Headlights on the Interstate

The horizon immersed itself in the black pool of night that had drowned the sky. Stars stained the velvet air and crickets whispered crooning secrets to one another in the shadows. She sat there in her car, thinking. Her eyes wandered to the house she was parked in front of. She wanted so badly to open the car door, walk up the steps and ring the bell, but something was holding her back. Her teeth dug into the soft pink flesh of her lips as she fought back fear. Her adolescence was slipping away with every moment that passed, and her naivety was becoming scarce. Perhaps that was what she was hoping for. Even she wasn't sure. Her pride was caught in her throat, hiding from the fact that she had reacted on impulse. It was very unlike her. She was level-headed, decisive and independent. Now, she was scatterbrained, second-guessing herself and yearning for a shoulder to lean on.

Her eyes flickered up as a light switched on in the house. Her gaze travelled amongst the room's windows and she immediately regretted what she'd done. As she grabbed her keys, a loud noise caught her attention. She stopped and looked up from where she sat, her eyes the size of saucers. Looking out the window was the one person she'd come to see. The one person she had driven hours on end to meet, the one person who knew her better than anyone else.

"Shit," she murmured, reaching for the car key, conveniently in the ignition. She fumbled to turn it as the blinds snapped and lights flickered wildly in the house. Before she could put the shift in gear, the front door had flown wide open and a sporadic body was pressed against the car door. Two fists banged against the glass as a set of big, worried brown eyes tried to convince her into letting him in. Into her car, into her life, into her world.

She gave him a look of disdain. To her, it wasn't convincing, it was conning. He was trying to force himself back into her life, when he'd done all he could possibly do to get himself kicked out.

How could I have been so stupid?

What a mistake.

What a waste of time.

What a waste of gas.

She looked up at his beautiful face.

What a waste of tears.

"Kelli! Kelli, wait! Please!"

"I'm tired of waiting, Jack!" she screamed, fumbling with the keys. For some reason, they just wouldn't work. "Fuck," she muttered, pounding her fists on the steering wheel. She looked through the glass at the man who had walked away from her. The man who she had to face every day because he was embedded in her mind. The man who, she regretted to admit, still had her heart. The man who refused to give it back. Furious, she threw open the car door and slammed it behind her, burning holes in the one known as Jack Barakat.

"Kelli, I need to talk to you."

"Is that right?" she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "You need to talk to me? Well, what did I ever do to deserve such an honour?"

"C'mon Kelli, cut it out."

She looked at him oddly. "Cut what out? The sarcasm or your face from my photo albums? Oh wait. I already did that."

A look of hurt and pain engulfed his face and for a split second, Kelli actually felt sorry for him. She snapped out of that quickly.

"Don't be all cute and innocent, Barakat. It's not your style."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"What the hell am I talking about?" She threw her hands up in rage. "I'm talking about you breaking my heart, you fucking jerk!" She yanked off her jacket and threw it, hitting him square in the face. "I'm talking about this torturous thing called a life that I have to live through, while being constantly reminded of your fame and fortune. I'm talking about looking at myself in the mirror every single goddamn day and seeing the reason I'm all alone staring right back at me." Tears stained her cheeks as she spoke, pent up emotions finding the oxygen they needed to breathe. "Do you know what it's like to wake up in the morning and be so afraid that you'll get hit by a bus that you call in sick? No? Well, when you've been trampled on and deemed worthless, dying alone becomes inevitable, but let me tell you, as long as I can avoid it, I will. I've been fired from half a dozen jobs for failing to complete a sufficient number of hours. Do you know what that means, Jack? It means that I was so afraid that I would die before I got to work that I wimped out of my job altogether just so that I wouldn't have to die knowing that you had completely ruined me!"

Broken, Kelli fell to her knees, sobs shaking her body. She lay there, sprawled on the grass of his front lawn, praying to God that He would electrocute her and get it over with. She didn't even flinch when two hands reached out for her.

"Please don't cry. You don't know what you do to me when you cry," Jack whispered, his voice cracking. He wrapped her in his arms and let his own tears fall, drenching her shoulder with years of desperation. Kelli refused to let him crawl back into her life. She rose to her feet.

"Don't touch me, Jack. Don't touch me, don't come near me, don't even speak to me." She wiped her eyes and her nose, looking battered and dishevelled. "Coming back here was the biggest mistake I've ever made next to loving you." As she turned to leave, a whimper pierced the air. She turned around to stare at him, his big brown eyes glazed over and exhausted. Even through the sadness, she still knew she loved him. But she'd be damned if she ever admitted it.

"I never treated you right, Kelli. I came to peace with that when you left for college, but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, I wouldn't give for a second chance." She feigned disgust, but her eyes told him a different story. "Every single day for three years, I sat up till 2 in the morning thinking about how bad I was to you. About how perfect you were, and how awful I was. I knew I couldn't make you happy, but I promised myself that if you ever came back, I'd try. I'd try so hard that my hands would bleed and my bones would break. I promised I'd try! It didn't hurt to watch you leave because I walked away first." Kelli's lip trembled as he continued to speak. "You say you hate me and I'd rather that than have you wasting away missing me, but you broke down! For Christ's sake, Kelli, your broke down right in my arms!" he screamed. She burst into sobs as fresh tears surfaced in his big brown eyes. "And that tells me you do love me." Jack reached for the tender mocha skin that he'd fallen in love with in junior high, caressing it with a hand that wasn't even close to beautiful. Kelli bit her lip as his callused fingers grazed her cheek and let a tear fall into his palm. "I love you, Kelli, and if you still love me, the least you can do is tell me." She looked away but he grabbed her face with both hands. "I'll make it work. Baby, I'll do anything you want. Just please." Kelli's body shook as the cold night air attacked her bare arms and she stared down at her leather jacket, covered in dust and dirt. After a moment, she looked back at Jack, his eyes begging her. She had never known his face to emote so much, to appear so vulnerable. She went to take a step but his hand brushed against hers before she could block him out. "Don't let me break another promise."

Kelli was overwhelmed. Despite what she'd said, she still loved Jack. She missed ice cream at the dock, Friday night movies, summers wasted on the trampoline. She missed his lips pressed to her ear, whispering secrets he never dreamed of telling anyone else. As clouds crackled above them, Kelli sighed, waiting for the rain to pour, waiting for it to hit hard. She stared deeply into Jack's eyes, wishing he'd do something to compel her to stay. She swore at him in her mind, cursing his smile, his charm. She thought about how much better her life would be once this was all over and that proved to be enough to give her strength. She had two options and the decision was pressing down on her chest, stealing her breath and her words. Regardless, she stared at the floor then shut her eyes. And then, she chose.

Jack turned away as he watched her head fall. It had finally happened. He'd lost her for good. She was gone; she'd let him go, and there was nothing he could do about it. As his heart broke, he forced his feet across the asphalt up to the steps of his house but he never got there.

As their lips met, the clouds opened and raindrops hit the ground like water bombs. The moment Kelli pulled away, he knew he was lucky. He was blessed with a girl who, through it all, had come back, and had taken him back. Hugging in the rain, Kelli merely stood there, breathing in the smell of nostalgia that had seeped into his skin throughout the years. Jack smiled and buried his head in her shoulder, letting the drops of cold silver soak through his shirt as he held her in his arms for the first time in a long time. Thunder and lightning boomed in the sky, but that didn't matter to Jack.

Even Mother Nature couldn't make him let her go.