He's a Bitch

Gerard POV

I guess he'd worked out who I was because he began struggling weakly and yelling, "Put me the fuck down, Gerard!"

It took me by surprise and I accidentally dropped him; he fell to the ground and landed on his ass with a small yelp of pain. He just sat there, glaring up at me and I wondered what the fuck I'd done to upset him. Just a few moments ago he was thanking me and now he was yelling at me. If he wasn't a guy, I'd probably think he had PMS or something.

I leant over and outstretched my hand for him to take, but he just crossed his arms and turned away from me, still sitting there on the pavement. What the fuck is his problem? I shouldn't have even been here in the first place...I had an oral assessment for history that I was supposed to be doing right now, but I decided to skip because I saw Frank leaving school looking like he was about to slit his wrists. I went out of my fucking way to see what was wrong with him and he treats me like shit.

He refused to acknowledge my existence as I stood there with my hand outstretched and I just gave up. Instead, I knelt down next to him and looked into his face. He looked hurt...and I don't mean just physically.

"Frank, sugar what's wrong?" I asked gently.

I decided to use my pet name for him, just to try and make him cheer up. I hadn't used that name for him since the day he got out of hospital...and I knew that I'd never use that pet name for anyone else.

I'd been finding it hard to go about my normal everyday routine lately. It's now been a month since I told Frank that I couldn't date him and I thought that I'd be over him by now; I'd been certain that it was just a fleeting crush that would be gone in an instant. But I still liked him...and I was finding it harder and harder to feel happy that Mikey was happy, because I wanted Frank for myself. Selfish Gerard.

"You're a fucking liar, that's what's wrong!" he yelled at me.

He hid his face in his hands and his shoulders began to shake. What the hell was he talking about? I moved closer to him and hesitantly wrapped my arms around him. He didn't protest and let me pull him into my arms as he rested his head against my chest.

"You said you liked me," he bawled. "You said you liked me, you lied!"

That's what all this is about? He thought that I didn't like him? I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair.

"I didn't lie, Frank," I said softly. "I do like you. But you know how complicated it is."

"Liar!" he screamed at me. "I heard you talking to Ray. You said I was a whore. You called me a whore, Gerard!"

I felt my breath catch in my throat and I just stared down at the top of Frank's head. I thought we’d been alone; I hadn’t seen anyone else around. And yes, I called him a whore but that’s because I was angry and because that’s how I talked about Frank with Ray and Bob. If I stopped doing that...they might suspect something.

"I didn’t...I didn’t," I stuttered, but it was no use. Frank had heard me say it.

"Yes, you fucking did say it!" he yelled. "I heard you. So stop lying! I’m sick of you always lying to me!"

“I didn’t mean it, Frank,” I said desperately. “I was...I was just angry.”

“What, angry because I can’t be your little whore cause I’m dating Mikey?” he seethed.

“No, angry because I shouldn’t like you cause you’re dating Mikey.”

Frank sniffed and wiped the tears and some of the blood out of his eyes. He looked up at me, expression still angry.

“You can’t like me,” he said, still sniffing. “Nobody’s supposed to like me. God made me so people could use me for my body...you can’t like me.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Really?” he asked sarcastically. “Because as I remember it, you let me give you hand and then you gave me head...then told me that there can be nothing between us. You fucking used me.”

“Frank, I’m sorry if that’s how it seemed,” I said, begging with him to just listen to me. “I-I’m sorry if I did use you...but I just lost control. I didn’t mean for it to happen....Mikey likes you, he fucking loves you Frank, so I don’t want to hear anymore of this bullshit about you being unlovable.”

“Mikey’s a fucking dumbass!” he yelled.

"Hey, shut up," I said dangerously, suddenly angry.

Nobody fucking insults my little brother...even if I do want to fuck them senseless on the footpath right about now.

"He fucking is! What kind of person can’t even tell that their boyfriend doesn’t love them? A dumbass!"

“Frank, I’m warning you...shut up.”

“What? What are you gonna do? Beat me up? Well, sorry Gerard but it looks like my dad already beat you to it. Better luck next time.”

“I would never do that again,” I whispered.

“Yeah, because I don’t deserve it,” he said, rolling his eyes. “We both know I deserve it. So, go on....” He opened out his arms, leaving his chest open. “Do it. You know you just want to hit me a few times. I’m giving you a clean shot....just fucking do it.”

“I’m not going to, so stop being stupid,” I growled.

“Thanks Gerard. So not only am I a whore, I’m a stupid whore. Thanks a lot.”

“That’s not how I meant it. You know that.”

“You don't fucking know me so don't tell me what I do and don't know!”

“Frank please....” I felt tears come to my eyes and I just wanted him to see things from my perspective. He just didn’t get that it was fucking torture having to see him and Mikey together or that I lay awake some nights wishing that Frank was lying next to me.

“Frank, just come to my house with me,” I said urgently.

-

“You have a blog?” he asked, surprised.

I nodded, face expressionless as I pulled out the chair at the computer desk. I really hoped I hadn’t made a mistake by showing it to him. Frank settled on the couch next to the desk and I sat down in front of the computer. The computer was already on; we always left it on. We were in my dad’s study, which used to be out of bounds to Mikey and me when we were kids. But seeing as it had the computer in it, and seeing as the two of us were old enough to know that our dad’s files and notes weren’t to be used as paper airplanes or drawing pads, it had become available to us. We both needed it for school and Mikey had become an MSN slut ever since he made friends with some new girl in his grade, Emma or someone. They spent like two hours online chatting most nights. I’m just thankful that Mikey has no clue about my blog.

I typed the name of the website; www.blogger.com. The homepage came up and I typed in my username (Wicker_man) and password (I’m not telling). A list of all my previous posts came up and I selected one that I’d posted about a week and a few days ago; that’s really when I’d begun posting about my strange relationship with Frank. The page came up; the background was black which I guess you’d expect and the writing was white. I’d entitled my blog “I’m just a sweet transvestite” as a joke.

I got up off the computer chair and motioned for Frank to sit in it. He did as instructed and leant forward, reading the page. I stood behind him, re-reading what I’d written.

Monday

Hey all you faithful readers of my blog,

I don’t know why you’re still reading it...I know I wouldn’t, but I really appreciate your support. This post is a cry out for help, I guess, and it’d be awesome if you’d read what I have to say, cause it’s pretty important...to me anyway. So, keep reading guys and girls.

I did something really awful, but I’m pretty sure I’m not feeling as guilty as I should. Me and my brother’s ex became close and we discovered that we both liked each other and stuff happened that shouldn’t have happened (however we did not go all the way).

I feel bad because it’s like I used him and I just feel so dirty. The guy gets beaten by his dad and I just want to protect him and keep him safe, but I can’t. I’m finding it hard to look my brother in the eye and although I broke things off with his ex, I just feel so guilty. But the worse part is that they’re back together now and my brother has no idea about what happened, and his ex (now boyfriend again) doesn’t actually like him in that way. I think about him (the ex) all the time and I just can’t get over him. I mean, what if he was the guy I was supposed to end up with...like my soul mate or something.

Can you guys leave some comments on this post....advice? And if you’re just going to leave gay-bashing comments F**K YOU. Thanks everyone.

Frank glanced briefly at me, not really sure what to say. I wished I knew what he was thinking; there was no sign of his thoughts from the blank expression on his face.

"Read the comments." I mumbled. "They’re pretty funny some of them."

Frank coughed slightly and clicked on the link to the comments which was underneath my post. It told me that I had gotten nine comments for it. He scanned the comments and his mouth twitched slightly as if he were about to smile.

Elephunk says: I think it’s important to respect your bro’s feelings. How would you feel if your brother got with an ex (or boyfriend) of yours? And are you sure you actually like him, or do you just want to protect him?

Dig_this_blender says: Fuck your brother (not literally). If you think this dude could be your soul mate then I say you should go for it. Life’s too short.

Black_fingernails says: I can see what you mean about it being difficult, but if you both like each other then I think you should see where it goes. But you should tell your brother.

Jack_the_ripper says: Forget about him. No person’s worth risking your relationship with your family.

Miss_world says: You’ll find someone else. That soul mate bull is just stupid.

Bugg_superstar says: PANSY! No seriously, I’m not homophobic, but if you’re going to pursue this, the guy is gonna have to break up with your brother.

TNT says: Dude, why are you asking us for advice when you could be f**king this dude’s brains out?

Negative_creep says: Why don’t you and your brother share him or something?...and have a threesome. HOT. O_O

Total_trash says: negative_creep, you do realize one of those dudes is his BROTHER, right? Go for it, dude.

Frank didn’t look up at me this time, but merely clicked ‘back’ on the screen and began to read the post I’d written for the next day.

Tuesday

Hey all you sexy readers,
(aint I just a charmer?)

Thanks for the really “interesting” advice guys, especially you negative_creep. (your username should be sick_freak, honestly dude. I don’t know what you get up to with your siblings but I’m not gonna have a threesome with my brother and his boyfriend. <<< ok, sorry that was kinda harsh. I apologize. Forgive me?)

I’m still at a loss of what to do, so I’m just not gonna do anything and see what happens by itself. I’m keeping away from him....if we’re supposed to be soul mates or whatever then I figure it’ll just happen even if I try to stop it. I know that sounds kind of retarded but I think I know what I’m talking about.

Comments anyone?

As he did before, Frank clicked on the comments link and read the slightly longer array of comments.

Miss_world says: Dude, that IS retarded. Just find someone new and forget about him.

Negative_creep says: Don’t worry, I forgive you. Or at least I will if you send me some virtual cookie dough. Mmmm.....tasty.

Jack_the_ripper says: I half agree with miss_world. Forget about him, but I think you should wait a while before you date again. (can I have some cookie dough too?)

Bugg_superstar says: Aww thanks. You’re sexy too. We should so get married and have a bajillion babies....too eager? Yeah, that’s what my last three girlfriends said. Lol. And while you are very sexy, I’m lesbian so sorry dude.

Total_trash says: Bugg_superstar, I’ll marry you but I think a bajillion babies is maybe a few too many. Lol. And dude...JUST GO FOR IT ALREADY!

Elephunk says: Move on, I say. I’m going to Japan in a few days so I won’t be able to comment. Love always, dude. Xxx

TNT says: Hey, it’s been like a day since I said you should f**k his brains out so WHY AREN’T YOU DOING IT?...and yes, I am very sexy. ;)

Dig_this_blender says: Save his life, so then he’ll owe you his life and he can say to your brother ‘I have to date your bro cause he saved my life and stuff.’ It works, dude.

Black_fingernails says: Just be honest with your brother about your feelings for his boyfriend. And if that doesn’t work then do what dig_this_blender said.

Bugg_superstar says: total_trash, aren’t you a boy? Unless you’re really really feminine looking, I don’t think it’s gonna work. But I think you’re sexy as is wicker_man. If I was straight I would so have a threesome with you two guys.

Total_trash says: Yes, I’m a boy. *sighs* But I am bi so I’d be up for a threesome of any kind. And wicker_man, is that you in your profile photo? Cause if it is...I’d so do you.

Frank clicked ‘back’ on the screen with the mouse, his eyes fixed on the screen. I waited for his reaction as he just sat there. It took a few moments, but at last he turned to face me, expression solemn. He got up and came over to me; then tugged sharply on the collar of my shirt. I thought he was going to hit me or something but he straddled my lap and pressed his lips hard onto mine. As an instant reaction, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer to me, making him moan into my mouth as we kissed hungrily.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as we took a brief break for air.

He began to kiss down my neck and his hands roamed underneath my shirt, his skin soft against my stomach.

“I forgive you, I forgive, oh fuck, I forgive you,” I groaned as he bit down on my neck.

He raised his head and like an expert, swirled his tongue into my ear as his hands undid my belt. I moaned, making my vocal chords feel like they would burst, and I only became silent when Frank stopped undoing my belt and instead reached for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. He threw it behind the couch and then turned back to me, looking over every inch of my chest and stomach. I lay back on the couch, willing to allow him to do anything he wanted to me. He slowly reached out a hand and placed his fingers over my eyelids, and I was confused with what he was doing until I realized that he wanted me to close my eyes. I lay still, my eyes closed as I anticipated what he was going to do. It was a while before he did anything and if it hadn’t of been for the fact that I could still feel him sitting on me, I would have thought that he’d left.

And that’s when I felt his soft lips press down onto mine. I instinctively reached up my arms to wrap them around his small body, but felt his hands pin them down next to my sides.

“I’m thanking you,” he said in a whisper.

We kissed for a while, no tongue involved at all. I always kissed with tongue and this made a pleasant change. These small kisses we were sharing weren’t lustful; we were just taking the time to get to know one another’s lips first. It was a few minutes later when Frank gently coaxed my mouth open with his tongue and slipped it inside. All the while I still had my eyes closed, which made it even more exciting. The kiss got hotter and more intense and I leant up just a little bit, pushing my lips harder against Frank’s.

He broke away from my mouth and I wondered what was going to happen now; I was about to open my eyes when I felt his tongue swirl around my nipple and I arched my back, a pleased moan leaving my mouth. Fuck, I could not believe it. Frank was four years younger then me and he was fucking amazing at this. I could feel a throbbing sensation in my pants and guessed that Frank must have noticed, because his mouth left my chest and I heard a jingling sound as he fumbled with my belt again. My pants were pulled down around my ankles, my boxers too and I suddenly realised that I was now fully exposed to Frank. No fair. My eyes snapped open and I saw that Frank was relocating onto my legs so he could blow me. He leant down but before he could take me in his mouth, I leant forward, grabbed onto his face and gave him a quick kiss before whispering ‘I’ve got a better idea.’

I lay Frank down on the couch and gently lifted up the hem of his shirt and slipped it off over his shoulders. He had a beautiful body. His eyes widened as I undid his belt and pulled down his pants and boxers. He probably thought that I was going to fuck him…but I wasn’t. I knew that he wasn’t ready for it.

“G-gerard, I don’t know….” He stuttered, looking uncertainly at me.

I just smiled at him and turned him so he was on his side, laying on the couch. He looked at me in confusion, obviously having no clue what I was suggesting. I lay down the opposite way to him, so my head was at the opposite end of the couch to his.

“I don’t…” he drifted off.

“Take me into your mouth,” I explained. “And I’ll do the same to you.”

He smiled and nodded, looking eager. I turned my attention to Frank’s length and noticed that he wasn’t hard yet; so I took him into my hand and gently pumped up and down. I felt Frank’s mouth close around my length and gasped as his tongue ran along it. He moaned as I pumped faster, causing me to moan even louder. I finally took him into my mouth and he squirmed as he moaned in pleasure, almost kneeing me in the head. This was fucking amazing; as I sucked Frank harder, it made him moan louder and in turn made it more pleasurable for me, making me moan louder... and the cycle just continued, making it better for the both of us. We were lucky that school wouldn’t be over for a while, and that my parents were at work….I don’t like to think what they would say if they walked in on this…or if Mikey did.

Frank licked the underside of my length and I gasped. I rolled him over, so I was lying on top of him and he was underneath me. I admit it….I like to be the one in control, and then when the other person takes control, it makes a welcome change. Frank gently traced his hands up and down my back, making my skin prickle pleasantly as we continued to urge each other to climax. I never thought of him as a tender lover but he was sure proving me wrong. The last time I felt this great about myself was when I was with Bert and I was deluded that he loved me; knowing that someone wanted me and wanted to please me made me feel good.

Both of us started to sweat slightly as we neared climax; it turned me on even more, having our sweaty bodies pressing together. I felt Frank tense underneath me and I sucked harder, adding more tongue to send him over the edge. At the same time, Frank became more furious as he attempted to do the same for me. He came first and I sealed my lips around his length to ensure that all of it went into my mouth and not onto the couch. If dad saw cum stains on the couch I’m pretty sure he’d never let me or Mikey in his study ever again. I came a moment later; after Frank had come into my mouth, his final moan sent me over the edge and I climaxed with a cry of satisfaction. Both of us swallowed and I rolled off him, snuggling into the small space left between Frank and the back of the couch. I crawled up the couch and lay down next to him, my forehead resting against his cheek, both still slightly sweaty. I went to put my arms around him, but was confused when Frank pushed them away, expression frustrated.

“Frank?”

“I-I just don’t like cuddling,” he said uncomfortably. “I have to cuddle Mikey after…you know…and it’s made me hate it.”

“Let me cuddle you,” I said softly. “You’ll never know if you don’t try it.”

Frank just shrugged and shuffled around on the couch to get comfortable. I took that as a sign that I could cuddle him, and wrapped my arms around his waist. Frank shuffled a bit more, back into my arms and settled, his hands resting on mine which were resting on his stomach. This was perfect. If Frank wasn’t enjoying this then he’s crazy. After a while of silence, Frank wriggled around a bit and spoke.

“This isn’t too bad,” he commented. “It feels nice and…safe.”

I smiled at his words; I knew that for Frank to feel safe with me must be a big thing because it meant that he trusted me.

“You’re always safe here,” I whispered into his hair. “I’ll protect you.”

“Mmm.” Frank rolled over and slid down the couch a bit, eyes closed, and rested his head against my chest, obviously wanting to sleep.

“You can’t sleep yet. I gotta get you cleaned up.”

“You already did,” he muttered, a small smirk on his face.

“I meant your cuts, Frank,” I said, rolling my eyes.

He didn’t reply, just buried his face further into my chest and sighed. I sighed too and decided to wait until he was asleep before getting up. As soon as his breathing had changed and I knew he was sleeping, I gently clambered over him and scoured the room for my clothes. I found them and quickly tossed them all on, before heading upstairs for the first aid kit…well, first aid box. It was just an old shoebox’s of mum’s which we’d put all the bandaids, cotton balls and other medical stuff in. I pulled it out of the cabinet in the bathroom and carried it back downstairs and into the study. Frank was still sleeping when I entered; his back was to me and might I say that he has a nice ass. I smirked to myself and sat down on the couch, gently shaking Frank awake. He moaned sleepily and attempted to hit me playfully with his hand but missed.

“Sit up, sugar.”

He reluctantly did as I said, glaring reproachfully at me and swung his legs around so they were on the ground and he was sitting up properly on the couch. I found his boxers on the floor and handed them to him. He took them and put them back on. I pulled the lid off the first aid box and rummaged through it for the cotton balls and antiseptic. Bandaids, bandages, ring worm cream…where the hell is the antiseptic?

Ah…found it. I retrieved the small bottle and the bag of cotton balls. Studying Frank’s face, I decided to start on those cuts first, because they looked the worst.

He held back tears as I dabbed at his face with an antiseptic-soaked cotton ball; I could see him biting his lip forcefully and was sure that he’d draw blood soon. Once I was finished with the cuts on his face I softly blew on his face to help the antiseptic dry and Frank smiled, closing his eyes.

“Do you think your nose is broken?” I asked. “It was really bloody.”

He reached up a hand and gently touched his nose, then squeezed at it. He shook his head and I nodded, preparing some more cotton balls to deal with the cuts on his chest and stomach.

“This didn’t mean anything, did it,” he said, as I finally finished cleaning every cut on his body.

“Huh?”

“This….what we did,” he said, not looking at me. “It didn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean that….”

“I’m sorry, Frank,” I said, looking down at my hands. “You know I can’t.”

“Then just tell me you don’t want me,” he said, exasperatedly. “End it. Either you keep me or I want you out of my life. I can’t live like this. I can’t just be there when you want and then gone when you don’t.”

I looked up at him; his eyes were wide as he looked back at me. I could tell that he wanted me to say that I’d keep him and we’d date and everything would work out fine, but I could also tell that he knew that I wasn’t going to say that. I didn’t have to answer. Frank took one look at my face and fought to suppress his tears and hide his hurt as he pulled the rest of his clothes back on. He glared at me as he struggled to pull his pants on.

“Fuck you, Gerard," he sobbed. “I hope you end up old and alone, fucking prick.”

He didn’t mean it. I know he didn’t, but my eyes filled with tears as he stomped out of the study and to the front door, slamming it on his way out. Slamming it so hard in fact that the sound cut through me as if someone had slapped me. It felt as if my heart had been taken out and smashed with a mallet. I brought my hands up to my face and cried into them, eventually exhausting myself until I was so tired I just fell asleep on the couch.