He's a Bitch

Frank POV

The nurse placed my lunch down in front of me and I thanked her quietly. She smiled warmly at me, fluffed up my pillows for a moment and then left, pushing her food trolley in front of her. I looked down at my food and picked up the plastic cup, gulping down the orange juice. It tasted bitter but I drank it all anyway.

Why the fuck had I gotten myself into this situation? Why the hell did I think it was ok for me to have feelings for a guy who was years older then me, a legal adult and also my ex’s brother? I’d tried to convince myself that these feelings were just physical attraction, nothing deeper, but...if that were true, why was I more attracted to his laugh then his ass?

I heaved a sigh and just stared absent-mindedly into the empty cup in my hand. However, a smile came across my face when I realized visiting hours were only ten minutes away. I passed the time by looking through the photos on Gerard’s camera. He really was a beautiful person...not just on the outside either. He was actually willing to give me a chance and be my friend, and he never asked anything of me. With most people it was just "Hey, it’s Frank, he’s a slut....I want sex." Except Mikey...but Mikey was too weak. He hardly ever stood up for himself. He just waited for Gerard to sort out whoever had wronged him.

My thoughts went back to Gerard as I continued to go through the photos. I found my favourite one; he had his arm around my shoulder and was resting his head against mine, smiling. He had a nice smile. Practically everything about him was nice....he was so strong willed and determined, but he could show emotion as well; that’s one of the things I liked about him....He was strong, but not so strong that he was insensitive.

The nurses had actually offered to bring two portions of lunch, so Gerard could eat with me but he declined. He told them he was watching his physique, which made me crack up and the nurse raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.

A nurse popped her head into my room and gave me a brief smile.

“You have a visitor at reception. They’re just coming up now,” she informed me.

I nodded thankfully and she left, walking back down the hallway. Once she’d gone I hurriedly rummaged in the cabinet next to my bed, pulling out my hairbrush, some concealer and eyeliner. It was stupid, me acting like this. Gerard would never go for me, no matter how good I tried to make myself look. I was too young, I’m his brother’s ex and I just don’t think he likes me that way anyway. But everyday I still did this. I think one of the nurses kind of suspected that I liked Gerard, because she noticed me trying to pretty myself up and she slipped me a half-used eyeliner of hers and concealer.

I picked up the small mirror that was atop my cabinet and dabbed the concealer over the dark circles under my eyes; I found it hard to sleep in this place and I paid the price in the form of these unwanted, puffy circles. Luckily the concealer was near enough to my skin tone, so it didn’t look too obvious that I’d gone to an effort. I uncapped the eyeliner and slowly ringed my eyes so they were more defined. Once I was satisfied, I quickly ran my hairbrush through my hair, made sure my fringe was falling the right way, and then hid all the items back in the cabinet.

It wasn’t long before I heard footsteps coming up the hallway and I waited in anticipation for Gerard to enter. But it wasn’t Gerard who entered. I would have given anything for it to have been someone else who had entered the room at that moment...anyone else. But it had to be...it just had to be Mikey. He came in with a cheery “Hi Frank” and sat down on one of the chairs next to my bed. I wondered where Gerard was and why he wasn’t here. I gulped, thinking that maybe Mikey knew and he came here to confront me about how I felt towards his brother.

“Hi,” I mumbled quietly.

Mikey smiled and took my hand in his, and I flinched, not wanting the physical contact. I carefully pulled his hand off mine with my other hand. He looked at me in confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

I looked up at him uncomfortably.

“What are you doing here?” I muttered, just wanting him to leave.

“I came to see you,” he said as though that was what I had meant.

“Why?”

“Because...listen, I’ve been thinking a lot since you’ve woken up from your coma,” he said quietly. “And I realized that I’m ready to forgive you for cheating....I’m ready to give us another chance. I mean, Gerard’s found someone....it’s really obvious cause he’s way happier then usual now. We should be happy.”

My heart sank. Gerard had found someone? I felt ready to yell and scream to let out my frustration, but I just stared back blankly at Mikey. The past few weeks with Gerard didn’t mean as much to me as they had....he was just being friendly. He didn’t like me that way. I sniffed as a tear dropped onto my blankets.

“Hey Frank, there’s no need to cry,” Mikey said, a slight laugh in his words. “I forgive you for cheating, it’s ok.”

I felt annoyed at Mikey. He thought I was crying about him. Why couldn’t he just get it into his head that I didn’t love him? He smiled at me and I just felt like lashing out at him. Why’d he have to tell me that Gerard had found someone? I’d been happy in my ignorance, in my delusion that Gerard and me could live happily ever after. Of course he’s found someone else. Of course he doesn’t like me that way. How could he love a whore?

“So...when you get out of here, I’ll take you out on a date, yeah?” Mikey asked, smiling.

“Yeah whatever,” I muttered.

I didn’t care about anything now. All I knew was that the only person I’d genuinely liked was with someone else...and it hurt. It hurt so much that I just wanted to break something.

Mikey held onto my hand again, but this time I didn’t pull away. Now that I knew there was no future for me and Gerard, I didn’t care who I was with. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t content...I was angry, bitter and hurt.

And what was even worse...Gerard didn’t come to visit me at all that day. Whoever he was with...I hated them. I hated them for being more important to Gerard then me. I hated that they were the person he thought about when he was lying in bed just before he fell asleep, I hated that they were the person he kissed, I hated that they were the person he liked more then me.

I fucking hate them.