No One Knows

Ollie was in the kitchen when Jessie got up the next morning, sitting down at the table, still sleepy after a restless night's sleep.

"Want some breakfast, Jessie?" Ollie asked her, lightly placing a hand on top of her head. "I was gonna make some pancakes."

Jessie smiled at the small gesture of affection.

"That sounds great," she said, gratefully.

Ollie smiled back.

Jessie watched her move around the kitchen, making up the pancake mixture while she hummed softly to herself, and realized that when her and her father finally got a place of their own, she was going to miss Ollie. It was nice having a woman around the place, but that wasn't the only reason. Sometimes she felt like Ollie kind of cared about her, and it wasn't a feeling she was used to. Her Dad hadn't made her breakfast since she was old enough to pour her own milk onto her cereal, but Ollie was always doing things for her, looking after her. At first it made her uncomfortable. She had found herself almost suspicious of her, trying to find ulterior motives behind her actions, but it hadn't taken her long to figure out that Ollie didn't have any motives, she just liked looking after people. It felt nice being looked after.

"You need a hand?" she asked her. She felt kind of bad just sitting there.
"Jeez, that's something I'm not used to getting asked," Ollie smiled wryly, "When you get your new place, you think your Dad would notice if I sent Billie Joe off with him instead of you?"

Jessie grinned.

"I'm not sure that would go down all too well with either of them," she said
"You're probably right," Ollie sighed, "But don't worry, Hon, I've got this covered."

Jessie nodded, propping her sleepy head up in her hands as she went back to watching.
"Got any plans for the day?" Ollie asked her.

She sighed, miserably.

"Not for me. Grounded. Remember?"
"Oh," said Ollie, apologetically, "Sorry. I forgot."
"You have any idea how long he's planning on it lasting?"

She shook her head.

"He hasn't said anything about it to me," she said, "But don't worry. I'm sure he won't keep it up for too long. It wouldn't be fair."

Since when was her father fair? Did Ollie actually know the guy at all?
Ollie caught Jessie's skeptical look and sighed. She stopped mixing and bit her lip.

"Jessie," she said, quietly, "Your dad loves you. You do know that, don't you?"

Jessie dropped her eyes down to the tabletop, where she was chasing the grain of the wood with her fingernail. She didn't know how to answer that question.

"He's just got a lot on his mind right now," Ollie continued, "And I do know that he sometimes takes it out on you a little... "

A little? She had no idea.

"... But don't take it to heart. Things'll get better. I promise. Things'll get better."

Jessie chewed on her lip and nodded, still looking at the tabletop. Ollie went back to what she was doing, and neither of them said anything for a couple of minutes before Ollie let out a sigh of frustration.

"Jessie, Hon, there is something you can do. Can you go and tell Billie Joe to clear out his room and bring me down all the mugs and stuff he's hoarding up there? He'll deny it, but the cupboard's empty, and its probably all under his bed with stuff growing on it."

Jessie grinned.

"Yuck," she said.
"Now you see why I could swap you two? I miss my girls."
"He is pretty gross," said Jessie, in agreement, "But yeah... I'll go tell him. Are you sure he's awake?"
"Amazing, I know. He has band today, he's just waiting for Mike to pick him up. It's the only damn thing he'll get out of bed for."

Jessie smiled, stood up and left the room before Ollie got into the Billie Joe's Band Is A Waste Of Time rant that she knew so well, then she headed upstairs towards Billie Joe's room.

The door was open, but she knocked on it anyway, and Billie Joe looked up at the sound. He was stretched out on his stomach on his bed, propped up on his arms, and she almost did a double take when she saw he had a book in his hands. It became a triple take when she saw what book it was. She grinned in the doorway.

"I'm waiting," he said, lazily, looking back down at his book.
"What for?"
"Your smart-ass comment," he said, with a smirk.
"You're reading."

He looked up.

"That was shit," he said.

She grinned again.

"Have you seen what I'm reading?" he prompted.
"It looks like a very chewed up copy of The Catcher in the Rye to me," Jessie observed, with amusement.
"I found it under my bed," he explained, "And decided I'd give it a go. So I can prove to you I'm not as much of an airhead as you seem to think."
"Well, I'll look forward to that," said Jessie, raising an eyebrow. "And talking about under your bed, your Mom told me to come tell you to bring down all the shit from the kitchen you're hiding under there."

He sighed, put down the book and leaned over the edge of the bed so he could look underneath. It made the blood rush to his head and his vision go funny.

"I'll do it later," he said, with a sigh.
"Okay," said Jessie, "But she'll probably yell at you for saying that."
"I know, but she hasn't yelled at me yet today. If she doesn't yell at me for something, I feel like the world doesn't make any sense at all."

Jessie giggled.

"I'm going to tell her that," she said, turning to leave the room.
"Hey Jessie," Billie Joe called after her.

She stopped and turned round again.

"What?"
"Well, I haven't gotten very far with this book yet, but I just wanted to say that you were wrong"
"How was I wrong?" she asked doubtfully.
"This guy. This Holden Caulfield guy."
"Yeees... "
"You said he was like me."
"I think he is like you."
"He isn't like me. Not really. I mean he seemed a little like he was at first. And I kinda like him. But he isn't like me. So, y'know. You aren't right about everything."

Jessie folded her arms over her chest.

"Okay then. How isn't he like you?"
"Well... he's a compulsive liar right?"
"Right"
"I don't lie that often. I mean, sometimes I do, everybody does sometimes but... I don't do it just for the hell of it like this guy does. I mean he enjoys it. I don't enjoy it."
"Right," she said, nodding, "I'll give you that one, if you say so. But that's a pretty minor part of his character... "
"I have other reasons," Billie Joe interrupted, holding up a finger, "He doesn't seem to really give a shit about anything. Like, he doesn't care what he does in the future, where he ends up, that kinda stuff. He doesn't even think about it. And I think about it all the time."
"You do?"
"Sure. So that's a pretty big difference, right?"

He didn't wait for her to answer.

"And he can't get on with anybody. Like, he doesn't connect with anyone else. Other than this little sister he keeps goin' on about. And that's pretty sad that the only person he cares about talking to is his kid sister. And I mean, come on! I get on with everybody!"

Jessie almost choked with laughter, and Billie Joe grinned.

"Okay," he said, "Well, maybe not everybody. But I have friends. And it's only weird people with no taste like you who I don't get on with. Anyway I'm not finished."
"Jeez, you really have been thinking this over... "
"Well, really there's just one more thing. He reckons everyone's phony and putting on an act and stuff, right? But he judges everyone without even knowing them so how can he ever know what they're really like? And he just lies all the time and says different stuff depending on who he's with. So a lot of the time he's been the one that's phony. And that's not like me either. So... convinced?"

She smiled. She was pretty impressed that he'd thought about it so much. He's probably analyzed it all more in his head than she had, and she was the one that was supposed to be studying the damn thing.

"Ok, I was wrong," she shrugged, and he smiled triumphantly. "I admit it. I'm impressed."

He grinned.

"You see? Not just a pretty face after all."
"Although, if you were actually more than a pretty face, you'd have just read the goddamn book when you were meant to, cause if you'd written all that in your exam you'd probably have passed it."

She smiled, then quickly turned round to head out of the room again, hoping she'd make it downstairs before Billie Joe had the chance to realize that she had just accidentally called him a pretty face.

She was just finishing breakfast when Mike arrived to pick up Billie Joe in a van full of band equipment.

"Tre knows this guy who's letting us use his practice space" Mike explained, after Jessie opened the door, "It should be pretty cool. You wanna come and watch?"
"I... uh, don't think that's a very good idea," she said.

She was almost certain that Billie Joe wouldn't be keen on it.

"Ah, come on," smiled Mike, "I'm sure Tre would like you to come."

Jessie felt herself blushing and mentally kicked herself. Mike just grinned.

"Hey, Billie," he said, when Billie Joe appeared in the doorway after finally locating both of his shoes, "Don't you think Jessie should come and hear our new stuff?"

Billie Joe shrugged, nonchalantly.

"Sure," he said, "You're gonna have to get your punk education somehow."
"I'm grounded though... remember?"
"Your Dad isn't here. He won't know"
"He might figure it out when he gets home before me."
"Come on," said Mike, "What can he really do?"

He had no idea.

She chewed her lip. The thought of going to watch the band really did appeal. More for reasons to do with Tre Cool than the punk education, obviously. But the guys didn't have to know that. And as long as she came back with Billie Joe, her Dad wouldn't be able to do anything except for yell. His yelling used to terrify her, but it seemed like nothing to her now, not now she had been on the receiving end of so much worse. But with Billie Joe there, what could he do? He would never want to risk Billie Joe finding out what he was like, because that meant Ollie finding out. And Ollie finding out could mean cardboard boxes on the sidewalk. Why hadn't she thought of this before?

"I guess I could come for a little while."

Two hours later, she was still sitting on the floor of the practice room watching the band play and goofing off with them between songs. She hadn't expected to have such a good time, and she hadn't expected to enjoy the music so much either. They were obviously getting better all the time, and Tre was incredible on the drums. He just made it look so easy, his arms flailed everywhere at once, and she could tell that Al's departure had been a blessing in disguise. Only as far as the band was concerned, of course. She doubted Billie Joe felt too blessed about the circumstances.

It was great to see Tre too. He obviously didn't want the other guys to know what had been happening between them, and she thought that was kind of cute. She thought it was probably for the best too. She didn't imagine that Billie Joe would be too happy if he knew. She didn't want him to think she was stealing his friends. It made it kind of exciting too, that Mike and Billie Joe didn't know. She loved the secret looks Tre threw her way while he was playing, the shy glances, and the lingering touches. It became frustrating after a while though, and the secretive pair found themselves practically pushing Mike and Billie Joe out of the door in search of lunch after they had volunteered them for the job. Jessie didn't even notice that Billie Joe was, understandably, reluctant.

"I thought those idiots would never fucking leave," Tre laughed, wrapping his arms around Jessie as she shyly moved towards him.
"You know, Billie Joe probably wouldn't give a shit," Jessie told him, "We probably don't need to do this... "
"I, uh, I reckon he probably would give a shit," said Tre
"How come?"
"I just... get the feeling," he said. Then he smiled. "Besides. It's more fun this way."

She looked down, feeling herself grow shy again, but Tre raised her chin with her finger and she found herself looking straight into those blue eyes again before his lips were on hers. And this time she didn't need to worry about her father seeing them. She didn't have to worry about anyone seeing them. And it felt great.

It was with a heavy heart that she traveled back to the house, crouched in the back of the van amongst the guys' equipment, and planning what she was going to say to her father if he was home.

She wasn't the only one worrying. She couldn't see Billie Joe in the passenger seat, nervously chewing his bottom lip and tapping his fingers on the ledge of the car window. He hadn't forgotten what John had said to him the day before, and he was well aware that returning to the house with a grounded Jessie would probably be seen as going against his 'stay the fuck away from my daughter' lecture. He just kept reminding himself that there was nothing he could really do, and hoping that his mother would be there to take some of the heat off.

All their wishing hadn't done much good, because John's car was parked on the drive when they pulled up in the van, and she felt the nerves fluttering in her stomach straight away. Jessie stuck close behind Billie Joe as they walked into the house; straight into John who had heard them pull up and was already waiting for them in the hallway.

"Where the hell have you two been?" he demanded.
"Jessie came with me to band practice," said Billie Joe, only just managing to keep the nerves out of his voice. "We needed a hand setting up, and she'd finished her homework so... ."
"Do I have to fucking explain to you what grounded means?" he asked Jessie, his voice raising, "Cause I thought I did a pretty good job of that last night."

She swallowed at the memory.

"It wasn't for long," she said, her voice shaking, "I just wanted to help out-"
"I don't want you fucking helping out!" he shouted, "When are you going to start doing as you're fucking told?"

Without realizing it, Jessie had gripped onto the back of Billie Joe's shirt for support, and the action surprised him. He wasn't just surprised by the fact that she was reaching out for him, but by how terrified she seemed. He supposed he could understand it though. John was pretty damn menacing when he yelled like this.

Jessie had been right though. Sticking to Billie Joe really had been a good idea. She could see how furious he was, and she knew that if she had come back to the house on her own he'd probably have her pinned against the wall by now. But this time his eyes just flashed furiously from Jessie to Billie Joe and back again, and she could see him fighting to keep the pent up aggression in check.

"This better be the last fucking time I have to tell you this" he growled, "Or you're gonna be fucking sorry"

He stormed off into the living room and she let out a deep breath. Billie Joe turned to face her, scowling.
"Fucking dick," he said, "He can't ground you forever."
"Are you ok?" he prompted, when she didn't say anything.

She nodded, quickly removing her hand from his shirt as she realized with embarrassment she was still clinging to it. She glanced towards the living room, wondering if Ollie was home too. She was worried that he was simply holding off the aggression until Billie Joe was out of sight, and that he was going to finish the argument by coming into her room later.

Billie Joe shook his head, shaking the experience from his mind.

Jessie swallowed.

"Uh, d'you wanna, like, hang out with me upstairs for a while... until he calms down I mean. Cause if he thinks I'm on my own he'll just come and give me another lecture... "

She tried to make it sound casual, but it came out sounding anything but. She hated the fact that she needed Billie Joe to protect her. Billie Joe, of all people. It was just so humiliating, but she didn't have a lot of other options.

Billie Joe would usually have taken delight in this admittance that she needed him, and probably would have used it to tease her mercilessly, but he could tell this wasn't the time. She really seemed nervous of him, and he could see why.

"Sure," he said, trying to sound casual too, and managing it better than Jessie did.

And so it was that moments later she was sitting in the middle of Billie Joe's bed, watching as he smoked out of his window with one hand and listening as he strummed his guitar with the other. She leaned forward and rested her head in her hands, surveying the extensive collection of junk strewn across his bedroom floor. He had to be the messiest person she'd ever met.

"So what d'you wanna do to pass the time?" Billie Joe asked lazily, looking out of the window and admiring the colors in the sky. He loved summer sunsets.

Jessie shrugged. She didn't much care. She was just happy to be out of the way of her Dad.

"Whatever," she said, "It's okay, I won't stay here long. I just wanna make sure he's cooled off".
Billie Joe returned the shrug.

"I don't care," he said, "It's not like I have anyone else to talk to. You're better than nothing."
"Gee, you sure know how to make a girl feel special, don't you Billie Joe?" she said, with an amused grin.
"Yeah," he said, with a smile, turning away from the window to look at her, "That's why I'm so good at keeping hold of a girlfriend."

She smiled. It was the first time he'd made any kind of jokey reference to the Billie situation, and she supposed that meant he was feeling better about it, but she decided to ignore the comment all the same.

He finished his cigarette and closed the window, then carefully set his guitar down in its stand in the corner.

"Want a game of cards?" he asked,
"Sure, but I can never remember how to play."
"That's okay, I tend to make up the rules as I go along," he smirked, opening a drawer and rummaging for some playing cards. He found them, and moved towards the bed, sitting down next to Jessie, with his legs crossed beneath him, Indian style. She quickly scooted over to give him more room.

"You know how to play Bullshit?" he asked,
"I think so," she nodded.

When Billie Joe shuffled the cards and started to deal them out, Jessie looked up at him, with an eyebrow raised.

"Billie," she said, "Do we have to play with cards that have naked women on the backs?"
He grinned, sheepishly.
"They're Playboy cards," he said, "My brother Allan gave them to me when I was twelve and I've managed to keep the whole set ever since."

Jessie rolled her eyes, picking up her cards.

"What a surprise," she said, tossing one aside "You've even kept the jokers."
"I'm only human," he protested, with a smile.

She watched as he continued to deal out the cards, then asked,
"What are your brothers and sisters like?"

Billie Joe shrugged,

"They're ok," he said, "Allan's cool. Well, they're all pretty cool, but I get on with Allan the best. Probably cause he does things like give me Playboy playing cards when he shouldn't have."
"What's Annie like?"
"Annie's great. I kinda miss Annie. She was kind of a troublemaker. She was fun."
"You think she minds I've got her room?"
"Nah, she won't care. She's cool with anything. You'd probably get on with her anyway."
"Don't you miss having them all around?"

He finished dealing and arranged his cards in his hands, then looked over the top of them at Jessie.

"Kind of," he said, "Well, actually... yeah. It's too quiet here sometimes. And when they were here, I was the youngest, and I got away with everything. Cause the kind of trouble I got into paled in comparison to the kind of trouble they got into. Then when Annie left, and it was just me, all Mom's attention got shifted to how shit I am."

Jessie looked down at her cards. She knew Ollie didn't really think he was shit. She wanted to tell him that he wasn't, but she didn't know how.

"I always wished I had brothers and sisters," she said
"I can't believe you don't have any," said Billie Joe, shaking his head, "I can't imagine it"
"It was pretty lonely, when I was a kid," Jessie admitted, "But Mom left before she got the chance to have any more, and that's probably for the best"

Billie Joe nodded, thinking for a moment. He wondered whether to ask the next question, but decided to anyway.

"Don't you ever think that maybe she... did have more kids?"

Jessie swallowed.

"Sometimes I do wonder," she admitted, "I mean actually... its pretty likely."
"So you might have brothers and sisters after all," he said, "You just haven't met them yet"
"Yeah," she said quietly, "Yet... is an optimistic word."
"Don't you think you ever could? I mean... wouldn't you ever wanna try and find her?"

She shrugged,

"Sometimes. I think about her a lot. But it's just fantasy. Cause if I think about it properly, it's pretty obvious that she just wasn't a very nice person. And if I spent ages trying to find her and she turned out to be a bitch it would be pretty shitty"
"I guess so," said Billie Joe, in agreement.

A moment's silence passed between them and Jessie took a deep breath.

"Billie," she said, carefully.
"Hmm?"
"Remember when I first moved in and we had that fight in the backyard?"

He nodded. Not only did he remember it; their conversation had reminded him of the same thing. She lowered her cards and looked at him straight.

"I'm sorry about that," she said, "I wanted to say that at the time but I was just so angry with you about everything else. But I didn't ever want to upset you about your Dad."
"I know," he said, "Forget about it. I flew off the handle cause I was drunk and pissed off about you guys moving in and stuff. It doesn't matter now."
"I was still out of order."
"I couldn't see what you were saying at the time, cause I was so pissed," he said, shaking his head, "But afterwards I thought about it and I could understand what you had been trying to say. I know my Dad loves me, and that's what you were saying I should be grateful for. Not the fact that he's gone."
"... Yeah."

Billie Joe nodded.

"And you were right. And I am grateful for it. So, it's forgotten"

She nodded gratefully, their eyes meeting briefly before the sentimentality of the moment threatened to break the illusion that they were only in each other's company because they had to be.

Billie Joe cleared his throat.

"Are we gonna play this fucking game or not?" he asked.

"Four spades"
"Bullshit"

"Three diamonds"
"Bullshit"

"Five Kings"
"Bull - Billie you can't even fucking get five kings, jackass."

Billie Joe grinned. They'd been playing an hour and he'd spent it being repeatedly thrashed by Jessie, to the point where he'd just given up trying. He sighed dramatically, and picked up the remaining cards, meaning he had pretty much the entire pack to get rid of compared to Jessie's two.

"You were right with your Holden Caulfield versus Billie Joe Armstrong theory," she grinned, "You're the worst fucking liar I ever saw."
"It's a dumb game anyway," he muttered, "And your ability to lie is kind of scary."
"I should play poker," she considered, "But you definitely shouldn't."
"Ah, fuck it," he said wearily, dropping his cards into a heap on the bedspread, "You win. Again. I'm sick of it."

Jessie smiled triumphantly, then stretched.

"I'm tired," she said, "I think I'd better call it a night"

He nodded, both of them realizing that for the first time since she'd moved in, they'd really enjoyed each other's company. That was something neither of them ever thought would happen.

Jessie stood up, shaking her head as Billie Joe pushed all the cards off the bed and onto the floor by way of clearing them away, and headed towards the door. He followed hesitantly, holding open his door and leaning against it as she passed.

"Thanks for... helping me hold off Dad," she said, awkwardly, turning to face him.

Billie Joe shrugged.

"Anytime," he said.
"Well, goodnight then."
"Yeah... Night"

An awkward moment passed between them as she noticed how close to him she had been standing. Close enough that she saw flecks of golden brown in his green eyes, which she hadn't ever noticed before.

He quickly looked away, both their hearts beating a little faster as she hurriedly stepped further away from him before whispering goodbye and heading across the landing towards her room. Once they were back in their respective bedrooms, they both leaned back against their doors and let out a deep breath, each of them thinking exactly the same thing.

What the fuck was that?