Where's The Calm After The Storm?
Entry 1
June 30, 2009
Dear Diary,
I can’t go on like this anymore. It’s too much. There’s no one I can tell, no one I can trust.
Since Gilberto dissolved our friendship, I’ve had more time to myself. That part was good. I’ve had more time to think and there was less pressure to have to be on MSN all the time. I don’t think I regret blowing him off and causing him to get mad. On the contrary, I think it was a rather good thing for me to do. I needed him to stop pestering me, to stop asking me about every single detail of my life.
I did tell Ryan about Gilberto and I but… I haven’t told him about the latest stuff. Plus, I’m not sure if he fully comprehends what I’m going through. Ryan said to just leave it, and that Gilberto can do what he wants but he’ll just have to live with the consequences.
But seriously, I’m not going to forget the boy who told me he loved me any time soon. However, I do know that it was a lie. Who says they love you and then after a fight leaves a horrid hate message on your Facebook Wall?
“After knowing you more than before, I just realized how hateful of a person you are. I don't like your ways of being with people, or just treating those who are your friend.”
Who would write that after telling you multiple times that they love you? They must have been lying when they said one or the other… The problem is, which one’s the truth?
I believe it’s the part where he told me he hates how I am. Especially because his MSN status now swears, in Finnish, and I believe it’s directed towards me. I don’t think he’s fighting or he fought with any one else recently.
I’m just really scared of what he might do with everything I’ve told him. I pretty much opened my mind to him, and I’m pretty sure he’s saved every conversation we’d had together on MSN. He can quote me on pretty much anything, and that would get me in deep trouble. There are few recent memories and events that he doesn’t know about. I’m scared he’ll tell my parents everything… although that would mean he’d have to explain our fight, which I don’t think he’d want to do.
Now I’m going to quickly change the subject so I don’t start crying again.
After the huge storm this afternoon, I took a walk around the garden and took all these wonderful pictures.
The roses in the front yard were particularly interesting. The water brightened the dark pink tone of the roses, and they almost looked false. Similar to those silk roses with fake water drops that you can get at the craft store; or the inedible plastic ones that come on extravagant cakes.
Next came the two golden oriental lilies that are in front of my bedroom window. Now, they are always quite bright, but they somehow became even brighter after the rain. The water droplets pleasantly stuck to the petals, almost as if it was still sprinkling. The still green, unopened buds had drops slowly rolling down the sides.
Ah, the speckled red-orange oriental lilies. The red and orange-ness of the flowers blended together like I’ve never seen before. Unlike the golden ones, there is many more of the red-orange variety in the front garden. The rain didn’t affix itself to the petals in the same way. On some blossoms there were less droplets than on the roses.
The yellow day lilies line the path leading to the front door. The open blossoms were slightly deteriorated from the rain and wind, however the yellow-green buds were a beautiful colour. There were very few beads of water that didn’t seem to want to go anywhere.
The stunning bleeding hearts, my favourite flower, live outside my bedroom window along with the golden oriental lilies. The leaves of the plant were a light green, and quite unfortunately the flowers were not in season. The water drops, which looked like glass beads lying on a bed of green, were not affected by the harsh wind.
Wow, that seemed so fancy dancy compared to me writing about him. I guess I have more control over my words when I’m writing about something I like… Yeah, that sounds about right.
Ŀί∂ ♫
Dear Diary,
I can’t go on like this anymore. It’s too much. There’s no one I can tell, no one I can trust.
Since Gilberto dissolved our friendship, I’ve had more time to myself. That part was good. I’ve had more time to think and there was less pressure to have to be on MSN all the time. I don’t think I regret blowing him off and causing him to get mad. On the contrary, I think it was a rather good thing for me to do. I needed him to stop pestering me, to stop asking me about every single detail of my life.
I did tell Ryan about Gilberto and I but… I haven’t told him about the latest stuff. Plus, I’m not sure if he fully comprehends what I’m going through. Ryan said to just leave it, and that Gilberto can do what he wants but he’ll just have to live with the consequences.
But seriously, I’m not going to forget the boy who told me he loved me any time soon. However, I do know that it was a lie. Who says they love you and then after a fight leaves a horrid hate message on your Facebook Wall?
“After knowing you more than before, I just realized how hateful of a person you are. I don't like your ways of being with people, or just treating those who are your friend.”
Who would write that after telling you multiple times that they love you? They must have been lying when they said one or the other… The problem is, which one’s the truth?
I believe it’s the part where he told me he hates how I am. Especially because his MSN status now swears, in Finnish, and I believe it’s directed towards me. I don’t think he’s fighting or he fought with any one else recently.
I’m just really scared of what he might do with everything I’ve told him. I pretty much opened my mind to him, and I’m pretty sure he’s saved every conversation we’d had together on MSN. He can quote me on pretty much anything, and that would get me in deep trouble. There are few recent memories and events that he doesn’t know about. I’m scared he’ll tell my parents everything… although that would mean he’d have to explain our fight, which I don’t think he’d want to do.
Now I’m going to quickly change the subject so I don’t start crying again.
After the huge storm this afternoon, I took a walk around the garden and took all these wonderful pictures.
The roses in the front yard were particularly interesting. The water brightened the dark pink tone of the roses, and they almost looked false. Similar to those silk roses with fake water drops that you can get at the craft store; or the inedible plastic ones that come on extravagant cakes.
Next came the two golden oriental lilies that are in front of my bedroom window. Now, they are always quite bright, but they somehow became even brighter after the rain. The water droplets pleasantly stuck to the petals, almost as if it was still sprinkling. The still green, unopened buds had drops slowly rolling down the sides.
Ah, the speckled red-orange oriental lilies. The red and orange-ness of the flowers blended together like I’ve never seen before. Unlike the golden ones, there is many more of the red-orange variety in the front garden. The rain didn’t affix itself to the petals in the same way. On some blossoms there were less droplets than on the roses.
The yellow day lilies line the path leading to the front door. The open blossoms were slightly deteriorated from the rain and wind, however the yellow-green buds were a beautiful colour. There were very few beads of water that didn’t seem to want to go anywhere.
The stunning bleeding hearts, my favourite flower, live outside my bedroom window along with the golden oriental lilies. The leaves of the plant were a light green, and quite unfortunately the flowers were not in season. The water drops, which looked like glass beads lying on a bed of green, were not affected by the harsh wind.
Wow, that seemed so fancy dancy compared to me writing about him. I guess I have more control over my words when I’m writing about something I like… Yeah, that sounds about right.
Ŀί∂ ♫
♠ ♠ ♠
It's done. Finally. This only took me like, 6 times to write.So, the events are based on real life, but it's sort of exaggerated. Sort of.