Who Can Really Blame You?

I sign out when Bernard gets to the store, and head back to the front of the store to introduce myself.

“Hi,” I say. Bernard turns and looks down at me through glasses that are very similar to Nick’s but kind of ugly.

“Hello,” he says, “Who are you?”

“Ainsley,” I reply, “I work here.”

“Oh,” he says slowly, “I’m Bernard.”

I nod.

“I’m going to go now,” he says slowly, before sauntering to the back room. When the door closes I turn to Nick and bust out laughing. He smiles at me from where he’s sitting on the floor, putting CDs in order.

“I told you,” he says.

“I’m going now,” I say, opening the door and my phone all at once, “Good luck.”

He thanks me and the door closes. I put the phone to my ear, as the phone rings for Carter’s cell.

“Hey, Ains,” he says answering.

“Hi,” I say, “I’m finished. Where are you guys?”

“Where else?” he sighs.

“The market?” I ask.

“Yes,” he tells me, “the twins are always hungry. I don’t know where they put it.”

“Well, most goes in their mouths, but they do miss occasionally,” I say. Carter laughs.

“You want me to come get you?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I reply.

“Alright, I’ll come get you and we’ll come back here for these hungry hippos,” he decides.

“Fine by me,” I say, and then we hang up.

I’m sitting on the curb waiting for Carter when someone sits down next to me. I turn and smile at Nick.

“Sup?” I ask him.

“Bernard insisted I go home,” he laughs, “He thinks he has the store under control.”

“Well that’s nice of him,” I say.

“No it’s not,” he says, “He said it like I’m freaking useless or something. It was ridiculous.”

I smile. “How old are you?” I ask him.

“Eighteen,” he replies. I nod.

“Most eighteen year olds curse,” I point out.

“I’m not most eighteen year olds,” he says. I nod. “How old are you?” he asks.

“Sixteen,” I reply.

“Sixteen sucked,” he sighs, resting his elbows on his knees, and his chin in his hands.

“It’s not perfect,” I admit, “But it’s supposed to be my glory years or some shit.”

He nods.

“Do you have a way home?” I ask.

“I live two blocks down,” he shrugs.

“Why are you sitting here then?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” he says, “I just sat down.”

“Oh,” I nod, “Makes sense, in a weird way.”

“So, how much do you hate Bernard?” he asks me.

“I don’t hate him,” I say, “Yet.”

“Isn’t he intolerable?” he asks me. I nod. “I’m glad he made me leave. I don’t care about the money anyways. I just can’t stand to be near him.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, seeing Carter’s car pull up.

“For my hatefulness?” he asks.

“Yes,” I reply, smiling, “My ride’s here. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” he says as I stand and Carter pulls up.

I open the door, get in, and say bye to Nick again before Carter pulls away.

“So you and him get along well,” he says. I shrug.

“He kind of creeped me out, but he’s just shy,” I say. Carter nods.

My phone rings in my pocket. I pull it out and answer.

“Hello?” I ask.

“Where are you?” my dad asks, drunk. I sigh.

“I just got off work,” I say.

“Work?” he asks, “You left.”

“I went to school, and then I went to work, and now I’m hanging out with my friends.” I tell him, looking away from Carter. We pull up in front of the market, where Talia is bouncing on the sidewalk, and Dan has joined the ranks.

Carter looks at me concerned.

“I need to speak to you about your behavior when you get home,” he growls, and hangs up. I close my phone and keep looking out the window as everyone climbs in the car.

Tayler sits on Talia, Max sits on Hadley and Dan climbs in.

“I’m pretty sure this is illegal,” Carter says, but pulls off anyways.

When we get to Carter’s house, everyone falls out of the car, except Dan, Carter and me. I look at the pile of my friends, smiling, and then head up the walkway, leaving them to untangle themselves.

“Get off my leg, fatties!” Talia yells.

Carter smiles at me, and I laugh.

“Have you and Dan met?” I ask Carter.

“Actually no,” he says, “You were really quiet in the car.” Dan nods.

“Dan’s been on a vow of silence for five months,” I tell Carter, who looks momentarily
stunned.

“Wow,” he says, “That’s cool. Why?”

Dan pulls out his notepad, and writes something down.

“A bet?” Carter asks.

“Really?” I ask. Dan nods. “How long until you can talk, and what do you win?”

He writes down one more month and a car from my parents.

I bust out laughing.

“Your parents made the bet with you?” I ask, trying not to laugh too hard. We go inside. Dan nods, and shrugs, smiling.

Talia bursts through the door, panting, with her hair messed up. I fix it for her.

“Thanks,” she says.

“Was it really that hard to get out?” I ask. She nods, and falls on Carter’s couch.

“Yeah!” Tayler says from the door, “Max and Hadley are still back there trying to get out.”

“No we’re not,” Hadley says in the doorway, with Max behind her. Hadley shoves Tayler inside, and comes in.

“Did your mom buy food?” Talia asks.

“You just ate,” Carter says.

“I didn’t eat fruit roll ups,” she says. Carter sighs, and motions to the kitchen. Talia gets up and bounds into the kitchen, Tayler close on her heels.

Carter rolls his eyes and sits down. I sit down, thankful that the welts on my back went down and now are just bruises, which I can’t feel on the couch.

“That Nick guy was cute,” Hadley says suddenly.

I shrug, “I guess so.”

“You know so,” Max sighs, laying on the floor.

“I mean, yeah,” I say, uncomfortable, “But I don’t really obsess over it.”

“I do,” Hadley says, “I’m constantly surrounded by pretty boys I can’t have. They’re all gay or taken.” She smiles at me, and I turn red.

“Shut up,” I tell her throwing a pillow at her face.

“What?” she asks, “I am. You guys are hot, and it’s just not fair.”

“Tayler’s not gay or taken,” Max points out.

“That’s Tayler,” she says, “Ew.”

“That hurt,” he says, entering the room. I laugh.

“I’m just keeping it real,” she says. He shrugs, and shoves some more fruit roll up into his mouth.

“Tally,” Hadley says when Talia enters the room, “Wasn’t Nick hot?”

“Hells yeah,” she says, “but he’s gay.”

“How do you know?” I ask her.

“Mannerisms,” she says, “I hang out with you. My gaydar is superb.”

“Shut up,” I say, “not like I’m a flamer.”

“Duh, Jacobs,” she says, “You don’t need gaydar for flamers. It’s obvious, but I can tell with your kind.”

“What kind am I?” I ask, crossing my arms.

“The kind that you think might be, but you don’t know, and there’s such a strong chance that they’re just metro that you never ask,” she says. I bust out laughing.

“New topic,” Hadley says suddenly.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Talia asks, “I gotta pee.”

“Nice,” Carter says, “It’s the door in the hall that’s open.”

She gets up, telling me to hold her half-eaten fruit roll up and bounds down the hall. I look at the chewed up mess in my hands.

“Ew,” I say, dumping it onto the wrapper, “I have to wash my hands.”

I go wash my hands in the kitchen, and when I get back, Talia’s laying on Carter, who looks slightly scared.

“Talia?” I ask.

“Shh,” she whispers, “I’m sleeping.”

“Help,” Carter whispers. I laugh, and go sit on Talia’s back.

“Pile on Carter!” Hadley exclaims, sitting on Talia with me. Tayler shrugs, and stays seated, but Max gets up, and sits on Talia’s ass.

“I can’t breathe!” Carter exclaims, flailing his arms.

“Is he speaking English?” Hadley asks me.

“Definitely not,” Max says. I smile.

“He’s saying get off, fatties!” Talia says, trying to knock us off, “Help me brother!”

“Oh my god,” Tayler says, “Long live Mufasa.”

I bust out laughing.

“That was so sad,” Hadley remarks.

“What’s sad is my crushed ribcage,” Carter splutters, “Get off!”

“All you had to do was speak English,” Hadley says, sliding off, and helping me off. Talia knocks Max off. He groans from the floor, rubbing his neck. Carter knocks Talia off, and she falls on Max, who yelps. I help her up, and laugh at Carter, whose hair is a mess and his face is flushed. He’s still pretty.

I look away when I think that, and help Max up.

“You okay?’ I ask him.

“Yes,” he pouts. I smile, and pat his head.

“You’re fine,” I tell him, before sitting down next to Carter again, who’s trying to fix his hair. I reach up and fix it for him. He gives me a smile, and then demands the remote from whoever is hiding it.

“What are we watching?” I ask him.

“Scary movie,” he tells me.

“Uh oh,” Talia says, sitting next to me, “Boo!”

I jump and she laughs.

“I hate scary movies,” I say quietly.

“We’re just going to make fun of it,” Carter says, hitting play on the menu, “Trust me, they’re not scary if you just talk about how stupid everyone looks. My mom and me do it all the time.”

“Lovely,” I say, and focus on the screen. Tayler turns out the lights, making me glare at him.

I jump when the monster appears but bust out laughing when Carter makes a remark about the shape of it’s nose.

“It does look like a dick,” I giggle, covering my mouth.

“Ainsley, you’re giggling,” Talia says. I scowl at her.

A small scream escapes me when the first person is killed, and I bury my face in Talia’s shoulder. Carter laughs at me. “Get off me, Ains!” she whines, pushing my head away from her.

“But I’m scared, Tally,” I pout.

“I don’t care. Hide in a pillow,” she mutters. Hadley throws a pillow at me, which hits me in the face. I grab it, and hide in it when the next person dies.

When the movie’s at it’s climax, the door opens and I scream. Someone else screams too.

“Oh my god,” Carter’s mom says, clutching at her chest. Carter busts out laughing. Talia only manages a giggle, along with Hadley, while no one else makes a sound. I think they were asleep until I screamed.

“I’m sorry!” I say sheepishly, “you scared me!”

“Why are the lights off?” she asks, then sees what we’re watching, “Oh.”

Just then, the monster kills the main character, which I’m not prepared for. I scream again.

“Oh my god!” Carter says, laughing harder. I feel my face go red. Someone turns the lights on and I keep my face hidden. Carter’s arm goes around me, making my face’s color deeper. “You can come out now,” he says, “The bad thing is gone.”

“Shut up,” I mumble into the pillow.

“You scream like a girl, Ains,” Tayler yawns. I lift my face enough to glare at him.

“What time is it?” Talia asks.

“Nearly ten,” Carter says, standing, and taking his arms from my shoulder, “Come on, I’ll ride everyone home.”

Everyone gets up, and we head to Carter’s car. I climb in the front seat, and everyone sits in the back, Max on Hadley, the twins stacked, and Dan sitting alone.

“Why do you always get the front?” Talia mumbles as Tayler sits on her.

“I get here first,” I shrug as Carter climbs into the driver’s seat. When everyone’s seated, he starts the car.

“Where do you live Dan?” he asks him. Dan passes him a note; downtown. Drop me at the bus stop? “Okay,” Carter shrugs, “If that’s what you want.”

Dan nods, so we drive to the bus stop, and let him get out. Max takes his seat, making Hadley sigh in relief. We all say bye, and head off, dropping off Max next, and then Hadley. We go into the twins’ neighborhood, and they ask Carter to drop them off at their street so they have an excuse for being late.

When it’s just Carter and me in the car we fall silent.

“Sorry I laughed at you,” he tells me. I smile. He’s just so nice.

“It’s fine,” I reply, letting my arm hang out the open window.

“I still felt bad,” he replies, turning onto my road, “Will your dad be mad you’re late?”

“I hope not,” I say, “He’s probably passed out anyways.”

Carter doesn’t say anything, and pulls up to my house. I turn to say goodbye, and he’s staring straight ahead.

“Carter?” I ask. He looks at me.

“Oh,” he says, “Goodnight.”

I hesitate. “Goodnight.”

I watch him drive off, and then go inside.

“Ainsley,” My dad says, “Come here.”

I hesitate, and consider running to my room and locking the door, but an image of him breaking my lock worries me a bit more than him hitting me. I go to the kitchen, and stand in front of him.

“Where have you been?” he asks.

“Carter’s house,” I reply.

“Who the hell is Carter?” he asks me.

“My friend…” I say.

He glares at me.

“You’re lying,” he says.

“I’m not,” I say, looking him in the eye, hoping to convince him.

“We need to talk,” he tells me, and looks at the chair on the other side of the table. I hesitate before sitting down.

“Yes?” I ask him, wringing my hands.

He lays his belt on the table.

“Where the hell were you today?” he asks, looking at me. He’s drunk. I frown.

“School, then Consequence X, and then Carter’s house,” I reply.

“What the hell are you doing at that store? Telling Hank lies about me?” he demands.

“No,” I say, “I don’t say anything about you.”

“Stop lying to me,” he growls.

“I’m not lying!” I exclaim. He glares at me. “And I’m not like mom! I’m not trying to leave. I’ve been lying to Hank constantly so that I stay here, with you. I’m not trying to get you into trouble.”

He looks at me, and then he stands. He wobbles slightly but still comes to my side of the table and makes me stand. He holds my arms, and hits me across my chest with the belt.

“Stop!” I exclaim, trying to kick at him. He hits me again, and I scream.

“Stop it!” I say again. He swings again, feebler this time, but I still wince.

“Stop lyin’ to me,” he slurs, swinging again, and losing his balance. He falls to the floor, and closes his eyes. I cover my face, still standing there, and don’t move until I hear his snores. I take the belt from his hand and take it to my room, where I cut it into tiny pieces. Hundreds of tiny little pieces.