Who Can Really Blame You?

“You okay?” Talia asks me when I meet them in the market. I shrug.

“He’s pissed off,” I say, letting the topic die. She nods as Tayler rounds the corner with Dan, after having gone to get me some vegetarian candy. I smile as I take it from them.

“I love you,” I say to Tayler.

“Whatever, you’re paying for it,” he shrugs. I pull out my phone as it rings.

“Hello?” I ask into the receiver.

“Hey, Ainsley. Can I stay over with you tonight?” Hadley asks me. I can hear that she’s upset.

“Yeah, my dad’s… not in. What’s wrong?” I ask her.

“Oh, nothing. I’ll talk to you when I get to your house?” she asks, sniffling.

“Okay, I’m out right now, but I can be home in twenty minutes if you want.” I say. If it’s important, she’ll say yes, if not then she’ll let me take my time.

“Whenever you can,” she says, “I’ll be there in half an hour. I’m walking.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in twenty,” I say, glancing at the twins and Dan, before hanging up. “Hadley,” I explain, “I think something’s wrong.”

“Then go help her out,” Talia says, sincerely.

“You guys don’t care? It’s really okay?” I ask, worriedly as we get in the line. I pull out my wallet and hand the cashier some money.

“Yes, as long as you don’t fall for that face of hers and lose your virginity to her. Save yourself. You’ll eventually find a boy to bang,” Talia says. I turn to glare at her when I see who’s in line behind them. I turn back around quickly. I hear everyone’s clothes ruffle, people turning, and then Talia busts out laughing. I take my candy and my change and head off.

“Oh my god, that was beautiful!” Tayler laughs when they catch up with me. I glare at them.

“Oh no, the almighty Ainsley Jacobs is angered!” Talia warns. I stop walking and turn on them.

“That was humiliating! Could you guys just shut up about me finding someone to fuck? I don’t want anyone,” I huff, and turn to head to the bus stop.

“Why not?” Tayler asks incredulously, but Talia speaks over him.

“I’m sorry, Ainsley,” Talia says, putting her arm around me. I shrug it off. “Hey, don’t be like that. I couldn’t help it, okay? Some guy you’ve liked since ever is right there and it just made me laugh, okay? I’m sorry,” she says. I glance around to make sure he isn’t there.

“It’s fine,” I say, stopping at the bus stop. I flop down on the bench. “Today was just suckey is all.”

“I know,” Tayler says sitting next to me. Talia joins me on the other side, with Dan sitting next to her. She grabs his hand and mine. “I’m not holding your hand, sorry,” Tayler tells me, making me smile.

“Understandable,” I say, freeing my hand from Talia to grab my bus card. She doesn’t seem to mind and just keeps a hold of Dan’s hand. “Okay, this is my bus. I’ll see you guys tomorrow, okay?” I ask as a bus pulls up.

“Yeah, see you,” both the twins say, and Dan waves. I climb on the bus, show the driver my card, and take a seat, with a good view of a group of trannies chilling on the street corner.

“Hey,” I say to Hadley as I reach my lawn. It’s a ten minute walk from the bus stop, and I know I’m five minutes late. “I’m sorry I’m late, the bus took forever,” I say, unlocking my front door to let her in. I glance at her face, and bite my lip. She enters the house, and I move to the steps.

“Ainsley?” she asks me. I look down the steps at her, and follow her eyes. I feel my stomach turn.

“Sorry,” I say rushing down the steps to grab my dad from the kitchen, where he’s staring at her. “Dad, Hadley’s staying over, okay?” I ask, giving her a look that makes her go to my room, upstairs on the left.

“I never agreed to that,” he slurs. I stare at him, and sigh.

“She needs me dad,” I mumble, looking at my shoes.

“No one needs you,” he says, making me look up at him, glaring. He doesn’t seem to notice and continues to mix himself a drink.

“She… She’s staying over. I think you should go to sleep, or something,” I say quietly, moving to leave the room.

“I never said she could stay here,” he growls, pulling me by the arm to him. I stare at the distance between our shoes, refusing to look up. He tightens his hold on my arm slowly until it feels numb.

“L-let go,” I say finally. He twists my arm cruelly, “Dad, let me go!”

“She leaves,” he says.

“No,” I reply, tearing my arm away.

“You will respect me!” he says hoarsely, taking hold of my chin, “After tha’ phone call you wanna have friends over?!”

“Let me go,” I say, looking up at him, glaring. He pushes me away, making me stumble and fall. I hit a chair on the way down, and gasp at the pain in my side. He stands over me, looking down at me. He doesn’t see me. I think. He’s seeing someone else. He’s not seeing his son’s face. He’s seeing someone he doesn’t know. It’s not me.

But it’s still me grabbing my face and my stomach after a few kicks. It’s still me, stumbling to my room and telling Hadley she can’t stay here tonight. I don’t want him to hurt her.

“It’s fine. I can find somewhere else to stay,” she says, holding toilet paper to my nose as it bleeds, “But I want you to come with me. Just tonight, Ainsley?”

“He’ll get angry with me,” I mumble through the toilet paper held to my face. I look up when she doesn’t answer and see her eyes widen. She reaches out and touches my left eye gently.

“You have a black eye,” she says, her eyes welling up, “Please come with me Ainsley. I would hate myself if you were here tonight.”

I sigh and stare out the window. The sun’s still out, probably only about six at night.

“Alright,” I say finally, “But you can’t tell anyone what happened.”

She looks torn at the compromise.

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone,” she says finally, “Grab some clothes and your stuff for tomorrow. I’ll ask… well I’ll ask someone.”

“I can get us a place from the twins,” I offer, “They have a guest room we can share.”

“Okay,” she agrees, pulling the toilet paper away from my face, “It stopped bleeding.”

I smile, and get up to see the damage. I wince at my blackening eye, and then at the dried blood around my nose.

“You know you don’t deserve it, right?” she asks.

“Yes,” I assure her, before rubbing some water on the blood and washing it down the sink. I pull out my phone after the blood’s gone and dial the twin’s house number.

“Hey boy!” Talia calls out over the phone.

“Hey. Talia, do you think me and Hadley could stay over? My dad said she couldn’t stay because she’s a girl,” I said, opening a drawer in the bathroom cabinet and pulling out cover-up. I nod as she talks, mostly nonsense, and then a yes. I nod to Hadley, thank Talia, tell her we’ll be there in a few minutes, and then hang up. I dab the cover-up on my bruise and rub it in. It hurts to touch, but I’m hoping it won’t be as noticeable.

“Does this happen a lot?” Hadley asks me.

“No,” I lie, and when she eyes my foundation suspiciously I sigh. “I had bad acne last year, and I just thought it might work, okay? I don’t want them to worry.”

“Okay,” she replies, sitting on my counter as I mess with the cover-up.

“So, what was bothering you when you called?” I question her. She seems to sag a bit.

“Well, I told Mae. And she won’t talk to me now,” she sighs, “And it seems so stupid now compared to what just happened.”

“It’s not stupid, and I’m fine,” I tell her, giving her a hug. She shrugs.

“I do love her though,” she sighs, rubbing her face, “But whatever. I don’t need her if she doesn’t love me.”

“If you say so,” I reply, moving to unlock the door and head to my room quietly. Hadley follows me cautiously, and we lock my bedroom door behind us. I pick up my school bag and shove a clean shirt in it, before changing my bloody one.

“Oh my god, you have a massive bruise on your stomach! Ainsley!” Hadley exclaims, touching my side. I pull my shirt down quickly.

“It doesn’t hurt,” I tell her, shrugging, “Come on.”

She grabs her things, and I grab mine. I open my window carefully, and she climbs out first, onto the roof of the garage. I follow her out, leaving my window unlocked so I could break in tomorrow if necessary. We walk across the roof and throw our things into the overgrown bushes on the side of the garage, before I swing over the side and fall clumsily to the ground. Hadley makes a pained face, before following me, and landing on her feet.

“You okay?” she asks, handing me my bag from the bush, and throwing hers over her shoulder.

“Yeah,” I say, smiling goofily. She links our arms and tells me my black eye is really obvious in this lighting. I shrug, and rub the cover up off. “Let’s tell everyone we had a throw down on the way to the twin’s house,” I laugh. She smiles.

We don’t say anything for a long while.

“Wait, why didn’t you want to stay at your house tonight?” I ask as we enter the twins’ neighborhood.

“Oh,” she says, looking down the street, “Well, my parents found out. About me liking girls, you know? They went psycho.”

“Had,” I say, sadly, throwing my arms around her, “Are you okay?”

“They didn’t hit me too hard,” she says. I pull away from her, and give her a confused look. “Kidding, honey. They just tried to ground me and I snuck out while they were looking for a boarding school.”

“They can’t send you away!” I exclaim, as we continue walking.

“They’re my parents,” she sighs, “I guess I could just act super straight. It might please them.”

“That might hurt you though, lying to yourself,” I say thoughtfully, turning down the twins’ street.

“I’ve been lying to them since I was eight years old, Ainsley,” she says, “What’s the difference?”

“Everything,” I point out, making her shrug, “But oh well. We’re outta here in two years.”

“Getting out of this hell-hole,” she says, looking at the sky, “you know, I hate when you can see that much sky at once. It just reminds you that they tore down a ton of trees so you could have a house too big for yourself.”

“I guess,” I say, looking up too, “It is weird. I like seeing the trees.”

“Me too, none of this sky shit,” she laughs. I smile at her, and take her hand as we go up the walkway to the twins’ house. I ring the bell, and literally three seconds later it opens with Talia smiling, until she sees me, and she gasps.

“You’re lucky our mom’s out of town this week!” she says, “She’d have you taken to the hospital.”

“All I want is ice and a place for me and Hadley,” I sigh entering the house.

“What happened?” Talia asks me. I sigh. “He was drinking again? Really?” she asks. I shrug, and wave to Tayler who’s mouth is hanging open.

“Jesus, he used his foot?!” Tayler asks me, coming to poke my face.

“How could you tell?” I ask worriedly.

“You can see the pattern,” he sighs. I rush to the bathroom to see for myself.

“Jesus,” I mutter, exiting the bathroom to find Talia with ice ready for me. I take it, smiling, and slap it on my face.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Talia says, taking my bag and Hadley’s to put it in the guest room.

“Which one?” I ask, falling into the couch in the family room. I sink into the fluffy pillows and sigh happily.

“I don’t even care, whatever is on,” Tayler tells me, joining me on the couch.

“Okay,” I say, grabbing the remote from under his legs, and flipping through the movie channels.

“So, that was awkward today,” Tayler says conversationally while Hadley and Talia are off getting snacks.

“What was?” I ask, glancing at him, and then back to the screen.

“Mr. Gorgeous Junior- You saw him like, what, five times today?” he asks. I look at him.

“It was odd,” I admit, “But it’s not really on my mind right now.”

“Oh, I know,’ he says, stealing the remote from me, and picking a movie.

“Why’d you bring it up?” I ask, just as Talia and Hadley start coming in the room.

“Oh, nothing… He was just staring at you. I thought you’d noticed,” he says, before grabbing Hadley and her snacks to sit next to him. Talia sits down next to me, and offers me some microwave popcorn, but it’s not really on my mind right now.