I Don't Know If That Made Sense, It's Kind Of A Complex
Me. Well I Panic. Oh And I'm Pathetic.
Three hours, thirty five minutes and twelve seconds.
That my friend was how long I managed to stay off my computer. It was killing me. I was so bored. There was nothing to do. My life basically revolved around that god dammed thing. I was going to go out but it started raining and I couldn't be bothered to get soaked for no reason. Reading was boring since I finished all the books I liked or already read them four or five times so I know the plot perfectly. No-one to phone, no-one to talk to, so I basically was sat there for all that time drawing. That wasn't a bad thing. I like drawing, its fun and I'm actually half okay at it. But after three and a half odd hours of it and using up almost 10 pieces of paper, you sort of get bored of it. I gave in. My boredom gets the better of me. I had to sign into MSN. I had to talk to someone. ANYONE. I was lucky. All my friends were offline or blocked me. I didn't mind really. Justine and Emma were on line. They were my like my friends but we didn't really hang out; we just sort of knew each other. We talked for a while, we added each other into a conversation with them both and told them about what happened between me and Vi and obviously now, the rest of the guys. They were more understanding and nicer than what I give them credit for really. They helped me out allot really. Gave me a sort of confidence boost. Made me feel better overall really. So now we decided to meet up on Thursday and all go down to Indigo together. Just us three. If we see the others we'll say hi and be polite but, well I don't know what will happen. What ever happens, happens really. I mean I want to just run away to Cardiff or somewhere and forget this life I have right now, but I don't think I would, but then again I might.
After a while of talking to Justine and Emma about my friend situation, we talked out Indigo. What clothes we were wearing, what make-up we were going to do. Basically all the girlie things, but in an emo context. It hit me. Indigo was six days away an I had no idea what to wear. Usually it takes me about a week and a half to finally decide on something that would look half decent on me. Panic. That's what I did, I panicked. Rather pathetic really. Panicking over what to wear to a club. I mean no-ones going to care what I'm wearing. Well no-one but me. I get paranoid easily. I mean Justine's like a Tomboy emo. She's wearing her usual clothes. Jeans, Superman tee, converse and some random jewellery. She'll look fine with that on. It’s her style. Emma. Well she's so sweet she can wear anything and make it look great. Her usual black just above her knee skirt, and red and black spotty tee and some other random stuff and she would look perfect. Again she has her own style. Me. Well I don't. I panic. Needed to know what I was going to wear now so I could change it ten million times and go back to my original idea anyway. I quickly said my goodbyes and signed off my computer and raided my wardrobe.
Another three hours, thirty five minutes later. I still only just decided I was wearing a skirt. I am pathetic! After three and a half hours I decide on a skirt, although it is one very nice skirt, my favourite one in fact. Black with red pinstripe and black netting underneath. It’s a very pretty skirt and fits very well. Its One of my favourite’s but, well I don't know... I'm never really happy with the way I look. Then again isn't every girl my age doing the same thing? Doubting the way they look and feel about themselves. I should really shut up. And get on with this. I only have a few days. Well almost a week, but that's beside the point!
That my friend was how long I managed to stay off my computer. It was killing me. I was so bored. There was nothing to do. My life basically revolved around that god dammed thing. I was going to go out but it started raining and I couldn't be bothered to get soaked for no reason. Reading was boring since I finished all the books I liked or already read them four or five times so I know the plot perfectly. No-one to phone, no-one to talk to, so I basically was sat there for all that time drawing. That wasn't a bad thing. I like drawing, its fun and I'm actually half okay at it. But after three and a half odd hours of it and using up almost 10 pieces of paper, you sort of get bored of it. I gave in. My boredom gets the better of me. I had to sign into MSN. I had to talk to someone. ANYONE. I was lucky. All my friends were offline or blocked me. I didn't mind really. Justine and Emma were on line. They were my like my friends but we didn't really hang out; we just sort of knew each other. We talked for a while, we added each other into a conversation with them both and told them about what happened between me and Vi and obviously now, the rest of the guys. They were more understanding and nicer than what I give them credit for really. They helped me out allot really. Gave me a sort of confidence boost. Made me feel better overall really. So now we decided to meet up on Thursday and all go down to Indigo together. Just us three. If we see the others we'll say hi and be polite but, well I don't know what will happen. What ever happens, happens really. I mean I want to just run away to Cardiff or somewhere and forget this life I have right now, but I don't think I would, but then again I might.
After a while of talking to Justine and Emma about my friend situation, we talked out Indigo. What clothes we were wearing, what make-up we were going to do. Basically all the girlie things, but in an emo context. It hit me. Indigo was six days away an I had no idea what to wear. Usually it takes me about a week and a half to finally decide on something that would look half decent on me. Panic. That's what I did, I panicked. Rather pathetic really. Panicking over what to wear to a club. I mean no-ones going to care what I'm wearing. Well no-one but me. I get paranoid easily. I mean Justine's like a Tomboy emo. She's wearing her usual clothes. Jeans, Superman tee, converse and some random jewellery. She'll look fine with that on. It’s her style. Emma. Well she's so sweet she can wear anything and make it look great. Her usual black just above her knee skirt, and red and black spotty tee and some other random stuff and she would look perfect. Again she has her own style. Me. Well I don't. I panic. Needed to know what I was going to wear now so I could change it ten million times and go back to my original idea anyway. I quickly said my goodbyes and signed off my computer and raided my wardrobe.
Another three hours, thirty five minutes later. I still only just decided I was wearing a skirt. I am pathetic! After three and a half hours I decide on a skirt, although it is one very nice skirt, my favourite one in fact. Black with red pinstripe and black netting underneath. It’s a very pretty skirt and fits very well. Its One of my favourite’s but, well I don't know... I'm never really happy with the way I look. Then again isn't every girl my age doing the same thing? Doubting the way they look and feel about themselves. I should really shut up. And get on with this. I only have a few days. Well almost a week, but that's beside the point!