Sincerely, Anonymous.
A Letter For You.
Dear _ _ _ _.
It is a funny thought that you were the one to hurt me the most. You weren't my friend, and I never really liked you; you were always such a hypocrite, and I disliked you from day one.
You acted like you were our Father. When we went to France you told people that we were your kids, orphan kids that you had to take care of because our parents couldn't handle us. We hated you for that; most of us had caring parents, and those who didn't have them surely didn't want it thrown in their faces. You should have just told them that we were fuck ups, criminal kids, former druggies who hadn't learned to cope with reality again, people who didn’t fit in and needed somewhere to stay so as not to get hurt any more, kids who were having problems with our family that we couldn't handle.
Because that was how it was; we were fuck ups, and we knew it very well. We didn't brag about it, but we didn't hide it with lies the way you did.
It was our lives, _ _ _ _, lives that you sadly enough made even more miserable.
I know, I know. Every place needs their rules, but you took it too far.
It's stupid idea, not letting boys and girls be in each other’s rooms, and to have an Adult watching over us girls when we were sharing a room. You think we would all fuck each other? That's how your perverted little mind worked? Thinking about all us kids doing it?
All of the other Students knew how much my brother meant to me, that he was the only one in this life who I ever cared about, who I would do anything in the world for, just to know he was safe. _ _ _ _ _ _ was like my brother, the same age, the same character, and the same childish humour. We could just sit in his room, him lying on the bed playing his games, and me sitting up by the wall reading my book, every now and then mentioning something from the game or the book; just like I always used to do with my brother.
He became my brother, and I became his sister, and then you all of sudden decided that we couldn't do that, we had to stay far away from each other.
He was the replacement for my brother, you jerk, because thanks to you, I wasn't allowed home for three months. Three months, away from my family and friends, do you know how that felt? Of course not, you went home to meet your family every day, you could talk with them every day, and not just meet them every third weekend, and get ten minutes with them over phone every second day.
I cried myself to sleep so many times, something I had never done when I lived at home, no matter how awfully I was treated there. I missed my life, I missed my family, and I missed talking to people, joking about everything there was to joke about, without having an Adult watching over us the whole time.
Then _ _ _ _ came, and he and I were allowed to meet, because he was sweet. He couldn't help that his father was _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, and he needed a big sister; he missed his own so much, and I understood him, because we shared that pain. My brother came to visit one day, do you even remember that? And _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ were playing soccer, and to watch my two little brothers like that, made me cry.
I loved them both, as my siblings. And then _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ had their relationship, and you kicked him out. I will never forgive you for that.
But I didn't hate you then... Do you know when I started to hate you?
It was at the Monday meeting, all of us students and the adults were there, and _ _ _ _ _ said something, something that made you laugh. Then, the fucking minute after, you tell us that _ _ _ _ is dead.
You laughed.
You laughed before telling us that he was dead, and that we would never again meet him. I can never forgive that, the way you laughed before you said it. That's when I realized just how little we Students meant to you; we were nothing to you. Maybe you cared once, you wouldn't have started a home if you didn't, but you soon forgot about the reason.
I cut myself that night. I still have the scars on my arms, my leg, my stomach and my neck for everybody to see. Because I lost someone I saw as my baby brother, someone that I had learned to care about, and you had just laughed about it.
The next day, after I came home from school, where I had been crying the whole day, and just felt completely broken over it, you came in and told me that I had overreacted, that he "hadn't meant that much to me and I that was just out for attention".
I could have killed you right there. Those words, that laughter, hurt me so deep that I wouldn't have cared about what happened to me after wards. I don't feel ashamed to admit that I would have killed you if I had something to do it with. Because you deserved it.
You kept me in that place for eleven more months. I had to see you laugh so often, and think about that same laugh you had given before telling us about _ _ _ _. You ruined my life. You didn't save me, as that place was supposed to do. You broke me down so much that now I don't feel a need to live.
I only live because _ _ _, _ _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ have begged me to stay there for them. It doesn't matter to me if I live or not, but I don't want to hurt people, so I stay, living with this pain and the emptiness that is growing more and more for every day that passes. And I can't escape.
Thanks to you, and for all of this, I will forever hate you.
...............Sincerely, Anonymous.
It is a funny thought that you were the one to hurt me the most. You weren't my friend, and I never really liked you; you were always such a hypocrite, and I disliked you from day one.
You acted like you were our Father. When we went to France you told people that we were your kids, orphan kids that you had to take care of because our parents couldn't handle us. We hated you for that; most of us had caring parents, and those who didn't have them surely didn't want it thrown in their faces. You should have just told them that we were fuck ups, criminal kids, former druggies who hadn't learned to cope with reality again, people who didn’t fit in and needed somewhere to stay so as not to get hurt any more, kids who were having problems with our family that we couldn't handle.
Because that was how it was; we were fuck ups, and we knew it very well. We didn't brag about it, but we didn't hide it with lies the way you did.
It was our lives, _ _ _ _, lives that you sadly enough made even more miserable.
I know, I know. Every place needs their rules, but you took it too far.
It's stupid idea, not letting boys and girls be in each other’s rooms, and to have an Adult watching over us girls when we were sharing a room. You think we would all fuck each other? That's how your perverted little mind worked? Thinking about all us kids doing it?
All of the other Students knew how much my brother meant to me, that he was the only one in this life who I ever cared about, who I would do anything in the world for, just to know he was safe. _ _ _ _ _ _ was like my brother, the same age, the same character, and the same childish humour. We could just sit in his room, him lying on the bed playing his games, and me sitting up by the wall reading my book, every now and then mentioning something from the game or the book; just like I always used to do with my brother.
He became my brother, and I became his sister, and then you all of sudden decided that we couldn't do that, we had to stay far away from each other.
He was the replacement for my brother, you jerk, because thanks to you, I wasn't allowed home for three months. Three months, away from my family and friends, do you know how that felt? Of course not, you went home to meet your family every day, you could talk with them every day, and not just meet them every third weekend, and get ten minutes with them over phone every second day.
I cried myself to sleep so many times, something I had never done when I lived at home, no matter how awfully I was treated there. I missed my life, I missed my family, and I missed talking to people, joking about everything there was to joke about, without having an Adult watching over us the whole time.
Then _ _ _ _ came, and he and I were allowed to meet, because he was sweet. He couldn't help that his father was _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, and he needed a big sister; he missed his own so much, and I understood him, because we shared that pain. My brother came to visit one day, do you even remember that? And _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ were playing soccer, and to watch my two little brothers like that, made me cry.
I loved them both, as my siblings. And then _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ had their relationship, and you kicked him out. I will never forgive you for that.
But I didn't hate you then... Do you know when I started to hate you?
It was at the Monday meeting, all of us students and the adults were there, and _ _ _ _ _ said something, something that made you laugh. Then, the fucking minute after, you tell us that _ _ _ _ is dead.
You laughed.
You laughed before telling us that he was dead, and that we would never again meet him. I can never forgive that, the way you laughed before you said it. That's when I realized just how little we Students meant to you; we were nothing to you. Maybe you cared once, you wouldn't have started a home if you didn't, but you soon forgot about the reason.
I cut myself that night. I still have the scars on my arms, my leg, my stomach and my neck for everybody to see. Because I lost someone I saw as my baby brother, someone that I had learned to care about, and you had just laughed about it.
The next day, after I came home from school, where I had been crying the whole day, and just felt completely broken over it, you came in and told me that I had overreacted, that he "hadn't meant that much to me and I that was just out for attention".
I could have killed you right there. Those words, that laughter, hurt me so deep that I wouldn't have cared about what happened to me after wards. I don't feel ashamed to admit that I would have killed you if I had something to do it with. Because you deserved it.
You kept me in that place for eleven more months. I had to see you laugh so often, and think about that same laugh you had given before telling us about _ _ _ _. You ruined my life. You didn't save me, as that place was supposed to do. You broke me down so much that now I don't feel a need to live.
I only live because _ _ _, _ _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ have begged me to stay there for them. It doesn't matter to me if I live or not, but I don't want to hurt people, so I stay, living with this pain and the emptiness that is growing more and more for every day that passes. And I can't escape.
Thanks to you, and for all of this, I will forever hate you.
...............Sincerely, Anonymous.