Spiderdom and the Quest for the Sky Cat

“Thanks for sharing Dominic James Howard.” Elcee responded trying to keep as far away from the man who had just announced the possibility of his pants being filled with faecal matter.

“You know… you can just call me Dom.”

“Whatever. THIS WAY!” She screeched leading the group down a dark hallway, pulling on a long piece of string. The girl with red hair jogged to catch up with Elcee as they walked.

“Mr Snuffles is hungry.” She muttered just loud enough for Dom and Dementia, who had been listening intently to hear.

“Who’s Mr Snuffles?” Dementia asked, picking up pace to walk with the two girls.

“Your mum.” Elcee replied, nodding as she did so.

“Oh yay! Maybe she’ll cook pasta?” Dementia flailed the same way an excited five year old does when you promise to buy them an ice cream.

“Uh, Dr. Dementia, that was a joke.” Spenny shook her head.

“Oh.” Dementia’s face fell and his arms drooped.

A deafening roar filled the room, making everyone but Elcee and Spenny stop dead in their tracks and stare at each other.

“That time I definitely shat myself.” Dom muttered to Dementia.

“ENOUGH CHIT CHAT!” Elcee yelled. “TO THE THREE TASKS OF DOOM’S MAJESTICAL DRAGON OF DOOM AND DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND WHATNOT room.”

“She yells a lot, doesn’t she?” Dementia muttered to Dom.

“You don’t have to live with her.” Spenny called from in front of them.

The group stopped just before a massive orange door with intricate swirls carved up the sides and a large, crudely written sign on the front that read, completely in capital letters THREE TASKS OF DOOM’S MAJESTICAL DRAGON OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION AND WHATNOT ROOM!

Elcee rushed forwards and pulled the door open, her shoes sliding out from beneath her under the weight of the door. “SPENNY! HELP ME!”

Spenny rushed forwards and tried to pull the door open as well. Both girls put all their weight into opening the door and, eventually, it opened. Elcee let Spenny walk in before her and then followed, leaving everyone else outside. When no one followed Elcee popped her head outside the door and yelled, “COME INSIDE OR DIE!” Needless to say, everyone stumbled inside.

“DOMINIC JAMES HOWARD AND CHRISTOPHER TONY WOLSTENHOLME MUST WALK THIS WAY NOW!” Elcee walked down a spiral staircase with Dom and the Chrisonator in tow, leaving Spenny alone in the room with the angry and nervous friends and family.

“Hi guys. How’s it going?” Spenny tried to force small talk as she shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably.

“Well, if you must know, I think our friend is going to be horribly mauled by a pissed off dragon and then we’re going to be killed by three weird little girls. And then the Chrisonator is going to get the Sky Cat and share it with his lameo family.” Dementia replied staring intently at the curtain in front of them.

“He seems to have enough brawn. Mr Snuggles will probably just sniff at him and then wander off. Just as long as he doesn’t ever wear brightly coloured pants he should be fine.”

“Uh… our friend is the other guy. The one who’s wearing brightly coloured pants.” Dementia’s hand shot up to ruffle his hair.

“Oh. In that case your friend is probably going to die a horribly fiery and painful death.” Spenny shrugged to herself before walking forward to open the curtain, revealing a large stadium.

“That’s reassuring, thanks for that.” Lime muttered to herself.

“Hm? What was that? You’re the stripper, aren’t you? Lemon or something? I like citrus fruits too.” Spenny smiled at Lime who glared back.

She did not appreciate people getting her name wrong. “It’s Lime. And I was a stripper until someone,” she shot a glare at Dash who smirked in reply, “bought the club I work at.”

“Oh. Sorry about that. OH LOOK! IT’S MR SNUFFLES!” Spenny rushed forward to the window and pressed her nose against the glass, moving away every few seconds to wipe the fogged up glass.

Everyone moved forward just in time to see both Dom and the Chrisonator rise on a podium in the centre of the stadium. Dom looked terrified and the Chrisonator was puffing out his chest with his hands on his hips in a bid to look much more masculine than he felt at that point in time. A large gate opened on the left hand side of the stadium and a bright pink dragon waltzed out. Even from the room with a window it was easy to see that the dragon’s claws had been painted a shocking pink and there was a flower tucked behind one of its ears.

“Spenny, can I ask you something?” Dash backed away from the window.

“Sure thing.” Spenny smiled at Dash.

Just as Dash was about to ask her question Elcee’s voice rang over the intercom. “Task one! Try and talk Mr Snuffles into helping you. JUST TRY! I DARE YOU!” Elcee’s maniacal laugh rang just before being cut out.

“You had a question, Dash?

“Why is Mr. Snuffles pink?”

“Why isn’t Mr. Snuffles pink?” Spenny retorted, pressing her nose against the glass again.

“But…oh never mind.”

In the stadium…

“Be cool, Dom. You can do this. This dragon doesn’t seem too worrying. It’s pink. You like pink. You can deal with pink. Pink is your friend.” Dom tried desperately to reassure himself.

“Hey, Dom, shut up for a minute OK? I’m trying to think of a way to scare the dragon into helping us.” The Chrisonator puffed his chest out again in a bid to make himself appear taller.

“YOU THINK THAT WILL WORK, PUNY MR. WOLSTENHOLME? MR SNUFFLES LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNINESS!” Elcee laughed manically once more.

The dragon took a step towards Dom.

Dom shat his pants for the third time that morning.

Suddenly, Elcee’s voice rand over the pa system again. “Fine! You have defeated Mr. Sniffles.”

Luna’s voice could be heard correcting her quietly, “Uh, it’s Snuffles.”

“Oh. Right. Snuffles. Whatever. YOU HAVE DEFEATED THE DRAGON!”

“What? Already? But I didn’t do anything.” Dom yelled at the sky, unsure of where exactly Elcee was hidden with a microphone.

The Chrisonator walked on over to Dom and smacked him on the back of the head. “Shut up, before she changes her mind.”

“Oh, sorry. Thanks, Mr. Snuffles.”

Back in the spectator area…

“See? That’s exactly like Harry Potter. Just like I said.” Dementia smiled to himself.

“Didn’t Dom say Harry Potter?” Lime asked from her position on the couch that had randomly appeared out of nowhere.

“No, it was me. I’m sure of it.” Dementia continued to smile a cheesy grin. “So, Spenny, what’s the next tasky challenge?”

“OH! Does it involve stabbing Dementia in the face?” Dash asked from the other side of the room.

“Yes. I mean no. I mean… crap. Elcee’s going to kill me.”

“I bag being the competitor in that case.”

“Like I said before, I think I just shat myself.” Dementia muttered.