Who Can Really Blame You?

“You can’t just ignore me, Ainsley,” my dad says after I get in the car. I sigh, relieved. He isn’t drunk.

“I know,” I reply, “But you hurt me.”

He looks at me. “I didn’t do that to your nose, right?” he asks. I touch it.

“No,” I reply, “I walked into a door at school today. It was bleeding for like, half an hour.”

“I’m sorry, Ainsley. I’m trying to stop, I really am,” he sighs. I nod.

“I know, Dad,” I say as we pull into the driveway.

“You’re getting your license next week, right?” he asks. I nod.

“Yeah, we have to go to the court house,” I reply. He nods.

“You want a car?” he asks me.

“Yes,” I reply, looking at him. Then I understand. He’s trying to make it up to me. “Do we have the money?” I ask him as we’re getting out of the car.

“Somewhere we do,” he replies.

“Don’t worry about it dad, Hank just hired me today,” I say. My dad looks at me. He seems tired.

“Oh… well, okay, Ainsley. I’ll help you with some money if you need though,” he tells me. I nod.

I make my way up the walkway before turning around. My dad’s still in the car.

“Dad?” I call out. He looks up.

“Oh, yeah,” he says, rubbing his shoulder, “I’m going to meeting tonight. You can ask Hank. I’m really going to be there.”

“He’s your mentor dad, he’s just looking out for you,” I tell him, walking backwards up the lawn. He nods. I think he hates having a young person as his mentor. They’re a decade apart and Hank has already handled his alcoholism.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he calls as he pulls out of the driveway. I wave.

When he’s out of sight, I head inside, and up to my room, where I sit down on my floor and let the last few days really hit me.

“Wow,” I mutter, falling back on the carpet to look at the ceiling, “My life really sucks.”

Okay, so he has a girlfriend. I should deal right? It doesn’t matter, right? He’s just one guy. But I finally talked to him, and then this! It’s stupid. I’m stupid for being upset over it. I just need to deal.

You know, some people have great, easy lives. Some of those people don’t deserve them. On the outside, my life is shit. But I still like it.

I find that awful, that I’m happy still. I don’t know why. I guess it just feels like I should be more affected.

I finally get my things for school and head out to catch my bus. I stare at the empty driveway in annoyance before heading down the road. I look over my shoulder as a car pulls up behind me. I turn back around, and turn down the next road, planning on walking to the twins’ stop.

“Hey,” Carter says pulling up. I look over,

“Hey,” I reply. He keeps driving slowly next to me.

“Do you need a ride?” he asks me.

“No,” I reply, looking at my feet, “I’m riding the bus.”

“Okay,” he says, turning his music back up slightly, “I was just offering.”

“I know,” I say looking at him, “But I don’t need a ride.”

“Okay,” he said, “If you don’t want one.”

“Well,” I say, glancing at him, and stopping at the stop sign with him, “My friends would be annoyed if I didn’t entertain them on the bus.”

“Those twins? The loud ones?” he asks me. I laugh.

“Yeah, them,” I reply, starting up again, turning the corner.

“The girl… Talia? She doesn’t like me right?” he asks. I laugh out loud.

“No, she doesn’t,” I tell him. He looks at me oddly.

“I do have five seats,” he offers, randomly. I look at him.

“Why?” I ask.

“Well, see, it’s built that way,” he explains, smiling.

“No,” I reply, “I mean… why would you offer to give me and my loud friends a ride to school? We’re just a bunch of sophomores.”

“And?” he asks, stopping next to me, “Besides, you’re cool. Get in.”

I don’t move for a minute, before looking down the road. Finally, I sigh and go to get in the passenger seat. Carter smiles at me.

“Your nose is all bruised up,” he tells me.

“I noticed,” I sigh, buckling up.

“I didn’t know you lived around here,” he tells me. I nod.

“Yeah, all my life,” I reply.

“Weird,” he says, “I come around here a lot. My girlfriend lives two streets over.”

“Oh,” I reply, looking out the window, “Where is she?”

“Well I usually give her a ride to school,” he shrugs, pushing his hair from his face and turning down a road towards my bus stop, “But today her mom said she’d slept over with a friend. She called me about it just before I saw you walking.”

“Oh,” I say, “Turn here.”

He does, and almost immediately we see the twins ahead, wrestling.

“What are you goobers doing? Get in,” I call out of the window. Talia looks up and Tayler knocks her over.

“Tayler!” she exclaims, standing up, dirt smeared across her face. I laugh at her.

“Ainsley, what are you doing?” Tayler asks leaning against the open window.

“Getting a ride to school,” I say, “You want to ride or not? He offered.”

“Hells yeah!” Talia exclaims, popping up next to Tayler. I laugh at the dirt on her face.

“You have some dirt on your face,” Carter tells her. She shoves Tayler out of the way and leans over to look in the mirror, before rubbing it off.

“I’m in,” Tayler says, opening the back door and climbing in, “Thanks for the ride, B.T. Dubbs.”

“B.T. Dubbs?” he asks.

“Like BTW, but W is shortened to Dubbs,” Tayler says.

“Mostly girls say it,” I remark, smiling at Tayler.

“Shut up!” he exclaims, “Hurry up Talia!”

“Beauty takes time!” she exclaims.

“Well there isn’t enough time in the world for you, so get in!” Tayler says. I glare at him. Talia makes a hurt face. Carter just looks confused.

“No worries, hon,” I tell her, “You’re gorgeous.”

“You too,” she says, leaning in and kissing my cheek.

“But really, get in,” I tell her. She smiles happily and slides in the back with Tayler. I catch Carter looking between us and smile at him.

“Music?” Tayler asks. Carter nods, and hands him a CD folder.

“Pick one,” he tells Tayler. Talia quickly snatches it away and screams. Carter slams the brakes, making me jump.

“Oh my god! I love this band!” Talia says, handing the CD to me. I stare at it dumbly.

“You almost made me wreck!” Carter says, turning to glance at her.

“Sorry,” she says sheepishly.

“I should have warned you of the dangers of being in a close proximity to Talia,” I say, smiling weakly. Carter shrugs.

“Put that in?” he asks me, looking at the CD. I nod, and shove it in the CD player.

“What did you pick?” Tayler asks Talia.

She doesn’t answer, just sits there, hands over her mouth.

“What are you doing, Tally?” I ask her.

“I’m trying to be quiet,” she says. I laugh at that, and Carter smiles. Tayler rolls his eyes.

“Talk to Ainsley and not your own brother,” Tayler mumbles.

Talia glares at him, just as we pull up to school. The entire CD fiasco was unnecessary.

“Thanks for the ride, Carter,” I say, getting out. He gets out too.

“Yeah, no worries,” he says, pulling his book bag from the back seat, and joining all three of us.

“Ainsley!” Hadley says jumping in front of me.

“Hey Had,” I say, taking her arm, “Wassup?”

“Guess who got a ride to school and didn’t pick me up!” she says, glaring at Carter and me.

“Oh, sorry,” he says, smiling. She smiles too, and asks if we can talk. I say bye to the twins and Carter, and watch as the twins attack Carter with their odd conversation.

“What?” I ask, Hadley when she coughs. I look to her.

“Is this healthy? You’re hanging out with a guy you have it bad for,” she says to me. I look at her seriously.

“I don’t care anymore,” I say, “He was just giving me a ride to school.”

“Okay,” she says, holding her hands up in front of her, “I’m just concerned for you.”

“I know,” I say, putting and arm around her shoulders and making her walk with me, “And I appreciate it.”

“Alright,” she says. I smile.

“So, next week,” Hadley says, “Last week of school.”

“Yeah I know,” I say smiling, “I love the summer.”

“Me too,” she sighs as we rejoin the group, Carter still there, which surprises me.

He smiles when I walk up, and I smile back, before sitting on the wall next to Talia.

“Jacobs,” Tayler says in a warning tone. I look to him and follow his gaze. Max.

I look at my knees.

“I really didn’t think he’d punch me,” I say lamely.

“I did. He’s a douche,” Tayler says, glaring at Max from across the yard.

“He is not,” I say, looking at Tayler, who looks shocked, “He’s scared.”

“He punched you in the face,” Tayler says like he doesn’t believe I said that.

“Who did?” Carter asks, still standing in front of us. I look up at him, and then nod my head towards Max.

“The one in the red shirt?” he asks. I nod. “Why?” he continues.

“Oh, no reason,” I say.

“See, Max and Ainsley used to be best friends,” Talia says.

“Don’t,” I cut in, but she continues, barely glancing at me.

“Max was questioning his sexuality,” she says.

“Because he’s gay,” Tayler says, then mutters, “In the closet bastard.”

“And he had this huge crush on Ainsley,” Talia says, “He told me so. It was heart breaking to watch him stare at Ainsley with those puppy eyes.”

“Guys,” I say, glaring at them and turning red about the puppy eyes comment, but Carter just looks at Talia, so she keeps going. I cover my face. He’s enthralled in the worst weeks of my life.

“So, when Ainsley was at his house, he made a move, right? Even though I told him not to, since Ainsley didn’t like him,” she says, and I glare harder at her.

Tayler glances at me. He heard it too. Talia just basically told Carter that I like guys but I just didn’t like Max. He makes a face, but lets her continue.

“So Max kissed Ainsley,” Talia says. Carter makes a surprised face and looks at me. I cover my face.

“Talia,” I groan. She doesn’t seem to notice, and just keeps it up.

“And, imagine Ainsley’s horror, when his best friend had just stolen his lip virginity,” she says, “And afterwards came out, and said he was in love with him.”

“Talia,” I say loudly. She looks over.

“Do you want to tell this part?” she asks me, confused.

“No! I don’t even want you to be telling this story!” I exclaim.

“It’s almost over,” she says looking at everyone for support. I sigh, and wave her on. She’s already told the worst part now anyways.

“So, where was I? Oh yeah, love. Max was heart broken when he realized that he’d stolen Ainsley’s lip virginity and that Ainsley really didn’t like him at all,” Talia says, “So Max was emo for awhile, and then he just started being a dick. He told everyone that Ainsley had kissed him and that’s why they weren’t speaking. Now he’s in denial about his gayness and he punched Ainsley because Ainsley manned up and told him to stop fucking with him because he knows about the real Max.”

“I was asking for it,” I say, sighing.

“You’ve bummed him out,” Hadley says, rubbing my shoulder.

“No you weren’t,” Carter says, “I would have fucked him up.”

“Ainsley’s not one for fighting,” Talia says, sighing. Tayler just glares at Max as he walks by.

“Fags and freaks,” Max mutters. I stare at him walk away, and stand up.

“I have to go to class,” I say, standing up.

“I’ll go with you,” Carter says.

“You don’t have to,” I say, but he stands anyways.

“I don’t mind,” he says, “You’re in history, right?”

“Yeah,” I say, eying him.

“Good, I am too,” he says, “Let’s go.”

I wave to Hadley, who gives me and Carter a look, and the twins, who don’t notice.

“So,” Carter says, pulling his book bag on, “You and Talia… Are you guys a thing?”

I stare at him for a moment, “What?”

“You two,” he repeats, looking uncomfortable, “Are you two dating?”

“Oh my god, no,” I say, covering my mouth as I smile, “Why would you think that?”

“You two just seem like you are,” he shrugs. I look at him for a second.

“Oh,” I say, “That’s weird. We’re not going out.”

“Yeah,” he says, as we turn a corner for our hall, “I was just wondering.”

“Why?” I ask, jokingly, “You got it for Talia?”

“I have a girlfriend,” he laughs, “And she’s not my type.”

“Oh don’t tell her that,” I say sarcastically, “It might break her heart.”

“Shut up,” he says, stopping at his door, “You’re the heart breaker. I’ll see you later.”

I glare at him, but say goodbye anyways.

Is it just me, or is this weird?