No One Knows

For Jessie, going to school on Monday was actually kind of a relief. Being grounded at home was starting to give her cabin fever. She even stayed in class all day without complaint, just enjoying the social contact she had been deprived of the rest of the time.

As she headed out of school at the end of the day, she was startled by the sight of Tre sitting on the wall waiting for her. She had never expected he would do that, and she felt excitement in the pit of her stomach as she approached him, and he smiled.

"Hey," he said,
"Hey," she smiled back, nervously shifting her backpack from one shoulder to the other, "I didn't expect to see you here... "
"Yeah, well... I kinda wanted to talk to you and I know you aren't allowed out right now so I thought this was the best way to see you. Mind if I walk you home?"
"That'd be nice," said Jessie, as he slid off the wall and they started down the street.
"So... what did you wanna talk to me about?" she asked him, as he slid his hand into hers.

He sighed a little and looked down at his feet, not knowing how to say what he wanted to say. Or rather, what he didn't want to say.

"Well... " he began, "You know I'm in the band with Billie Joe and Mike now... "
"Yeah... ."
"And it's awesome. I mean, really awesome. I've never been able to play with anyone else like I'm playing with them. We work really good together."
"I know." Jessie nodded, "I heard you... remember?"

He nodded, nervously biting his lip.

"The thing is," he said, "I don't want anything to get in the way of it. I don't wanna fall out with Billie Joe because... this is too good a thing to give up."

Jessie started to get a bad feeling about where this was headed.

"Tre" she said, shakily, "What are you trying to say?"

He sighed again, and stopped walking, turning her to face him.

"Jessie, I think you're awesome," he said, "Seriously, I do. And it kills me to have to do this... but I think I'm going to have to... I mean I think we should... maybe just be friends."

Jessie felt the sickness starting in her stomach. The heavy, stabbing feeling of rejection beginning in her gut and creeping throughout her body as Tre continued his well-rehearsed speech. She lowered her eyes to her shoes and pleaded with herself not to cry.

"Jessie... " he said, riddled with guilt as he saw the hurt on her face. She was a nice girl. He didn't want to make her feel this way. He took both her hands, "I don't want to do this."
"So... why are you?" she asked, quietly, her voice wavering, dangerously.
"I have to," he said, "Cause hiding it from Billie Joe is fun for now, but I think I could end up liking you a whole lot more than I should, and I don't wanna have to hide that. It's easier to stop now and be friends, while we still can. I want to be your friend."
"Why do we have to hide it from Billie Joe anyway?" Jessie demanded, "He won't care, and if he does he's just being petty. Just cause I'm with you doesn't make you any less friends with him. That's pathetic."
"He does care," said Tre, "He told me he does... "
"What?! When?"
"Right from the start, when we first met. He could tell I liked you and he made me promise not to do anything about it and, well... I went and totally broke that. He says that the two of us together is weird for him."
"Tough shit!" said Jessie, angrily, "He made you fucking promise?! What does he think he is, my father?! How could he do this?"
"Jessie, no, I think he's just... "
"Ignore him, he's being fucking pathetic. Jeez, I should have known the two of us couldn't get along for long. It's been less than a week and I already wanna kill him again... "
"I'm sorry, Jessie. I just... we all need to get along. For the band. You have to understand I can't risk this band for anything."
Jessie shook her head. She should have known this was too good to be true.
"You don't have to walk me any further than this, Tre," she said.
"Jessie... "
"No, seriously. I wanna be on my own. I should have known this fucking band was more important to you and Billie Joe than my feelings and I was stupid to think anything else."
"That's not the way it is... "
"I need to be on my own Tre," she said again, her voice cracking, "Please just... don't come after me."

He nodded, sadly, looking down at his feet and letting go of her hands.

"I'm sorry," he said, softly.
"Yeah, well, me too" she said, bitterly, as she walked away.

She couldn't face going home. She knew she should, but right then she didn't care whether she was grounded or not. She didn't want to see her Dad and she didn't want to see Billie Joe. She didn't want to see anyone because it seemed like all people ever did was mess her around and treat her like shit.

She was so lost in her own misery it was almost a surprise to find she'd walked as far as the park. Letting out a shaky sigh, she sunk onto a bench and put her head in her hands, staring down between her feet at the dry, sun-baked grass, and wondering what it was about her that made her so damn hard to love.

Billie Joe fumbled with the lock on the front door, a little bit stoned after spending the afternoon with Mike, and having a little bit of trouble with his coordination. Fortunately, Ollie came to his rescue by opening the door for him and looking at him disapprovingly.

"Having trouble?" she asked,
"Not any more. Thanks Mom."

She folded her arms across her chest as he walked past her into the house.

"Is Jessie with you?"

He pretended to check over his shoulder.

"It doesn't look like it."
"Okay, smart ass. It's just she hasn't come home and its getting kind of late. Know where she is?"
"Nope," he said, opening the fridge to search for something to take care of his munchies. "She's probably just out with a friend or something. Quit worrying."
"I don't think she really has many friends." Said Ollie, regretfully, "And I have to go out to work now. John's out somewhere with his friends and I don't want him to come back and find her missing. Plus, I think there's a storm brewing out there. The air feels kinda heavy, don't you think?"

Billie Joe sighed.

"Mom, I'm sure she'll be back soon. And if she isn't back when John gets home... well, I'll try and cover for her."
"I don't want you lying to him"
"I'd rather I lied to him than he yelled at her again."

Ollie eyed her son suspiciously.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?"
"Huh?"
"I mean, first you hate her, then you make it clear you're only putting up with her for my benefit... and now you're doing her favors?"

Billie Joe shrugged.

"What can I say? I'm just a nice guy..."

Ollie smiled and rolled her eyes.

"What would we do without you, Bill?" she said, wryly.

He grinned at her, before she left the house and headed out to her car. Enjoying the novelty of having the house to himself for once, he went into the living room and spread out on the couch, resting his foggy head on the armrest and flicking on the TV.

He didn't get his peace for long. It was barely ten minutes before he heard the front door slam shut and looked up, praying it wasn't John, because he really didn't have the energy for a confrontation. But then the living room door opened and he saw it was Jessie, and his relief was only short-lived because when he saw the look on her face he could tell he was going to get a confrontation anyway. What had he done now?

"Uh... hi?" he ventured, taking in her tear stained face and the fury in her eyes and feeling more than a little nervous. "Are you okay?"
"No, I am not okay, Billie," she said, bitterly, "I am not fucking okay."

Billie Joe lifted his head from the armrest, wondering why he was getting the feeling that her not being okay was somehow his fault. He was about to ask when she came further into the room and fixed him with a glare that he was sure could have turned him to stone.

"What the hell did you say to Tre?" she demanded, angrily.
"Tre?"
"Yes. Tre. Your drummer. I heard you guys had a little chat about me, remember? Don't you fucking dare try and deny it Billie-"
"Woah, woah!" he interrupted with a frown, unprepared for the sudden attack. He sat up properly and faced her, "What are you talking about?"

She groaned in frustration, balling her fists so that her nails dug into her palms.

"I liked him," she said, "A lot. And he liked me too. And you knew it. And I thought something was actually happening between the two of us, but he met me after school and dumped me because you told him he wasn't allowed to see me! Where the fuck do you get off, Billie Joe?! What business was it of yours who I see?"

Billie Joe bit his lip, as realization dawned. He hadn't expected Tre to do that. In fact, he'd started to accept that Tre and Jessie were getting along better than he wanted and that he wasn't going to be able to do anything about it. He looked at the fury and upset on Jessie's face and the guilt set in.

"Jessie... " he said, holding up his hands in surrender, "I didn't know he was going to do that. I didn't even know anything had happened with you guys. I had no idea that you liked him that much. I just didn't want him trying anything with you cause... it was kinda weird for me."

He realized that sounded a little pathetic coming out of his mouth, and Jessie thought the same.

"Oh, it was weird for you?" she glared, "I'm sorry, everyone should just put their lives on hold, Billie, if it's weird for you."
"Jessie," he frowned, "How was I supposed to know you liked him? When I found out that he liked you it was when you and I weren't getting on so I thought the whole situation would just get more awkward."
"Jesus Billie, that's pathetic! It's like in fucking middle school when kids fall out about sharing friends. Don't you think you have enough fucking friends to share around?"
"It was nothing to do with that!" he protested, "It was never about that! I don't care if you're friends with my friends, I really don't give a shit. I just thought that me and you hating each other and you and Tre being together would make life difficult!"
"For fuck's sake, Billie Joe, have you got any idea how humiliating this is? Having you warning people off me like you're my father!"
"I'm nothing like your fucking father!" Billie Joe responded, raising his voice himself as he felt himself get angry,
"Well, sometimes you all seem exactly the same!" she said angrily.

Jessie knew that would get to him, and she was right. She knew how much he hated her Dad. Billie Joe stood up from the couch and stood in front of her, the rage in his eyes now matching hers.

"I'm fucking nothing like him!" Billie Joe shouted, "Don't even dare compare me to that asshole!"
"Well, what do you expect?" she demanded, "You do a great impression of an asshole yourself, you know that?!"

A clap of thunder startled them both, distracting them for a fraction of a second, before they turned back to each other. They could hear the rain pelting the windows angrily. It had been so long since it had last rained that the sound was quite unfamiliar.

"Look Jessie, I'm fucking sorry, ok? I didn't know it was going to be such a big fucking deal for you!"

She covered her face with her hands as she felt tears threaten to surface again. She knew she could never cry in front of Billie Joe, so she held them back, then took her hands away from her face and stared at him coldly.

"You just don't get it," she bit out, her voice so choked with emotion that it surprised him, "I don't have friends like you have, so you don't get it. Nobody ever wants me, for a friend or otherwise, and that's the way its always been. And then the moment someone does, you come along and fucking wreck it!"
"Jessie... " he began, his voice catching in his throat as he realized how much this had meant to her.
"I don't know what it feels like to be wanted!" she continued. There were too many tears to keep back now and a couple of them started to fall. "I just want to fucking know how that feels! And I almost did... ."

She turned away from him as she choked back a sob, furious with herself for letting her emotions show, standing right there in front of him.

Standing there watching her, the guilt Billie Joe was feeling became almost a physical pain. He couldn't believe he'd done this to her, and he had no idea how he was going to make it right. He watched as she started purposefully out of the room, and it took him a couple of seconds to compose himself enough to go after her.

"Jessie, wait!" he shouted, running out of the room after her, following her down the hallway. Jessie wiped angrily at her eyes, before pulling open the front door, "You can't fucking go out there, look at it! There could be a hurricane on the way or anything!"

She didn't answer him, she just stormed out onto the front porch and braced herself for the rain.

"Jessie!" Billie Joe yelled, reaching out and grabbing hold of her upper arm. It was the same way her father had grabbed her, just a couple of days before. It wasn't as hard, but it didn't need to be. The state her Dad had left her in, it hurt all the same.

Billie Joe pulled her back towards him, ignoring the cry she let out.
"Let go!" she cried, "Billie... fuck... it hurts... "

He continued to fight against her. He didn't want her running off into the storm and he knew he couldn't really be hurting her. He wasn't holding her that hard.

"Billie!" she screamed at him, between crying out in pain, "You're fucking hurting me!"

Billie Joe gave in and let her go, but seeing her pained expression he felt confused concern. Had he really hurt her?

"Jessie, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just-"

He couldn't really say why the suspicion hit him so suddenly, but seeing her standing there, wincing in pain, tears down her face, he felt cold realization kick him in the gut. And then he was reaching for her hand before she could stop him.

"Billie, please... " she cried.

He wasn't stopping now. His heart was pounding, adrenaline rushing through him like never before as he pulled up the sleeve of her sweater with his other hand. Jessie was really crying now, and doing her best to struggle against him, but it was no use. He was stronger than she was, and he wasn't going to give in now. She felt weak as she saw him take in the bruises on her arm, and watched the shock and anger cross his face.

He felt a strange mixture of fear and fury that was as unfamiliar to him as it was sickening. He was so choked up with feelings that at first he couldn't say anything, and by the time he spoke Jessie was frozen to the spot with fear.

"When did he do it?" he asked, darkly, his voice shaking with anger.
"Billie... it's not... it's just a-"
"Don't even fucking think about lying about it!" he yelled,
She pulled her hand from his and brought it, shaking, to her face to wipe her tears.
"Friday," she said, softly.

Billie Joe's hands went to his hair and he turned away from her.
"This isn't the first time, is it?"
"No... " she said, her voice wavering. The game was up. There was no point in lying now.

Billie Joe was silent for a moment, and Jessie watched him nervously, her heart pounding. He knew. He knew. And soon her father was going to know too. It was all over for her. Ollie was going to kick them out and she'd be alone with him again, and he was going to spend the rest of his life making her pay for it.

Her thoughts were broken by Billie Joe angrily kicking through one of the peeling wooden panels in the side of the porch, snapping it in two and showering the grass below it with splinters of painted green wood. His sudden aggression made her jump with fear.

"Billie... " she cried, almost pleadingly,
"You promised me!" he yelled, turning to face her again, "You fucking promised me! And you were lying the whole time! You said we had to trust each other and you were lying the whole fucking time!"
"I'm sorry," she cried.
"No wonder you were so good at that stupid fucking game last night! You get practice lying to me, don't you?!"
"I never wanted to... " she choked out.
"He's living in my house!" Billie Joe screamed at her, "That fucking bastard is living with my Mom! What if he's doing the same thing to her... "

Just thinking about it made him feel sick. He could feel the panic rising in his chest and it was making it difficult for him to get his breath.

"I think he only does it to me... "
"How can you know that?" Billie Joe demanded, angrily, "What if she's lying to me just like you are? What if he's beating her up every night? You told me he wasn't violent! You've been letting it happen! How could you fucking keep this from me, Jessie?!"

The guilt was overwhelming. He was right. If her Dad was hurting Ollie, it was her fault. She could have stopped it right from the beginning if she'd had the guts. There was no need for anyone else to get hurt. She couldn't even look at Billie Joe any more. She knew she had blown it. She'd blown everything. She had no Tre, no Billie Joe, and soon she was going to have no Ollie either. And she really didn't want to be around when her father got wind of all of this.

Before she could listen to another word from Billie Joe, she was running down the driveway. The rain was so heavy that it was bouncing off the street, and splashing up her legs as her feet pounded the concrete.

Billie Joe watched her leave. He didn't have the energy to go after her, and he didn't know if he wanted to. The cocktail of emotions he was feeling right then was far too much for him to deal with. The only thing he could do was collapse onto the porch steps, put his head in his hands, and cry.

Jessie just kept on running. She liked the way it made everything rush by her so fast that she didn't have any time to think. She didn't want to think. She knew if she did, she would hate herself as much as Billie Joe did.

She was crying so much that her vision was blurry, and the glow from the streetlights cast streaks of yellow through her tears. She hadn't gotten too far before her legs gave up. She was so numbed by her emotions that she hadn't even felt herself get tired until she hit the sidewalk. Fortunately, it meant she didn't really feel the pain either, she just gave up, letting her head rest on the wet stone and squeezing shut her eyes trying to block out pounding of the rain and the memory of what had just happened.

It didn't work. The memory continued to replay and the pounding only got louder and louder until she realized that it wasn't only the rain that was making the sound. And then he was screaming her name as he was running towards her. She opened her eyes again and lifted her head, wincing at the pain the fall had given her in her side, which she was only just starting to feel.

"Jessie," cried Billie Joe, breathlessly, as he got near enough to her that he came into her focus through the twilight. "Oh fuck, Jessie, are you okay?"

She couldn't even speak as he pulled her up from the ground, she could only nod miserably as fresh tears came to her eyes.

"Oh my God," he groaned, before he wrapped his arms around her, taking all of her weight as she fell into him. She hardly believed he was there, but she knew that if he wasn't she would have fallen right over. She didn't have anything left in her anymore. She pressed her face into his shoulder. His shirt was soaking wet, but warm, and she couldn't believe it was really Billie Joe that she was allowing to comfort her like this, or that he wanted to comfort her at all. Nothing made sense anymore.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed into the material of his shirt, "I'm sorry. I never meant to lie... I'm so sorry... "

He rested his head against hers and held her tighter against him. She felt like a little kid in his arms and he felt like the world's biggest bastard for making out that she was in any way to blame for this. Make that the world's second biggest bastard, he thought grimly.

"It's me that should be fucking sorry," he said, his mouth next to her ear, "And I am. For everything."

The water that dripped from his hair ran down her neck and made her shiver.

"I was just scared. I let it happen cause I was scared. It's fucking pathetic... "
"No... it isn't pathetic," he soothed, "None of this is your fault. And you don't have to be scared anymore."
"I do," she cried, choking on another sob, "When he finds out that you know... he's gonna... "
"We'll figure something out," said Billie Joe reassuringly, "And you don't need to worry about him hurting you. He'll have to get past me now."

It was sweet, but it wasn't much comfort. He couldn't be there all the time, and she knew that
.
"Billie... " she sobbed, clinging to him tighter because he was the only thing she could hold on to, and it near enough broke his heart.

"You don't have to worry anymore, Jess," he said, pressing his cheek against her wet hair, "It's ending. It ends now."