There had been Something Missing
What had been missing?
“C’mon, Eric. Don’t be such a drag!”
Eric heard his mother only merely speaking to him as he growled lowly, cursing his sister for being such a hyperactive little brat. He should have been in a good mood, the sun was shining, clouds were nowhere to be found, only a little wind that played with his hair and brought him some refreshment. But he just wasn’t in a good mood, pretty far from it to be honest.
“Eric, where are you going?” He heard his mother yell after him but he just gave a damn, burying his hands in his pockets as he kept walking on.
He just couldn’t stand his whole family at the moment. Not only that his mother had forced him to spend nice family holidays at the sea in the south of Sweden, no. He also had to call Björn off. He wanted to go to some kind of small festival with him, with lots of drinking and nice girls – and guys of course. But his family just had to thwart him. As always. They seemed to discover their sense of belonging together always when he wanted to do something funny, something he was interested in. And his mother was just too stubborn, even more than he was. So he would give in pretty soon.
So there he was now. Together with his mother, sister, aunt and uncle. And their stupid brats of course. But he wasn’t the one to watch after them, hell no. He had done that mistake far too often to ever consider doing it again.
Murmuring curses and sentences close to ‘stupid people’, he kept walking on, going through the soft and warm sand. Eric heard the waves next to him crawl up the beach before they would go back and start again. He liked that rush, the sound just made him feel calm and good. And the sun shining down on him made him feel comfortably warm. All in all it could be such a nice day, laying in the sun, relaxing and drinking some bear. But no, he was here with those morons that called themselves family, having to stand those loud and high voices shouting at him that he just had to try the water.
Eric was too caught in his thoughts to even notice that he had gone away really far from his family and as he turned around while walking, he couldn’t even see them anymore, though the beach was flat. He mumbled something but he didn’t stop, still going on walking towards some place where he could just lay down and relax for some time. He was violently pulled out of his reverie about this adorable place by tripping over something, better someone. Letting out a surprised scream his arms were shooting into the air as the boy fell forward being unable to keep himself up anymore. Eric shut his eyes firmly. He hoped to fall onto something soft and nice and not into a mess of shells.
Against his expectation he really landed quite softly and nice as well, but the sound the thing gave out made clear that the one he landed on wasn’t so pleased about this.
“Fuck, can’t you watch out where you’re stepping?” The man snapped, his voice sending hot shivers down Eric’s spine. The other sat up to glance at the boy who had just fallen on him, and he smirked. That was some nice candy dropping down onto him, he had to confess that.
“Sorry ‘bout that. I was too caught in my thoughts!” Eric excused for the incident, sitting up immediately.
And that was this moment when the boy turned a little to look at the stranger, looking into those blue eyes that blinked a little as the man put down his sunglasses. It was the most adorable sight Eric was ever able to see and he would have begged the man to kiss him, if there wasn’t something like decency existing inside of his mind.
There was a moment of silence over them. Eric just looked at the stranger, drowning in his eyes, enjoying that the man in front of him seemed to be caught by his sight as well. His mouth felt too dry to speak and his heart beat too fast to actually be normal. He smiled shyly, his cheeks tingling slightly red as the other smiled as well. That man just looked too perfect, a pure beauty.
“What’s your name?” He chuckled lowly and put his sunglasses onto his head, into that hair that Eric just wanted to touch.
“It’s Eric.” He said, clearing his throat as he noticed how raspy his voice sounded. The man just chuckled again, a sound Eric wanted to hear more often.
“Andreas. Nice to meet you, Eric.” The other said, holding out his hand for Eric to take, but he just sat there for a few more moment, not moving at all before he finally took the other’s hand and shook it. The way Andreas spoke out his name, sent shivers down Eric’s spine over and over again and in his head formed the thought of the man actually moaning his name.
“You don’t have to blush, only because we are shaking hands.” Andreas laughed hearty, finding that boy way too cute. He looked to innocent and young, and Andreas was pretty sure he was young. But innocent? He wasn’t too sure about that but something about that boy proved him that he was not as innocent as he seemed.
Eric looked caught at the man, the blush on his pale cheeks increasing a little. “Sorry.” He mumbled and lowered his head to look down on their hands still shaking. It felt oddly comfortable for Eric, sitting like this, holding the other’s hand like this. It made him feel warm and good though he didn’t know why.
“No need to excuse, Eric.” Andreas smiled softly, running his hand through his raven strands and tugged a few behind his ear. He looked around, looking as if he was searching for something and Eric almost resigned. Perhaps he was looking for his girlfriend who was out swimming. Eric always had the luck to have a little crush on people who turned out being given in the end. And he hated it. For him it seemed as if he’d never have a relationship ever. Although he doubted that the man in front of him was really out for a relationship, nor was Eric himself with him in some way. The man was far too old for him, even though he was really hot.
“Could I invite you for an ice-cream?” Andreas pulled him into reality again, smiling softly again. He had stopped looking around for something and was now focusing on him anew. Eric shivered slightly. Actually he liked the man being focused on him, it made him feel somehow wanted.
“Of course.” He smirked widely, giggling then. Sometimes he could just punch himself right into the face for being so childish, but Andreas didn’t seem to care. He just smiled, stood up slowly before he offered Eric his hand to stand up as well.
Eric blinked confused, his blue eyes shining slightly in the warm and bright sunshine and Andreas had the feeling that the boy had really caught him. Then he swallowed, reaching out for the man’s hand and got pulled up immediately. Eric squealed a little as he was pulled up with such a force that he stumbled into Andreas again. The man laughed warm, wrapping his arms around the thin frame in affect.
“You are so light.” He chuckled, looking into Eric’s deep blue eyes, feeling as if he was about to drown in them if Eric kept staring like this.
And actually the boy just wanted to keep on staring, keep on watching the man forever. Those blue eyes had paralyzed him and they made him shiver every time he looked at them.
His fully lips twitched into a light smile.
“You know that this is criminal.” He hushed, not really caring about it either as Andreas moved his head closer to his, feeling his breath against his lips. It made him shiver even more, doing so much for him along with the hypnotizing eyes.
“How old are you?” Andreas asked, still not separating from the boy. He actually didn’t really care about it and Eric gave the impression that he wasn’t really caring as well. The boy hesitated a short moment before he sighed, closing his eyes as he felt the other’s breath against his fully lips.
“Seventeen…” He said quietly, hoping the man in front of him wouldn’t hear it. Eric was sure he’d push away from him, many others had done that before. He had always had a weak spot for older men, of course he also had had boyfriends in his age but older just knew how to handle him, how to treat him good. He loved them being so experienced that they could show so much to him.
Andreas snickered lightly, almost sounding just perfect to Eric to hear it and he immediately wanted the man to repeat it.
“Then I should really let go of you.” He said, not doing any attempt to let go of the thin frame in his arms. His eyes glittered playfully, his lips being twitched into an amused smile as he looked down on the boy in his arms.
“You better keep on holding me.” Eric said, his eyes being locked to Andreas’ as he leaned forward and made their lips crash.
Then it just felt so right, so perfect, their lips meeting each other, moving against one another in a perfect pace. They almost melt together and to Eric it seemed as if Andreas was the man he had waited for his whole life.
+~*~*~*~*~+
Eric stood by the window, looking outside of it. It was quiet around him and outside he could see the sunshine doing its way to light up the world. The clock showed that it was early in the morning; 6:00. And he was awake, Eric was never awake at the crack of dawn. He mostly slept until the late noon and then dressed up to go partying. That had been what most of his holidays here had looked like before.
Before he had met Andreas.
Two weeks had passed since Eric had fallen over the man on the beach, they had eaten ice-cream afterwards and ended up fucking in Andreas’ hotel room. The two most awesome weeks in his whole life, at least it seemed that way to Eric. He didn’t know what the man thought about it and that was what scared him a little. They hadn’t just fucked all day long for the time they had spent with each other, they had talked a lot as well. About music, family, friends. Mainly everything they could talk about with each other.
They had found out that they both lived in the same city, namely Stockholm, though Eric lived a little outside of it and they were both very interested in music. The boy had also brought his guitar one day to play for the older man. It had felt so good and still Eric was unsure. There was some prickling in his stomach every time he looked at the man, every time Andreas touched him or held him close. A prickling that made him want to stay like this with Andreas forever and always, a feeling that made him want to have the man for himself, to share him with nobody.
Eric sighed, lowering his gaze to look at the carpet on the floor. He heard Andreas snoring slightly before he shifted in the bed and it went all quiet in the room again. The boy looked at the man, finding him adorable and just perfect as always. Andreas could look as he wanted, he always seemed handsome to Eric.
He leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes and moved his legs up to wrap his arms around them. Actually he didn’t want anything more than just crawl into the bed, lay down next to Andreas and fall asleep again. But his thoughts kept him away from it, questions that spun around in his head made him stay awake and made him wonder what this was all about.
He had never felt something like this before and he was afraid of it, really scared. Eric just didn’t want to be hurt though he also did not think Andreas would do something like that to him. The man seemed far too nice for that. The way he cared about Eric, he touched and kissed him. All that seemed to mean so much but nevertheless Eric was not sure. He knew he should talk to the older, talk this out, ask him what he wanted to ask him, but he didn’t. He just kept quiet about it, enjoying the touches and kisses instead of asking what they meant, if they meant what Eric wanted them to mean.
“Why are you awake already?” A low voice pulled him into reality again and made him twitch slightly before he opened his eyes and looked at Andreas who yawned and stretched his body out then, patting the side of the bed next to him to make Eric move over there. Eric did it, he could never bring up enough will to stay away from Andreas.
“What’s up, boychild?” He asked, stroking through Eric’s raven strands and closed his eyes again, fully enjoying the situation.
“Nothing, I’m just not tired anymore.” Eric lied, pressing closer to Andreas and his touches, his body and soul longing for them.
The man sighed, nuzzling his face into the boy’s hair to breath in the nice scent of it. “Don’t lie to me, Eric. Normally you don’t wake up that early.”
Eric stayed quiet for a moment, staring towards nothing special, before he grabbed together all his courage.
“I’ll leave tomorrow…” He said quietly, lowering his head as he moved his hands to stroke over Andreas’ exposed arms, feeling the muscles under his touch.
The older blinked confused, nodding slightly. “I know you just told me one week ago.” He answered, touching the pale cheek lightly before he pulled the other’s head up to face him. “What’s wrong, Eric?”
Eric could just stare into the blue eyes that seemed to get locked with his in this very moment, they made him drown inside of them. Though something was missing in them, something important but he couldn’t figure out what it was.
He nibbled on his lower lip, looking at Andreas’ with an unsure gaze. “I just wondered… if we could go on like this when you are home as well?” He asked slowly, watching the man’s expression.
Andreas just sighed as he sat up, moving his hands away from Eric’s skin and the boy immediately regretted to have said anything about this.
“Eric, we had talked about that some time ago.” He said, standing up as stretching his body out once more and grabbing his boxers to put them on. Then he turned to face Eric with his eyes, those eyes that seemed so incomplete to the boy.
“Yeah I know. And I also know that we agreed on not to do… but that was before I…” He interrupted himself, closing his mouth fast and bit down on his lower lip before he sat up and turned his glance away from Andreas.
“Before you what?” He asked immediately, observing the boy’s features and expression suspiciously.
Again Eric kept quiet for some moments, trying to order his thoughts in a way to think straight again but he wasn’t able to do that. Everything just spun around him again, making his head ache and his mind feel dizzy. He felt the tears collect behind his lids as he closed his eyes firmly just to push them away.
“Before I… fell in love with you.” He whispered, almost too quiet for Andreas to hear. Later on Eric wished Andreas hadn’t heard it.
“Before… what?!” The man’s voice was full of disbelief just as his eyes showed but the boy didn’t move his head up, he just didn’t dare to.
Silence laid over them for a time that felt like years to Eric. His body started to tremble as Andreas didn’t reply to him in any way, perhaps this had been the wrong way, perhaps he should have kept quiet about it all in order to forget the man forever without having his heart broken.
Andreas escaped a small laughter, though it seemed unsure which was unusually for the man. “You cannot be in love with me, Eric. We only know each other for about two weeks.” He said seriously, but he bit down on his lower lip. It showed he wasn’t too sure about what he said either.
“As if I was able to decide whether I love you or not.” Eric replied, the first tears running over his pale cheeks. “I just do, I cannot change that, Andreas. And… I thought you’d do too… the way you acted the last few days, the way you touched and kissed me.” He sobbed quietly, trying to brush the tears away but they just got more and more.
Again Andreas stayed quiet, just standing there and looking at the fragile boy on his bed, trembling and crying. Something inside of him just wanted to go and hold the boy, to tell him everything would be okay, but the older just couldn’t because it wasn’t true. He didn’t love Eric; he had been a nice amusement for the last two weeks but nothing more. But it was his own fault, he should have sent the boy away after they had fucked, he shouldn’t have spent so many hours with him, just talking and touching and kissing. Of course this had to mean something to the teenager, it always did and it was not the first time Andreas had stepped into this kind of trap.
“Eric… It didn’t mean anything. Damn, we just fucked and talked. I don’t have any feeling for you. That’s what summer flirts are all about.” He said, his voice sounding ice cold and it made the man shiver himself.
Eric just stared at him, his eyes being blank yet so watered up, they showed pure horror, horror over what the man had just said. What he had said after all those hours that had meant so much to Eric, that had made him believe in something that wasn’t there, that had never been there.
“You…” He started but his voice broke, tears still streaming over his cheeks. Nothing came out of his mouth again, nothing moved inside of his head before the information finally reached him. Just slowly, really slowly it sank into his brain and got processed there. Andreas could nearly see how the boy’s brain was working as trying to understand what went on here.
“You should better leave now.” Andreas said shortly after that as the boy opened his mouth to say something to what the man had just said. The older didn’t want to hear it, he didn’t want to boy scream at him or beg him to try it, he didn’t want to see the tears streaming down his pale cheeks, and he didn’t want to see him broken like this, though he couldn’t prevent him from seeing it anyway.
“But…” Eric started, looking helpless and lost as he sat like this on the bed.
“No but, Eric. I said you should better leave now.” Still his voice was ice cold, and Eric felt as if it was cutting his hearts into small pieces, broke him, and tore him apart just like that.
Eric tried to regain his regular breath as he stood up slowly, grabbing his things together and putting his clothes on. Andreas observed him, stating for himself one last time how beautiful that boy really was. In his head he repeated all the moments with him over and over again but there was nothing inside of him that could be classified as love. Nothing. No warmth, no prickle, just nothing.
Eric turned around one last time, looking at Andreas with searching eyes as if he would expect the older to say that it had only been a joke and that he wanted to stay with him forever but he didn’t. Andreas just looked at him, his eyes having darkened down a little, only being dark blue now and it made Eric shiver badly.
“Goodbye, Andreas.” He said, his voice shaking. The boy kept standing there for some moments, expecting the older to say something, to just say anything at all. One last word. Eric didn’t want his last words to be that he should leave.
But Andreas didn’t fulfil that desire; he kept quiet, even turned his back towards the boy as he went to the window and lit a cigarette after he had opened it. Eric swallowed firmly, looking at the man one last time before he left the room, tears still running over his face like rivers.
The boy didn’t know how far he had been going but he stopped as he reached the sea and sat down. The sun wasn’t up fully, but the sky had turned rosé, red and orange by now. He still cried, sobbing and trembling violently as he laid down in the sand, curling up into a small ball, pretending to disappear. Or to make the pain inside of him disappear.
He loved that man, for the first time in his life he had really had the feeling of loving somebody, of needing that person. That feeling of just belonging together. For the very first time. And now this. He had been used and thrown away by the man he had fallen in love with, just like this.
No love, nothing.
That had been missing in the other’s eyes.
Love…
There had been love missing in his eyes.
Eric heard his mother only merely speaking to him as he growled lowly, cursing his sister for being such a hyperactive little brat. He should have been in a good mood, the sun was shining, clouds were nowhere to be found, only a little wind that played with his hair and brought him some refreshment. But he just wasn’t in a good mood, pretty far from it to be honest.
“Eric, where are you going?” He heard his mother yell after him but he just gave a damn, burying his hands in his pockets as he kept walking on.
He just couldn’t stand his whole family at the moment. Not only that his mother had forced him to spend nice family holidays at the sea in the south of Sweden, no. He also had to call Björn off. He wanted to go to some kind of small festival with him, with lots of drinking and nice girls – and guys of course. But his family just had to thwart him. As always. They seemed to discover their sense of belonging together always when he wanted to do something funny, something he was interested in. And his mother was just too stubborn, even more than he was. So he would give in pretty soon.
So there he was now. Together with his mother, sister, aunt and uncle. And their stupid brats of course. But he wasn’t the one to watch after them, hell no. He had done that mistake far too often to ever consider doing it again.
Murmuring curses and sentences close to ‘stupid people’, he kept walking on, going through the soft and warm sand. Eric heard the waves next to him crawl up the beach before they would go back and start again. He liked that rush, the sound just made him feel calm and good. And the sun shining down on him made him feel comfortably warm. All in all it could be such a nice day, laying in the sun, relaxing and drinking some bear. But no, he was here with those morons that called themselves family, having to stand those loud and high voices shouting at him that he just had to try the water.
Eric was too caught in his thoughts to even notice that he had gone away really far from his family and as he turned around while walking, he couldn’t even see them anymore, though the beach was flat. He mumbled something but he didn’t stop, still going on walking towards some place where he could just lay down and relax for some time. He was violently pulled out of his reverie about this adorable place by tripping over something, better someone. Letting out a surprised scream his arms were shooting into the air as the boy fell forward being unable to keep himself up anymore. Eric shut his eyes firmly. He hoped to fall onto something soft and nice and not into a mess of shells.
Against his expectation he really landed quite softly and nice as well, but the sound the thing gave out made clear that the one he landed on wasn’t so pleased about this.
“Fuck, can’t you watch out where you’re stepping?” The man snapped, his voice sending hot shivers down Eric’s spine. The other sat up to glance at the boy who had just fallen on him, and he smirked. That was some nice candy dropping down onto him, he had to confess that.
“Sorry ‘bout that. I was too caught in my thoughts!” Eric excused for the incident, sitting up immediately.
And that was this moment when the boy turned a little to look at the stranger, looking into those blue eyes that blinked a little as the man put down his sunglasses. It was the most adorable sight Eric was ever able to see and he would have begged the man to kiss him, if there wasn’t something like decency existing inside of his mind.
There was a moment of silence over them. Eric just looked at the stranger, drowning in his eyes, enjoying that the man in front of him seemed to be caught by his sight as well. His mouth felt too dry to speak and his heart beat too fast to actually be normal. He smiled shyly, his cheeks tingling slightly red as the other smiled as well. That man just looked too perfect, a pure beauty.
“What’s your name?” He chuckled lowly and put his sunglasses onto his head, into that hair that Eric just wanted to touch.
“It’s Eric.” He said, clearing his throat as he noticed how raspy his voice sounded. The man just chuckled again, a sound Eric wanted to hear more often.
“Andreas. Nice to meet you, Eric.” The other said, holding out his hand for Eric to take, but he just sat there for a few more moment, not moving at all before he finally took the other’s hand and shook it. The way Andreas spoke out his name, sent shivers down Eric’s spine over and over again and in his head formed the thought of the man actually moaning his name.
“You don’t have to blush, only because we are shaking hands.” Andreas laughed hearty, finding that boy way too cute. He looked to innocent and young, and Andreas was pretty sure he was young. But innocent? He wasn’t too sure about that but something about that boy proved him that he was not as innocent as he seemed.
Eric looked caught at the man, the blush on his pale cheeks increasing a little. “Sorry.” He mumbled and lowered his head to look down on their hands still shaking. It felt oddly comfortable for Eric, sitting like this, holding the other’s hand like this. It made him feel warm and good though he didn’t know why.
“No need to excuse, Eric.” Andreas smiled softly, running his hand through his raven strands and tugged a few behind his ear. He looked around, looking as if he was searching for something and Eric almost resigned. Perhaps he was looking for his girlfriend who was out swimming. Eric always had the luck to have a little crush on people who turned out being given in the end. And he hated it. For him it seemed as if he’d never have a relationship ever. Although he doubted that the man in front of him was really out for a relationship, nor was Eric himself with him in some way. The man was far too old for him, even though he was really hot.
“Could I invite you for an ice-cream?” Andreas pulled him into reality again, smiling softly again. He had stopped looking around for something and was now focusing on him anew. Eric shivered slightly. Actually he liked the man being focused on him, it made him feel somehow wanted.
“Of course.” He smirked widely, giggling then. Sometimes he could just punch himself right into the face for being so childish, but Andreas didn’t seem to care. He just smiled, stood up slowly before he offered Eric his hand to stand up as well.
Eric blinked confused, his blue eyes shining slightly in the warm and bright sunshine and Andreas had the feeling that the boy had really caught him. Then he swallowed, reaching out for the man’s hand and got pulled up immediately. Eric squealed a little as he was pulled up with such a force that he stumbled into Andreas again. The man laughed warm, wrapping his arms around the thin frame in affect.
“You are so light.” He chuckled, looking into Eric’s deep blue eyes, feeling as if he was about to drown in them if Eric kept staring like this.
And actually the boy just wanted to keep on staring, keep on watching the man forever. Those blue eyes had paralyzed him and they made him shiver every time he looked at them.
His fully lips twitched into a light smile.
“You know that this is criminal.” He hushed, not really caring about it either as Andreas moved his head closer to his, feeling his breath against his lips. It made him shiver even more, doing so much for him along with the hypnotizing eyes.
“How old are you?” Andreas asked, still not separating from the boy. He actually didn’t really care about it and Eric gave the impression that he wasn’t really caring as well. The boy hesitated a short moment before he sighed, closing his eyes as he felt the other’s breath against his fully lips.
“Seventeen…” He said quietly, hoping the man in front of him wouldn’t hear it. Eric was sure he’d push away from him, many others had done that before. He had always had a weak spot for older men, of course he also had had boyfriends in his age but older just knew how to handle him, how to treat him good. He loved them being so experienced that they could show so much to him.
Andreas snickered lightly, almost sounding just perfect to Eric to hear it and he immediately wanted the man to repeat it.
“Then I should really let go of you.” He said, not doing any attempt to let go of the thin frame in his arms. His eyes glittered playfully, his lips being twitched into an amused smile as he looked down on the boy in his arms.
“You better keep on holding me.” Eric said, his eyes being locked to Andreas’ as he leaned forward and made their lips crash.
Then it just felt so right, so perfect, their lips meeting each other, moving against one another in a perfect pace. They almost melt together and to Eric it seemed as if Andreas was the man he had waited for his whole life.
+~*~*~*~*~+
Eric stood by the window, looking outside of it. It was quiet around him and outside he could see the sunshine doing its way to light up the world. The clock showed that it was early in the morning; 6:00. And he was awake, Eric was never awake at the crack of dawn. He mostly slept until the late noon and then dressed up to go partying. That had been what most of his holidays here had looked like before.
Before he had met Andreas.
Two weeks had passed since Eric had fallen over the man on the beach, they had eaten ice-cream afterwards and ended up fucking in Andreas’ hotel room. The two most awesome weeks in his whole life, at least it seemed that way to Eric. He didn’t know what the man thought about it and that was what scared him a little. They hadn’t just fucked all day long for the time they had spent with each other, they had talked a lot as well. About music, family, friends. Mainly everything they could talk about with each other.
They had found out that they both lived in the same city, namely Stockholm, though Eric lived a little outside of it and they were both very interested in music. The boy had also brought his guitar one day to play for the older man. It had felt so good and still Eric was unsure. There was some prickling in his stomach every time he looked at the man, every time Andreas touched him or held him close. A prickling that made him want to stay like this with Andreas forever and always, a feeling that made him want to have the man for himself, to share him with nobody.
Eric sighed, lowering his gaze to look at the carpet on the floor. He heard Andreas snoring slightly before he shifted in the bed and it went all quiet in the room again. The boy looked at the man, finding him adorable and just perfect as always. Andreas could look as he wanted, he always seemed handsome to Eric.
He leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes and moved his legs up to wrap his arms around them. Actually he didn’t want anything more than just crawl into the bed, lay down next to Andreas and fall asleep again. But his thoughts kept him away from it, questions that spun around in his head made him stay awake and made him wonder what this was all about.
He had never felt something like this before and he was afraid of it, really scared. Eric just didn’t want to be hurt though he also did not think Andreas would do something like that to him. The man seemed far too nice for that. The way he cared about Eric, he touched and kissed him. All that seemed to mean so much but nevertheless Eric was not sure. He knew he should talk to the older, talk this out, ask him what he wanted to ask him, but he didn’t. He just kept quiet about it, enjoying the touches and kisses instead of asking what they meant, if they meant what Eric wanted them to mean.
“Why are you awake already?” A low voice pulled him into reality again and made him twitch slightly before he opened his eyes and looked at Andreas who yawned and stretched his body out then, patting the side of the bed next to him to make Eric move over there. Eric did it, he could never bring up enough will to stay away from Andreas.
“What’s up, boychild?” He asked, stroking through Eric’s raven strands and closed his eyes again, fully enjoying the situation.
“Nothing, I’m just not tired anymore.” Eric lied, pressing closer to Andreas and his touches, his body and soul longing for them.
The man sighed, nuzzling his face into the boy’s hair to breath in the nice scent of it. “Don’t lie to me, Eric. Normally you don’t wake up that early.”
Eric stayed quiet for a moment, staring towards nothing special, before he grabbed together all his courage.
“I’ll leave tomorrow…” He said quietly, lowering his head as he moved his hands to stroke over Andreas’ exposed arms, feeling the muscles under his touch.
The older blinked confused, nodding slightly. “I know you just told me one week ago.” He answered, touching the pale cheek lightly before he pulled the other’s head up to face him. “What’s wrong, Eric?”
Eric could just stare into the blue eyes that seemed to get locked with his in this very moment, they made him drown inside of them. Though something was missing in them, something important but he couldn’t figure out what it was.
He nibbled on his lower lip, looking at Andreas’ with an unsure gaze. “I just wondered… if we could go on like this when you are home as well?” He asked slowly, watching the man’s expression.
Andreas just sighed as he sat up, moving his hands away from Eric’s skin and the boy immediately regretted to have said anything about this.
“Eric, we had talked about that some time ago.” He said, standing up as stretching his body out once more and grabbing his boxers to put them on. Then he turned to face Eric with his eyes, those eyes that seemed so incomplete to the boy.
“Yeah I know. And I also know that we agreed on not to do… but that was before I…” He interrupted himself, closing his mouth fast and bit down on his lower lip before he sat up and turned his glance away from Andreas.
“Before you what?” He asked immediately, observing the boy’s features and expression suspiciously.
Again Eric kept quiet for some moments, trying to order his thoughts in a way to think straight again but he wasn’t able to do that. Everything just spun around him again, making his head ache and his mind feel dizzy. He felt the tears collect behind his lids as he closed his eyes firmly just to push them away.
“Before I… fell in love with you.” He whispered, almost too quiet for Andreas to hear. Later on Eric wished Andreas hadn’t heard it.
“Before… what?!” The man’s voice was full of disbelief just as his eyes showed but the boy didn’t move his head up, he just didn’t dare to.
Silence laid over them for a time that felt like years to Eric. His body started to tremble as Andreas didn’t reply to him in any way, perhaps this had been the wrong way, perhaps he should have kept quiet about it all in order to forget the man forever without having his heart broken.
Andreas escaped a small laughter, though it seemed unsure which was unusually for the man. “You cannot be in love with me, Eric. We only know each other for about two weeks.” He said seriously, but he bit down on his lower lip. It showed he wasn’t too sure about what he said either.
“As if I was able to decide whether I love you or not.” Eric replied, the first tears running over his pale cheeks. “I just do, I cannot change that, Andreas. And… I thought you’d do too… the way you acted the last few days, the way you touched and kissed me.” He sobbed quietly, trying to brush the tears away but they just got more and more.
Again Andreas stayed quiet, just standing there and looking at the fragile boy on his bed, trembling and crying. Something inside of him just wanted to go and hold the boy, to tell him everything would be okay, but the older just couldn’t because it wasn’t true. He didn’t love Eric; he had been a nice amusement for the last two weeks but nothing more. But it was his own fault, he should have sent the boy away after they had fucked, he shouldn’t have spent so many hours with him, just talking and touching and kissing. Of course this had to mean something to the teenager, it always did and it was not the first time Andreas had stepped into this kind of trap.
“Eric… It didn’t mean anything. Damn, we just fucked and talked. I don’t have any feeling for you. That’s what summer flirts are all about.” He said, his voice sounding ice cold and it made the man shiver himself.
Eric just stared at him, his eyes being blank yet so watered up, they showed pure horror, horror over what the man had just said. What he had said after all those hours that had meant so much to Eric, that had made him believe in something that wasn’t there, that had never been there.
“You…” He started but his voice broke, tears still streaming over his cheeks. Nothing came out of his mouth again, nothing moved inside of his head before the information finally reached him. Just slowly, really slowly it sank into his brain and got processed there. Andreas could nearly see how the boy’s brain was working as trying to understand what went on here.
“You should better leave now.” Andreas said shortly after that as the boy opened his mouth to say something to what the man had just said. The older didn’t want to hear it, he didn’t want to boy scream at him or beg him to try it, he didn’t want to see the tears streaming down his pale cheeks, and he didn’t want to see him broken like this, though he couldn’t prevent him from seeing it anyway.
“But…” Eric started, looking helpless and lost as he sat like this on the bed.
“No but, Eric. I said you should better leave now.” Still his voice was ice cold, and Eric felt as if it was cutting his hearts into small pieces, broke him, and tore him apart just like that.
Eric tried to regain his regular breath as he stood up slowly, grabbing his things together and putting his clothes on. Andreas observed him, stating for himself one last time how beautiful that boy really was. In his head he repeated all the moments with him over and over again but there was nothing inside of him that could be classified as love. Nothing. No warmth, no prickle, just nothing.
Eric turned around one last time, looking at Andreas with searching eyes as if he would expect the older to say that it had only been a joke and that he wanted to stay with him forever but he didn’t. Andreas just looked at him, his eyes having darkened down a little, only being dark blue now and it made Eric shiver badly.
“Goodbye, Andreas.” He said, his voice shaking. The boy kept standing there for some moments, expecting the older to say something, to just say anything at all. One last word. Eric didn’t want his last words to be that he should leave.
But Andreas didn’t fulfil that desire; he kept quiet, even turned his back towards the boy as he went to the window and lit a cigarette after he had opened it. Eric swallowed firmly, looking at the man one last time before he left the room, tears still running over his face like rivers.
The boy didn’t know how far he had been going but he stopped as he reached the sea and sat down. The sun wasn’t up fully, but the sky had turned rosé, red and orange by now. He still cried, sobbing and trembling violently as he laid down in the sand, curling up into a small ball, pretending to disappear. Or to make the pain inside of him disappear.
He loved that man, for the first time in his life he had really had the feeling of loving somebody, of needing that person. That feeling of just belonging together. For the very first time. And now this. He had been used and thrown away by the man he had fallen in love with, just like this.
No love, nothing.
That had been missing in the other’s eyes.
Love…
There had been love missing in his eyes.
