No One Knows

Jessie had only just got into bed and closed her eyes when her alarm went off. At least, that was what it felt like. She didn't think she'd ever been so tired. The temptation to hit snooze and spend the morning in bed was overwhelming, but she didn't dare risk skipping out of any more school, so she hauled herself out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

Before she left the house, she checked in on Billie Joe to see what state he was in. She opened the door quietly, so as not to wake him, but when she saw him she realized she probably couldn't have woken him if she tried.

He was in exactly the same position she had left him in, sprawled on his side, his hat on backwards, his scuffed shoes dirtying the bedclothes. The air in the room was sticky and hard to breathe, presumably because Billie Joe had been sweating buckets in it all night. She crossed the room and opened the window, but it didn't help much seeing as it was a pretty humid day outside too. Well, if he choked on the air in the room that was his own fault, wasn't it?

She stopped and looked at him before she left, marveling at how he could look so innocent while he slept. His long eyelashes fluttered gently against his cheeks as he softly breathed in and out, his head resting on the palm of his hand. Seeing him like that, it was hardly believable that he had spent the night before getting coked up and punching people.

She gave a brief shake of the head before she left the room, closing the door behind her.

"You went to Gilman Street?!"

Jessie smiled to herself. She found it kind of funny that everyone seemed to find it so hard to believe and Freddy was no exception.

The two teenagers were sitting on their wall in the sun, whiling away their lunch hour as Jessie filled him in on the events of the night before.

"Wait a minute," he said thoughtfully, pointing his cigarette at her as he spoke, "This Billie Joe of yours... "
"He is definitely not anything of mine," she corrected.
"Whatever," he said, rolling his eyes, "Is he kinda short, dark hair, smokes a lot of dope... "
"Yeah... "

Freddy gasped excitedly.

"It's Two Dollar Bill!" he exclaimed, "It has to be!"

Jessie raised an eyebrow.

"Remember me telling you?" he asked, "Ages ago? He used to sell joints but he dropped outta school. Two dollars a joint... Two Dollar Bill. It has to be the same Billie Joe. Right?"
"Yeah," Jessie nodded, with a slight smile, "Why does that not surprise me?"
"Does he still deal?"
"Knowing that would involve me actually speaking to him."
"Can't you find out?"
"No!" she laughed, "You are not entering into any deals with Billie Joe. You wouldn't want to. He's a dick."
"He always seemed alright to me."
"Yeah, well, that's why you can't talk to him. You'll probably like him. And then you won't let me bitch about him to you anymore. Hell, I don't get why everyone loves him so much. He can't only be an asshole to me."
"Maybe he is."

She looked at him skeptically.

"I haven't done anything to him."
"Maybe the fact that you're just living in his house is enough. Maybe he's just being childish about it."
"He's definitely childish."
"Well... there ya go," he said, "Childish, not evil."
"I'm sure there's a bit of evil in there somewhere."

Freddy laughed.

"Well," he said, "Next time he passes out on you, you can check him for horns."
"Next time he passes out on me, I'm leaving him wherever he drops."

When she finally got out of school, she was confused by the sight of Ollie's car parked up by the front steps. She knew it couldn't be Ollie herself, she was still in Sacramento with her father, and that meant it had to be Billie Joe. But why would Billie Joe be parked outside her school? He couldn't have come to meet her, she knew he would never do that. Maybe he had come to meet Mike?

She was still wondering about this, walking slowly down the steps outside the school as she tried to decide whether to approach the car or not. She was still trying to decide when Billie Joe stuck his head out of the window.

"Are you coming over here or what?" he called.

So he was meeting her. That was unexpected. She quickened her pace, walking towards the car and getting in on the passenger side. She closed the door, and then turned to look at Billie Joe. He looked back at her, his hands gripping the steering wheel. Looked like he must've eventually regained consciousness, then.
"Didn't expect to see you here," she said.

Wow, if that wasn't an understatement.
Billie Joe looked down at his hands.

"Yeah, well," he said, "I figured I probably owe you a favor."
"Yeah, you probably do."

Silence followed. It was pretty weird. Having spent the entire time they'd known each other sniping and yelling at one another, they had no idea how to do anything else. Billie Joe broke the silence.

"Look... Jessie," he said, carefully, "... I'm sorry about last night. I was in a shitty mood... and I did what felt like the best thing at the time. And I know now that it wasn't the best thing."
"No shit."
"I'm trying to apologize here," he frowned.

She bit her lip.

"Okay" she said, "I'm sorry."

He sighed.

"You shouldn't have had to deal with me like that," he said, "And I spoke to Mike today. I can't remember much but he told me everything that happened. I should have been watching out for you last night, and instead you wound up watching out for me. You didn't have to make sure I got in last night, you could've just left me on the sidewalk somewhere. And to be honest, that's probably what I would've expected you to do... I mean, I know we're not exactly each other's favorite people right now. But you did make sure I was okay... and I... just... thanks."

Billie Joe chewed on his lip. It was making him tense, having to speak to Jessie like this. It was a huge knock to his pride, admitting he was wrong, to Jessie of all people. But as much as they hadn't been getting along, what she had done for him the night before had left him with a newfound respect for her, if nothing else. He raised his eyes to meet hers, anxious about her reaction. He was prepared for her to yell at him, and he supposed he deserved it.

"You were an idiot last night," she said, "You know that, right?"
"I know."
"But even though you were an idiot... I wouldn't have left you in a gutter. That's not to say part of me didn't want to... But I do have some compassion. I mean, anything could've happened to you."

He nodded.

"Thanks," he said, again.
"If it had been the other way around, would you have left me in a gutter?"

He shook his head.

"I have some compassion too, you know."

She raised her eyebrows, skeptically, and he smiled.

"I need to get out of here," he said, starting the engine, "This place gives me the creeps..."

They were silent again as they pulled out of school and, again, Billie Joe was the one to break it.

"So... apart from me getting wasted... was last night as bad as you were expecting?"

Jessie looked out of the window.

"No," she said, "It wasn't so bad."
"You and Tre Cool looked like you hit it off"
"Yeah... " said Jessie nervously, thinking of his kiss the night before. "He's a, uh, he's a nice guy."
"Yeah," said Billie Joe.
"You know... your band was good"

She wasn't expecting to tell him that. It just sort of came out. He glanced over at her, equally surprised.

"You seriously liked it?"

It was bad enough complimenting him, now he was making her do it twice?

"Yeah... I did."

For a few minutes, neither of them said anything and, to fill in the pause in conversation, Billie Joe stuck a cassette into the car player between them.

"This band's called Operation Ivy," he said, "They're a punk band from around-"

Jessie cut him off.

"I know who Operation Ivy are," she said.
"You do?"

He sounded surprised, and she could see why.

"Yeah, Eddie's always going on about them. He went to some show a couple of weeks back. Their last show. At Gilman Street I think-"
"I was there!" said Billie Joe, "It was fucking awesome! There were like 600 of us packed into that place!"
"Jeez, I thought it was sweaty enough in there last night... "
"But wait, who's Eddie?"
"My boss."
"Boss of... "
"Eastside Records. I work there at weekends. And sometimes after school."
"That place is pretty good. Why didn't I know you worked there... "
"Because we never talk to each other."
"Yeah... " he said, awkwardly.

There was a moment's pause.

"So... you know about punk music, you just don't like it?"
"No... I'm getting to like it more - well, some of it - I just don't know about it. But I'm learning on the job."
"Well, that's more promising."
"Promising how?"
"It means that you might get into it. I bet I could get you into it."
"Would you really wanna bother?"
"Well... we might as well find something to talk about."
"We've done pretty well ignoring each other so far."

He frowned.

"I'm making an effort here," he said, "If you wanna carry on ignoring me, go for it. I won't argue."

She sighed.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I just find the concept of being friends with you a little weird after all that's been said and done, that's all."
"I didn't say we had to be friends," he pointed out, "I just think things might be easier for both of us... and for my Mom... if we just attempted to get along. I mean, I know neither of us like the living arrangement, or the fact our parents are together... but we're going to have to put up with it, and we're making it worse for ourselves rather than better."

Jessie was shocked. Not so much by the suggestion, but more by this new, mature side of Billie Joe that was being displayed.

"You're right," she said, "We should make an effort."
"Okay"
"Okay"
"That's cool."
"Yeah."

They pulled up outside the house, and Jessie got out of the car. As Billie Joe locked the car door, he said,

"I didn't say or do anything too embarrassing last night did I?"

She smirked.

"To be honest, you weren't making a lot of sense," she said, "I couldn't really understand what you were saying, and I was pretty mad at you so I wasn't listening anyway."

"Right," he said, sheepishly.
"But when I got you into bed, you were-"
"-You put me to bed?"
"Oh... yeah."
"Fucking hell. I really do owe you big time. I thought I'd managed to get there myself."
"You weren't getting anywhere yourself last night, Billie Joe. But when you got there, you kept saying something about fate, and telling me I smelled like lavender."

She unlocked the front door, then turned back to see Billie Joe's reaction, taking delight in the fact that he was blushing. She grinned.

"I said you weren't making any sense."

He sat down on the couch and rested his head in his hands.

"My girlfriend said it was fate," he said, after a few moments. "Because our names were the same. She was just kidding around, I know."

Jessie sat down too, feeling a little awkward around him again.

"I heard about the Al thing," she said, "That sucks"
"Sure does".
"What're you gonna do?"
"I don't know," he sighed., "I haven't really been in any kind of state to seriously think about it today."
"Felt pretty shitty, huh?"
"Fucking horrible," he said, ruffling his already disheveled hair, "I've never had a come down like that before. But then, I've never done that much coke before."
"So have you learned anything from this experience?"

He smirked.

"Sure," he said, "Before you do coke, always make sure there's some angry girl around ready to drag you home afterward... "

Billie Joe spent the rest of the evening on the couch, his body still too lethargic from the previous night's abuse to do much else. Jessie was upstairs doing homework and without his mother and John there, the house seemed strangely quiet. It was the good kind of quiet though. The peaceful kind, not the eerie kind. He could never miss John's presence in the house.

The quiet wasn't the only thing that was peaceful. It was incredible how much calmer he felt since he and Jessie had talked. He had been wound so tight since she and John had moved in, and knowing that he no longer needed to be on guard and ready for a fight every time she walked into the room made him feel better than he had expected.

He played guitar for a while but it only reminded him of the uncertainty of Sweet Children's future and, feeling restless, he headed off upstairs for a smoke.

As he passed Annie's room, he could see Jessie lying flat on the bed, her feet up on the wall, reading a book which she was holding over her head like people do when they're trying to shield their eyes from the sun.

"How's the homework going?" he heard himself ask.

Jessie lowered her book to her stomach and looked over at him.

"Okay," she said, "I just have to read this for next week. We have to write an essay on it, I think."
"You study a lot. I don't know how you stand it."
"Well, we aren't all blessed with talent Billie Joe. For us mere mortals, reading books is the only way out of this lame ass town."

He raised an eyebrow at the sarcasm in her voice.

"Right" he said, with a nod, leaning against the door frame. "So where does cutting classes come into this master plan of yours?"

She smirked.

"I don't need to go to all the classes to pass high school," she said, "I'm smart. It'll be a piece of piss."
"And modest."
"Coming from you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked indignantly,
"Ah, don't worry about it. You might need a high school diploma to figure it out."
"Ouch," said Billie Joe, with a frown. "You really are bitchy, you know that?"
"Sometimes it's all that gets me through the day."
"High School isn't as easy as you make out. It gets harder. I couldn't have passed it even if I hadn't dropped out. And I'm smart too, you know."
"Yeah... but you don't learn much while you're outside the school selling joints."
"You know about that?"
"I know a lot of things, Two Dollar Bill."

Billie Joe stepped into the room and sat down on the seat underneath the window.

"How did you know about that?" he asked, leaning forward in interest.

He wasn't sure that becoming known as a notorious drug dealer was necessarily a good thing. Especially when it was just a bit of weed. Relatively innocent, in his opinion.

"I have a... friend who used to be one of your... clients."
"A lot of people used to be my clients."
"Yeah, that's the impression I got. So anyway. That's why you couldn't pass high school. I mean, okay, I skip the odd class. But I turn up the majority of the time. Just about. And I turn in the assignments. You just spent all your time stoned, from what I gather."

Billie Joe sighed.

"I hated it there," he said, "It just didn't seem worth the effort any more. I knew I wanted to be a musician, and you don't need an education for that, so... ."

He slid open the window and breathed in the warm evening air.

"Mind if I smoke out your window?"

Jessie rolled her eyes and picked up her book again, neither of them noticing the acknowledgment that Annie's window was now hers.

"Yeah whateve,r" she said, "Just don't breathe that shit near me."

He nodded, leaning out of the window and lighting up his cigarette. He took a long drag, before breathing out a stream of silver smoke and watching it billow through the branches of the oak tree outside the house.

"So what're you reading?" he asked, eventually, noticing that Jessie seemed pretty absorbed. He had never managed to get absorbed in anything school-related before and marveled at anyone who could.

"The Catcher in the Rye," she replied, without looking up.
"I think I was meant to read that."
"I think you probably were."
"I don't think I did though"
"You probably didn't."
"In fact, I definitely didn't. And I think I still have my copy of it under my bed somewhere... "
"Have you ever actually read a book?"

He turned away from the window to look at her, an indignant look on his face.

"Actually, I read this book about the birth of punk rock earlier in the year."

Jessie smirked.

"I don't think that counts. Did it have a lot of pictures?"
"You really are a bitch."
"Oh come on. I'm talking to you, aren't I? It would freak you out if I was actually nice to you, wouldn't it? Especially after last night's little performance."

He looked back out of the window as he took another drag on his cigarette.

"Fair point." He said, "But nobody actually enjoys reading that shit for school. I mean, you just do it cause you feel like you have to. Or in my case, you don't do it."
"People don't just write books to torture high school students, Billie Joe. Some people do consider literature entertainment. And this is a really good book."

He looked over at her, an eyebrow raised.

"It is!" she insisted, "You just refuse to try anything new. Jeez... "
"Ok, what's it about?"
"Didn't you have to write an exam paper on this book?"
"I failed English"

She sighed.

"It's about this kid, and it's set in the sixties. He's a in a mental institution cause he's had this breakdown, and he tells you about what led up to it and made him crack. He gets kicked outta school cause he's failing. He didn't do any work cause he didn't fit in, cause like, he hates it, and everything it stands for. He thinks it's phony and pretentious. He's kind of like you, actually. Except it's worse for him, cause his is a boarding school. In Pennsylvania. So he runs away back to New York, which is where he's from. And he has to hide out there a few days until the school vacation starts, or his parents will know he's been expelled. And he kind of realizes he hates the whole adult world, and he doesn't wanna grow up and be part of it cause he thinks everyone in it is the same as everyone at his school was. Phony and pretentious. And it's about the stuff that happens to him during those few days in New York. And a lot of different stuff happens to him. And it kind of changes what he's like."
"He doesn't become phony and pretentious too, does he?"
"No... he doesn't."
"So tell me about what happens to him in New York."
"I'm not telling you that,"
"Why not?"
"Because that is why people actually read books. To find out what happens in them"

Billie Joe sighed, a slight smile on his lips as he turned to look back out of the window.

"I really don't need to know that bad anyway"

He killed his cigarette and then dropped it, leaning out of the window to watch it fall through the air and land amongst the grass. Then he closed the window and leaned back against it, letting out a deep sigh. His body felt to tired, he didn't think he could even stand up. He watched Jessie read her book for a moment.

"This is really kinda lame, don't you think?"
"What's lame?" she asked, absently, without lifting her eyes from her book.
"I mean, our parents are away, we have the house to ourselves. We should be having some kinda wild party but instead, you're doing your school reading, and I'm so fucked I can hardly move. I could go to bed now, and it's only nine thirty."

Jessie smiled, still without looking up.

"I got my weekly dose of rock n' roll last night, thanks Billie" she said, "In fact, that might have been enough to see me through the rest of the year."
"Wow, you're actually even lamer than I thought"
"Always pushing those boundaries"

Billie Joe sighed again.

"I wish they weren't coming back tomorrow," he said, after a minute. When Jessie didn't reply, he said,
"Don't you?"
She lowered her book again. Apparently she wasn't going to be reading it until he'd worked up the energy to get out of her room.

"Yeah, I guess," she said, vaguely.

It was quite an understatement, but she didn't want to talk about it. Talking about her father made her uncomfortable. Partly because she knew how much Billie Joe hated him, and partly because her relationship with him and feelings about him were far too complicated for anyone else to understand. Especially Billie Joe.

"Anyway," she said, trying to steer the question away, "I don't know why you're complaining to me. You're eighteen. You'll be moving out soon anyway, right? You're free, what's keeping you here?"
"I don't have enough money to move out yet. But when I do, I'll be away."
"Where will you go?"

He shrugged.

"Mike and I thought about getting a place somewhere where we can just jam all day and do what the fuck we want."
"You're lucky. I'm stuck in school for two more years, living with my dad."
"Nah, I'm not lucky. It sucks growing up. I wish I was sixteen again."

Jessie rolled her eyes.

"You make it sound like you're eighty."

He grinned.

"No... but... ah, I dunno. Things were easier then, y'know? I mean you just go to school - or don't go, y'know, whatever - and then piss about with your friends. No one's on at you to get a good job, go to college. No one's on at you if you screw up cause, y'know, they'll say its just a phase or that kids make mistakes. Everything was just easier, more fun, less complicated. Sometimes I just wish I was a little kid again."
"Well, I guess so," said Jessie, thoughtfully, "But... I mean, now you can do what you want, without adults telling you what to do... "
"You think? My Mom's always gonna tell me what to do. It's like her favorite pastime."

Jessie chuckled.

"Your Mom is not that bad. I reckon you give her a lot more hassle than she gives you."
"I knew you'd side with her." He said, flatly, "But anyway, even when you can do what the hell you want, it isn't always a good thing. Cause then you have to make decisions. Important ones. And there's all this pressure. And it changes people. Like Al, goin' off to San Francisco. I mean, I never woulda expected that. But I guess people change. He definitely proved that last night. And Mike, I mean, Mike's my best friend, and I hope he always will be, but he isn't the same as he was when we were kids."
"Well, you probably aren't either. Although, y'know, I do sometimes wonder."

Billie Joe gave her a look as he messed up his hair again.

"I know" he said, "I just get kinda sick of it sometimes, moving forwards. Sometimes I wish time could just slow up a little, y'know, give me a little time to get my breath."

Jessie looked at him, quite surprised by the depth of his conversation. It made her slightly uncomfortable. She and Billie Joe weren't supposed to talk like this.

"Yeah well" she said, "There's nothing we can do about that."

Then she joked,
"Maybe you should write a song about it. Make something good come out of it"
"Maybe I will." He said, finally hauling himself into a standing position.

His legs still felt kind of weak as he walked towards the door. He and Jessie had definitely spent more than enough time in each other's company for one day.

"I'm turning in. I feel like shit."

Jessie smirked as she picked up her book again.

"Need me to tuck you in, Billie?" she called, as he headed out of the door, "I smell like lavender?"

She watched in amusement as Billie Joe stuck his arm back into the room, flicking her his middle finger, then she leaned back against the wall and laughed.