Spiderdom and the Quest for the Sky Cat

The Chrisonator was close, he could feel it. Well… he could also see it… there was a massive volcano right in front of him… which was probably another reason why he could feel it.

‘Note to self… VOLCANOES ARE HOT!’ The Chrisonator thought to himself as he trudged up the slopes towards the boiling pit of lava that was the centre of the volcano. All the while he was muttering to himself, feeling his spandex stretch against his sweat soaked skin. His feet seemed extra heavy and lifting them seemed to be far harder than he remembered. But The Chrisonator was determined. Lamentia would pay. They all would. He would make them see. They would understand what it’s like to lose. They would know how it felt to try so hard and be knocked back.

He had to get there first. Even if it killed him.

Elsewhere…

“IF YOU TWO DON’T STOP WITH THE LOVE-IN I’M GOING TO BE SICK!” Dash yelled over her shoulder at Dom and Lime who were now starting to get heated in the back seat of Dementia’s flying car.

“Relax, Dash, they’re just being all coupley and holy crap I just said that. Me, the most evil of all evils. I just said that it’s ok for someone to be coupley.” Dementia stopped his flying car in mid air, his face frozen into a mask of shock mixed with horror and the slightest hint of paranoia.

“Well… I guess it’s safe to say you’ve finally gone soft. I was waiting for this. I think I owe someone money now.” Dash continued, completely ignoring the fact that Dementia looked as though someone had just told him that Santa Clause existed and had holed himself up in a bank with a rifle, a box of hand grenades and an itching for homicide.

Dementia laughed slightly at the image of a fat man in a Santa suit robbing a bank, but then snapped back into reality. He was soft. He was barely even evil anymore. He had to prove himself. Dementia turned around in his seat and glared at the two who were now giggling to themselves.

“I don’t care what my teachers say, I’m gonna be a supermodel” Dom sang along to the song playing.

Dementia continued to glare at Dom, he thought very carefully about what evil thing he would say to prove that he was evil… he considered, “That song is stupid,” Which wouldn’t work because he doubted he could resist singing along to it while Dom was around. His next option was “Stop being stupid lovey-dovey…or I will KILL you.” He planned to insert an evil, evil laugh there, adjust his goggles and then continue driving. But Dementia couldn’t do either of those horrible, horrible plans. Just as he opened his mouth to speak he was stopped by the look on Dom’s face. “What? Are you and Lime playing ‘Where did Lime stick her hand?’ again? Because I’d rather you didn’t do that on my leather seats.”

Dom’s face did not change from his mask of horror. He made some choking noises and continued to stare straight ahead.

“You know it’s impolite to ignore questions. Just because we’re evil doesn’t mean we have to be rude to each other,” Upon seeing the disgusted look on Dash’s face he quickly added, “Assface.” He looked over to Dash for support.

Dash’s face was housing the same look of horror as Dom. Her mouth was open and her eyes were bulging from their sockets over so slightly.

“Why is everyone doing that?” Dementia asked, looking over his shoulder to see Lime also frozen in shock. “SOMEONE ANSWER ME!” Dementia demanded, not looking away from the back seat of his flying car.

“FOR CHRIST SAKE, TURN!” Dash turned the steering wheel from beside Dementia, wrestling it from his grasp.

They very narrowly evaded the massive volcano that Dementia, in all of his soft glory, had happened to miss. The huge-ass mountain out in the middle of nowhere, constantly spewing dust and molten lava. This massive landmass that was surrounded by nothing but flat desert… and maybe the odd cactus.

“Oh… that’s why your face was like that.” Dementia muttered before speaking up, “You know, if you had seen that coming maybe you should have said something. I might be evil, but I’m not a mind reader… maybe I should make some sort of device that makes me a mind reader… do you think that’d work? Hmm… maybe it’s just my eye pus talking but I think that’s an amazing idea… I must be some sort of evil genius. I pity all those who try to fight me.”

Dash took this time to smack Dementia on the back of the head.

Elsewhere…

The Chrisonator continued to struggle up the volcanoes face, determined but sweaty. Spandex was a bad idea.

It was official, he was starting to hallucinate.

In the sky was a black dot. A fast moving black dot. A fast moving black dot that was getting closer. A fast moving back dot that was getting closer that seemed to be piloted by something with an awful lot of hair on its face.

He threw his hands up in the air and shouted, “Don’t take me! I’m too young! I’ve barely lived! I have children! I’m in spandex! I HAVE TO BEAT LAMENTIA!” As soon as he mentioned Lamentia the black dot, which was now car shaped, swerved, narrowly missing him.

The Chrisonator took it as a sign to keep moving. Shiny convertible flying cars don’t come around often.

In the flying car…

The little light on the Sky Cat finder was going nuts. Blinking like mad. It was even making little beep noises, which (and she didn’t share this information with anyone) Dash was pretty sure was not meant to be happening… but what everyone didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

“Blinky lights.” Was all Dementia was capable of saying, having been staring at the light for a solid twenty minutes.

Dom had started to hum in time with the beeps and Lime was trying to keep her distance, unsure about Dom’s current level of sanity.

Suddenly the blinky light was gone from Dementia’s hand, causing him to jump and then start to whimper.

There, right in front of the flying car, stood The Chrisonator, holding the blinky light device and the car keys. His smile was so big it could have its own post code, and it did: 3956.

“Oh great… this guy again.” Dash muttered, chewing on her nails, uninterested.

“Uh… Chrisonator… I hate to be the one to tell you this…. but I don’t think the heat was good for your spandex…” Lime sounded like a girl telling her best friend her hair was disgusting.

The Chrisonator looked down and squealed before clearing his throat and making a much more masculine sound of surprise. It seemed that the heat had shrunken his spandex. His suit now looked like three-quarter pants made out of a very tight fabric. It was stretched to within an inch of snapping. The colour had also faded so drastically it was almost see through. All in all, it was embarrassing to look at, let alone wear. The Chrisonator looked down, entirely defeated. “I give up. You win.”

“Ha! You wish! I’ll never let you wi— wait, what?” Dementia asked mid flashy comeback.

“I give up. You win.”

“But then that’s not fun anymore.”

“I’ve had enough. Nothing ever goes right for me.” The Chrisonator muttered, looking at his feet.

“That’s not true! you have a lovely family, and spandex looks good on you. Not many people can say that.” Lime reassured The Chrisonator from beside Dom.

“Hey, that is true. You know what? The race is back on.” With that The Chrisonator hopped into Dementia’s car, started it and flew up the mountain, leaving everyone glaring at Lime in his wake.

“Oh, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea,” Lime muttered to herself.