Without You, I'm Just Me

After Valentine’s Day, nothing seemed to matter anymore. I lost track of both time and date, everything was just divided into days I had school and days I didn’t. I was never fully focused on anything, except Patrick. I both hated and loved the way everything reminded me of him. I found myself falling asleep in class more often, and forgetting to take notes. Luckily Sarah was there to help out with my lack of interest in school work, but it had started to become an nuisance to her. “Look Angie, I can’t keep doing this forever, sooner or later you’re going to have to get past this.” I closed my locker door and sighed.

“But it’s Patrick, Sarah. I can’t get over him. You know how everyone has that person who they’d do anything for, that they live for? For me, that was Patrick.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “God, you are so annoying you know that? I am sick to death of hearing you complain every single day about how much you miss Patrick. If you want him back that much, just freaking go talk to him, but you’re not willing enough to do that so please just shut up. I don’t want to hear it anymore.” she slammed her locker shut and stormed off. Great work Angie, you’ve managed to destroy your relationships with everyone close to you. I jumped when I realised someone was behind me. “Hey Angie, I was wondering if it’d be alright if I just talked to you, I have to sort out a few things..” I must admit I was positively surprised at Logan’s sudden growth in maturity. “Yeah, sure that’d be okay. Did you want me to come by this afternoon?”

Logan smiled. “Yeah, how about tonight? I’ve got a game on tonight, so I’ll make sure I call you before you come over.”

I smiled back. “Yeah, ok. I’ll see you at tonight then.”

*~Patrick’s POV~*

I watched Pete and Joe excitedly talking about our show tonight and sighed. I found myself staring at my guitar again. I loved the way it reminded me of Angie, but then again, pretty much everything reminded me of her. What I hated about it was they way it not only reminded me of everything I loved about her, but it reminded me of how much I’d hurt her. I read over the inscription again: Happy Valentines Patrick, Hope you like the guitar, and promise me you’ll never leave me alone. Love, Angie.

Well I certainly screwed up on that promise. I felt Pete kick me in the shins, and I groaned. “What’s up? You’ve been kinda moody lately.” He frowned as if he was trying to read my mind. I sighed, knowing I couldn’t tell him the truth. The last thing I wanted to do was to bring everyone else down too. “Nothing, I’m just tired.” I managed to mumble before letting out a convincing yawn. Pete kicked me again, before standing up. “Well hurry up then, we’ve gotta get all the equipment in the van.” I sighed again, before getting up to help load our instruments into the van.

When we arrived at the club, it looked all too familiar. As we walked through the hallway, I felt my heart drop. It was the club where I’d first met Angie. Pete frowned at me. “What wrong? Don’t you remember this place?” I returned the frown and shook my head. “No, I remember this place.” Pete looked puzzled so I walked toward the backstage door.

The crowd screamed again as we finished playing Pretty In Punk. I must admit, playing live was probably one of the only things that ever took my mind off Angie. “Thank you for hanging out with us tonight, it’s been awesome.” Pete shouted into the microphone as everyone began screaming again. “But before we go, we have a little surprise.” I shot a confused “what the fuck” look at Pete and he just shrugged. “We’ve got a brand new song for you written by our very own Patrick Stump. We’ve only practice it a few times, so let us know what you think when we’re done.” Once again the crowd screamed, but I felt the colour run from my face. I knew exactly what Pete was talking about, he wanted us to play the song I’d written for Angie. I couldn’t believe he was doing this. He knew I’d written it about Angie, he knew how I really felt about Angie and he also knew I had a girlfriend. What he didn’t know was what had happened between us on Valentine’s Day, or that I‘d practically broken up with Kathryn yesterday in a very bitter argument. I looked over the crowd and instantly felt sick. It was her. Kathryn. I had no idea why she’d come, I mean technically we hadn’t officially broken up. Somehow word had gotten out about my song for Angie and our little indiscretion on Valentine’s Day, and Kathryn had found out. She’d also taken to calling Angie my “not-so-secret whore.” Pete shot me a look, telling me to hurry up. I cleared my throat and began to sing. I saw Kathryn roll her eyes and groan exaggeratedly. She continued this throughout the entire song. We played our final note and Pete thanked the audience again. I stared in horror as I saw Kathryn storming towards the stage. She climbed up the platform and shoved me in the chest. I groaned, trying to stabilize my stance. “You are a fucking male slut Patrick Stump. You know that?” she screeched across the room. I blushed copiously as the entire club looked at me. Pete walked over slowly looking completely confused. “How dare you play that song around me? It’s bad enough you spend time with that little whore, but do you have to sing about her too? I’m supposed to be your girlfriend and I’ve never heard you write a song that romantic about me, how wrong is that?” She jabbed me sharply in the chest. I couldn’t take it any longer. “Fuck off Kathryn, I don’t want to hear you call Angie that ever again, got it?” She stared at me open-mouthed. I laughed. “You calling her a whore, you’re such a hypocrite you know that right? Do you think I’m so naïve that I don’t realise what you do when I’m not there?” I walked off the stage and went to leave the club. “I HATE YOU PATRICK! And don’t you dare think you can walk off on me. Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

I turned around at the door. “I’m going to find Angie, so I can tell her I love her.” Kathryn stared at me in disbelief once again before screaming. I ran to my car and sped off to Angie’s house.

*~Angie’s POV~*

I stood in front of the mirror adjusting my hairstyle. It felt nice to know that I’d be able to talk normally with Logan again, it was something I’d really missed. The phone began to ring and I ran to pick it up. Straight away I recognised it as Logan. “Hey, is that Angie?” I laughed. “Yeah Logan, it’s me. Are you ready for me to come over now?”

He laughed in reply. “Yep, you can come over as soon as you like. Bye.” I put the phone back and grabbed my coat. I called out to mom on the way out. “Hey mom, I’ll be home in about an hour, I’m going over to Logan’s house.”

Mom called back from the kitchen. “Ok, honey, have fun.”

“So you scored the winning goal?” Logan nodded, beaming. “That’s incredible.” I smiled.

Logan cleared his throat. “So what’s your week been like?” I frowned and sighed. “You haven’t heard the rumors yet?”

He nodded. “Yeah, but I didn’t know whether to believe them or not, I mean it’s you Ange.” I felt slightly guilty at his newfound trust in me. “Yeah, well I was stupid to think that we’d even work.”

I frowned and rubbed my arm. “it’s not your fault, I mean I’m sure there’s a reason you felt like that to begin with, maybe he was leading you on but you didn’t even realise.” I frowned, I didn’t know how true that would be, but I decided to agree with him for the sake of it. “Maybe you’re right.”

*~Patrick’s POV~*

My parking job was quite dodgy as I pulled up at Angie’s house, running up the driveway to the door. I knocked persistently on the door, as Angie’s mom answered. She frowned a little when she saw me. “Oh hello Patrick, I haven’t seen you around here in quite some time. Is everything alright?” I felt as if she deserved the truth, but I knew I didn’t have the time. “Hey Mrs Smith, is Angie here?” she quickly shook her head. “She’s actually not home right now, she’s gone to Logan’s house. I could give you the address if you want…” I cut in. “No, that’s ok. I know where he lives. Thanks anyway.” I bolted out the door before she could say another word. I ran to the car, fumbling around with the keys. Logan lived about 5 minutes from Angie’s house, she’d pointed it out everytime we drove past. “Ugh, there’s Logan’s house.” she rolled her eyes. “It looks almost as stuck up as him and his family.”

*~Angie’s POV~*

It felt good to talk to Logan, I hadn’t had anyone to talk to so openly since Sarah had decided to start ignoring our conversations a week ago. “I can fully understand we’re you’re coming from here, but I don’t understand how you can believe that.” I laughed and shook my head. “What can I say? I’m an optimist. I always look for the good in people and I believe in true love.”

He smiled and rubbed my cheek. “I do too.” then pressed his lips to mine. I must admit, I wasn’t expecting to receive any of his affection, nor did I really want it. However, my common sense was overpowered by the need to feel wanted, a feeling I hadn’t had since I’d last been with Patrick. And let’s face it, everyone wants to feel like they’re needed right?

*~Patrick’s POV~*

I stopped the car just in front of the hedge so I could see inside the house without them being able to see me. I got out of the car and began to walk across the lawn. Then I realised the only light on was the light in the upstairs room. I stepped back to see if anyone was there and instantly felt sick. There was Angie, making out with Logan. I bit my lip, feeling the tears fall down my face. I felt angry at myself for losing the chance to be with her, I had no one to blame but myself. I went back to my car and sat silently.

*~Angie’s POV~*

I know it’s wrong, but the entire time I was making out with Logan I couldn’t help but think about the way Patrick touched me compared to Logan. Logan was always insistent and a little rough, whereas Patrick was always gentle and never did anything that made me uncomfortable. What made this entire situation even worse, is I started imagining how amazing it would feel to make out with Patrick. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help myself and I blurted out something I instantly regretted. “Oh, Patrick” I moaned as Logan ran his hand up my thigh. He immediately pulled away, holding my shoulders. “Wait, what did you call me? Did you just call me Patrick?” He stood up, looking angst.
“No, I - I mean I-” I stuttered. I stood up blushing and feeling sick. He laughed. “I thought you said you only kissed him once? Or did you lie to me again Angie?” He pushed me onto the bed, letting me fall before he began pacing. He raised his voice. “You know, that’s all you ever do Angie, you lie to me. I can’t even trust you, how do I know you didn’t sleep with him?” I stared at him in disbelief. “Logan, calm down. I told you about my feeling for Patrick and I thought it was pretty obvious that I’m still not over him.” He laughed again. “You’re such a little whore Angie. Being with him when we were dating wasn’t good enough, so what? Now you’re sleeping with him and hitting on me on the side?”

I couldn’t believe how self-centered he was. “Hitting on you? You’re the one who kissed me, and I told you I’m not sleeping with Patrick!”

“You say that, but I can tell you’ve thought about it, you can’t deny it. You’re such a slut Angie.” I could feel the tears running down my face while he smirked. I slapped him across the face and ran out of the house.

*~Patrick’s POV~*

I heard yelling and looked back up at the window to see Angie sitting on the bed looking nervous as Logan paced past her shouting. I heard my name mentioned a few times, before I heard Angie slam the door. I watched as she ran across the lawn, crying. She walked over towards her car, and I leant over to get a better look at her and accidentally bumped the horn. “Shit!” I yelled, quickly moving my hand. Angie turned to look in my direction, squinting her eyes. “P-Patrick?”