Who Can Really Blame You?

I step out into the sunlight, and squint to protect my eyes. Today is calm and warm. It’s one of those perfect days, where you hear the leaves moving around above your head in a breeze and it makes you breathe in deep and feel alive. It makes you want to ride a bike, or at the least be outside.

But, today is one of those days where I have to ride that bike and feel alive, and I would, had it not been for the fact that I have to go to school. Just two more weeks until summer, I remind myself as I step off of the curb and onto the road towards my bus stop.

Ah, high school, how you’ve wronged me so. Odd how we’ll all look back on it and think that it was either heaven or hell. There is no in between in High School, just as there’s no in between in Heaven or Hell. Sadly, it’s impossible to not believe in high school like you can just not believe when it comes to heaven or hell. I believe in high school, but I don’t know if I believe a word any of them are saying to me.

Learn this, learn that. Don’t do as you please. Work in the machine so that it runs smoothly. You’re a necessary part of society, so stop screwing around. We have obligations, maybe when you grow up you’ll start caring about those obligations. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Honestly, people. I’m a child. I am not the reincarnation of Sir Isaac Newton, or Shakespeare. I am an American teenager, which means one thing: I don’t care about this crap. I care about the big picture. High School is not the big picture.
You know what is? The Sistine chapel. That shit is huge.

I trip in the middle of the cafeteria. My flaming face is not as grateful that I didn’t fall as I am.

“Ainsley Jacobs, honestly, you have zero skills at life.”
Nice. My friends are just so nice to me. I look over my shoulder to see Talia walking towards me, from the other end of the cafeteria, the epitome of childhood obesity. My expression changes at my mental image.

“Nice face, darling,” she snorts, pushing my face to the side. Tayler walks up behind her, and I perform the customary head nod.

“Thanks, Talia. Somehow, it means a lot more coming from you,” I say sarcastically. She ruffles my brown hair and smiles at me good naturedly. I smack her hand away despite her smile. She makes a face and hmphs before turning away to talk to Tayler, her twin.
Tayler smiles at me for pissing off his sister.

“You smile for him? Fine!” Talia says loudly, before pushing her brother’s face over. He makes a whining noise, as she stomps away.

“Is she pmsing?” I ask, glancing at him. He smiles and nods.

“I live with her, so I know she is.” He says. I roll my eyes, but bust out laughing a moment later.

“You keep a period schedule for your sister?” I ask, wiping at my eyes. He turns red.

“No! I can just tell!” he exclaims. I raise my eyebrows at him, and he knows I was just joking, but that I’m acting like I think he’s lying to me. We’re just that tuned into each other’s vibes. I’m suddenly tackled from the side, and all I see before impact is a blur of brown hair.

“Hadley, you almost killed me,” I say as she hugs me.

“Sorry, babe,” she smiles at me, and slings an arm around my shoulders.

“You’re in a good mood. Any reason?” I ask suspiciously. Hadley has a crush on a girl, Mae, so I’m guessing that they got along well today. Hadley has turned an incriminating red color.

“Yes, but I’ll just have to tell you later,” she smiles, and shoots off again, yelling out someone’s name and tackling them.

“At least they got a warning,” Tayler muses. I nod, and smile. He pokes my arm subtly and nods his head away from me. I look, and punch him in the arm. He’s just directed my gaze over to a junior- a gorgeous junior at that. He catches me staring and I look away. “Be brave, go talk to him. You didn’t talk to him at all last year either.” Tayler eggs me on.

“No way, he’ll get a girlfriend, and I’ll just die alone,” I state dramatically. Tayler sighs.

“You seriously came out just to stare at boys and not do anything to get them? You’re a major lamer, kid,” Tayler says. I glare at him.

“Don’t call me kid. You’re seven months younger than me.” I huff, and cross my arms. He stands, and rests his hands on my shoulders. I look up at him.

“Yes, and you’re seven inches shorter than me,” he says, before leaving me alone in the middle of the crowded cafeteria. I glare at his back until Hadley comes back, and gushes about Mae. They’d be cute together. I tell her that.

“You know what, Ains? I think I’m going to find you a boyfriend before you find me a girlfriend. Besides, you’re actually worth someone’s time, no offense to me.” Hadley states. I raise an eyebrow at her. “Shut up,” she giggles and shoves me from my seat. I make a sound halfway between a scream and halfway between a laugh.

“Ooh, your beautiful older man is looking. Make a sexual gesture,” she suggests. I nearly choke on air.

“You do it,” I dare jokingly, and shove her from her seat when she does.

I climb off the bus, and appear back in direct sunlight. I sigh, and move towards my house.

It is a big house, mostly full of my mom’s old furniture, mostly broken from when my dad gets drunk. He can’t seem to get rid of the stuff, even though she’s been gone for nearly eight years now. He’s an alcoholic, but he won’t admit it’s serious. I don’t hold it against him, but still it’s sad that he is. He gets sick a lot, and sometimes he forgets who I am, and hits me, but I don’t blame him. He’s not himself when he drinks.

I really wish I didn’t make excuses for him.

I enter the house, the curtains are all pulled and it’s dark inside. I don’t even think to hit the lights, I just continue up the steps to my room and brighten my room with a flick of a switch.

“You home, buddy?” my dad calls out.

“Yeah, I’m in my room,” I respond through the walls. The door opens and my dad appears.

“I have to go to the doctors, so I’ll have to see you later tonight, okay? Have over the twins if you want and get some pizza,” he offers. I nod, smile, and watch him exit the room.
By ‘the doctors’ he means his AA meeting, which he’ll get drunk after and show up some time tomorrow after staying the night in a hotel or a park. Who knows?

I pick up my phone after I hear him pull out of the driveway and call Tayler and Talia.

“Hey,” I say after their mom answers the phone, “Are the twins there? It’s Ainsley.”

“Darling, you just missed them,” she says, “how about you call their phone?”

“Okay, thanks though.” I say, “Oh and if they come home, tell them I called?” She agrees and we hang up, and I immediately dial their shared cell phone.

“Ainsley, if this is you calling, sorry!” I hear Talia call across the voice-mail, “But me and Tayler are off to find you a butt buddy!”

It beeps shortly after, and I breathe heavily into the phone.

“I was going to invite you for pizza and a movie…. But I’m not so sure now.”

“Hello?” Tayler asks into the phone. I sigh.

“Ya’ll are finding me a butt buddy?!” I exclaim, angry and embarrassed.

“No, she was kidding.” He says, “We’re finding you a boyfriend. Meet us downtown at the Art Cove.”

“No,” I say, “My dad left. I can’t just go off gallivanting with you two.”

“Gallivanting? And not like he’d notice,” Tayler says, “Just come on, we’ll have fun.”

I sigh and agree reluctantly before hanging up and changing into something more Art Cove and less “I’m a sophomore in high school.”