Without You, I'm Just Me

I couldn’t believe I’d actually let my friends convince me into doing this. Here I was at just 17, sneaking into a club in just under 3 hours. Yes, I was a goody two shoes who constantly lived by the rules and did anything I could do to make my parents happy. So how did I end up in this situation? One word: Sarah. Sarah had been my best friend since we were six, but as we got older, we began to lead extremely different lifestyles. Sarah loved to live dangerously, always on the edge, and ALWAYS doing things she knew would get on her parents’ nerves, which included sneaking into clubs underage to hook up with older guys. Usually I managed to get out of these little “outings” as she called them, by using lame excuses such as “I have to work tonight” or “I have a test on Monday and I have to study.” This time, however I wasn’t so lucky. My parents had gone out of town for a week on business trips and I was left alone, with no excuses because of the school closing early because of the snowy conditions.

I was suddenly jolted from my worrying thoughts by the sound of the phone ringing. “H-hello?” I answered nervously.
“God Angie, what took you so long to answer? Are you ready yet? I’m coming over.”
I was almost lost for words because of her suddenly abruptness. “Uh, I-I thought we weren’t going for another two hours at least” I managed to stutter out.
“Whatever, change of plans. We’re going in an hour, and I’m on my way over right now so you can help me pick out an outfit to wear.”
I could tell she was beginning to get irritated at my uncertainty. “Umm, ok then, I’ll see you soon then. Bye Sarah.”
“Yeah whatever, catch ya later Ange.” she sighed angrily and hung up.
I sighed and put the receiver back on the wall. Sometimes I didn’t understand that girl at all.

“I don’t think this dress goes well with these shoes,” Sarah bit her lip in frustration as she stood in front of my mirror, “what do you think Ange?” I was laying on my bed with my Discman on my stomach nodding along to the music. I thought about how music meant so much to me, I mean I’d never taken up a musical instrument or anything, but it always made me feel good. There was a sudden pause in the music and I opened my eyes. Sarah was leaning over me with the Discman in her hands looking less than impressed.
She frowned in frustration “look I thought you’d be excited about this, I mean I only invited you because I thought it’d do you some good to get out and have some fun once in your life,” her expression became more relaxed, “so have you picked out anything to wear yet?”
I sat on the bed, and looked at her outfit: she was wearing a black cocktail dress with red heels and a red clutch. Her make up was packed on rather heavy, making her look at least 22. “Well, I thought I’d just wear this..” I trailed off. Sarah looked at me with a puzzled look on her face as she took in my outfit. Suddenly, she began laughing half-heartedly. “No, seriously Ange, what are you wearing?”
I felt a little insulted by her statement. I mean, sure my outfit wasn’t quite as “mature” as Sarah’s but was it really that bad? Sarah’s expression changed to sympathetic as she realised I was being serious. “How about I pick something out for you? You’ll like it, I promise.” she grinned as she went through my wardrobe and her small suitcase of clothing.

“I don’t know about this Sarah, it’s not me” I stood in front of the mirror in a low cut dark blue tee and a rather short black denim miniskirt, attempting to make the skirt longer by pulling at the hem. Sarah slapped my hands away from the miniskirt and looked me up and down. “What are you talking about? You look AMAZING. Now, come here I’m going to do your make up.” I sighed and walked over to the bed where Sarah had set out hundreds of different palettes containing make up. I coughed as she flicked foundation across my face, letting my long brown hair fall across my face. “Oh stop being such a baby, I’m almost done. And keep a hold of that hair, it’s ruining my masterpiece” Sarah complained as she stared with utter concentration on her face.

“Angie, will you stop pulling at your skirt and stand still? They’ll be here any minute.” I blushed as soon as I realised a few of the other club-goers standing in the line up were watching me apologetically. I felt a cold shiver run down my back, as if someone was watching me. “Miss me?” I heard a familiar voice whisper into my ear. I spun around to see two guys standing behind us, Ben and Logan. Sarah turned around and smiled widely at both of the boys. Ben was Sarah’s older, yet not much more responsible, brother. Logan on the other hand was supposedly my “perfect” boyfriend, according to Sarah. It was obvious that she would think that, she was the one who set us up in the first place. At the time I couldn’t care less about having a boyfriend or not, but Sarah felt very intent on pairing me up with Logan. I don’t know why she cared so much about whether I was with someone or not, I guess it was so she could drag me on her “double dates” she knew I couldn’t stand. Shrugging off the thought of how much I disliked being with Logan, I smiled at both of the boys as Logan wrapped his arms around my waist, looking as if he was trying to convince Sarah that we made the perfect couple. I rolled my eyes and stared at the front of the line.

We stood in silence for ten minutes as the line slowly shuffled forwards. When we’d finally reached the front of the line, the bouncer looked us up and down with an expressionless face. “ID’s please.” he said as he folded his arms. I could feel my skin going on edge as I fumbled through my purse looking for the fake ID Sarah had given me that morning. I finally found it and passed it to the bouncer who stared at it for a moment before handing it back and pausing. I stood nervously, wondering whether he knew it was a fake or not. He moved from the front entrance and motioned for me to go inside. I walked into the hallway and let out a deep breath, waiting for Sarah and the boys to walk through the entrance. Sarah and Logan suddenly came through the entrance with a grin on her face. “He totally fell for it, I can’t believe it. Oh, and Ben couldn’t get in.”
I looked at her confused, “Wait, what? Ben’s the only one who can actually LEGALLY get into this club.”
Sarah laughed “ I know right? He forgot his ID and the bouncer wouldn’t let him in, haha. Now come on, we’ve got some mingling to do” she grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the club, with Logan walking lazily behind.

I sat at a small table stirring my glass of water with the straw. I watched Sarah on the dance floor grinding up to a guy who was obviously very drunk, and turned away in disgust. Logan sat across from me, sneaking looks at a flirtatious blonde standing near the corner. As soon as he realised I was watching, he blushed profusely. “Uh, I’m gonna go to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” he lied. Did he honestly think I was stupid enough to believe that he wasn’t going to hook up with the blonde in the hallway? He was such a bad liar, I don’t know why he even bothered, he obviously realised I knew he spent most of his weekends hooking up with party girls. He also realised I wasn’t going to leave him anytime soon with the threats he constantly made: “If you ever tell anyone what I do, I’ll make the rest of your life a living hell, got it?” I sighed once again.

Looking around me at the tables of people drinking, it pretty much looked the usual type of club-goers, then my eyes stopped on a table where a young guy sat with three friends. His friends seemed to be having fun at his expense as I saw his face turn bright red. One of the friends walked off all of a sudden to talk to a rather tasteless brunette who had been blatantly hitting on him. The other two guys stood up and walked to the DJ booth, leaving the youngest looking guy sitting on his own. I smiled as I watched him sitting there awkwardly, adjusting his glasses. “Oh, who are you staring at?” Sarah asked teasingly. I spun around, feeling my face turn pink. “I thought you were ‘talking’ to that guy on the dance floor?” quickly trying to change the subject.
Sarah sighed “yeah, I was but it turns out he brought along a very jealous girlfriend” she rolled her blue eyes as she sat down in the seat across from me. Her face crinkled in confusion, “Where’s Logan? I thought he was sitting with you..”
“I-I think he went to the bathroom or something.” my excuse sounded just as bad as his did.
“Whatever,” Sarah quickly dismissed my answer and looked over to the table of guys I’d been watching a few minutes ago.
Suddenly she smiled and lent over towards me and spoke in a whisper. “You should go over there and talk to him.” motioning towards the guy with the glasses I’d been watching.
I stared at her in disbelief “Me? I don’t think so..”
“Why not? He’s totally staring at you right now” I turned around to look at him again, and sure enough, Sarah was right. He quickly realised I was watching him stare at me and he turned away blushing bright pink. I smiled and turned back to Sarah who was grinning at me, motioning to go talk to him. I nervously stood up and walked over to his table…