Who Can Really Blame You?

Someone shoves me into a locker on my way to my next class from lunch. I grit my teeth when the lock hits my bruised side hard.

“So, someone finally beat you down?” Max asks me, getting in my face. I push him back gently.

“A. You need a tic-tac, B. Yes, someone finally beat me up, since you’ve been to chicken to do it for the last year.” I tell him. He scowls back. Max and I used to be best friends. He hates me now. He hates all of us, Hadley, the twins, me, and we all hate him, except me. I mostly just feel sad for him.

“I could take you,” Max tells me easily. His friends behind him snicker.

“Yes, I’m sure you, along with all your friends could take me. You know, four on one is usually a good bet for who will win,” I tell him, trying to move past him. The halls are emptying and the bell’s about to ring.

“You’re a smart ass, Ainsley,” Max scowls. I raise an eyebrow at him.

“I’m not smart, Max. You’re smarter than me, but you just don’t know how to use it,” I reply, pushing past him roughly to go to my class.

“Whatever faggot,” he calls after me. I turn on him, and fight the urge to hit him.

“I know you, Max,” I reply, “I don’t care who you think you are now, but I know who you were then.”

He glares at me.

“Don’t worry, Max. Your dirty little secret is safe with me,” I say, turning to walk away. I turn when someone taps me on the shoulder, and reel back, grabbing my nose for the second time in forty-eight hours.

“Don’t act like you have dirt on me, fag,” he says, pushing me back, and pulling his fist back from where my nose just was. I fall onto the floor, trying not to bleed everywhere. I glare at him, and see something flicker in his eyes. This isn’t him, but this is still me, holding my bleeding nose in the bathroom. I spit blood into the sink, and pull more paper towels from the dispenser and hold it to my nose.

“You have a bad habit of this, huh?” someone asks behind me. I turn, and don’t bother being surprised to see Mr. Gorgeous Junior there. He seems to be stalking me, which is less exciting than expected. I turn back to the sink and spit again, still deep red. He makes a noise.

“Sorry, I have to spit right now, so if it grosses you out, you can leave,” I snap, and feel bad immediately. The first thing I ever said to him was mean. “Sorry,” I mumble right afterward.

“Nah, it’s fine,” he replies, watching me, “Do you need help?”

“No,” I tell him, “Unless you wanna hold this bloody paper towel.”

He smiles, and shakes his head, “I meant like… call the nurse?”

“No. Don’t,” I say. He nods.

“Did it just start bleeding randomly?” he asks me, leaning on the sink next to me. I feel short even when he’s hunched over.

“Nah,” I reply, “Some kid hit me.”

He makes a surprised face. I shrug.

“I was asking for it,” I mumble. I was asking for it. I knew what would hurt him and I called it out on him. I have a bad habit of that. I pull the paper towel from my face, and touch my nose.

“Is it broken?” he asks as I put clean paper towels to my nose.

I shake my head.

“How do you know?” he asks me. I bite my lip.

“My nose has been broken four times,” I admit, looking to my bloody hands.

“Do people really beat you up that much?” he asks. I glare at him unnecessarily.

“I was a clumsy kid,” I reply. I really was, but I only broke my nose twice by myself. My dad did it the other two times.

He finds that funny and laughs. I stand there staring at him, covering his mouth and laughing loudly.

“Didn’t you come in here for a reason?” I ask him suddenly, wanting him to leave me alone. I don’t apologize for my tone this time.

“Nah, I just hate my class,” he says, not noticing my attitude, and leaning against the sink after he’s calmed himself down, but he’s still smiling.

“Fuck,” I say, “I’m late!”

“Yeah,” he says, “Like twenty minutes.”

I rest my head against the paper towel dispenser and groan.

“I’m so fucked,” I mumble.

“Just go to the nurse and get a pass,” he says.

“I can’t,” I say, “They guy who punched me will get in trouble.”

He gives me an odd look, and I look away.

“Just say it started bleeding in between classes,” he suggests. I pull the paper towels from my face and sigh when I see it’s still bleeding.

“Okay, well…. Bye then,” I say, turning for the door.

“Carter,” he calls after me. I look at him for a second, until I realize what he’s saying.

“Ainsley,” I tell him, elbowing the door open to keep my bloody hands from leaving a hand print.

“I’ll kill Max,” Tayler growls. I pat him on the back lightly.

“I asked for it,” I said, “I shouldn’t have hinted to when he thought he was gay.”

“He is gay,” Talia shoots out, “and he hit you!”

“How are you all missing this?!” Hadley exclaims.

“What?” Talia and Tayler ask simultaneously.

“Mr. Gorgeous Junior! He’s a Carter! He talked to Ainsley for like five minutes. They exchanged names. This is big!” she says. Talia gasps.

“Oh my god, he did!” she exclaims, hugging me.

“It was stupid. I was just interesting at the moment,” I mumble.

“Shut up, Ainsley,” Hadley says simply. Tayler laughs.

“Get up,” Talia tells me, grabbing my hands.

“Why?” I ask, letting her pull me up.

“We’re going to hang out with Dan in the Art Cove,” she says happily.

“How did you figure that out?” I ask her.

“I called him,” she says. I stare at her.

“He doesn’t speak, Talia,” I remind her.

“I know, isn’t he hot?” she asks, pulling me along, Tayler and Hadley trailing behind us.

“You like him?” I ask her. She shrugs.

“We haven’t had a proper conversation yet,” she admits.

“Yeah,” I reply, “I’ve noticed… His brother’s in a band.”

“Sweet, free tickets!” she says happily, plopping down to wait for a bus downtown.

“Doubtful. I don’t think he even likes us,” I say.

“He likes me,” she says, “He told me so when we were on the phone.”

“Did he speak?” I ask her, but her attention is on the bus pulling up.

“You know, Jacobs, I could go for some organic candy,” Hadley begs me when she and Tayler appear next to us.

“I’m not buying anything,” I say, glancing at the approaching bus.

“Why not?” Hadley asks, gasping. We all line up to get on the bus. Talia cuts in front of everyone. Talia bounds onto the bus, paying her fare, while the rest of us wait. We get on and I answer Hadley.

“Because, I don’t have a job, and you guys have already run through my savings,” I mutter as soon as we sit down. The bus pulls forward and we’re on our way downtown to the Art Cove.

The Art Cove is literally on Cove Street, and is named Art Cove because it started gaining popularity in the 1300 block for it’s Art Galleries in the 1990’s. The galleries are still there, but people mostly go for custom clothes and good music, or to people watch.

“You need a new job,” Talia comments, “Hey, you should ask Hank. You love that store.”

“Eh,” I reply, “It might be cool, but it’s too far for me to get there everyday.”

“No it’s not. You’re driving next week,” Tayler says.

“Yeah, without a car,” I retort. He shrugs.

“New mission, gang! Get Ainsley a kick ass job at Consequence X!” Talia says happily. Everyone claps a bit. A few of the other bus riders glare at her use of words.

“Whatever. Hank will just tell you guys to shut up and get off the displays. He’s still pissed that you broke his Elvis statue, Talia,” I say.

“I paid for that,” she says, crossing her arms. I bust out laughing.

“No you didn’t. You begged for forgiveness and promised never to climb on anything every again,” I reply. Tayler busts out laughing.

“You did!” he says. His sister glares at him.

“So, Ains,” Hadley says, switching seats to sit next to me, “What happened when you got home last night?”

The twins look interested now.

“Nothing,” I reply honestly, “He tried to get me to talk to him, but I just stayed in my room the whole night.”

“Isn’t he going to be pissed?” Hadley asks, quietly.

“No. He’s more of a sad drunk than anything,” I reply, fidgeting with my fingers.

“Dan!” Talia suddenly screams. People grumble. I look down the isle to see Dan getting on the bus. He waves, just as Talia jumps up and nearly tackles him.

“She has it bad for him, huh?” I whisper to Tayler, who shudders.

“Ew,” he replies, “That’s my sister.”

“And? She’s not entitles to her awkward crushes?” I ask him. He shrugs, but I know he’s thinking that she isn’t.

“Hadley, this is Dan. Dan, this is Hadley. Dan doesn’t talk,” Talia explains sitting down. I move over a seat for Dan to sit down next to her.

“His name isn’t even Dan, Talia,” I say, “He told me so.”

He shrugs, and then pulls something out of his messenger bag, a notepad. He scribbles something on it.

“Your name’s Thomas? Uh, I’m just going to call you Dan,” Talia says. He shrugs, and scribbles out ‘fine by me’.

“So, how old are you, Dan?” I ask, deciding to use his fake name still. He writes out seventeen. “You don’t drive?” I ask, confused. He pulls his pockets out. Empty. I laugh.

“Okay, we need to get psyched for our mission,” Talia says. I groan loudly.

Dan gives me a look.

“They’re trying to get me a job at Consequence X, like I can’t do that by myself or something,” I mutter. He smiles.

“Dan’s in! Woot!” Talia says holding her hand up for a high-five. He high-fives her, and Tayler and Hadley high five so they won’t feel left out.

‘What happened to your face?’ Dan scribbles to me.

“Oh man, your nose is all bruised up now,” Hadley says. I groan and cover my face.

“I got in a fight with some kid,” I lie to Dan. He looks surprised, but accepts it. Maybe not speaking, and therefore not lying, makes it harder to catch someone lying.

We walk into Consequence X, and I’m oddly relieved to not see Mr. Gorgeous Junior- Carter, there.

“Hey Hank,” I say as I pass him. He turns to reply, but just looks horrified.

“What the hell happened to your face?” he asks me. I sigh. “Not your father again, right?” he asks, quieting. The bell on the door jingles and in walks Mr. Gorgeous Junior/Carter. Just my luck.

I sigh, and look at him.

He mutters a curse word. “Are you okay?” he asks. I nod, and smile to prove it.

“Yeah, I was kind of asking for it anyways. But he didn’t do it to my nose. That was some kid at school,” I mutter. Hank looks at me for a long time, and then pushes his glasses back up his face. He’s had those glasses, thick black framed, so long that they’re cool now. He’s only thirty, but still.

“I think I might have to report this though, Ainsley,” he sighs. I stare at him.

“Please don’t, Hank,” I say pleadingly, “I’m fine, really. He’s going to start going to meetings again. He promised.”

Hank gives in. I sigh.

“But if I see you beaten up again, I’m reporting it,” he tells me seriously. I nod. He tells me that every time.

“Oh, yeah, my friends are going to try to bribe you into hiring me. They spent all my money,” I say, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly.

“You know I’d hire you in a second,” he laughs, throwing an arm around me.

“Sweet,” I say, and look around the store for my friends.

“Talia! Don’t you dare break that Juke-Box!” Hank yells suddenly. She falls onto the floor laughing. I go over to help her.

“Don’t get me fired,” I say, helping her up.

“Mission complete, you guys! Ainsley’s got a job!” she yells out. Dan claps for a moment before resuming looking through CD’s. Tayler and Hadley cheer.

“You didn’t do anything,” I remind her. She looks offended, but Hank speaks first.

“I wont need you until next week though,” Hank says appearing beside me, “Plus, I don’t want a bruised up kid stocking shelves. People will think I’m too rough on my employees.”

I smile while he laughs. I look over to see Talia making her way to where Carter is standing.

“Talia,” I warn loudly. She turns around and puts a finger to her lips. “I’ll kill her,” I mutter.

“Please do,” Hank grumbles, “It would save me a load of money on displays.”

I smile for a second until Talia starts talking to Carter. I glare at her when she laughs, playing with her hair. She’s flirting.

“I’m leaving,” Hank says, “You’re creeping me out.”

“I’m not creepy!” I exclaim, making Talia glance over. Carter does too. He smiles at me, before continuing his conversation with Talia. Hank leaves anyways, so I sulk over to Hadley.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asks me, putting an arm around my shoulders. I pout.

“Talia’s a ho,” I reply. Hadley nods, before looking over to Talia. He mouth drops.

“Is she flirting with him?” Hadley whispers to me. I nod. “Oh honey, who cares? You don’t need either of them. You have me!” she exclaims, kissing my cheek.

“Yes I do,” I reply, “Now carry me to the alternative isle!”

“You’re the employee here, not me,” she replies. I glare at her before busting out laughing. “What?” she asks, huffing.

“I’ll carry you to the alternative isle,” I tell her, bending over so she can get on my back.

“I’ll break you! And anywho, I don’t want to make you stop bending over,” she giggles.

“Shut up,” I groan, standing up, “Fine I wont carry you to the alternative isle.”

“Yes you will! I need you to!” she exclaims waving her arms around. I look at her seriously.

“Fine. But you can’t just stand there looking at my ass, okay?” I tell her. She nods, and salutes me. I bend over and she jumps on me, making me stumble.

“Don’t drop me!” she yells as I fall over. I hit the floor laughing. She laughs too, sitting on me.

“We fell,” I whine, “It hurt my tummy.”

“Ainsley! Stop horse-playing in my shop or you’re fired!’ Hank yells. Hadley and I laugh harder.

Talia appears in front of us, looking a bit peeved. Hadley helps me up and we leave the store, Dan and Tayler already outside.

“You flirted with him!” I tell her when we get outside.

“Yeah, to see if he goes for girls or not,” she says. I feel bad for doubting her.

“And?” Tayler asks for me.

“Has a girlfriend,” she sighs, “That pretty girl in eleventh grade, with the Monroe piercing.”

“Ouch,” Hadley sighs, putting her arms around me. I shrug her off.

“Monroes don’t hurt that much,” Talia says stupidly. She should know. She’s had one four times.

“Not that, Talia,” Tayler says as we head down the road. I don’t know where we’re going.

“I don’t care,” I say. Everyone, even Dan, looks at me oddly. “What? I don’t.” I say, “It was a stupid crush. Pointless.”

“Okay,” Hadley says, the first to say anything. Everyone else nods.

“You know, I should really be home,” I say, looking at my phone for the time.

“Okay, we’ll wait for the bus together,” Talia says.

“No, I’ll just call my dad for a ride. We need to talk anyways,” I say, rubbing my eye unintentionally.

“You sure?” Talia asks. I nod, and pretend not to notice everyone’s concerned glances. The door to Consequence X opens, and out comes Carter.

“Yeah, I’m positive,” I reply, dialing my dad’s phone number.