Without You, I'm Just Me

I hadn’t even reached Pete and Angie’s father in the waiting room when the tears had started rushing down my cheeks. I’d always hated crying in public, it made me feel like such a pussy. "Patrick, what's wrong?" Pete stood up and made his way over to my heaving figure. I didn't care that I was crying, it didn't matter anymore. "What's going on? Why aren't you in there?"

I tried to console myself enough to talk. "Th-they made me leave the room."

Pete looked confused. "Why? What's happening?"

I snapped. "The love of my life is fucking dying in there Pete! That's what's happening."

Pete looked as pale as I did. “Oh fuck, are you serious?”
I nodded and burst into stuttering sobs. Pete wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. I sobbed desperately into his hoodie, images of Angie’s limp body running through head. Maybe it hadn’t been as bad I thought, maybe I’d exaggerated it. But how could I? the sound of that machine was so clear in my head, even now that it may have been coming from the room. The sound that told me that Angie’s heart was no longer beating.
“Code blue to room 43B, code blue to room 43B.”
A few doctors passed us in the hallways dragging a defibrillator with them into Angie‘s room. The doors swung open and I caught a glimpse of the scene for only a second. Though, it was enough. Angie was pale and limp. Josie was standing beside her, consoling her hysterical mother. The doctors were rushing around her, setting up the defibrillator. “Clear.“ Angie’s body jolted from the bed, back to her original, limp state. A knot formed in my stomach as the realisation hit me. They hadn’t stabilized her yet, they were trying to kick-start her heart. The last hope of bringing her back to life.
I couldn’t wait out here while Angie died in the next room. I burst into a sprint, ignoring Pete’s desperate pleas. I swung open the door. “Did you want to call it?” the nurse looked at the doctor operating the defibrillator.
“NO!!!!!!!!” I screamed, and pushed my way towards Angie. “Angie, wake up, come on baby wake up. Don’t leave me, I need you.”
The doctors pulled me away from the bed. The nurse and doctor seemed ignorant of my outburst. “We’ll give it one more shot, turn it up.” the nurse nodded and pressed switches and buttons. “Clear.” he pressed down on Angie’s chest. I felt our entire life together flash past my eyes, the night we first met, the times we’d hung out to watch movies, the song I’d written for her, our first kiss, the Valentine’s day I’d almost lost her, when we’d finally made up, the night we‘d both lost our virginity, the day she’d told me she was pregnant, the night we’d told her parents, the afternoon I’d proposed, our engagement party, when we’d told Josie, all leading back to the present moment. What I wouldn’t give for just one more chance to tell her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her, and, although I didn’t want to, to tell her goodbye.
A steady, prominent beeping disturbed my reminiscence and I opened my eyes. I was in the waiting room with my head in Pete’s lap. The beeping had come from the large analogue clock across from us. When did I get out here? I sat up and looked at Pete’s face. His expression softened, it looked like he hadn’t slept in hours. “Hey Trick, are you feeling any better? You passed out in the operating room and they brought you out here.”

I frowned and tried to remember anything of what had happened. It came up blank. “How long have I been out for?”
“About five hours now, I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to wake up.” he joked.
I tried my best to smile, though the question I wanted to ask was burning through my brain. “Is she- is Angie-” it was all I could manage to stutter out. Pete’s gaze softened. “She’s been out for awhile, they said it’ll be another hour before the medication wears off and we can go see her again.” I looked into Pete’s eyes to see if he was really serious.
“She’s not dead? But, but I heard that machine, her heart stopped beating, they were using that defibrillator on her. Her heart wouldn’t start again.”
Pete frowned in confusion. “You passed out that soon huh? They brought her back, she’s been asleep since though. She woke up for about 10 minutes and complained about feeling sore so they gave her some medication to help her sleep.”
I couldn’t hide the joy as my heart sped up into overtime. The grin on my face was contagious, as Pete grinned back at me. I wrapped my arms around him, and crushed him in my arms. “She’s alive, Pete, she’s alive!!!”
I heard Pete laugh into my shoulder. “Can’t. Breathe. Patrick.”
I grinned sheepishly and loosened my grip. “Right, sorry. I love you man.”
Pete patted my back with his hand. “I love you too, just make sure you don’t do this to Angie when she wakes up, she’s going to be exhausted and very weak.”
The realisation hit me like a punch in the gut. “The baby, is it ok?” I asked warily.
Pete’s smile faded and was replaced with a look of grief. “I’m so sorry Trick.”
I shook my head and let a tear roll down my cheek. Although we hadn’t been anywhere near prepared for a baby, it still hurt to know that we wouldn’t have the chance anymore.
The hour passed so slowly that I could actually hear each second tick by, each second bringing me closer to seeing Angie’s beautiful face again. A nurse came up to us slowly and began to speak. “Are you here for Miss Angie Smith?”
We both nodded as she smiled. “She’s awake, you can go visit her now.” the nurse made her way down the hallway. I was out of my seat in an instant, and on the floor again straight after. Pete bent over, shaking his head, to pick me up. I mumbled a thanks as I bolted to Angie’s room. I stood in the doorway, sucking in a deep breath. Her entire body was alabaster pale, her face blotched with red from sobbing. She looked sick, and miserable. I slowly walked into the room, and her entire face light up. “Patrick.” it came out in a whisper so low it was barely audible. I moved quickly to her bedside and ran a hand down her sticky face. Her smile became wider. I brought my lips to hers. “I love you so much Angie.”
“I love you too.” she breathed. Unexpectedly, she burst into tears. I frowned, and wrapped my arms around her frail body, trying to console her. “Angie, calm down, what’s wrong sweetie?”
She sniffed before speaking. “I lost our baby Patrick.” I wiped away her tears.
“I know sweetie, I know.”
She sniffed again. “You don’t hate me do you?”

I had to hold back a laugh, knowing she was deadly serious. “Of course not baby, of course not. I would never blame you for something that isn’t your fault. I’m just so happy you’re alive!” I could tell I had a goofy grin on my face, but I didn’t care. Angie was alive and that’s all that mattered.
*~Angie’s POV~* 1 month later:
He ran his hand down my side and I purred in content. “Hmmm.” he sighed as he smiled into my hair.
I smirked. “See something you like Stump?” He returned the smirk, placing his lips to my forehead. “What would give you that impression?” I shrugged and brought my lips to his, both of us smirking. Our hips moved in synch as we made out on the couch. I stopped immediately when I heard voices and the front door opening. Patrick was about to ask what was going on so I shoved my hand across his mouth and put a finger to my lips. He nodded as I slowly slinked off the couch to listen to what sounded like my parent’s in a heated argument. “Look Jillian, we can’t just run away because things are getting hard, we have a life here.” Dad only called mom by her full first name when he was being really serious about something. I snuck my way to the edge of the kitchen were my parents stood. “We might as well not exist here anymore David! Our reputation is so tainted, I have housewives gossiping about us when I pick up the groceries! I can’t stand it here anymore, and you know they can’t get married, they have no reason to anymore.” I bit my lip. They were arguing about me. I held back the tears threatening to release at any moment. Dad sighed. “Look, I’ll see what I can do. They’ve offered me the job but it isn’t certain yet, though I’ve been told I have the higher chance at receiving it.” Mom nodded her head, sounding relieved. “How are we supposed to tell Angie? You know she won’t like this.”
Dad walked up to mom and placed his hands on her shoulders. They started to walk out of the room so I ran back to the front room. Patrick, still lying on the lounge looked confused when I pulled him through the front door.
“Angie, slow down. Where are we going?” I stopped dragging him through the park. I didn’t want to tell him, what if we didn’t end up leaving at all? I didn’t want to cause him all this added stress. “My parents are up to something, I can tell. They’ve been sneaking around, stopping their whispered conversations when I enter the room.” Patrick intertwined our fingers.
“I’m sure everything will be fine, if its serious, I’m sure they’ll let you know.”
The realisation hit me. “What if they’re trying to break us up? I don’t want to lose you.” I mumbled into his shoulder as he ran his free hand through my hair. “You’re not going to lose me, I promised you I’d always be there and I’m determined to keep that promise.” I looked up and smiled at the sincerity in his words. “SURPRISE!” a flash went off from behind us.
“What the fuck?” Patrick and I screamed in unison. We turned to see Sarah holding a Polaroid camera. She removed the photograph she’d just taken and began shaking it in her hand. As soon as it developed, a smile crossed her face. “Perfect.”
We both looked at her with a look of utter confusion. She held the Polaroid up for us to investigate it. I smiled as the picture came into view.

Patrick smiled before frowning. “So why exactly are you taking pictures of us? Turn into the paparazzi or something?”

Sarah laughed before taking another photo. “My parent’s are going to send me to boarding school over the winter, they’ve already received my acceptance letter. I’m leaving in two weeks.” The look of dread and realisation and dread was obvious on my face as Sarah snapped the next photo. “Are-are you serious? But you‘re going to miss my birthday next month.” I managed to stutter out.
She nodded before shaking another Polaroid. “Don’t worry, Angie, it’s only for the winter. I’ll be back before you know it! I just need some pics to show my future friends, I thought it’d be cool to make a scrapbook for us both, for me as a going away present, and for you as an early birthday present.”
I grinned at her logic and Patrick put an arm around us both. “How about I take some pictures of you both?”
Sarah and I nodded as Patrick started taking some happy snaps of us. Even though I was losing my best friend for three months, I knew it’d all work out.
Patrick and I walked hand-in-hand to my front door as the winter air breezed past us. I shivered as I removed Patrick’s coat, handing it back to him. He shook his head. “No, you really should wear it, you’re going to freeze without it.”
I laughed and pushed it towards him again. “Really Patrick, it’s fine. I’m just going to be staying inside for the rest of the night. If I need to leave the house, I’ll call you.” I winked suggestively, causing Patrick to blush.
“ANGELA!” we both turned to see my dad standing in the hallway. He only used my full first name when he was REALLY angry or when the situation was very serious. I figured it was the former. “Your mother and I never gave you permission to leave the house, you’re grounded for a week.” I rolled my eyes and Patrick stifled a giggle. “I’ll call you tonight.” I kissed him slowly.
Dad grunted. “Hey, you wanna make it two weeks? You’re having your computer and cell phone confiscated, and you’ve lost your right to usage of the home phone too.” I opened my mouth to complain, but thought better of it. It’d only make the situation worse. “I’ll tell Sarah you’re grounded, she was meant to be coming over to work on the scrapbook tonight.” Patrick told me in a low whisper. I shook my head. “My parents will allow her to come over if we tell them it’s an art project.”
Patrick smiled and waved me goodbye. I turned around to face dad. “To your room now, your mother and I are about to have a private talk.” I was confused, but I nodded and retreated to my bedroom.
“Angie, could you come out here sweetheart?” I turned off my Discman playing Take This To Your Grave and walked into the hallway. Even if I wasn’t able to actually speak or spend time with Patrick, they could never completely take him away from me. My mom sat at the table smiling. “We need to have a talk with you, about - something serious.” I frowned in confusion. I sat down slowly in the seat across from my mother, to see my dad taking the chair beside her. “Ok…”
Dad cleared his throat, motioning for mom to continue. “I hope you can take this seriously and maturely, like the adult we know you are.” my brows knitted further in confusion and frustration.
“You’re not getting a divorce are you?” I asked with accusation in my voice. They both let out a breath and shook their heads. I let out a breath in return. “So what is it you wanted to tell me?” They gave each other a look before mom continued. “I’m not sure how to tell you this but-” she was interrupted by a knock at the front door. I still sat silently as they hesitated to answer the door.

Mom returned with a smiling Sarah, arms filled with photo albums, decorations and two large scrapbooks. “Sarah said you have an overnight art project due tomorrow, is that correct?”
We both nodded. God I love Patrick. Mom continued in a stern, but considerate tone. “Maybe you should have told me this earlier, how long do you think it will take?” I looked to Sarah.
She smiled, unfazed by the obvious tension in the room. “Don’t worry Mrs Smith, it should only take an hour and a half, tops.” she pushed me towards the bedroom without waiting for an answer.

Sarah dropped all that was in her hand onto the floor, spreading it everywhere. “Holy crap Sarah, bring enough shit with you?” I exclaimed as she dropped onto the floor with the books in front of her. “It’s not ‘shit’ thank you very much. It’s art.” she grinned before opening one of the books. “Ready to see it? I even got some letters from your friends and stuff to put into it too.”
I frowned. “Wait, you’ve already finished mine?”
She nodded. “Well yeah, it’s was meant to be a birthday present silly. We’re both working on mine tonight.” I laughed as she opened the photos.
I laughed as I walked Sarah to the front door. “That was definitely fun, you’ll have to come back over before you leave so we can hang out again!” She nodded.
“I’d come over this weekend but my parents are taking me to see my grandma before thanksgiving.” she rolled her eyes and I giggled. “That’s alright, I’m grounded anyway. I’ll see you in a week’s time then. Thanks for coming over.”
“Anytime.” she winked before walking out of the door. I turned to see mom blocking the path back up the stairs.
“I think it’s time we continue this family meeting, don’t you?” I sighed and returned to the dining room.
I ran through the house, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t stop when I made my way up the stairs, even though I couldn’t see a single thing. I heard my mother’s footsteps behind me. “I’ll never do it, you can’t make me!” I screamed as I slammed the door behind me when I finally reached my bedroom. I collapsed against the door in desperate sobs. I heard both of my parents knocking furiously on the door but I ignored them and turned on my stereo. Grand Theft Autumn played on full volume, forcing the tears to fall faster. They were trying to destroy my entire reason for existence. They wanted me to break off the engagement to the only boy I’d ever loved, the only boy I could ever see myself spending forever with. Not only that, but move away from him and lose all contact with him. I honestly couldn’t see the reason for my life if Patrick wasn’t a part of it. Suddenly, all the pieces finally clicked together. The secrecy, the ‘spring cleaning’, the boxes, the public grounding for the week and confiscation. This wasn’t a sudden decision, they’d been planning this since the night I’d lost my reason to stay with Patrick. I wiped back the tears with my hoodie sleeve and pulled a notebook and pen from the desk and began to write a letter to the lover I’d never see again.
*~Patrick’s POV~* 1 week later:
I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as I drove the familiar roads to Angie’s house. Although I was pissed about not having contact with her for the entire week, I was glad it was finally over. I almost ran to the front door, only to find it was locked. I frowned. They didn’t usually have their front door locked. I knocked and waited three times, each time receiving no answer. I walked around to the back side of the house, and sat under the tree we’d spent several hours together under, just watching the clouds pass by. A shiny object from the top window ledge of Angie’s room caught my eye. I could see a small piece of paper caught in the window. I climbed up and stood on the small roof awning above the back door, just in line with the window. I slipped the paper from under the window, and it came with a small ring tied to it. My stomach dropped when I realised it was Angie’s engagement ring I had given her. I looked at the paper which I now recognised to be an envelope with my name printed neatly on the front in Angie’s familiar handwriting. I neatly and cautiously opened the envelope to reveal a handwritten letter in her delicate font.
Dear Patrick,
I know you must be confused with the situation, especially as to why I returned the promise ring you gave me. I had to leave, and I won’t be coming back. I wish I could tell you more or where I will be going, but that is still not apparent to even me. I want you to know that none of this is your fault and I am so terribly sorry I never got to say goodbye. I don’t know whether I will be to contact you again, if even this letter reaches you it will be a miracle. I just want you to know I will never forget about you or the time we’ve spent together. It will always be the best part of my life. I will never regret a single moment I spent with you, even if it did cause my apparent absence from you. If I ever get the chance, I promise I will visit you as soon as I can. All my love for you now and forever,
Angie.
(P.s. remember without you, I’m just me, you will always own the other part of my heart. )

(Author's note:I was promised a cookie from Kassy if I didn't kill Angie which was VERY tempting. XD
I wasn't actually going to kill her anyway, but I am really looking forward to that cookie now. I'll hopefully be starting work on a sequel real soon, just sit tight for now.)