste my time with you! You’re a useless whore!” I screamed and left, but not before kicking him again.

I was crying.
He didn’t deserve that. I was a monster.
I didn’t notice but I was sitting in the other end of the bed, far away from Gerard.

“What?” He asked.
“I’m a monster.” I said.
“You remembered…” He said. I nodded. “I don’t want to remember anything else! I don’t want to know what else I did.” I said shaking my head. He hugged me close. I tried to get away but I couldn’t.
“It’s okay… You’re not a monster anymore. You’re changed. You don’t drink anymore. You’re my doll. My doll face.”
“You need to help me. I don’t want to be back to what I was.”
“You won’t doll. It’s okay.”
“No it’s not! I hurt you, not only physically but mentally!” I said trying to get away. This time succeeding.
I got out of his room. Bob was passing by; when he saw me he walked into the room. I could still hear Gerard say:
“He needs time.”