Who Can Really Blame You?

“Can you stop being a bitch about this?” I ask Mitchell when we’re back in my apartment.

“I’m not,” he huffs.

“You kind of are,” I shoot back, “I barely looked at him.”

“It was enough,” he grunts.

“I’m not a slut,” I snap.

“Could have fooled me,” He says, glaring at me. I look at him. “I mean, you wont even kiss me, but you act like you’re all broken hearted over him, and you did kiss him,” Mitchell says.

“Almost two months ago!” I exclaim exasperated. “Please, just leave it? I’m with you for a reason,” I say, taking his hand calmly.

“You’re right,” he sighs, and takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter!” he yells, “You’re a fucking bad liar, and I can tell that if he’d have you, or if any other guy would, you’d dump me!”

“I wouldn’t,” I exclaim, watching him stalk across the living room, five feet from where I stand.

He moves to me.

“Why are we fighting still? It’s been a week of this, and I haven’t left you yet!” I point out in exasperation. This fight’s getting old. He thinks I’m checking out every guy that I’m nice to. He’s been thinking that all week, since the Carter fight.

“You’re a fucking liar,” he accuses.

“I’m not! I wouldn’t dump you just because someone else wanted me! He’s a waiter, for god’s sake. I wasn’t even looking at him!” I say, throwing my hands up, “What’s wrong with you?”

I gasp, and grab my nose. He pulls his fist back, shocked. I hadn’t even had time to see him take the three steps to me and pull him arm back.

“Ainsley,” he says in a voice I haven’t heard on him yet, but one that I’ve heard plenty of times from my dad. I pull my hands from my nose and stare at the blood. “I’m so sorry,” he says.

“You should go,” I say, clutching my nose, “I have classes tomorrow, so I’ll see you… I’ll see you later.”

“Ainsley,” he pleads.

“I’m not mad, I just need a little time,” I tell him, “Please… leave.”

He does, after giving me a miserable look. Then I go and handle my bleeding nose.

“What happened to your face?” Talia asks, holding my face to look at it.

“I tripped and smacked it into my bedside table,” I lie with a wince. Talia winces too.

“Ouch,” she says, patting my head, “Sorry to hear.”

“It’s fine,” I reply, touching the blossoming bruise over my nose gingerly.

“I’m so glad we have a class together,” Talia sighs as we enter our history class.

“Me too,” I reply, “I’m not sure that the teacher will be though.”

“How was school?” Mitchell asks me carefully. I don’t look at him too much.

“It was okay,” I say, opening my door and letting him in ahead of me. He waited for me since his last class.

“Can I ask you to forgive me?” he asks me, taking my hands once the door has closed. I look at him.

“Yes,” I reply.

“Will you forgive me?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I mutter, “Just… believe me that I’m not looking, okay. I have you. I don’t need them.”

“I believe you,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. I pull away a bit and give him our first kiss. We pull away, him smiling widely and me kind of pink in the face.

I sit in lunch with Hadley, not touching my food I brought from home. She’s not noticing, as far as I can tell. How could she while she’s staring all longingly across the cafeteria and shit.

“What are you staring at?” I ask finally, following her gaze.

“She’s so pretty,” she sighs, “I should have given her an extra chance.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” I say, seeing Mae, who does look good, “She treated you like shit.”

“But what if we’re soul mates?” she asks, looking to me.

I think about it for a moment.

“If you are, then things will work out eventually,” I say. She nods with another dejected sigh.

“So,” she says after a long moment, “Carter was asking if you’re okay.”

“What did you tell him?” I question absentmindedly. I touch my nose gently, and tap my free fingers against my knee.

“Well, first I asked him why he was asking, you know, just for some information,” she winks, and I remind her I’m dating Mitchell. She rolls her eyes. “So he was all ‘He looks really sick, and who punched him in the face?’” she tells me.

“What did you tell him?” I ask again.

“That you’re not very happy anymore, but your health is fine, and that your bedside table got you good,” she shrugs. I give her a look.

“I’m perfectly happy,” I defend myself, turning to face her more in my seat.

She gives me a look.

“Right,” she scoffs, “You think I haven’t noticed you’re not touching your food, and everyone thinks you have cancer, you’re all pale and thin and tired looking.”

“I’m not thin,” I mumble.

She looks at me.

“I love you,” she reminds me, throwing an arm around my shoulders. The bell rings and I stand to go to class, shrugging her arm off of me.

“Okay, I’m going to have you sit next to… Ainsley,” the teacher says. I look up at the mention of my name. My math teacher is standing at the front of the class with a really tall kid with thick black glasses and tight grey jeans. “Raise your hand Ainsley,” she commands me. I put my hand up in the air tiredly. The kid moves down the isle towards me and slides into the empty seat next to me.

“Hi, I’m Adler,” he says, sticking his hand out to me.

“Ainsley,” I reply, shaking his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“Same,” he replies, turning back to the front of the room, “So am I going to like this class?”

“It’s enthralling,” I whisper back jokingly, “You might just pee your pants from the suspense of angle measures and tangents.”

He snorts loudly, and his hands fly up to cover his mouth. The teacher gives us a look. I slouch down in my seat.

“You got us in trouble,” he scolds, following my lead and slouching down a bit. I send him a look.

“Okay, you boys need to quiet down now,” the teacher says in a rude voice.

“Yeah, Adler, shut the hell up,” I whisper, making him roll his eyes and reach a hand with a pen forward on the desk to doodle on his math assignment.

“He’s cute,” Talia says approvingly as I point out Adler to her.

“He’s definitely straight,” I say.

“Dibbs!” she screams. A few people turn to look (only the new kids, including Adler), but all the kids that have gone here before know Talia and know that she can’t control the volume of her voice. I wave to Adler, who begins to make his way over to me.

“Hey, Ainsley,” he says, appearing next to me, and towering over both me and Talia, but less Talia, because she’s kind of taller now.

“Hi,” I reply, “This is my best friend Talia. Talia, this is Adler.”

He shakes her hand.

“So, what were you calling dibbs on?” he asks her conversationally.

“Ice cream,” I reply for her when she can’t come up with a good lie, “I have this carton at my house and she wants it.”

He nods, “What kind?”

“Mint chocolate chip,” she answers. He puts his hand up for a high five.

“Uh, do you guys know which bus would take me to the neighborhood with the barn at the front of it?” he asks.

“No,” we both answer.

“I could give you a ride home. I’m already driving everyone else I know.” I tell him.

“Actually, Tayler might be riding with Carter,” Talia tells me.

“Black hair Carter? Kind of tall?” Adler asks. I nod, and try to act like I don’t care. “He’s in my English. He’s really cool,” Adler says. Talia agrees and I pretend to look for someone in the crowd.

“Hadley, come on! We’re going home!” I yell when I actually spot her.

“Oh, could you ride me home?” Adler asks me unsurely.

“No problem,” I reply. Hadley bounces up next to me, and takes my hand.

“Hey boy,” she says to me.

“Hey girl,” I reply, “Okay, let’s go.”

“What about Tay?” she asks me.

“He’s riding with Carter,” Talia replies for me. I shrug when Hadley looks at me.

“Oh, this is Adler, he’s in my math class,” I tell Hadley as we go out the side doors to the parking lot. “Adler, this is Hadley,” I tell him. They both wave at each other as we make our way through the crowded parking lot.

Finally we appear next to my car, and everyone piles in the back. I glance back, and see Adler’s knees pressed against the back of the passenger seat. I slide it up for him.

“Thanks,” he says, “Sucks being tall.”

“Not,” Talia says, “There are things on my top shelf I’ll never see again.”

He smiles at that.

“Onward HO!” Hadley cries out as we pull out of the parking lot.